Hill Family Happenings

Church.

2012-02-12T16:26:00.001-08:00

DSC_0035, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

The kids and I have been attending church (and by "attending" I mean, we've been twice and our record is 45 minutes). I've taken Theo to a UU church several times, but it's kind of far and while there is a lot I like about it, it wasn't the best fit. I grew up in the Catholic church and while I have MANY issues with the church and theology in general, I do enjoy the cultural and traditional aspects of Mass. I searched around and found a parish that could be the twin sister to the church I grew up in. I emailed with the family life director and found that they have a very supportive LGBT ministry and even participate in pride events. The email I received back was long, thoughtful and heartfelt. I felt like it would be ok to try it out.

This morning was our second go 'round. I don't feel good about leaving the kids in the nursery (Lucy wouldn't stay anyway) and I overestimated Theo's ability to sit still. So, the first time didn't last long at all. This time I got smart and brought the Leap Pad and earbuds. Worked like a charm. Lucy is really good and just watches and sings and talks quietly. We go to the 9:30 Mass which seems to be the one everyone brings their kids to. They both did great this morning.

This morning's homily (like a sermon to the non Catholics in the group) was all about including and honoring everyone, even those that are different. He somehow related this to the story of lepers in the bible, but I was distracted. Anyway, I was left with a feeling that we were wanted and included, just the way we are. Not something religion typically does a good job of. They also had a baby baptized this morning, which was so sweet to watch.

So, I think we will continue to try it out. It's in walking distance from the neighborhood we hope to move to next year. I want the sense of a church community for the kids as well as the grounding feeling tradition brings. So far, so good. I hope they don't disappoint me.

And to be honest, I enjoy having a reason to dress the kids up. This picture is baby girl this morning. That jumper is to die for and she hadn't worn it yet!

On ending nursing.

2012-02-01T17:34:00.000-08:00

When Theo stopped nursing, it was so hard. I wrote about it. I will do that for Lucy, but just haven't yet. I feel guilty about that, but I think it's largely because I was REALLY ready. I was committed to letting her lead the way just like I did with Theo and I did that. And three weeks ago, I finally accepted that she was over it. She was down to nursing just at night and she wouldn't latch, she'd just reach for her crib. Sister always knows what she wants and after her bath and PJs, she wanted to snuggle in her crib. Fair enough.

So, we made it 14.5 months and like big brother, she never had a drop of formula. She's the last baby I will ever nurse. It was bittersweet for sure. Though, after sharing my body with another human for nearly 4 years, I was more than ready to have it back. It's nice to have the freedom to grab dinner with a friend after work now and again and let Susan handle bedtime. It's nice to not worry if the only thing I've had to drink all day was a cup of coffee and a diet Coke. It's nice to take any old medicine I want for whatever ailment I have. I'm happy to just worry about myself for awhile (well, physically I mean).

That said, I will always miss nursing. It's sacred and special - growing another person. For both of my kids, I know I gave them something that no one else in the world could. I am very proud of that, especially considering how difficult the early weeks were. And soon I will write Lucy that letter for her book, so she will always know that no matter how hard it was, we made it through and we are both better for it.

Walkin' fool.

2012-01-30T10:11:00.001-08:00

DSC_0137, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

It took her until she was 15 months, but she is a full time walker now. And girlfriend thinks she is GROWN now and won't let you do a confounded thing for her. She wants to walk, climb, stand on anything and everything. She also said "no!" to me twice this morning, something big brother has yet to do. There's a reason I call her Sass.

Day in the life.

2012-01-16T06:47:00.001-08:00

I know that one day I will wonder how we spent our days, so here's a typical day in the life. Feel free to skip - this will be boring for anyone but me! Every day is a little different depending on if it's a work day for me or school day for Theo. I picked Monday, because we are home.

6:00 - 6:30: Kids wake up

I get Lucy first, get her to put her paci in the crib, change her diaper and get her a smoothie.

Get Theo up, take off diaper, take him to the potty, put on his undies and get him a smoothie.

Make us all breakfast and eat with the kids (sometimes).

8:00 - 10:00: Morning chores, get ready for the day.

Usually the kids watch PBS Kids while I empty the dishwasher and clean up after breakfast.

Make beds, open curtains, pick out clothes for the kids, throw in some laundry, quick pick up. Then I get each of them dressed, teeth and hair brushed, etc. I get myself ready and figure out our day. *This is hard. I can't shower with them alone and I hate showering at night.

10:00 - 12:00: Errands.

This is usually when we are out of the house. Target, post office, grocery store, park, etc. Sometimes we go walk around the mall. We all get stir crazy, so getting out is important! If we don't go out, we play at home, do some learning games, crafts, playdoh, etc.

12:00: Lunch.

I fix the kids their lunch and clean up the toys and chaos from the morning while they eat.

12:30 - 2:30 or 3: Nap!

Mama's favorite time of day. Kids go down for a nap and I eat lunch, clean up lunch dishes and then play on the computer, watch TV or prep dinner. Sometimes I shower here if I just threw on yoga pants earlier in the day. Rarely do I nap because I always feel groggy and gross if I take a nap.

3:00: Kids up.

I try not to let them sleep past 3, but don't wake them up unless it's after 3:30. Usually we don't go out in the afternoon because by the time we did that and got anywhere, we'd be fighting rush hour to get home and 5:00 is the witching hour around here. Usually the kids play while I fold laundry, make dinner, etc. Sometimes we do run up to the park because it's really close.

5:00: Witching hour.

This is when everyone is melting. Kids are hungry, I'm trying to fix dinner, etc. Susan often has clients on Monday evenings, so she isn't always around to help out (but it's great when she is!). So, sometimes they get to pick a movie so that we can all survive and make it to dinner time.

5:30 or 6:00: Dinner

We try and eat together and we really do almost every night. Not on Tuesdays because I get home late, but every other night we do. After dinner the kids run around and play a bit while I frantically try and finish up dishes, get out PJs, fix Theo a water cup for bed, cut Lucy's meds, etc.

6:30: Bedtime routine.

Susan usually does Monday night baths if she is here. While she does that, I finish dishes and do all the bedtime prep. Once they are clean, I take Lucy and brush her teeth and put on her diaper and PJs. She doesn't nurse anymore and she's always ready to get in her crib. I turn on the sound machine and put her in with her loveys and pacis. She's out fast.

If I am here by myself, Theo plays in the tub while I get Lucy down (don't call CPS, I am like 5 feet away). Then I get him out, brush his teeth and hair, put on his bedtime diaper and PJs and we read a story in his bed. He gets one story and one song and one ticklefest. Then he gets tucked in with his loveys and blanket. Sometimes he knocks out fast and other times, he talks to himself for awhile. They are both in bed at 7:00.

7:00: Mama time!! We usually finish up dishes, clean up the living room, set the dishwasher to run, take out the trash, soak the diapers (if it's wash night) and kind of "reset" the house for tomorrow. If we are doing a crock pot meal the next day, sometimes I will prep it at night. Then we just watch TV, play at the computer, veg out, eat ice cream, etc. I try to be in bed at 10pm.

That's it! Of course, I left out all the times I take Theo to the potty, change Lucy's diaper, let the dog in and out, find missing toys that must be located right.this.minute, cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming, etc. :) We are rarely bored!

2011, in review.

2012-01-01T09:48:00.000-08:00

I always love looking back to see how our years go by! This one was harder because to be honest, our sweet little girl made the first half of the year a total blur. She became more manageable somewhere around June, but to that point it was pure survival mode.

January:

Lucy rolls over, Theo sings ABCs, we join Marbles Kid Museum, we get a dusting of snow.

February:

I joined Weight Watchers (didn't last), we had a Valentine's date at home, Gran and Grandad visit Raleigh, we visit Gramma and Papa in Richmond, Theo gets promoted from his high chair to a booster seat at the table, Lucy starts "talking."

March:

Susan's grandad dies, we see lots of family for the funeral (many of whom meet Lucy for the first time), Theo gets a tricycle (he still can't ride it!), we get a new rug, Gramma visits and we play at Marbles, Lucy's first trip to the zoo.

April:

Lucy and I begin a swimming class, we narrowly miss being hit by a tornado and are without power for days (so we packed it in and went to Richmond), our friend Sarah saves gallons of my breast milk from certain demise, we go back to Richmond for Easter, Lucy begins eating solids.

May:

Lucy gets her ears pierced, we go strawberry picking, Susan turns 30-something, Lucy and I fly to Atlanta and back in a day to meet friends and see Aunt Sammy's new house, Lucy sits up, Theo finishes his first year of preschool with flying colors, Gramma visits and we take her to an outdoor concert, Theo begins potty training.

June:

Theo is potty trained, hallelujah!, Lucy pulls to stand, swimming playdate, we visit our friend Kelsi and meet chickens, we visit Richmond and have fun in the fountains, we visit friends in Charlottesville and Melissa weeps all the way home because she wants to move back, Lucy begins to turn a corner towards being a bit easier.

July:

4th of July event in Rolesville (which Theo still talks about), Theo takes a tumbling class, we go on vacation to the Great Wolf Lodge during which Theo gets a terrible burn on his finger.

August:

Theo plays in the rain, Gran and Grandad come to visit, Lucy gets promoted to a big girl carseat, we go to a birthday party at Hillridge Farms, Lucy begins crawling, Gramma visits.

September:

We visit Richmond (twice), Melissa runs (ok, walks) the Charlottesville 4 Miler, Theo starts his second year of preschool, Lucy begins standing unassisted, we fail at apple picking (AGAIN).

October (look out!):

The kids and I attend Heritage Festival in Raleigh, we visit Richmond and NoVA for Alex's birthday party, Lucy takes her last bottle, Melissa turns 30-something, our family visits for Lucy's birthday, we go to the state fair, we go to the pumpkin patch, Lucy turns ONE!, Lucy takes steps, Susan saves Halloween.

November:

Theo turns THREE!, Theo's birthday party at Marbles, we visit Richmond for Thanksgiving, we go to Maymont Park.

December:

Stomach flu 2011, we visit Richmond to celebrate an early Christmas, we meet Legendary Santa, an elf comes to our house, we make many crafts, we have Christmas at home as a family, Lucy takes 10 steps but still won't walk!, we celebrate the New Year with friends and their kids at an early potluck.

WHEW. Are you tired? We didn't even really do much of anything and I'm tired just thinking of it. Writing this taught me three things: 1) I should not neglect the blog, because that makes writing this harder; 2) I visit Richmond a LOT. There is to be no complaining from grandparents about lack of face time with the kids; 3) Our kids were in summer clothes beginning in March. I can't believe they will be back in shorts in three months when I am still taking tags off of winter clothes. Ugh.

We have a lot to look forward to in this new year. A little bit of traveling (but hopefully less, because I am sick of traveling), Theo and I will see The Lion King together in March, Lucy will begin her first year of school this fall and the kids will turn yet another year older. I've said it before, but it's so, so true: the days are long, but the years are so short.

Happy New Year!

Christmas, 2011

2011-12-28T13:34:00.001-08:00

DSC_0200, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

We had a very nice, relaxing little Christmas at home. We decided to stop traveling on Christmas and it's been a great decision. This year, Theo was really into all the traditions and excitement, which was really fun.

On Christmas Eve, we had a picnic on the living room floor with appetizers. We had a fire going and let the kids watch the cartoon Grinch while we ate. Then we drove around and looked at Christmas lights. While we were gone, Reindeer (our elf) left to go back to the north pole until next year, but he left us gifts to open and a note. Christmas PJs for everyone! After we got changed, we read Twas the Night Before Christmas and then put Lucy to bed. After she was tucked in, we wrote to Santa, sprinkled magic reindeer food on the lawn and had donuts by the fire. Susan went to bed early (sick on Christmas, boo!) and I stayed up and went to midnight Mass.

The next morning, we just watched the kids open gifts, had a nice breakfast and then lounged around and played with new toys, watched Christmas movies and Skyped with the grandparents. I made a little dinner - ham, potatoes and green beans and the kiddos went to bed a little early while Susan and I played a card game.

I didn't open a single gift and yet, I had a wonderful Christmas. I loved watching the kids open their stuff and play. Quality time with all 4 of us at home was all the present I needed.

We have one more Christmas in January with Susan's family and then we will finally get to rest and relax and take a break from traveling. With all the birthdays and holidays that consume us from October through Christmas, we've been so, so busy. We've already packed away all the decorations and gotten the house back in order, so we are one step closer to a few low key months.

Hope everyone's Christmas was as nice and family centered as ours!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-23T11:19:00.001-08:00

Talking!

2011-12-23T11:00:00.001-08:00

Our girl is talking. At 14 months she can say:

- Oh wow!

- Light

- Thank you

She possibly said Santa this morning, but the jury is still out. She can sign "more" and "all done" and "please" (only for "please" she rubs/pats your chest instead of hers - so cute).

Yay, Lucy!

Snowman cookies.

2011-12-18T06:49:00.001-08:00

DSC_0034, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

Another Pintrest find (love that site!) was snowman cookies. Made from Nutter Butters, melted white chocolate, M&Ms, orange tic tags and black icing. Theo was able to help quite a bit with these and they turned out very cute.

Handprint ornaments.

2011-12-18T06:48:00.001-08:00

DSC_0041, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

I found this idea on Pintrest and they turned out so cute! I bought a box of shatterproof (key when working with a 3 year old!) ornaments at WalMart, painted his hand and then put the ornament in his hand and told him to close and open gently. Worked great! I used Sharpies to make them into snowmen and tied a cute coordinating ribbon at the top. Inexpensive and they were a big hit with the relatives.

Christmas in Richmond.

2011-12-13T14:24:00.001-08:00

whitfords, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

This past weekend, we did Richmond Christmas, which we started last year. As we have grown and started our own families, it becomes harder to balance visiting grandparents with the kids wanting to be at their own house for Christmas and us wanting to start our own traditions. Thus, Richmond Christmas was born. We pick a weekend that works for everyone and decend upon my parents' house for all the festivities. Last year it felt so much like actual Christmas, I couldn't figure out why carols were still on the radio the next day!

We had a good time, only it would have been better with Susan who was holding down the hospital, as usual. Theo had a great time with his cousins and Lucy let me know she is still not ready for other people in her space. We saw Santa, ate out for pizza and pancakes (Theo's faves), watched Christmas movies and the kids got spoiled with gifts. Theo is still talking about his cousins. He also surprised me by sleeping very nicely on an Aerobed like a big boy. He's so flexible and easy going, I just enjoyed him so much on this trip. My little buddy.

A very good time was had by all.

Legendary Santa.

2011-12-13T14:17:00.001-08:00

DSC_0025, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

Well, it was "legendary" all right! When I was a kid, this guy was known as "the real Santa" or "Miller and Rhodes Santa." He's a big deal. So big, we got tickets to see him instead of camping out at 7am like others we saw. This required 11 people to be fed, dressed and out the door by 7:10am (yes, we actually did it).

Anyway, the kids got to see him come down the chimney, they met the Snow Queen and Santa called them over by name and thanked them from coming all the way from NC to see him. Magic. Theo actually did enjoy himself, in spite of this picture. Lucy reacted pretty much how I thought she would.

It was still fun and magical, as I always enjoy doing something with my kids that I did when I was little. And I swear, this is the same guy after all these years. Santa really is magic, I guess.

Advent activities.

2011-11-27T17:10:00.001-08:00

While we are not religious, we do have an advent calendar. Or, a countdown to Christmas calendar, I guess you could say. It's the same one that hung on the wall when I was a kid. It has a pocket for the 24 days before Christmas and traditionally, it had little candy bars in every pocket. Since we don't let the kids eat candy, I decided this year to put a little Christmas activity in each pocket. Clearly, some of these are super basic, but here's what I came up with. These aren't in any order, I will order them up according to TV programming schedules, travel plans, etc. As they get older, I hope to add more service related ones, but at 1 and 3 years old, I don't think they would get it. Day 1 will be meeting our elf, as rumor has it an "Elf on the Shelf" will be joining our family this year. And, hopefully the tree is going up on Day 2.

Let the season begin!

1. Make snowman cookies.

2. Watch Charlie Brown Christmas.

3. Watch Frosty the Snowman.

4. Watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

5. Watch Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

6. Visit family for Richmond Christmas.

7. Sit on Santa's lap.

8. Take a walk to see Christmas lights.

9. Make sugar cookies.

10. Go to the Rolesville Christmas parade.

11. Have appetizers for dinner, with hot chocolate and Dunkin' Donuts for dessert.

12. Buy your sibling a Christmas gift.

13. Make an ornament for the tree.

14. Listen to Christmas music with dinner.

15. Have snowman pancakes for breakfast.

16. Make reindeer food.

17. Decorate a gingerbread house.

18. Read Christmas stories before bed.

19. Meet an elf from the North Pole.

20. Decorate the tree.

21. Do a Christmas craft.

22. Learn a Christmas carol and Skype with the grandparents and sing it to them.

23. Wear Christmas pajamas to bed.

24. Color a picture for Santa.

THREE.

2011-11-16T08:43:00.001-08:00

DSC_0055, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

Today, our baby boy is three years old. I can't even believe it's been that long. In some ways, it seems he's been here my whole life and in other ways, it seems like yesterday I held him for the first time.

He is so funny and sometimes, without meaning to be. He gets very excited about things he is passionate about (water, escalators, to name a few). He loves to sing and is the sunniest, smiliest boy you will ever meet. He has still never had a temper tantrum, although he has his own way of letting you know he isn't happy. Usually, it takes less than 30 seconds to turn his mood around. He says cute things like "last mornin'" to mean anything other than right now. He is a good big brother and is still learning his own strength when it comes to loving Lucy. He goes with the flow and takes everything in stride.

He counts, he knows a word for every letter of the alphabet, has known all his letters for some time and can point out "what word starts with ___" from a group. He loves to be read to. He's been potty trained for six months (woo hoo!) and the carseat is the only trace of baby left around for him. He absolutely loves preschool and asks every morning if it's a preschool day. He's learn such good independence there and we are so happy we sent him early.

He is the perfect first addition to our family and handles his role as first born well. We adore him and just can't imagine a world without his sunny smile.

We love you, Theo. Happy Birthday!

Almost a sad Halloween.

2011-11-05T12:20:00.001-07:00

DSC_0623, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

After having beautiful weather for all our fall events thus far, it rained on Halloween. We'd made plans to go ToT'ing with a friend who lives in the neighborhood we hope to move to, but due to the rain we decided to stay home. My thought was we could each take him to a few houses and switch off staying with Lucy.

We carved pumpkins, had pizza for dinner and by that point it was POURING. Theo was so, so excited, so I bundled us up and out we went. Only, our neighborhood sucks and we walked up and down the street in the rain to find only one house with a light on. I had tears in my eyes seeing him shuffle down the street in the rain, with his big, excited smile and empty little pumpkin.

I gave up and came home, apologizing that no one was going to give him any candy. By that point, Lucy needed to be nursed and go to bed, so Susan put him in the car and drove him to a very close neighborhood. I got Lucy down and then sat on the couch and cried. I hate where we live on a good day and I was hating it even more now that his first big ToT'ing was ruined. I was just so disappointed. Well, a bit later, he and Susan walked in. He was soaking wet, but had a huge smile and a bag full of candy. Susan said the other neighborhood was full of people happy to hand out candy and that Theo had a blast. She offered to switch with me, but at that point it was late and dark and he was wet and had had an awesome time and that was all that mattered.

I took off his costume and his wet shoes and socks and we let him eat one piece of candy and offered him a very special treat: a Halloween donut. He ate off a few sprinkles, took a tiny bite and declared himself "done!"

I'm so glad his big day ended well and hope that very soon we are in a much better neighborhood.

Walking, stats and a tooth!

2011-10-26T17:00:00.001-07:00

Lucy had her one year old check up on Monday and she was 19lbs., 9oz. and 28 inches tall. Her iron is a bit low, so she now has to have vitamin drops with iron in them and we will recheck it at her 15 month appointment. Other than a mild cold, the doctor said she was perfect!

She also cut her very first tooth about two weeks ago. It's halfway in now and you can easily see it. She enjoys scraping her Mum Mums across it. So far, that's the only one.

Today when I got home from work, I was playing with her on the floor and she started dancing and being crazy and I thought I'd see if she would walk. Typically she just falls forward into your arms, but this time, I thought I saw her step. I called Susan over and tried again and she did a little 1-2-3 step before falling forward. She was so proud!! I was so glad she waited until we could all be there to see her.

One.

2011-10-23T17:37:00.001-07:00

DSC_0475, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

Our sweet girl is a year old! And, oh what a year it has been. After the pregnancy from hell and the delivery to match, I was sure the universe "owed" me an easy baby. Well, the universe showed me! An easy baby she was not; the early days clouded with screaming, reflux and breastfeeding troubles. We soldiered on, often wondering if we would live through her first year.

For roughly the first 6 months, she only wanted me to hold her. While this was flattering, it was also extremely tiring. She had another wonderful, capable parent, but when she gets something in her head, that's all she wants (wonder where she gets it?). She cried when other people so much as looked at her, forget about holding her. It took a lot to right the ship, to hold it together and to just get through many, many months with her.

And you know what? It was all completely worth it. This girl and I - we have a bond forged in fire. So many days it was her and I walking through a war and we came out of it strong and together. This is important because it took me a long time to bond with her. It makes me sad to say that, especially since Theo and I were bonded about 4 seconds after he was born, but it's true. I don't know if it was because she was second born and learning to love anyone like my first baby was something I wasn't even sure I could do, or if it's just because she was tough. But, bond we did, and it is fierce.

She has taught me so much in the past year. I've learned how far a mother's love can carry you through really hard days, I've learned I can love someone else like I love Theo and I learned how much I need Susan. I am very lucky to have her. I also learned a lot about other people's judgment and perceptions. Countless times people would tell me about "so and so's baby" who just smiles all the time and loves anyone to hold her and then finish it off with "she's SUCH a good baby." This was usually after I explained why I wasn't able to hand Lucy off for a cuddle. I admit, this got to me. I cried one night to Susan that I didn't think anyone in the world liked Lucy but me and that no one thought she was a "good baby." Well, you know what? She's not a good baby. She's an incredible baby. Fierce in her loyalty, sunny, smiley and cautious with who she trusts. We should all be so smart.

Tonight when I put her to bed, we did our usual nursing routine in the chair. And then my favorite - I walk her to the crib and put in her paci. She crawls up a little higher on my shoulder, tucks her legs under her, wraps her arms tightly around my neck, lays her head on my shoulder and waits for me to hum her a song. She stays like that for as long as I will let her. I have to put her to bed because of the nursing, but truth be told, I'd be really sad to hand her off at bedtime. That's our special time together and I hope it lasts forever.

We love you so much, sweet Goose. You are the perfect addition to our family and we wouldn't trade you for all the "good" babies in the world. Happy Birthday!!

The last bottle.

2011-10-09T13:31:00.001-07:00

DSC_0256, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

Last week, at 11 months and 2 weeks old, Lucy drank her last bottle. She gets expressed breastmilk while I am at work and that was the last bag. While I still pump at work (until she is a year), I don't pump near enough for bottles anymore. That pump just isn't as efficient as a nursing baby.

We actually tried to give her some whole milk in a sippy cup (something we never did with Theo) since she's a peanut, but she wouldn't drink it. So, we are just going to let her have water during the day on my three work days and continue nursing as usual the rest of the time.

What's funny is that I've never seen her drink a bottle until these pictures! She's only ever had one when I am working, so obviously I am not around. She's pretty cute the way she holds it.

I know Susan will miss giving her a bottle, but I will definitely NOT miss pumping. I practically have a paper chain counting down the days.

She's never had even a drop of formula. As with Theo, I am extremely proud of that.

Almost apple picking (again).

2011-10-02T06:26:00.001-07:00

I don't know why Lucy is cut off. Stupid blogger.

I think we officially fail at apple picking. Two years ago we set off for the orchard with our friend, Kelsi with visions of canning and apple pie in our heads. Got there to learn they were "all picked out." Did I mention the orchard is an hour and a half away? Then last year, we decided to skip apples and try peaches at the same orchard. It was hot, humid and stunk of rotting fruit. It was also FULL of mosquitoes and we got eaten alive. We quickly scratched that off the list of yearly activities.

This year, we were ready. We'd checked the website to ensure they had apples. We planned to go the day after they opened the fujis, but it rained. We rescheduled for a week later and got there to find that once again, they had no apples. Well, they said they had some, but heck if we could find any. We did find ONE granny smith (which I don't even like) that we let Theo pick, just so he could say he did. We went inside, bought a $6 bag of apples, staged some pictures, went for a ride on a tire swing and went home. We once again had some great pizza at Elizabeth's - if you are ever in Siler City, stop there!

We've resigned to the fact that picking apples this far south is just no good. Next year we are going to Charlottesville and hitting up Carter's Mountain with hayrides and cider doughnuts and mountains in the backdrop. I can't wait!

The kids had fun and we enjoyed being together as a family, and that's all that matters.

Frustrated.

2011-09-24T16:52:00.000-07:00

I am so frustrated with my back. I can't exercise, I can't sit on the floor with the kids and I can barely give a bath. Today I deep cleaned the kitchen for about an hour and despite ice and Advil, I still spent the rest of the day barely able to move without crying. It just sucks to think I could be like this forever. I think I need an MRI because there has got to be something wrong. The spine doctor did an x-ray and said structurally everything is fine, it was just Lucy's speedy delivery that caused things to be too loose and out of whack. Yeah, well, she's almost a year old. Come on. He said to go to PT, but manipulating it at all or doing anything out of the ordinary causes such extreme pain, why would I do that??

I'm also worried it's going to cause my hip to be damaged because of the way I have to move when it's all flared up. I end up hunching and dragging that leg which puts my hip in a funny position and causes a lot of pain.

The bigger issue is my weight. I know I have had two babies close together, but I am at my highest weight ever and it is super, super frustrating that I can't even exercise. I can't cut calories because as soon as I do that, my milk supply goes down. I'm going to be dragging myself across the finish line (a year) as it is, I can't risk a supply any lower. Nursing makes me so hungry, but I don't lose weight when nursing. I seem to have missed that benefit. I feel huge, none of my clothes fit and sometimes I choose not to go somewhere just so I don't have to try and squeeze into something that isn't yoga pants.

Anyway, no point to this I guess, just a vent.

Oh, and just for you Lindsey - Lucy weighs 18 pounds and 6 ounces. :) I don't know her length, but she's still in 6-12 month clothes with plenty of room. In 0-6 month Robeez with plenty of room. She's too small for real shoes, according to Stride Rite. She's a peanut!

Recent Theo-isms.

2011-09-23T11:44:00.001-07:00

DSC_0029, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

I don't want to forget these.

"Your (my) 'bless you' is stuck!"
"Holy smokes!" (Upon checking out the business he left in the potty)

Ugh, I know there were more and I already forgot.

11 Months.

2011-09-23T11:40:00.001-07:00

DSC_0025, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

Our girl is 11 months old! Next "month day" she'll be a year old. Hard to believe!

This will be boring to everyone but us, but I like to have a record.

At 11 months Lucy is ...
1. Sleeping all night! From about 7p to 6:30a.
2. Taking two naps a day. One is usually only about 45 minutes and the other is about an hour and a half. She lays down when Theo does in the afternoon, thankfully. She sometimes plays in her crib for an hour before she goes to sleep, but is always happy. She has a pacifier only for sleeping (that's all she's ever had it).
3. Standing unassisted for about 20 seconds and walking behind a push toy.
4. Does not have even one tooth.
5. Eats everything in sight! Loves avocado and yogurt the best.
6. Still nurses about 5 times a day.
7. Adores her big brother.

Mama needs pillows!

2011-09-16T11:01:00.000-07:00

Ok, but even if I didn't, you should read this blog. My girl Kelsi is all around awesome sauce. She sews; she is a Mama to two huge, slobbering beasts that wouldn't make it past my front door, but boy are they cute; she rocks celiac disease with style; she's totally killing some serious weight loss the old fashioned way and she even has her own damn chickens to make scrambled eggs with. How lucky am I to have been stuck together with this gal during my last year of grad school in an old, smelly office with a rather flamboyant, but fearless, leader??

So, go to her blog, steal her recipes, marvel over her sewing, feel guilty over the ice cream you just ate while she lost 30 pounds - and while you are there, enter her giveaway!

http://oursimplehappylife.blogspot.com/2011/09/shop-is-now-open.html

Kelsi - honored to be your friend, lady!

4 Miler!

2011-09-09T17:23:00.001-07:00

W4M, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

Last weekend, we went up to Virginia so I could run (walk) the Women's 4 Miler. It's an awesome race and so much fun. I ran it for the first and last time 7 years ago with my friend, Jenny. That year, we did the summer long training program and I was able to run the whole thing. Here we are, many years, pounds, marriages and kids later. Jenny can still run - me, not so much. I mentioned below that the doctors told me I could not run, due to an injury I sustained during Lucy's birth. As much as I HATED it, I had to abide by their direction and walk the race. I did run the last 1/2 mile, though!

In the end, it was still fun, even without running. I walked with a friend and saw nearly everyone in C'ville that I wanted to. It was super excellent to see Jenny and Thistle. I was only bummed that their kiddos weren't there. We brought Lucy and left Theo home with my parents since we had to leave at 5:00am. We've never done that before and Theo did great! Susan had an easier time with just one kid to keep up with and we all went for Bodo's afterwards. Ah, Bodo's. How I miss you.

We were all supposed to go back home on Saturday after the race, but my parents convinced me to stay with the kids through the weekend. They drove us home on Labor Day in Mom's fancy van where Theo got to watch a movie on the way home. He was in heaven.

As always, I spent the ride home being sad to go home. I just love Charlottesville. I miss my friends. I wish our kids were growing up close. And, it's so nice to have my parents around to pitch in with the kids. We have it good here and we also have excellent friends here that we'd miss, but I am not sure if this will ever feel like "home." Moving away was the right thing at the time. Maybe one day, we will find our way back. In the meantime, I hope to meet up with these girls again next year and next time be able to run!

Back to school!

2011-09-08T10:41:00.001-07:00

DSC_0291, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

Tuesday, little man went back to school. He is in the same school as last year, but a new class. He seemed pretty nervous on the way there, but ran right into the class and was all smiles when we picked him up. He went potty there with no trouble and told me all about what he ate for a snack. We offered up Chic Fil A as a special back to school lunch, but he opted to go home and have a PBJ.

Putting your kid in the care of others is hard. We felt good about his teachers last year, but now it's all new again. We knew he'd love it and we really appreciate the gains he made last year. Two mornings a week is a great balance for us. We love having him home, but learning to interact in the world, be confident in the care of others and learning the lesson that "Mama/Mom always comes back!" is all important stuff, too.

One year ago.

2011-08-29T13:33:00.001-07:00

This was our boy, exactly one year ago. Amazing.

Running?

2011-08-08T06:10:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned before, I am training to run the Charlottesville Women's 4 Miler with my friends. I am using a Couch to 5K program and have done really well. So far, I haven't hit a day that I couldn't finish. Only, I am only on week 4 and the race is in less than 4 weeks, meaning I won't hit the end of the training before the race. The reason is my stupid back. I had pretty bad sciatica with both pregnancies, only with my first, it went away after delivery. This time, it's gotten worse and as Lucy is 9 months old, clearly it can't be pregnancy related. I finally saw a spine doctor who said I likely sustained an injury during Lucy's delivery (since it was so fast and not well controlled) and to do ice, Advil and PT. And, no more running. I was really disappointed but it actually doesn't hurt WHEN I am running (only after) so I decided to just continue to train and do the ice and Advil right after running.

Some days, I can't walk by the end of the day, running or no running. I can't sit on the floor with the kids for more than a minute. Giving them baths is excruciating. I haven't made it to PT yet, largely because I have been down this road before and I know it's not going to make a difference and it's really expensive. Now my hip is getting out of whack because of how I compensate to walk when my back is messed up. Did I mention I am only 33???

It's discouraging, it's painful and it makes me mad. Will it always be like this? I can't believe that my activities are limited. Sucks. So, for now, I have resigned that I will not be able to run the whole 4 miles. I hope I can at least run the last half, but we will see. Makes me really sad.

There's always next year, I guess.

Sometimes, it's the big things.

2011-08-07T10:21:00.000-07:00

And sometimes, it's the small things. Susan's parents were here visiting for a couple of days when Lucy made a big leap - she let Gran hold her and play with her for a good 10 minutes! She also let her hold her a few other times while out shopping. She didn't cry at all and when she was "done" she just reached for Susan or I.

To most people, it's probably not a big deal, given that she is 9.5 months old. To us, it was huge. More or less since birth, she has screamed bloody murder if anyone besides me or Susan (and sometimes even Susan) so much as looked at her, no less tried to hold her. It was to the point that we had to ask well meaning strangers to please not speak to her or try to engage her. Those who know us well stopped trying to hold her at all, as they knew she'd just freak out.

It got to the point where I broke down one night because I was sure that I was the only person in the world who liked her at all and that everyone thought she was a "bad baby." My heart broke for anyone to think that because she is a great baby and a sweet girl, just one with a few challenges.

I was so happy to see her interacting with her grandparents and that they got to see what a sweet, happy girl she is.

Job news.

2011-08-05T06:44:00.000-07:00

Now that it's official, I can share the details. I started at Duke almost two years ago in the position I have now. When I was interviewing, the team leader told me they had requested an additional day for the position and wanted to be sure I was ok working three days/week. I said I was, but at the time, I could have gone either way. The extra money would have been nice, but Theo was 10 months old, I'd never spent an entire day away from him and three days seemed like a lot. So, for about a year, I didn't say much about it.

Over the past year, it's been clear that the third day was needed. We'd really like to move to a bigger house, closer to Duke, and needed the extra income to do that. Also, my patient load is crazy and I was having a hard time getting everything done in two days. So, I started asking. And asking and asking and asking. Heard lots of empty promises and "maybes." So, I started poking around just to see what else was out there. I wanted to remain part time and I wanted to continue working in a hospital, in pediatrics, so that limited the options. I did find a part time position at Wake Med and applied.

The short version is, after a phone interview and a TWO HOUR panel interview, I was offered the position. I was honest with Duke the whole time and let them know exactly why I was looking and that it had absolutely nothing to do with being unhappy there, just a need for more hours. Well, all of a sudden, they got serious. My boss asked me not to accept an offer without giving them a chance to respond. I got the unofficial offer from Wake Med a week ago, but had to wait on the HR rep to come back from vacation to give me the official offer and to discuss salary. She finally called and I kid you not, while I was on the phone with her, my pager went off with a message that said "can you start working three days/week on August 15th? Call me immediately." Nothing like the 11th hour!!

I told both hospitals I needed a night to think on it. There were pros and cons to both. Wake Med is closer. It's a new position with 20 hours a week that I could use however I wanted and come and go as I please. But. It was grant funded. It was a new position. They wanted 5 days/week (4 hours/day) which could have easily started looking like a full time job. I didn't know anyone. It would be starting over. I love working at Duke. I have friends there. I am respected for my work and have a good relationship with my clinics. It would be more money. But. It's three full days away from the kids. I'd never get to take or pick up Theo from preschool, so I would feel like I didn't know his teachers at all. One of my coworkers drives me crazy.

I called my boss on my way home that evening and told her about not being able to take and pick up Theo from school and how sad that made me. She agreed that on Tuesdays I could flex my hour and work 9:30 to 6 instead of 8:30 to 5. That sealed it. I did come home and talk with Susan and we agreed that the extra money and the concession of the hour on Tuesdays was more than I could have hoped for. I also would be earning PTO and retirement. And, when we are able to move, the commute will be cut in half, so the days won't seem quite as long.

I gave my decision yesterday and was SO relieved. It's been a long two weeks and it felt like I was playing chicken with Duke. I'm so happy they came through for me. Wake Med asked if there was anything they could do to change my mind, but I had my mind made up. This is going to mean really good things for us and we have a goal to be in a new house in 18 months! I also had my annual review yesterday which went well and I was able to thank my boss in person. And, hear a lot of nice things about my work and contributions to the team which felt nice.

So, that's the story. Susan and I will be Dookies for a good long while!!

Yeah, I fell off the blog wagon.

2011-07-31T05:59:00.000-07:00

I have no good reason. I guess it's just between Facebook and Flickr, does anyone really need so much "social media?" I do use the blog to help me do the kids' books at the end of the year, so I guess I should update, even if just for me!

Theo

Little man is two and a half! CRAZY. I can't even believe he will be 3 in November. 2 is still a baby, 3 is a kid. He is funny, sweet, mischievous and looking forward to being able to go outside again once the heat breaks. He's matured by leaps and bounds in the last few months. For starters, he is POTTY TRAINED! It didn't take long at all and Susan did most of the work, but as with every other transition, he did it easily. He wears underwear all day (even during nap) and a diaper at night. He loves picking his underwear out every day and I love buying it. I especially love only having to wash half the diapers. We skipped Pull Ups and went straight to underwear, which I think was key. He didn't have too many accidents and will even potty in public. It's awesome. He's been in a twin bed for nearly a year now, likes to pick his own clothes, puts on his own shoes, finally can eat pizza without it being cut up, LOVES to help me in the kitchen (still) and carries on long conversations. As he is out of diapers now, it seems like there isn't a trace of anything "baby" around here for him anymore. Such a big boy! He goes back to preschool in September and I think we are all ready to get back to a routine. He's a great big brother and likes playing with Lucy. And, she is his biggest fan.

Lucy

Little bit is 9 months old. I'd say I am shocked, but babyhood seems to be going slower the second time, so I feel like she should be older somehow. She has also made huge strides in the last month or so. She is eating crazy amounts of solid food and while she doesn't have any teeth still, she will NOT eat purees anymore. For example, this morning she ate a whole piece of french toast, a handful of blueberries, a quarter of a banana, a bunch of Cheerios and she nursed. She's a pro at the sippy cup (just water) and is still nursing several times a day. We don't know where she puts all this food as she isn't quite 17 pounds. Still very much a little peanut. She is so close to crawling! She gets in position and rocks and pivots and rolls all over, but no actual crawling yet. Fine by us, by the way. She's been pulling up for a long time and likes to stand. She is also SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT! We started some gentle Sleep Lady work a few months ago, but she really did this mostly on her own. She was waking at 2am for a feed, then 4am and now 6am. It's awesome. I believe this is largely due to her being able to put her own pacifier in. We sprinkle a bunch in the crib so she can find one at night. She's also taking two decent naps, which we no longer have to fight her on. We put her in her crib and walk out. She just plays and talks to herself until she falls asleep. Generally, she takes one short nap and one longer one. She loves to play with Theo and watch the dog. She is a very loud screecher and does this ALL day long. She loves the water and bath time is a favorite around here. She's also made gains with social development and no longer cries if a stranger looks at her. She generally ducks her head under our chins and acts shy, but doesn't cry. We'll take it!

I am training for the Charlottesville Women's 4 Miler over Labor Day weekend. I am using a Couch to 5K program and it's going ok. I have had a lot of trouble with my lower back, which makes it hard to run. I saw a doctor who said I sustained an injury during Lucy's birth since she came so fast. He said not to run. I disagreed.

I am also possibly making a change at work, but more to come about that if/when things change.

Susan is still working hard and finding projects around here to keep her busy. She's becoming a master toilet fixer (or something). She and the kids have a lot of fun during my two work days and she is really good at getting them out of the house and on adventures.

We are also beginning to plan for a move. It won't be for another year or so, but we have narrowed down where we want to move and I spend time torturing us by looking at listings for houses we can't buy yet. Ha!

So, all's well here, just busy. I keep the Flickr stream updated regularly, which is where all the pictures are. At least that I can do.

Happy end of summer -- oh fall, come quickly!

Six (ok, nearly seven) months old!

2011-05-19T06:41:00.000-07:00

Our girl is halfway through her first year. Shwooo, it's been a tough six months, but every day she gets a little easier and more full of personality. She's sitting up nicely, absolutely adores her big brother and smiles and laughs readily. She likes her exersaucer and can finally touch the bottom with her feet. She's eating solid foods, nurses like a newborn and is still on Prevacid for reflux. She's been on a plane, to a concert outside, takes swimming classes and got her ears pierced. It's been a big month!

She's really still in 3-6 month clothes, but her summer threads are all 6-12, so that's what she's wearing, even though they are big. Thankfully, her big fluffy cloth diaper holds up her pants! At her 6 month appointment she was about 14.5 pounds and 25 inches long, so "not the biggest girl in her class" as the pediatrician said. Plenty healthy, though and she got her first vaccine, the HiB #1 dose. She will get two more doses, one at 9 months and one at a year and then we probably won't do anything else until 2, which is what we've done with Theo and has worked out fine.

She is a terrible sleeper, but does spend the first part of the night in her crib and we took down the pack and play in our room. She naps in her crib, or in the car on the go, which is what happens when you have a busy big brother to keep up with.

She has big, beautiful eyes and we still don't know what color they will settle on. They are looking more blue, but we'll see. We get comments often on how pretty her eyes are and we have to agree! In spite of her challenges, she teaches us a lot in patience and grace and we couldn't love her more. She is the perfect addition to our family.

Happy Six (seven) months, Lucy Goose!

Strawberry picking!

2011-05-19T06:30:00.000-07:00

Every Spring, we find a strawberry patch and go pick a big bucket of berries. I did it as a kid and always loved it, so I especially love having kids of my own to take now. This year, we went to a new place, Vollmer Farms which specializes in organic strawberries. It was a cute place with stuff for the kids to play on, wagons to ride out to the patch in and homemade ice cream (the highlight for me!). The berries we really, really small, so it took a LONG time to fill a bucket. Theo had an absolute blast once he realized what to do. He would shout, "I see one! I see one!" and then excitedly fling it into the bucket, which led to a discussion of how to be gentle with our berries. Lucy sat in the field, played with some grass and just enjoyed being outside.

On the way home, he was quiet and then said "we did have so much fun in the country!" I should say we did.

Click the Flickr widget above to see more pictures.

Mama and LK in Hotlanta!

2011-05-19T06:21:00.000-07:00

Lucy and I flew down to Atlanta on Saturday to meet some friends and see Aunt Sammy's new house. She has recently moved in with her beau, Adam, who lives in Atlanta. We had a great time! It's a short, cheap flight from RDU so we flew down early and came back that evening. Sam and Adam picked us up and took us to breakfast, then we hung at their house until my friend, Jen, picked us up. We met friends at the Olympic Park, had lunch at the CNN Center and then back to Sam and Adam's for a bit before heading back to the airport. It was really fun and hopefully the whole family can get down for a Braves game!

Lucy did well on the plane, save for the last 15 minutes of the last flight when she screamed her head off. I was so flustered and sweaty by the time the plane finally landed. I apologized to the passengers, who were gracious and many said, "hey, we've all been there!" and said not to worry. Nonetheless, I think I will not be flying alone with her again for a long time!
Here's a few pics, but they aren't superb. I didn't want to lug the big camera, so I just took the point and shoot.

Hanging out at Aunt Sammy's.

CNN Center.

Atlanta friends!

Meal plan Monday.

2011-05-09T17:14:00.000-07:00

1. Fajitas

2. Crock pot Santa Fe chicken over rice

3. Chicken pot pie soup w/cornbread muffins

4. Baked ziti

5. Make your own pizza (Theo LOVES to do this)

6. Breakfast

7. Fend for yourself

Meal plan Monday.

2011-04-25T13:48:00.000-07:00

Hey, look! It's actually on Monday.

1. Spaghetti

2. Turkey meatloaf w/squash casserole

3. Cilantro lime shrimp w/brown rice and veggies

4. Chicken w/mushrooms in garlic wine sauce w/brown rice and veggies

5. Mexican surprise

6. Breakfast

7. FFYS

We are just back from a week in Richmond after being a little displaced due to the tornado. Hopefully a post about all that soon. I'm sure Theo wishes a tornado would hit every week, he had a ball!

Meal plan.

2011-04-06T16:50:00.000-07:00

Apparently, at least Casey likes the meal plan posts!

1. Beef stew in the crock pot (odd choice for spring, I know, but Susan needs a crock pot meal on "her" night to cook)

2. Cookout night! Turkey burgers, potato salad and baked beans

3. Rotisserie chicken, mashed potatoes and brussel sprouts - this is fake cooking at it's finest: grocery store already cooked chicken, Bob Evans fridge mashed potatoes, steam in a bag veggies. "Home cooked" meal on the table in 6 minutes. Quality.

4. BLT or egg salad sandwiches w/chips

5. Grilled chipotle chicken over salad w/black beans and corn

6. Spaghetti (Theo's fave!)

7. Cook it yourself!

Kiddo update.

2011-03-23T17:17:00.000-07:00

I've been a bad blogger! I need to do this update so I don't forget these things about the kids when I am old and grey. Too tired to wrestle with blogger for pictures, so just click the widget above to see recent ones. I am at least very good about keeping pics up to date.

Theo

He's 28 months old and before our very eyes, becoming more and more a little boy and less a toddler. He runs, he climbs, he never stops talking and he's even begun to kind of joke with us in his own way. He's really good at entertaining himself for small periods of time and can often be found sitting in his green chair in his room reading. We packed up the high chair and he sits at a booster seat at the table with us now, which he loves. That was kind of bittersweet since it's the last "baby" thing we had around for him (well, except the carseat, I guess). He still loves going to school and can now tell us what he did that day and what he had for snack. I think he's going to miss it when the school year ends in May. He adores his baby sister and often brings her things to play with. He always wants her to come with us and lets us know when "Lucy sad!" He thinks his grandparents are the best thing ever, often asking if we are going to their house and if we say no he says "maybe Friday?" He wishes he could see them every day, I think. Here are a few things he says that I don't want to forget:

"kee-pee": computer

"yuck-o": yellow

"want me pick you up"

"sit in the rock a rock a minute"

"oh! how 'bout ___?"

We've introduced time out since learning they do that at school, but he doesn't have to go often (I think we've put him there maybe 3 times). In spite of rarely using it he will often say "go straight to time out!" after being corrected. He doesn't seem to mind time out, but he gets the concept.

We've also begun letting him watch one show on TV - Dinosaur Train. He loves it. And, despite my intense hatred of licensed character paraphernalia, I did buy him three little figurines. I draw the line there, though! He gets so excited when it's time for dinos and it gets us 30 minutes to clean up the kitchen or take care of Lucy, so that's nice.

He's an awesome kid. Never had one tantrum (now watch, he'll have one tomorrow) and is loving, fun and easy. We are so lucky to have him.

Lucy

Lucy is newly 5 months old and the yin to our yang. Not in a negative way, but she is the opposite of her big brother, for sure. She's a tough nut. Fiesty, not terribly flexible and makes her needs known with no uncertainty. I'm pretty sure her first temper tantrum was upon exiting the womb. But when she smiles, she lights up the world. There is more feeling behind those smiles because they are hard won. She feels emotions deep and isn't afraid to show it. One day, our girl will rule the world.

She is like big brother in that she doesn't want to miss out on life by sleeping. She was doing pretty well and then we hit the 4 month sleep regression. We are coming out of that now and she usually gives us anywhere from a 5-7 hour stretch and then a 2-3 hour stretch and then we struggle to get her to sleep until 5:30 when we give up. She takes a nap around 7:15 and then three other naps throughout the day. She's napping in her crib now so we packed up the swing. She's still swaddled because that's how she is cued to sleep, but she can bust out of even the Miracle Blanket now, so I don't know how much longer we will do this. She puts herself to sleep for the most part, unless we've missed the window when she crosses over to being overtired and then totally loses her mind. She's still in our room at night because I have no desire to go downstairs to feed her.

She's still breastfeeding of course and gets 4 bottles a day on the two days I work. I pump twice at work and once every morning and so far have had no problems with supply. She's had absolutely no formula, which I am extremely proud of. We haven't started any solids yet and don't know when we will. Her gut is SO sensitive that I don't know if she will be ready for solids anytime soon. She's not showing any interest, so I am in no rush.

We put the excersaucer together and she likes it a lot. She's really begun playing with toys in the last week or so and tonight she put her own pacifier in her mouth by herself! Susan said she held her own bottle last week as well. She can roll both ways (has for awhile, though almost never rolls onto her belly, even though she can) and loves standing up with support from us. She's crazy strong. We have sitting up lessons, but she still arches back quite a bit and doesn't seem to like it much.

She's still on Prevacid and still has reflux. She still arches when she feeds. I will be glad (as will she) when she finally outgrows the reflux.

She is very attached to me, moreso than Theo was at her age. She will always want me if I am an option and since she's pretty tough, usually Susan doesn't seem put out by this. :) She's hard, but she's my girl. She might want to spend her life glued to my face but I try and remember that all too soon she'll be telling me to get lost and I'll wish for one more day to hold her. We are very lucky to have her.

We feel like we are getting into a groove with two and have even ventured out to eat and yesterday went to the zoo. And, oddly, Theo was out of sorts but Lucy did great - go figure. Sometimes I look at them and can't believe they are mine. I love them more than I thought possible and I know Susan does too. My friend Kelsi posed a question to think about what you are passionate about and I have to say, I am passionate about being a mama. I love it. I'm good at it, I enjoy it and even on days where I just want to freakin' pee in peace, I wouldn't trade these two for anything. They (and Susan) are my whole world. I love nothing more than being with my little family. I'm a lucky woman.

Totally random thoughts.

2011-03-07T16:23:00.000-08:00

1. Susan and Theo are away for the night. I miss them. Even though I didn't have to cook dinner and it's much easier to put only one kid to bed.

2. We don't let our kids watch TV until they are two. At all.

3. Today I turned on Oprah FOR Lucy just so I could get a few things done. She loves Oprah.

4. Supposedly I am doing Weight Watchers, but I had Chinese take out for dinner with a piece of red velvet cake for dessert.

5. I did at least walk to the place to get my dinner, does that make it less lame?

6. I threw out the rest of the cake I didn't eat.

7. Chocolate covered Peeps are really good.

8. We have a real problem with people parking on the street in our 'hood, in spite of it being against the HOA rules. Now they have put up red "tow away zone" signs. I think all the cars were less ugly.

9. When you become a mom, you become invisible to a lot of people, I have discovered.

10. I recently found a cross stitch that I started when I was pregnant with Theo. It was his initials with monkeys and I was going to make a pillow with it for his nursery. He no longer has a nursery and his big boy room is monsters, so I guess I'm not finishing that one.

11. My mom has a needlepoint she started when she was pregnant with me but never finished. Must be genetic.

12. I love to start new projects, but finishing them is always a problem.

13. I paid off my car with my tax return, two years early. I got the title in the mail last week. I want to frame it.

14. I'm already researching my next car.

15. I won't be buying a new car for a long time. I'm going to enjoy having no payment.

16. I'm neurotic about carseat safety. When I see chest clips too low or straps too loose, I start twitching.

17. In Raleigh, Jeopardy comes on before Wheel of Fortune. True story.

18. I wish we lived in Charlottesville.

19. We'll never move, because our job situation is perfect.

20. I really don't want to send the kids to public school. I think this makes me a bad social worker.

21. I'm glad we can have more kids without using my body. Lucy's pregnancy and delivery was pretty traumatizing.

22. I think I have post partum anxiety and pretty sure I had it with Theo, too. Or, I am just a nervous mother.

23. I love decorating kids' rooms.

24. I've already picked bedding for Lucy's big girl bed and the girl has never even slept one night in her crib yet.

25. 25 seems like a good number to end on and I really should be stuffing diapers.

Meal plan and recipe review.

2011-03-01T16:46:00.000-08:00

I wanted to say that the baked parmesean chicken recipe from last week was really good! We don't actually use parmesean, because we don't like it, so the points actually may have been a tad lower (though I counted as noted). I didn't miss the fried part at all. We will definitely make it again.

Here's what's on tap for this week:

1. Pancakes (never got made)

2. Chili (never got made)

3. Asian grilled chicken, roasted asparagus and rice

4. Spaghetti

5. Petite turkey meatloaves, vegetable of some kind and chipotle sweet potato fries

6. BBQ chicken breasts and veggies (Susan's request)

7. Fend for yourself!

Weight Watchers update:

I've lost 3 pounds. Some days I am really into it and other days, I am mindful of what I am eating, but don't follow points. I try and walk every day with the kids, which I think is really helpful. If the weather is bad, I don't go. I just can't be too hard core about it right now because my cup runneth over, but I am doing my best.

Weekly meal plan.

2011-02-22T08:00:00.000-08:00

So, WW is going ok. It's hard, because all I think about is food. I'm hungry ALL the time because of nursing and while apples are great, I'm hungry again in 5 minutes. I'm trying, though. I really want to be successful and as long as my milk supply stays ok, I'm pressing forward.

I discovered a great website with a ton of recipes and she's calculated all the points! I really want to make her dark chocolate bread pudding, but we have no ramekins to speak of. Darn.

Anyway, here's the line up:

1. Spaghetti (will start using whole wheat pasta again)

2. Crock pot taco chili (with multgrain chips and light sour cream)

3. Baked chicken parmesean (with whole wheat pasta)

4. Mexican surprise

5. Turkey and bean chili

6. Pancakes

7. Fend for yourself!

4 months!

2011-02-21T16:49:00.001-08:00

This girl is 4 months old. Seems so old to me! Moving out of the newborn department and into infant territory. We had her well child check up today and she got a great report. Two interesting things we learned about Miss Lucy this month: 1. She has a mongolian spot. 2. She has Sandifer's syndrome. Both of these really mean nothing, just noting for the record. The mongolian spot looks like a bruise on her tush, right at the top. We learned about these in child welfare training since well, it looks like a bruise. Our pediatrician noted it, just in case something ever comes up. Sandifer's is really just naming a behavior of babies with reflux. You will often see Lucy arching backwards and bringing her feet back towards her head (future Circ de Soleil performer, perhaps?), especially when she is eating. This is Sandifer's. It's a function of her reflux and when that goes away, so will this behavior. I'll be glad for that. Nursing her is like wrestling a wildebeast.

Her official stats:

12 pounds, 8 ounces (with her diaper on)

23.5 inches

25th% for both

We don't start any vaccines until 6 months, so no shots for her. Doctor says she looks wonderful. We are toying with going up on her Prevacid dose, since it seems like her reflux isn't in good control right now. We may do a whole tab in the morning and half at night. I HATE medicating kids, so that's why we are thinking on it. Our pediatrician doesn't want any solids introduced until at least 6 months old, which is what we did with Theo, so we are just continuing with nursing, of course.

She's having more and more times of being happy. She hoots a lot, smiles and continues to be very strong. She started rolling on the day she turned 3 months and can almost go both ways now. She loves to sit up and can hold herself for a few seconds. She bears weight on her legs easily. I predict an early mover, for sure. She adores Theo and he is an excellent big brother. Whenever we go anywhere, he always asks if Lucy is coming. If not, he asks about her several times while we are out. I am so proud of him.

We go back in 2 months and in the meantime, it's status quo!

This moment.

2011-02-20T07:00:00.001-08:00

Weight Watchers, Day 1.

2011-02-16T05:37:00.000-08:00

I finally signed up for Weight Watchers last night. I am sick of not fitting into my clothes. There will be no more babies in my belly, so it's time to finally lose all this weight. Thanks to breastfeeding, I get like 6 million daily points, so there should be no excuse. It's a work day which is good because I really only have the food I brought with me to eat. I entered all the points last night and still have 2 to eat somewhere. Today's menu:

Breakfast
Oatmeal w/splenda + 1TBSP peanut butter
Coffee w/splenda + creamer

Lunch
Leftover steak (small)
Yoplait light yogurt + strawberries
Diet Coke

Dinner
Spaghetti w/turkey meat sauce

Snacks
100 cal Chex Mix (chocolate caramel)
Dark Chocolate Granola Thin
Animal crackers

Plus lots of water and Mother's Milk tea. Can't earn activity points today because it's a work day, but now that it's warming up, I am hoping to walk daily with the kids.

Starting weight = 173
Goal weight = 150 (this is the max healthy weight for my height, so less would be great!)

Since I am nursing, I am not supposed to lose more than a pound a week. Sigh. Ah well, slow and steady wins the race, right?

What Valentine's Day looks like when you have kids.

2011-02-15T17:30:00.000-08:00

We couldn't go out for Valentine's Day because we have small kids. We had a babysitter, but we haven't seen her since August, and well, Lucy is really hard and should only be left with people related to her right now. So, armed with some funds graciously provided by Susan's parents, I hit up Whole Foods for the makings of a nice dinner. We put the kids to bed, cooked and ate in peace. It was lovely. No tip required, we got to eat in our PJs and didn't have to drive home. We did have to do the dishes, but it was a good trade off.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Weekly meal plan.

2011-02-15T14:03:00.000-08:00

(I never assign things to days, I just come up with 7 meals, shop for the week and then make whatever makes sense for that day)

1. Steak quesadillas w/leftover steak from Valentine's Day dinner

2. Spaghetti (Theo's request)

3. Tacos

4. Shake and Bake chicken breasts w/roasted asparagus and sweet potatoes

5. Breakfast for dinner (didn't ever do this last week)

6. Stir fry chicken and veggies w/brown rice

7. Fend for yourself!

Food 'n stuff.

2011-02-13T17:58:00.000-08:00

I am happy to share the flank steak marinade, as requested. I almost didn't, because I think it's one of my best meals and the one I'd probably serve you if you came over for dinner. But, I swiped it from someone else, so it's not exactly *mine* anyway. This is easily my favorite meal, I could eat it weekly.

1/2 c. brown sugar

1/2 c. soy sauce

3 cloves garlic, minced (I have one of those masher things)

1/2 c. vegetable oil

1 small can of tomato juice

Put this all together in a gallon bag and toss in your flank steak. Marinate OVERNIGHT. Don't skimp on the marinating time, trust me. Grill it about 5 minutes each side, depending on how you like it. Slice really thin. Seriously. Good stuff.

I finally made the creamy chicken chili (recipe linked a few posts down). It was good and I would make it again. I made it into a crock pot meal, though, because that's like half the reason I even make chili. So, if you want to do that, here's what I did: I put the (raw) chicken in with the broth, spices, chilis, beans and onions on high for 4 hours. I then took the chicken out, shredded it and put it back in. Susan hates sour cream with a fiery passion, so I took some out for her, then removed it from the heat and mixed in the sour cream and half and half as per the recipe. Came out just fine.

Enjoy those and keep posting yours! My family thanks you, so we don't have to eat spaghetti 4 times a week.

Meal plan Monday (on Tuesday).

2011-02-08T17:13:00.000-08:00

Finally getting this back on track. I didn't think it mattered, but who knew people actually read this thing?? (Hi, Katie!) And, I heard from another friend (Hi, Daisy!) that she linked to another friend's site (Hi, Kelsi!) (not a mutual friend) and got a recipe idea from her. So cool!

We've been hit by the plague. Theo got it first, then Susan and I and Lucy is still sick. So, we've been in survival mode - cereal, take out and whatever our wonderful parents who came in to rescue us were willing to cook. So, this is the first meal plan I've done in more than a week and most of it is just looking around the house for what we've got. Maybe next week I'll be up to the grocery store.

1. Frozen pizza

2. Flank steak (I have the BEST marinade recipe), mashed sweet potatoes, roasted asparagus

3. Meatloaf, rice, fresh broccoli

4. Creamy chicken chili (never got made)

5. Turkey burgers and waffle fries

6. Breakfast

7.Baked ziti (from the freezer)

Meal plan Monday.

2011-01-24T10:12:00.001-08:00

1. Baked ziti (from the freezer since I have to be out this evening)

2. Chicken soft tacos w/mexican rice and beans (leftover from last week since we didn't get to it)

3. Shake and Bake chicken w/mashed sweet potatoes and roasted asparagus

4. PW's Chicken spaghetti (half will go in the freezer for another night and using leftover chicken from the soft tacos)

5. PW's Penne a la Betsy (this is SO good and a splurge, but we have a GC to Whole Foods for the shrimp, plus I have some leftover wine from another dish)

6. Creamy white chicken chili

7. Fend for yourself/leftovers

Does anyone else HATE meal planning like I do? Seriously, I hate it. I don't mind cooking at all, it's the planning, list making, shopping, putting away food that I hate. When we hit it big, we are SO hiring a cook.

About those milestones ...

2011-01-22T16:34:00.000-08:00

She must have read the blog and thought, "hey lady, I can do more than look at my hands" and so she rolled over. Rolled over like she's been doing it her whole life. Even did it for the video camera. 3 months and 1 day old. I put her on her belly in front of the mirror in Theo's room, thinking she might hate tummy time less if she could see herself. And, bloop, over she went. I yelled for Susan and when she came in, she did it again. And then one more time before she'd let us know she had enough.

We are so proud!

3 months.

2011-01-21T19:44:00.001-08:00

This girl is 3 months old today! We have survived the fourth trimester. We had her three month old pictures taken on Tuesday and she even smiled for them. She smiles more now, but she also still cries a lot. She's not an easy baby, but we are hoping she will be an easy teenager since we've paid our dues now! She does get cuter by the day.

Eating:

She usually eats every 2-3 hours. Sometimes more, sometimes less. She does not starve in silence, that's for sure. On the two days I work, I leave 4 bottles with 4 ounces in each. Sometimes she has one leftover, sometimes Susan tells me to pull into the driveway on two wheels with my boob out and ready. Just depends. I pump twice a day at work and thanks to the Kindle, it's a lot less boring now. I'm really glad I only work two days a week because I HATE pumping. I also hate all the prep that goes into getting ready for a work day. Even with all the prep I do, it takes me 2.5 hours to get out the door in the morning. But, I digress. So yeah, all she eats is breastmilk. Still hasn't had a drop of formula. Yay, us.

Sleeping:

She was doing a wonderful job at night. The past few nights, she has switched things up. She still does really well for a 3 month old, but I kind of preferred the old schedule. She goes down between 7-7:30 and puts herself to sleep by watching the ceiling fan. She was sleeping until 2-3 and then eating and going back down until 5:30. This was great. Now she is waking around midnight and then anywhere from every 2-3 hours until I give up around 6. That sucks.

Milestones:

Uh, she found her hands. That's about it. Theo was already rolling over at this point, but LK really hates tummy time. And well, she hates life in general a lot of the time, so be damned if I am going to do something that will just make her scream. The ped isn't concerned about the lack of tummy time. She understands we are still in survival mode. I'm sure she'll roll over one day.

Likes (and these all depend on her mood):

- Theo

- her mobile

- her playmat

- being held

- the swing (I've gotten her to nap in here now, which is awesome)

- boobs

- the Miracle Blanket and Stella (her Angel Dear lovey - the giraffe)

- baths

- being on the changing table

Dislikes:

- life (not always, but a lot of the time)

- tummy time

- the fact that we can't read her mind

- transitions

She's growing a lot, but I don't know her weight. She's getting too long for some of her 0-3, but the 3-6 are still pretty roomy. I went ahead and washed them all, largely because I am tired of her 0-3 month clothes. I wish she had some hair for bows, but I know it will come in sooner or later. I can't wait! Her eyes are still blue, but greyer than Theo's were. I don't think they will stay blue, but her Gramma does.

In spite of her difficulties, we love her so much and are so happy to have her in our family!

Meal plan Monday.

2011-01-17T04:08:00.000-08:00

1. Pizza (this Dominoes thing is getting out of hand!)

2. Creamy chicken and broccoli pasta (using chicken instead of shrimp)

3. Mexican lasagna (Jenny's recipe!)

4. Chicken soft tacos - crockpot

5. Chili - crockpot

6. Breakfast for dinner

7. Helpy-selfy

How about you?

Love.

2011-01-16T17:34:00.000-08:00

He loves her so much. Well, in his own little two year old way. He pats her head really gently and he loves it when she is on the playmat because she's at his level. He always runs to lay down next to her while she kicks around and reminds us to turn on the lights on the playmat (likely because he likes it, but I like to think it's because he knows she likes it). When it's time to change her diaper, he runs in her room and turns on her mobile because it "play song for Loochi." He is also an excellent burp cloth fetcher, whether you need one or not. He brought me 3 today during one feeding. When she cries he says "Loochi sad?" During her first bath when she screamed her head off, he looked at us worriedly and said "up! up! all done!"

I was so worried about him not having a brother. I still really want him to have one. In the meantime, I guess he's teaching me that it's most important he gets to BE a brother. And Lucy gets what I always wanted - a big brother to look out for her. She is one lucky little girl. I am one lucky Mama.

Meal plan Monday.

2011-01-10T08:00:00.000-08:00

What's on the menu this week at your house?

Pizza (Dominos has changed their pizza and it's SO good now!)

Turkey burgers w/waffle fries and broccoli

Baked ziti (I freeze half to have a ready made meal on a night we are tight for time)

Chipotle bean burritos

Turkey meatloaf w/crash hot potatoes and brussels

Shake and Bake chicken breasts w/broccoli au gratin rice and broccoli

Pot roast (Susan's crock pot meal)

And ... this week I WILL sign up for Weight Watchers. I am not one of those lucky breastfeeding moms who burn a zillion calories while nursing. Nope. So, I need to work for it. Now that the baby factory is closed up, I need to lose all this weight and get healthy. Right after these cookies Theo and I made are gone ....

Sometimes I feel like a rockstar.

2011-01-09T09:42:00.000-08:00

And, sometimes I feel like the gum on the bottom of the seats at the arena. So far this morning, I've been both.

I decided to take both kids grocery shopping. I've done this one other time and it went really well. I put Theo in the cart and Lucy in the Moby where she generally sleeps while we shop. Theo is used to grocery shopping and as soon as he gets into the cart, he asks for his snack and cup. He knows the routine. So, today. I felt prepared. I got a parking place right next to the carts, which is key with two babies. Loaded Theo up and then was getting Lucy organized while he yells for his snack and the wind whips through all of us. Put the diaper bag in the cart and the sippy cup goes flying out and lands, yep, UNDER the van. Great. I somehow manage to get it without getting myself or Lucy injured and we start to walk inside Target. Realize I left Lucy's pacifier in her carseat. Back to the van.

Finally we get inside and I get coats off everyone and Theo his blasted snack. Now the cart is already half full with coats, hats and the diaper bag (have I mentioned I HATE winter??). We go off to one side of the store to get non-food, all the while Theo is kicking his feet backwards on the cart. I finally told him he was hurting Mama's brain and to STOP KICKING. I think I said this a million and one times. We get back over to the food section to start and he's eaten all his fish and is yelling "more fish! more fish!" I tell him I don't have any more and then he bursts into song and regales everyone in the store with Jingle Bells. I fly down the aisles trying to put myself and the other shoppers out of misery ASAP while he keeps kicking the cart and asking for a snack. We get to the checkout and he sees his snack food on the belt. "Snack! Snack! Bun Buns! Fish!" I'm ignoring him so he shouts something I don't understand but still ugly at the cashier. I stop ignoring, raise my voice and tell him in the best way I can manage: ENOUGH. He gets the point.

Get everything smooshed into the cart and begin stuffing hats and coats on everyone. Not that I need one, because I am sweating at this point and wondering what the hell I was thinking doing this. We get outside and I dump Theo in the van, but not in his seat because I have to take his stupid coat off to put him in the carseat (carseat safety is super fun in the winter, let me tell you). He bounces around while I wrestle Lucy into her carseat. She wakes up and starts screaming. I load all the groceries in the van, go to put the diaper bag in and the sippy cup flies out of the bag AGAIN and lands in the parking lot, narrowly missing being run over by the car beside me. I wish it had.

Return the cart and come around to get Theo in his seat. He's made himself at home on the bench seat on the way back of the van and has zero intention of listening to me about getting in his seat. This is pretty much when my brain exploded. I reached back and pulled him off the seat, took off his coat and buckled him while counting in my head, slowly and steadily. He then asked if we were going to see the "wa wa." No way, I told him. I explained that since he didn't listen to me we would not go see the wa wa. He didn't seem to care. Lucy screamed the whole way home.

We get home and I manage to get everyone and everything inside and as I am taking off his shoes Theo proclaims "good job Target." Uh, yeah. Me or you, kid?

Anyway. Not an outing that I felt like a rockstar. But, an hour after we got home and I had TWO fed and napping kids (with Lucy in the swing and not having to be held), I totally felt like I had rocked it out.

For now, anyway.

Meal plan Monday.

2011-01-04T17:14:00.001-08:00

Er, Tuesday.

I don't assign days to things, I just sort of do whatever makes sense for that day, but I do plan out a week's worth of meals every week. Then whoever is feeling brave enough to take the kids out does the shopping. My friend Kelsi posts hers and I always appreciate when people do this because I run out of ideas doing this week after week. So, here's what's on tap at Chez Hill this week!

1. Breakfast

2. Italian chicken breasts (baked) w/roasted brussel sprouts

3. Chicken tortilla soup (thanks, Kelsi!)

4. Spaghetti (this is a once a weeker around here because Theo LOVES it and it's an easy way to get veggies in him)

5. Mexican surprise

6. Marinated flank steak, roasted asparagus and baked potatoes (my favorite meal!)

7. Fend for yourself, AKA - Melissa ain't cookin'.

Since I work two days a week, Susan has to make dinner on those nights. Only, I usually plan one or both of those nights as crock pot meals that I put together the night before. So this week, she has the chicken tortilla soup (crock pot, waiting in the fridge for her) and probably Mexican surprise which is easy. One of the many reasons she loves me. :)

So, there you have it. What's for dinner at your house?

2010, in review.

2010-12-31T17:55:00.000-08:00

I did one of these last year and it was fun, so here we go again. A recap of 2010 in the life of the Hills.

January: Raleigh gets a ton of snow and Theo has a fun time playing in it (or something like that). Trying for a second baby.

February: More snow. We visit in Richmond for Superbowl Sunday. Theo gets accepted to preschool. Melissa finds out she is pregnant!

March: We spill the beans about the pregnancy. Theo goes on his first Easter egg hunt. Theo stops breastfeeding after 16.5 months.

April: Easter. We travel to Richmond for Easter on Parade. Theo begins hiding things, like his shoes. We find out the baby is probably a girl, but don't tell anyone. Neverending nausea continues. We go strawberry picking and make jam.

May: Susan's birthday. Susan and Theo take a trip to Suffolk without me for the first time. Theo and I visit friends and family in Virginia. We find out we are in fact expecting a baby girl! We visit Charleston, SC to attend the wedding of an old family friend. It's really muggy and buggy, but fun. Susan ends the trip on a high note by having to visit urgent care.

June: Lots of trips to the pool with our water baby. Melissa finally starts feeling better. Melissa and Theo fly down to Florida alone to visit Mima, Elena, Tony, Summer and Shannon. Theo's first trip on a plane!

July: 4th of July in Richmond. More and more swimming. Theo gets a big boy room and bed to make room for baby sister.

August: We go peach picking and get eaten alive by mosquitoes. We decide to switch prenatal care from the birth center to UNC hospital at 32 weeks, which was an incredibly hard decision. We have to say a sad goodbye to our cat, Otis, who had been with Melissa for 9 years. August was a tough month.

September: Theo and I go on a date to ride a train before his sister arrives. Theo begins preschool! It's hard for everyone at first, but we all grow to love it. We finish up the nursery.

October: Birthday month. The pumpkin patch. The state fair. Theo's first real haircut. We welcome our daughter, Lucinda Katherine, into our family. Lucy has a frenotomy (twice). Halloween.

November: Melissa and Lucy struggle through breastfeeding, but come out on the other side. Theo turns TWO years old! Thanksgiving in Suffolk with the Hills.

December: Lucy is diagnosed with reflux. Theo is diagnosed with allergies. We go to a Christmas parade and freeze. Christmas in Richmond where Lucy meets her Aunt Dawn for the first time. Christmas with the Hills at our house. Our first Christmas at home with two kids. Kids have their check ups and we learn they are both tall and slim! Melissa and Susan return to work after two months of maternity leave.

Whew! It's been quite a year. Same house, same jobs, same cars, but pretty much everything else changed! We had both a significant hello and a significant goodbye. We traveled a lot. We all grew a lot. We are all older and we are definitely all wiser. Sometimes, we are all a little more weary. We are still a strong family. Susan and I probably mess up a hundred times a day as parents and as spouses, but somehow, we are still here after another year as a family. Some days surviving, some days thriving, but happy and healthy. I am hoping for a quieter 2011 with a little less change but a lot of growth as we take care of each other and learn to do a better job at life every day. I'm so glad to have these three by my side for another year!

Happy 2011. May it be the best one yet.

From us to you.

2010-12-26T17:04:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!

May your 2011 be simple, challenging, fun, peaceful and fulfilling in all the right ways.

Bummed.

2010-12-22T11:34:00.000-08:00

I have a lot I need to blog about. Lucy's two month update, Christmas in Virginia with my family, Christmas here with Susan's family, our return to work, etc. I was all ready to do that, but then something came across my Facebook feed that instantly made me sad. You can Google it, but there has been a high profile case regarding second parent adoptions in NC that has been in the NC Supreme Court (Julia Boseman) and the decision was handed down yesterday. Second parent adoptions can no longer be filed in North Carolina. This means that before yesterday, Susan could be deemed a legal parent to Lucy and Theo without my having to waive my parental rights. Not anymore. The case was filed by the biological mother to a little boy who was every bit as much Ms. Boseman's child as Lucy and Theo are Susan's. But, the couple (one of whom happened to be a senator) broke up and the biological mother decided to sue to overturn the adoption. Well, she won once she finally appealed high enough. The kicker is that the supreme court didn't overturn the shared custody granted by the lower courts, so while the biological mother may have wanted to exclude Ms. Boseman for their child's life, she didn't. All she did was ruin the chance for the rest of us to obtain what she squandered. So completely unfair.

In 2010, it boggles my mind that we are still dealing with issues like this. And yes, while it is a good thing that the custody issue was upheld (as it sets legal precendent to give non-biological co-parents custodial rights), why do marginalized groups have to continue to accept dinner scraps with a pat on the head? We aren't asking for much. Simply asking for our children to be protected legally, like all other children are. Men who impregnate women during an anonymous one night stand have parental rights by default, yet someone like Susan who was there not only for conception, but the births of both of our children and who has been every bit of a parent to them as I have have NO legal rights at all.

Look at us. Don't we deserve what is freely given to other families?

I'll take my MD now, please.

2010-12-14T09:51:00.001-08:00

So, just as we are getting Lucy figured out, Theo decides he needs to have some medical issues, too. Since he's started school, he's been sick a lot. Well, like all the time. Countless colds, croup and a stomach flu. This most recent "cold" has lasted 6 weeks. We took him to the doctor who said it was just a cold and the cough was postnasal drip. Thursday he woke up sick *again* (meaning new/worse symptoms than the lingering cough we've been dealing with for over a month). Coughing, runny nose, fever and a coughing spell that made him throw up. Since he's under 6, he can't take anything, so we were reduced to trying to give him herbal meds. We finally started giving him a little Benedryl, dosed according to Dr. Sears. He was acting fine yesterday, so we sent him to school. When I picked him up, his teachers said they thought he had bronchitis and should be checked. I made a doctor appointment on the way home and she got him in yesterday afternoon.

Susan took him and the verdict is that he has environmental allergies and since they went unaddressed, they turned into a sinus infection. So, now he is on Zyrtec for allergies and amoxicillin for the sinus infection. I was a bit annoyed because we DID take him in earlier and were told it was just a cold, no mention of allergies. I was also puzzled, because he's never shown any signs of allergies. And just to make us feel like the worst parents ever, apparently you are supposed to clean humidifiers every other day. Yeah, we've had his for two years and have never cleaned it and use it almost every night when he has a cold. Yes, I realize we are morons. So, we've likely been blowing mold directly into his face all this time. I pulled the donor's profile out to check for allergies and guess what he's allergic to? Yep, mold. MORONS.

All this time, we've blamed the germy preschool (and, likely that is where some of this comes from) but it's been us who have made him sick. Ugh. Susan did have a conversation with the ped about withdrawing him from preschool to improve his health. It's a tough decision because he loves going and we think it's beneficial, but we don't need him to go. We are home when he is at school, we don't use child care. So, should we leave him somewhere that makes him sick for no good reason? Or should we continue to build his immune system? I think we have decided to clear up his sinus infection and see how the allergies respond to the Zyrtec over the Christmas break and then see how he does in the new year before deciding.

Then there is the issue of testing to see what he is allergic to. The ped wasn't convinced we need to since he is so young, but said she would support us if we wanted to. I can get him seen at the AI clinic at work, so that's not an issue, we just need to decide if we want to put him through it and what we would do with the information. We're already doing what we can - we don't have carpet in the main part of the house and keep the dogs out of the bedrooms. We are going to get him a new pillow with an allergen cover. We strip him down when he comes home from school, wash his hands and put on clean clothes. He takes a multivitamin, an immune support vitamin, drinks tons of water and doesn't eat any sugar. I don't know what else we could really change by finding out what he's allergic to. Well, unless it's the dogs, I guess.

So, yeah. We've been under water with medical stuff for the past few weeks and it's tiring. I have a cold myself and when it's super cold out, my Raynaud's is worse, meaning I have to take more meds which give me a headache. I feel like crap, but the kids seem to be improving. I'm so happy for that, I hate seeing them feeling bad.

Oh, and just in case we weren't already candidates for parents of the year - Susan took him to Stride Rite today and his shoes are a whole size too small. We are SO rocking out this parenting thing. Don't call CPS.

Smiling girl!

2010-12-10T07:11:00.000-08:00

Lucy gave up her first smile on Thanksgiving, but she doesn't smile often. Probably because of the reflux, which causes her pain. In the last day or so, it seems like maybe the medicine is beginning to work. We read it would take 1-2 weeks before we'd really know if it was working, but it seems like she is gradually getting better. So, she's smiling more! She saves her biggest smiles for the pictures behind our bed, just like her big brother did. Her smiles are extra sweet because hopefully it means she is feeling better.

She has settled herself into a nice little routine at night and is sleeping really well! She's definitely ready for bed at 7pm and she lets you know it. She nurses and then gets wrapped up tight in the Miracle Blanket, pacifiered and laid in her pack and play. She puts herself to sleep and sleeps until 1:30am. I feed her, rewrap her, lay her back down and she sleeps until 3:30, when she is ready to come into our bed. I don't do anything but reach over and pick her up and she sleeps right next to me until 5:30 or 6! So, essentially, she sleeps from 7:30 - 5:30 or 6 with only one wake up!

In the mornings, she kind of catnaps between feedings but largely stays awake until around 10, when she seems ready for a serious nap. I do the same deal as night time with the Miracle Blanket and she sleeps upstairs on her own (with the video monitor on, of course) for about 2 hours. We are still figuring out the afternoons and she definitely has a witching hour from about 5-7pm, but we feel on our way to getting her figured out. She's much more predictable and a much better sleeper than Theo was, which is nice. Let's hope it lasts!

I highly recommend the Miracle Blanket. We used it with her right at first, then she seemed to not like it, so I put it away. We got it back out a few days ago and it's been the ticket to good sleep. If your baby isn't a sleeper, give it a try!

I love a parade!

2010-12-06T18:43:00.000-08:00

Well, I love a parade when it's not frigid outside. Last year we attempted the big downtown Raleigh Christmas Parade. It was largely a bust. It was freezing cold, parking was a pain, it was hugely crowded and Theo fell asleep. We decided it would be a long time before we tried that again. Susan heard that the little town over from us was having a Christmas parade and we thought we'd give that a try since it would be more low key. Unfortunately, this ended up being kind of a bust too. Parking was super easy and we walked right up to a spot to watch, but we were right at the end of the route so a lot of the bands and floats and whatnot had stopped performing and were basically just walking to the end point. And once again, it was FREEZING cold with terrible wind gusts. We didn't stay long, but Theo did love seeing the flags and hearing the drums in the marching bands.

Next year we know where to park and stand and not to try it if it's super cold. Lesson learned. Lucy was the warmest of us all. She had on a onesie, a fleece outfit with a hood, thick socks, sherpa lined leather booties (all the way from New Zealand, given to big brother when he was born), a hat, mittens, in the Pikkolo, zipped into my coat and covered with a thick blanket. She stayed nice and toasty while the rest of us froze. Ah well. Here's to next year!

Lucy update.

2010-12-05T17:00:00.000-08:00

Finally have a minute to post an update on Lucy. I have mentioned that she's kind of a tough baby and cries a lot. Well, I finally decided it was just not normal to have a baby that screams every waking second she isn't eating. She would also be dead asleep and arch her back and scream like someone had bitten off her feet, had frequent hiccups, would cough and choke and had lots of wet burps that would cause her to cry. All this led to me to think she probably had reflux. While she almost never spits up, silent reflux has all the same symptoms, just no visible spitting.

I took her to the pediatrician on Wednesday and Lucy was screaming the whole time. She agreed that it looks like reflux and wrote a prescription for Zantac. I was somewhat disheartened, as I've read that this is not the most effective medicine for reflux, but the doctor said they have to start with this to appease the insurance company. We are supposed to call back in two weeks if we haven't seen remarkable improvement and then she will call in a prescription for Prevacid. So far, I don't see what I would call a "remarkable" improvement. Maybe a slight one and the medicine definitely wears off after 8 hours, but we can only give it twice a day. It sucks to see her in pain.

Obviously, this is a draining situation for us and her. We spend a lot of time holding her upright and walking her around, trying to make her feel better. By the end of the day, we are pretty worn out. She is basically not supposed to be flat on her back, ever and she isn't such a fan of the swing or the bouncy chair. We have Harry Potter books propping up her pack and play. So, if we seem scattered and tired, bear with us. It's a tough road right now.

She is gaining weight well and is up to 9 pounds, 8.5 ounces. She is still wearing NB clothes, but a few outfits are finally too short. The 0-3 size is still a little too big, but if it's a two piece, we just hike up the pants and go with it. She is staying awake for longer periods of time and has smiled twice. Haven't heard much talking (or "hooting" as Theo used to do), but that's probably because she is always in pain. Her hair is thinning out and she has VERY long eyelashes that curl at the ends. I love to look at them.

She sleeps well for the first part of the night, but is often up from 2 to 5 in the morning, very unsettled. This is when I think the Zantac wears off, so whatever little relief it's giving her is gone, but she doesn't get her morning dose until 6 or 7am. Her sleeping patterns are better now than Theo's were at a year, so maybe once we get this reflux under control, she'll sleep all night!

I hope to have a happy update on her soon. We feel just awful for her that she is in so much pain and wish there was more we could do. I've cut dairy, tomatoes and onions which makes eating quite a challenge, but I am hopeful that will help her belly. Keep her in your thoughts.

The circle dance!

2010-11-30T16:04:00.001-08:00

Theo'sDancing
Originally uploaded by MelissaandSusan

This is a video of Theo dancing. Usually he is singing a song while he does it, but he was too busy eating to sing. He has done this a lot, but the other day I was watching him and had a flashback to my childhood. My sister, Sam, used to dance JUST like this and we called it "the circle dance." Made me laugh to think that with my love of dance and all my lessons and performances over the years, he inherited his dance skills from his Aunt Sammy. Could be worse - you should see his other mom dance. :)

Thankful.

2010-11-29T16:42:00.001-08:00

We had a great Thanksgiving and hope you did, too. As always, we are thankful for our family. Our house may be small and sometimes messy, but it's filled with love and the sounds of kids and that's exactly what we both always wanted.

I'm also thankful for my friends. Also let me take this time to say if I owe you an email, a Facebook message, a thank you note or a phone call, PLEASE don't think I've forgotten. I haven't and I feel terribly guilty. As it turns out, Miss Lucy continues to give us a run for our money. She's pretty difficult and that coupled with an energetic two year old leaves little time for much else. We barely manage to eat and bathe these days. After talking with some friends, it seems Lucy may have some silent reflux which is causing her to scream whenever she is awake and not nursing. I'm going to call the doctor tomorrow and make an appointment. I'm kind of tired of appointments.

Even in the midst of two year old chaos, tripping over Matchbox cars, choosing between a meal or a shower, walking around with a screaming newborn and feeling like it always looks like our house exploded, I am thankful. Or as Theo would say "thank you, welcome."

Let's take stock here.

2010-11-23T16:54:00.001-08:00

Melissa and Lucy's Big Breastfeeding Adventure

10.21.10 - Lucy is born! Seems to sort of latch ok in the hospital, but Melissa is largely too tired to notice. Lactation consultant (LC) comes when Lucy is sleeping, never to be heard from again.

5 days old - Visit the pediatrician, Lucy is down 9 ounces from birthweight, despite nursing nearly every second of every day. Discuss latch issues. Purchase nipple shield on the way home.

6 days old - Melissa realizes she has Raynaud's (AGAIN) and trundles down to the local CVS to fill a Rx for nifedipine. This makes her face flush, knees hot and creates a constant low level headache. Meanwhile, Lucy's latch is shallow and she won't latch on the left at all. Nipple shield continues. Nipples bleeding. Melissa finally admits nothing in her bag of tricks is working and sees a local LC. Lucy is diagnosed as being classically tongue tied to the gumline. Very painful for me, frustrating for her, and dangerous because she can't transfer milk to grow. Referral to ENT for frenotomy.

8 days old - Lucy's tongue is clipped. Breastfeeding is now possible. Lucy transfers milk and begins to gain weight. The heavens rejoice. Melissa must massage under Lucy's tongue at every feeding. The angry, fuzzy turnip screams at me every time.

12 days old - Pain resumes. Spent the last 4 days re-teaching her to latch correctly but something isn't right.

14 days old - Back to ENT. Frenotomy has scarred down, retethering her tongue. Must repeat procedure and commence tongue massage for next 5 days.

3 weeks old - Something is still wrong. Latch looks good, but Melissa still in pain and crying during feedings. Boppy cover is stained with mascara drippings from crying while feeding. Visit a LLL meeting. Leader says latch looks good, thinks it's thrush, but neither of us have symptoms. Melissa goes home defeated, but continues to work on deep latch techniques and lots of nipple sandwiches.

3.5 weeks old - Ok, maybe it is thrush. Get probiotics. Begin taking them myself and coating Lucy's mouth with them. Woken up by feeling like glass is being driven through my nipples.

4 weeks old - Page UNC midwife in tears. She advises to page the UNC LC's "warm line" who will have me come into the hospital, provide a breastmilk sample which they will culture and then give me an Rx. Oh, but it's Sunday, so she doesn't know how responsive they will be. Page the UNC LCs, who never call me back. Call in a favor from a friend and Lucy is prescribed a Nystatin wash for her mouth.

Yesterday - Give up on UNC midwives, call the birth center and speak to a helpful nurse. She gets a midwife to call in an Rx for Diflucan for me, but says I must be seen in 24 hours. Begin taking Diflucan, continue with Nystatin for Lucy and the probiotics for us both. Latching is still awful, especially on left.

Today - See NP at the birth center. She agrees it's thrush. Continue all protocol above, but add grapefruit seed extract and lotrimin to nipples after every feeding. If it's not remarkably better next week, then we still have a latch issue and we need to be seen by their LC (who is wonderful). Agree to call on Monday with an update. Continue to fight through every feeding. Latch, relatch, latch, relatch.

So, here's the lineup:

Nifedipine - 3x/day, for Raynaud's, take indefinitely

Probiotics - 1x/day, Melissa and Lucy for a month

Diflucan - 1x/day for 2 weeks

GSE - wash nipples with this after every feed

Lotrimin - apply to nipples after GSE

Prenatal - 1x/day

Vit. D - 1x/day, Melissa and Lucy

Nystatin - apply to Lucy's mouth 4x/day

Advil - 600mg as needed for pain

Every night, boil all pacifiers, pump parts and Nystatin syringes. Throw everything away after 2 weeks. Wash all clothing in hot water with vinegar for two weeks.

And oh yeah, don't forget to breastfeed every 2-3 hours around the clock, care for your newborn, care for your toddler and be some semblance of a spouse. Showering optional.

I'm so hoping this is the last issue I have to deal with while nursing. We haven't tried a bottle yet, but it's been super tempting. And I know, it would still be breastmilk, but I just don't want to introduce any other players into this train wreck yet. Good news is, Lucy is growing like a piglet. I'm the only one struggling, she's none the wiser.

Mostly this is for my record in case someone else faces something similar. But, if you are reading this - the take home message is to be kind to a nursing mom. If you see one, smile at her. Not a weird, hoping to catch a glimpse of some nip smile, but a kind smile. If it's your sister, friend, aunt, cousin, whatever, ask her if she needs anything. Offer her a drink of water. Sit with her while she nurses. Squeeze her shoulder. Encourage her. She may look like an experienced, confident mom but she may well be going through complete and total hell.

Happy birthday, baby boy.

2010-11-16T16:28:00.000-08:00

Two weeks.

One year.

Two years.

Dear Theo,

Today you are two years old! I can't even believe it's already been two years since the day we finally met you after so long. You have gone from a sweet, snuggly newborn to a laughing, smart, funny, adorable and loving little boy. I am so incredibly lucky to be your mama. I always tell people that after years of taking care of lots of children, the universe saved the very best one just for me. You are talking in sentences, repeating EVERYTHING we say, running, climbing, playing pretend, working puzzles and you love going to school. I'm sorry you were sick for your birthday and we couldn't go out and do anything fun, but we tried to have fun at home. You had "panbakes" for breakfast and requested "oat-meow" for lunch, which Mom made you. Mama made you baked ziti for dinner and you ate more than we did! I spent the day looking at the clock and remembering where we were this time two years ago. It's all gone by so fast.

You are my best buddy and I couldn't love you more. We are better people and better parents because of you. People tell us all the time how happy you are and that makes us feel so good. We want nothing more than for you to walk through life happy and confident. We are lucky to have you as a son and Lucy is lucky to have such a good big brother.

You are my sunshine and I can't wait to see what the next year brings.

Love you, love you, love you.

Mama

Theo's 2nd Birthday Party!

2010-11-15T06:13:00.000-08:00

Although our baby boy isn't two until tomorrow, we had his little family celebration yesterday. I knew I wouldn't be up for a big party with a newborn, so we just invited his grandparents and his older cousin, Maddie, to come down for the day. It turned out just perfect! All his favorite people were here and it was nice and low key with lots of love and fun. Poor boy is battling a cold (just like last year), but he got in an early nap and after some warm up time, was ready to party.

We had pizza for lunch, which is a rare treat for him and he ate two whole pieces. I decided to make his cake and wanted to make it in the shape of an airplane, but couldn't find a pan shaped that way. So, I decided to just make it to reflect some of his most favorite things: flags and planes. It ended up looking a bit like a GI Joe cake, but he loved it. Susan and I felt vindicated when in front of his grandparents (who think we deprive him by not giving him sugar!) I had to feed him a bite of his cake and after one bite he said "all done" and wouldn't eat any more.

He got some really thoughtful gifts, which he spent the evening enjoying! Gran and Grandad got him the Tag Junior system and his cousins sent along a bunch of the accompanying books. Gramma and Papa got us a family plus membership to Marbles (kids museum). We can't wait to use it and since it's a plus membership, Theo can take a friend for free! So, hit us up for a Marbles play date. Aunt Sammy gave him a book about poop which he is fascinated by, much to Susan's chagrin. :) We gave him a big race track, a little book from the dollar spot at Target and a photo album we made him of pictures of his favorite things. The dollar book was the big hit and he cried when he couldn't take it in the bath with him.

Thank you to the grandparents and Maddie for making the trip, it made his birthday celebration perfect! We are so lucky that our baby is so loved. Tomorrow we will make him "panbakes" and ziti and celebrate the biggest day of our lives when we became parents. Amazing.

We heart Shutterfly!

2010-11-12T16:04:00.000-08:00

As you have noticed, our children are shamelessly overdocumented and we love Shutterfly for printing pictures, making photo books of their first year, birth announcements, holiday cards and calendars! I have found Shutterfly to be very easy to use to print all of my digital scrapbook creations, including Lucy's birth announcement. I'm going to use them to print Lucy's newborn pictures and plan to turn our favorite into a canvas wall art creation.

This year's holiday card collection is beautiful and I don't know how I will choose! Shutterfly never disappoints, the colors are vibrant, the print quality is excellent and the shipping is fast. They also have SO many designs to choose from so you don't have to worry that you are sending the same card everyone else is. We use them every year.

If you are a digital scrapper, click here to see how you can print all your own layouts, turn them into cards, or do what I did and make books of your kids' lives! Theo's first year book turned out so awesome and we get many compliments on it!

I've made a calendar from Shutterfly every year and I do them as sort of a year in review, where I use pictures from that month of the previous year. It's really fun to turn the page on a new month and see what we were doing this time last year and how much Theo has grown! The quality is great and you can even save special dates like birthdays, etc. so you don't have to re-enter them every year - they print right on the calendar!

So, there you have it - lots of good ideas for getting your holiday cards made and gifts for family members on your list this year. And if you are a blogger, get in on this deal:

Bloggers get 50 free holiday cards from Shutterfly… sign up: http://bit.ly/sfly2010

New Theo-isms.

2010-11-12T04:13:00.001-08:00

Mostly for me, so I won't forget!

(as shouted up the stairs to me) "Hey, babe?!" - think he hears this often??

"Oh, peanuts!" (compliments of his other mom)

"Aw, shucks!"

I think I am forgetting one. See, this is why I should not neglect the blog!

Little man will be TWO YEARS OLD next week. And, I weep.

Hello, stranger.

2010-11-03T08:42:00.000-07:00

It's back. Not an old friend, but an old foe. When I was nursing Theo, I developed Raynaud's Syndrome and was put on nifedipine. I was so hoping to avoid it this time, but alas, it's returned. I tried to ignore it, but that is like trying to ignore someone taking a blowtorch to your nipples. So, yesterday I picked up my prescription and am back to having hot knees and a flushed face. Good news is, the meds work and I am not in pain now when nursing. Hopefully I will be able to wean off the meds in a few months.

Lucy is doing very well. Now that her tongue is fixed, she eats like a little piglet. She eats every three hours, which took Theo nearly a year to get to! At night, she goes 4 hours which is heavenly. At 7 is when she is more or less in sleeping mode, but I usually stay up until 10:30 and rouse her to feed. She then wakes around 2am and 6am, which is completely manageable. She also seems to enjoy a pacifier, which we never could get Theo to take. That helps her drift off to sleep after she's wrapped in her Miracle Blanket. Let's hope this continues!

Theo is hanging in there. He's definitely been challenging the last two weeks and melts down often and over nothing. He's also become very whiney. I think the combo of nearing his second birthday and adding a new sister has his poor little brain on overload. It's requiring a lot of work from Susan and I as it would be very easy these days to lose our cool with him. Instead, we are holding him to all the same rules, but practicing lots of patience and compassion. I also try to time Lucy's feedings so that I can get out and do something with just him every day. His teachers are well aware of what's going on, so they are being extra patient too. For all his tantrums, he does seem to like Lucy. He asks for her in the morning and pets her head very gently. He asks to hold her occasionally and looks to us to do something if she cries. He's a great big brother.

Happy Halloween!

2010-10-31T13:17:00.002-07:00

Lucy's birth, by Susan.

2010-10-31T09:48:00.000-07:00

Around 8:30 am Theo and I were playing in Lucy’s room. Melissa nonchalantly walks into the room to tell me something and happens to mention, “I have been having regular contractions for the last 30 minutes.” I said, “WHAT?? She said, “Yeah, but I don’t know if it is the real thing or not, so don’t panic.” I heard that phrase “don’t panic” a lot that morning. I said, “we have to call your mom and Sam” (since her mom was going to watch Theo and Sam was going to help out during the birth). Melissa said, “Not yet. Let’s go for a walk and see if the contractions go away.”

So I took my wife who was in labor and my toddler son on a walk at the park as if it was any other day. I was attempting to keep myself calm, cool, and collected, but stopping every couple of minutes while Melissa experienced a contraction made that hard to do. Hard to enjoy a walk in the park with the family knowing that Lucy could arrive at any second and we are far, far away from UNC hospital.

We arrived back home from the walk and Melissa was still experiencing contractions. I said, “Are you calling your mom and Sam now?” She said, “no, I want to wait and see if this is real. I don’t want them coming here, if it isn’t the real thing.” I was about to lose my marbles at that point because it was going to take at least three hours for them to get to Raleigh and we needed them to be at the house before we went to the hospital. In addition to being stressed about her family, I was also thinking about the dogs. We agreed the dogs would go to camp, but Melissa wouldn’t give me the green light, so there I sit. Wringing my hands about her family not on the way and the dogs not on the way to camp. In my anxiety explosion, I finally said, “I need you to call your family. This is the real thing. Let’s move forward from the denial phase and embrace that this is real.” Eventually, she got the point, that I needed her family to be on the way and then I would leave her alone. She called her family and I took the dogs to camp.

As the afternoon progressed, Melissa continued to have regular contractions. I entertained Theo as Melissa stayed upstairs bouncing on the yoga ball working through the contractions. I checked on her from time to time, but she didn’t want to talk and wanted me to steer clear of her, so I got the message and stayed downstairs. Melissa’s mom and sister arrived. Theo napped. Then Melissa, Sam and I went on a long walk in the neighborhood hoping to aid in the laboring quest of moving the show along.

We got back to the house after the walk and Melissa said that she should check in with the midwives. She called them and they told her to come in because it was too hard to predict how fast Lucy would come. And considering that delivering a baby in the car on the way to UNC was not in my life’s plan of ambitions, I welcomed the encouragement to go to the hospital sooner rather than later. We headed to the hospital around 3:45 pm.

It was stressful leaving Theo behind with Melissa’s mom, even though I knew she was going to do fine taking care of him. Theo isn’t used to any other caretakers except the two of us, so it was definitely stressful on us both.

I dropped Melissa off at the front door of the UNC Women’s Hospital and a volunteer wheeled her to OB triage. I had to go across the street and park the car. When I got to back to OB triage, the lovely lady at the receptionist’s desk did not want to let Sam and I into the room because the room was “too small.” I politely let her know that I was Melissa’s partner and I was going back to the room, so she needed to show me Melissa’s room. I arrived to the room with Melissa about 5 pm. The midwife had just checked Melissa and told her she was only 4 cm dilated. In addition, Melissa’s contractions essentially stopped on the way to UNC. So after 8 hours of consistent contractions, the contractions had stopped and Melissa was stalled at 4 cm. Melissa melted down. I think for numerous reasons: 1) because we had just left Theo with his gramma (although he doesn’t know her all that well and we weren’t sure how Theo was going to do with her), 2) because Melissa was having flashbacks of Theo’s delivery (after 24 hours of laboring, Melissa only progressed to 4 cm. Eventually this lead to 32 hours of labor, 3.5 hours of which were pushing, with the aid of pitocin, and an epidural), 3) because she felt like she had really worked through the contractions at home (which she did) and thought that she would have been further dilated, and 4) because this has been an incredibly difficult pregnancy, so the thought of working so hard for the last 8 hours thinking that an end point was in sight, and then to be told you have stalled out…no less the pregnancy hormones, Melissa melted (for many good reasons.) The midwife asked Melissa what she wanted to do. Melissa said, “to get Lucy out as fast and safely as possible. I want this to be over.” So the midwife happily agreed to “pit and epi.” Melissa opted to hold off on the epi to see if she could make it through the delivery without it. Melissa knew that she could always ask for the epi “up until the baby was coming out.”

Melissa was getting situated in the room. The nurse told her she couldn’t eat after she had the Pitocin, so Melissa quickly sent me to get her a sandwich. By the time Melissa finished eating and the pitocin started, it was about 6 pm. Melissa and I walked laps around the unit hoping to encourage Lucy to come out. The first round of pitocin didn’t do much, so the nurse increased the dose about 15 min later. The second round brought a little stronger contractions, but still not over the top contractions, so the pitocin was increased again after 15 minutes. Lucy’s heart rate started to drop, so the nurse asked Melissa to lie down. After Lucy’s heart rate returned to normal, Melissa asked to get up because the contractions were too much laying down.

At this point, it is about 7 pm. The contractions are really getting strong. Melissa asked for the yoga ball to sit on. She worked through two really, long and hard contractions and then called for the nurse. Melissa was done. The contractions were strong and Melissa was ready for the epidural. The nurse went to get the midwife. Melissa started having a monstrous contraction. It seems like this contraction last about 10 minutes, but I think it was really about 3 minutes. She is screaming in pain and begging for an epidural. The midwife said that she couldn’t give Melissa anything without checking her first. Melissa climbed on the bed and then realized the sac broke. The midwife checked Melissa and looked at the nurse and said, “get the tray, she is 9 cm, this baby is coming now.” They told Melissa that the epi won’t arrive because she is about to deliver Lucy. Needless to say, Melissa was not happy about that news.

I looked down and could see Lucy’s head moving down the canal (very wild to see this as I was looking at Melissa’s parts externally, but yet I could see Lucy moving internally). Lucy crowned and I was telling Melissa, “she’s coming, she’s here, here comes her head!” Melissa did not believe me. She was in tremendous pain and had no idea that Lucy was about to arrive. Melissa pushed maybe a couple of times. I kept telling Melissa that Lucy was so close and then her head popped out. 7:15 pm Lucy was born. The cord was wrapped around Lucy’s neck, but the midwife easily unlooped it and Lucy immediately cried. The midwife held up Lucy and showed Melissa that Lucy had finally arrived. Lucy was placed on Melissa’s chest and then we kissed her and cried. Just very thankful that she was here and arrived safely.

Melissa was quite the trooper all day. She did an awesome job throughout the whole 12 hours. I could not be more proud of her for enduring this pregnancy and safely delivering our little girl.

Theo-ism.

2010-10-31T09:45:00.000-07:00

This boy of ours, he is so funny. Always making us laugh. The other day, he spouted this gem:

"Check heiney, dude. Made a pee you."

(He learned "dude" from his other mom, FYI).

Snip, snip.

2010-10-29T16:32:00.000-07:00

I wanted to give a little update on our girl. Although it seemed like breastfeeding was going well in the hospital, we started going downhill fast when we got home. Her latch wasn't good after my milk came in, though I attributed this to the fact that I have a very abundant supply, which makes latching a little harder (I'll leave the hows and whys to your imagination). I was in pain, but figured as she grew and we got in more practice, she would improve. Then I couldn't get her to latch on the left side AT ALL. I'd try and try and try and she just couldn't do it. We went out and got a nipple shield to give me a chance to heal and make it easier for her to latch. I'd used one with Theo for a short while too, for the same reasons and we'd been able to get off of it without trouble.

The other issue was that she was nursing and nursing and nursing, but never seemed full. She never got that "milk drunk" look about her that I was used to seeing on Theo. She cried most of the time and barely slept. I couldn't figure out why, as I have PLENTY of milk (like, I can pump 10 ounces and still feed her - yeah, plenty). On Wednesday, I knew I needed to get some help. I admit, I felt embarrassed. I mean, I nursed Theo for a year and a half. I've helped other moms get off the ground. I know what I am doing when it comes to nursing, but none of my tricks were working. My mom graciously offered to pay the $100 to see the lactation consultant that taught the breastfeeding class I took when pregnant with Theo. Luckily, she was available that day.

Wednesday afternoon, I packed up Lucy and headed to her home office. Lucy was crying (as usual) when we got there and she took one look at her and said "I already can see the problem, it's so obvious. She's tongue tied." I felt instant relief and validation. It wasn't ME. It wasn't anything I was or wasn't doing, she just had a tricky tongue. She helped me get Lucy latched on with the shield and we chatted. She explained that because Lucy had a tight frenulum, it was nearly impossible for her to latch correctly, if at all. Additionally, because tongue tied babies have to work so hard to get any milk at all, they get tired and give up. This is why she wanted to nurse ALL the time, but was never full, because she was always falling asleep. I was super engorged as a result, because she wasn't moving the milk. We did a bunch of weigh ins while I was nursing and in an hour, Lucy only took in 2 ounces. Obviously, tongue tie is dangerous for breastfed babies. They aren't getting enough milk to grow and lose weight and their mamas risk plugged ducts, mastitis and low supply. Many mamas, not knowing why their baby isn't latching and growing, give up and go to bottles.

The lactation consultant explained that Lucy would need a simple procedure called a frenotomy in which the frenulum would be clipped. Yikes! She said it's quick, easy and would completely fix the problem immediately. She gave me a referral to an ENT that she works with who does it in office. She also gave me an article on tongue tie from the American Academy of Pediatrics to read and show Susan. The visit was an hour and a half during which time she got my head back in the game, calmed me, reassured me, listened to me and fixed up my pumping problem (too small flanges). I left feeling hopeful that we would get back on track.

I took Lucy this morning for her frenotomy. I liked the ENT a lot. She had a calm, reassuring manner about her and explained everything in great detail. She looked at Lucy and agreed with the LC that she was in fact tongue tied - classic, type I. She had me hold Lucy in a dentist like chair with her back on my chest. She leaned the chair back and I held Lucy in a bear hug. She took a special tool and clipped the frenulum. It did bleed a bit and Lucy cried, so it likely hurt a little (the ENT said they think it's probably like biting your tongue). They sat us up and had me nurse right away and I decided on the true test - left side, no shield. We got the latch perfect on the very first shot and I nursed for 10 minutes with no pain at all. And in ten minutes, Lucy looked milk drunk for the first time. I nearly cried right there in the office. We have to do some mouth exercises with her every time she eats for the next 5 days to ensure the frenulum doesn't scar back down and then she will be all fixed!

Since we've been home, she's eaten every 2-3 hours in a fraction of the time it had taken and then goes off to sleep. Just like a newborn should. It's such an extreme difference from what we are used to, she's like a new baby. Theo and I even got to go to the store together and I was able to do his nighttime routine, which I had been missing a lot.

Now that she's fixed, we have time and space to be fairly mad at UNC. They traipsed probably 27 people in and out of my room in the 24 hours I was there - pediatricians, a lactation consultant, researchers, nurses, nursery workers, food service, admissions, phlebotomy, etc, etc, etc. I was sick to death of them! Lucy was seen by FOUR pediatricians and not one of them ever looked in her mouth. They made sure to tell me what temperature to put my water heater on so I didn't burn my new baby, however. The lactation consultant came by, but Lucy was sleeping and she never came back. UNC has a very strongly worded pro-breastfeeding statement in their patient rooms, so why is it not standard protocol to check all babies for tongue tie? Literally, it took the private LC and the ENT 4 seconds to tell me she had it, so it wouldn't add much to their checklist. She and I suffered through her first 8 days for no reason at all. I went looking for help and knew something wasn't right because I am not a first time breastfeeder. How many new moms probably quit assuming their baby can't latch or that their milk is deficient because their baby isn't growing? It was an easy fix, once identified and it saved our breastfeeding relationship. The LC said my crazy supply is what saved Lucy, she basically just had to swallow, didn't actually have to work for the milk. We didn't have to use bottles or formula, though even I admit it was tempting last night when I literally nursed for 7 hours.

So, that's that. She's all fixed up and Susan is writing a letter to UNC expressing our anger at this very simple thing being missed. Hopefully it will lead to someone taking a quick glance at babies born there to identify this issue and make for many, many more successful breastfeeding pairs.

Oh, and now she can stick out her tongue! It's so cute.

First pediatrician appointment.

2010-10-25T16:29:00.000-07:00

Lucy had her first pediatrician appointment today. In spite of the fact that she screamed her little furry head off the whole time, she got a glowing report. I've been worried that she looks yellow, but our doc said she's fine. She does have a little bit of jaundice, but nothing significant that time and mama milk won't fix. She camped out by the window for a bit today as well, which will help. The blood spots in her eyes are broken blood vessels from her lightening speed delivery. They will take 6 weeks to heal completely, but don't affect her vision and don't hurt her. She is down to 6 pounds, 6 ounces which is within the acceptable limits so no further weight checks or anything are necessary. Now that my milk is in, she should gain quickly.

All in all, she's perfect! We will see the doc again for her 2 month check up and in the meantime, I'm just supposed to nurse, nurse, nurse and grow this baby. That I can do!

Lucy's birth story.

2010-10-24T16:39:00.000-07:00

(I am going to have Susan write one from her perspective, as things happened so fast at the end, I don't have as much memory of what happened as with Theo).

Lucy's due date was 10/27/10; however, given that I had gone early with Theo, it was out of the realm of possibility in my mind that I would make it to my due date. I was getting anxious and was so tired of being pregnant, that on Monday the 18th I decided to start doing some things to help Lucy out. I was supposed to have a stretch and sweep at my appointment that day, but the midwife said I was too thick and couldn't do it. I was 2 centimeters dilated and 40% effaced. I left that appointment and went to have dinner with my friends at PF Chang's where I ordered the meal that kicked off labor for Theo - only 1,000 times spicier. My whole face ran and I could barely eat it, but I wanted to do anything possible to have a baby. Well, that didn't work. Tuesday the 19th we went to the state fair. We walked for three hours and I had some delicious, greasy fair food. We came home and did a few last minute things, certain I would go into labor that night. Well, I woke up on Wednesday the 20th disappointed to not be in labor and hauled myself into work. I had some bloody show that morning which clued me in that something was happening soon. I didn't feel well that day at work. I felt kind of nauseous with mild cramping and just "off." I was also losing more of my mucus plug throughout the day. I let my team lead know I wasn't feeling well and probably would go home early. I stayed until 2:00 and then went home to rest. I laid down the rest of the day, still just feeling unwell and really tired.

On Thursday, the 21st, I woke up to go to work and still felt crummy. I also had a feeling things were imminent, but wasn't having any contractions. I decided it wouldn't kill anyone if I started maternity leave one day early (since I only work two days a week and was SURE I wouldn't be at work on my due date because she'd be here). My body just seemed to be telling me to rest. I called and left a message for my team lead and laid back down while Susan took care of Theo. At 7:30am, I felt my first contraction that felt like more than a Braxton Hicks. It wasn't wrapping around from the back, but felt much lower and stronger than what I was used to. I laid there for a bit and felt a few more. I decided to start timing them, but didn't say anything to Susan as I didn't want to sound the alarm when it could very well have been nothing. They varied from 4-6 minutes apart, lasting from 45 to 60 seconds. I sat on the yoga ball and bounced around and tried to distract myself, but they remained consistent. I emailed my mom and sister (who were coming in for the birth and Theo care) and put them on "yellow alert", still not believing it was real or that she would actually be here anytime soon. I finally told Susan what was going on and that I wanted to take Theo to the park to walk on the trail. She got really nervous and really felt like I should call my mom and sister and tell them to get on the road. I didn't want the calvary to arrive for no reason, so I insisted we walk and if things were still happening when we got back, I'd call.

We headed to the park and I brought my iPhone to time contractions while we walked. They remained around 5 minutes apart, even while walking. They were uncomfortable, but I kept thinking it didn't hurt enough yet, so it was still very early labor. We got home and Susan just wasn't going to calm down until I called my family. Mom and Sam were both eager to come and said they could leave right away. I told my mom to bring some work with her, as I was sure we were nowhere near delivery. I came upstairs and bounced on the ball some more and then decided to take a shower as I didn't want to go to the hospital all grungy. In the shower, the contractions got a lot harder. No closer together, but I had to work harder to get through them. I got dressed, put on makeup and dried my hair and then Mom and Sam arrived. I told Susan I wanted to take a walk once she got Theo down for a nap, so we did that around 12:30 or so. I felt like I was managing the contractions well and felt like I was in a "zone" and wasn't talking much to anyone. I had not yet called the midwives because I was so gun shy about going in too early, after my labor experience with Theo. I finally decided to call around 2:00 and let them know what was going on. The contractions had changed to 4 minutes apart and I had to put the phone down when I was talking to the midwife to work through them. She asked me a bunch of questions and told me to get my things together and head to the hospital.

We took our time getting things together and going over last minute instructions for Mom and Theo. Theo woke from his nap in a grumpy mood and Susan brought him up to see me. She left us alone for a bit and he cuddled up to me in bed and seemed so sad. I talked to him and told him I loved him and that Gramma was going to take good care of him. I will never forget those last few minutes of just he and I. I brought him downstairs and we got ready to leave. He and Mom left for Target at the same time we left for the hospital, thinking it would be a good distraction. I was so incredibly sad to say goodbye to him. I was worried about how he would do with my mom as he was shy and upset when she got there. And, I was aware that I was changing his life forever and sad that I couldn't explain it in a way he would understand.

By the time we got to the hospital and into triage, it was 5:00pm. The midwife, Stephanie, checked me and said I was 4 centimeters. I was so discouraged. All I could think was that after managing contractions since 7:30 that morning, I'd only gained two centimeters. I started thinking back to Theo's birth and how basically the same thing happened. I then started to cry. I told her I just needed this whole thing to be over. The pregnancy had been so incredibly hard, saying goodbye to Theo was excruciating and I just wanted an end. She said we could do pitocin and an epidural if that's what I wanted, as contractions had stopped at that point. She said "I just don't do tears." WTH? A midwife who can't deal with crying? Anyway, I agreed to that. I just wanted to move along and however that was possible was ok with me. I asked if I had to get an epidural then or if I could try to manage contractions on my own with the pitocin. She said I could certainly try and the triage nurse said she'd had an unmedicated pitocin delivery. So, I decided we would start there and see how I did. Stephanie left to admit me and Susan and I were left in triage. The triage nurse was really sweet and encouraged me to let go of my first labor and accept that this was a new one and would be different. She talked about the mind being very important in labor and did her best to cheer me up and get me thinking positive.

We got into a room and Sam and Susan got the cars situated and set out to find something to eat. I hadn't eaten much and they told me I couldn't eat once the pitocin was started. They ran down and got me a ham sandwich and the nurse gave me a few minutes to eat it before she got started. Once I was done, she put the IV in my hand, got me on the fetal monitors and started the pitocin. It was around 6:00pm when she started the pitocin drip. She told me she was going to start out at a low dose since I'd just had a baby less than 2 years ago. Susan and I decided to start walking around the unit to help things along. Contractions restarted, but weren't really any worse than what they had been at home. I was able to work through them easily. Sam stayed in the room and watched Project Runway. As we lapped around the unit, my nurse would adjust the pitocin amount in 15 minute intervals. The second dose kept the contractions pretty much the same and we kept walking. She turned it up again and I was tired of walking, so we went back to the room. I asked when the point of no return was for an epidural and she said there wasn't, unless baby was crowning. She explained that shift change was at 7, so if I started thinking that way to let her know so she could get it ordered. Around 6:30, the contractions all of a sudden got really strong. I asked for a yoga ball and worked through about 2 of them before I decided I really was done with dealing. Sam or Susan got her and I told her I was done and wanted an epi. She agreed and said she would go get it ordered. The contractions were coming like gangbusters and I was having Susan do counter pressure while I sat on the ball, but nothing was making a difference. The next thing I knew, I got "stuck" in a contraction that wouldn't quit. I started screaming. I screamed at Sam to get the nurse and tell her to turn the pitocin off until the epidural was in. My body felt like it was being ripped in half. I couldn't move off the yoga ball and felt myself losing control. I started screaming "help me! help me! get an epidural!", which I am sure scared the crap out of every other laboring woman on the floor. I have never felt so much pain my life and there was no break at all in the contractions, it was just one long one. At 7:00 the nurse and midwife rushed in after hearing all my screaming and I begged for some kind of pain killer in my IV until the epidural came. Stephanie sternly said she had to check me, which made me mad. All I wanted was pain relief! Then my water broke all over the birth ball. She and Susan took my pants off and helped me onto the bed, where I screamed and writhed in pain. Stephanie checked me and made eye contact with the nurse. She looked at me and said "sister, you are at 9, the epidural won't make it."

Susan was telling me it was about to be all over and Stephanie was barking at the nurses to get a tray ready. My poor nurse who was supposed to leave at 7 stayed to help the new nurse who had just walked in. I kept screaming and was no more believing this was about to be over, as 30 minutes ago, I had been fine and only an hour before had been a measly 4 centimeters. Stephanie told me to open my eyes and listen to her. She said my body was going to tell me to push and to go ahead and do it. I started to feeling burning and knew that meant her head was ready. Susan kept saying "she's right there, you are doing so good!" and all the while I was wanting to just DIE it hurt so much. I started pushing and felt the ring of fire. I pushed when I felt like it, but really, Lucy came down on her own. I vaguely remember hearing Stephanie tell me to slow down and said Lucy had the cord around her neck. I gave one more push and she was out! 7:15pm - two hours and 15 minutes from when I got to the hospital, an hour and 15 minutes after given the first dose of pitocin and 45 minutes from when the contractions got really strong and felt like labor.

I was so shocked at how I felt instantly better once she was out. Everything just stopped and they put her right on my chest. She seemed so tiny to me and was screaming loudly! The room was bustling as I don't think anyone expected it to go as fast as it did. Lucy hung out on my chest while we waited on the cord to stop pulsing. Once it did, Susan cut it and we got a good look at Lucy. Stephanie said I had one small tear, a 1st degree that would need two stitches. She said the placenta was ready, but she wanted me to push it out as the marginal cord insertion made it risky to pull on it. I pushed it out and once again, declined to look at it (gross!). I tried to get Lucy to latch, but I was laying down and couldn't quite make it work. I laid there with her on my chest while they stitched me up. Finally they sat me up and Lucy latched on right away! I gave her a few minutes and then handed her off to Susan.

I remember right after she came out locking eyes with my nurse and saying "I did it!" I honestly couldn't believe I had lived through it. We stayed in that room only long enough for me to get up and go to the bathroom and then they took us up to our recovery room. Stephanie congratulated all of us and said I was very strong. I have no idea what Sam was doing during the birth but she took great pictures afterwards!

We settled into our recovery room and they brought me something to eat. My legs were shaky, but otherwise, I felt good. I do regret that I don't have many specific memories of Lucy coming out or the actual moment of birth. I was so out of my mind with pain, I was focused on ending it and wasn't thinking much about what I was doing. This saddens me since this was the last time I will experience it. There wasn't time or sense of mind to ask for a mirror to watch her crown like I did with Theo and there are definite gaps in my memory of what happened. Susan's version will hopefully fill those in.

We are so lucky to have two healthy, beautiful kids and have spent the last few days settling in. Lucy loves to eat and now that my milk is in, she's becoming more agreeable and sleeping in longer stretches. Breastfeeding is going MUCH better this go 'round since I know how to work on her latch. Theo is warming up to her, though he won't hold her yet. He calls her "Loo chi" and pats her head very gently. I've been trying to spend as much time with him as I can and he seems like such a big boy to me now!

So, that's the story, as I remember it. Fast and furious but the outcome was good. We are very happy!

She's here!

2010-10-22T04:48:00.000-07:00

Lucinda Katherine Hill, born 10/21/10 at 7:15pm. 6 lbs, 15oz, 19 and 1/4 inches. Will post a birth story soon, but here's the headliner - from 4 cm to baby on my chest in less than 90 minutes with Pitocin and no pain meds at all. Yeah, I do NOT recommend that!

Everyone is doing very well and we will go home this evening. Theo will be here in a bit to meet her and I can't wait to see him. Breastfeeding is going very well!

Fail.

2010-10-20T06:56:00.000-07:00

I went to my appt. on Monday, but she couldn't do a sweep. Ugh. She said I was only 40% effaced, which made my cervix "too thick" for a sweep. She did say I was 2 cm dilated! This was glorious news to me, because after 6 hours of labor with Theo, I arrived at the birth center only 1 cm. So, I'm already starting out further along than last time. Hurray.

So, the next idea was spicy food at PF Changs. Boy, did they deliver. It was so spicy, it was hard to eat. My whole face ran. My nose ran, my eyes watered and my mouth broke out in ulcers. And yet, no baby.

Third up was yesterday at the state fair. I LOVE the state fair. It's my favorite fall activity. I had told Lucy all along to hold out for me to be able to go and I guess she listened. For three hours, I waddled around the fair and indulged in some good old fashioned, clean out the gut fair fare. Got home and my body ached. My feet hurt, my legs hurt and my back was broken. Around 10pm, I was woken up by a hard contraction and got excited. Had 3 more, fell back asleep and that was that. So, fair = fail.

I did have the bloody show this morning (TMI, I know, but I may need this info when I write Lucy's birth story) and feel just overall crappy, but no contractions. So, I came on into work, where I am clearly earning my pay well. Figured if I am going to just be waiting, I might as well be making money. I don't know if I will last all day, but I am hanging in while I can.

So, that's the update. No baby. 7 days from my due date, which is when I went into labor with Theo. I predicted the 20th, Susan the 25th, Gran the 25th and Gramma the 21st (her due date with me, apparently, but note that my birthday is the 12th). Looks like I don't win this one!

Still here.

2010-10-18T07:29:00.000-07:00

Still here, still pregnant. I have an appt. at 3:30 for a stretch and sweep, followed by dinner with friends at PF Changs (what kicked off labor with Theo) and home for more nightly yoga ball bouncing. If that fails, tomorrow is state fair day! Lots of walking and greasy food.

Lucy, dear, please come out. Mama is tired.

A proper haircut.

2010-10-15T16:33:00.001-07:00

At nearly two years old, Theo finally needed a proper haircut. After the Great Mullet Trim of Summer 2010 that looked awful, I decided he needed a professional, not Mama scissors. We took him to one of those kiddie cut places and hoped for the best. He did great! He sat in an airplane and got to watch his very first kid video (Sesame Street). The whole thing took 10 minutes and he didn't flinch, even when they buzzed around his ears and neck. He looks super handsome and very grown up. No more mullet or Wolfman look over his ears. A rousing success.

My mom was in town for work today so we did a little last minute shopping for Lucy. All practical stuff, but glad to have it off the list. It's all washed and put where it should be. I decided I'd like to have a quilted pack and play sheet for her and good grief, the one I got is so plush and quilty, I think I may write to Carter's and ask if they can make me one in queen size.

And yep, still pregnant. Feeling next week. So much so, that if I end up at work on Wednesday, I will probably need to be escorted to the Williams unit (inpatient psych). I am feeling the same: in pain, exhausted and mentally DONE being pregnant. I hope she comes soon!

Days 11 and 12 and baby update.

2010-10-12T17:07:00.000-07:00

I had a prenatal appt. yesterday. GBS test was negative, which means no IV needed for delivery, yay! Weight is hovering at about 20 pounds gained, although on our home scale, I lost some weight? Lucy's heartrate was a little slower than usual, but the midwife wasn't worried at all and said she was probably just resting. She still moves around a ton and seems to react most to have her back scratched. We discussed an induction date, something I never thought I would do. They won't do it until I am at least 41 weeks, so it's been set for 11/3 at 8am, just in case. She doesn't think I will need it, but wanted to get on the schedule since fall is a popular time for babies. At least there is an end in sight. She also wants me to be checked on Monday at my next appt. and do a "stretch and sweep", if possible. I'm feeling next week. Still holding onto the 20th as my predicted date. Susan still says the 25th. We'll see!

Here's a quick Theo funny: He's talking so much now and repeating everything. Susan sometimes calls him a "turkey burger with cheese" and he smiles really big and yells "BURGER CHEESE!" He is, undoubtedly, the cutest child I have ever known and I couldn't love him more. I'm so lucky to be his mama.

Here are the blog challenge questions for yesterday and today (my birthday, by the way - 33 years old and moldy!):

11. Are you a lover or a fighter?

Definitely both. I hate fighting but I do it when it's warranted. Mostly social justice kind of stuff. I love and fight from the same place and it's fierce.
12. What would you say your biggest fear is when it comes to relationships?

I don't think I have any. These days I guess I worry that I suck at maintaining friendships because my energy is pulled in so many directions, but I'd say a lot of people feel that way.

5 of 6.

2010-10-11T11:26:00.000-07:00

Between friends, co-workers and family, there was a little group of 6 babies due to arrive between the end of September and the end of October. 5 of 6 arrived today, leaving me the official last woman standing. I knew I would be, as I was due last - but, I was only a week away from #5, so I thought *maybe* I wouldn't be. A scheduled c-section due to her size (9lbs, 130z, thank goodness for the c-section!) crushed my hopes. So, here I stand. I'm hoping for next week, but I guess only Lucy gets to decide that. I know she will come when she is ready.

Here's the name line up for people who are interested in that sort of thing (I always am). In order of appearance:

Sydney Caroline

Wynter Jade

Davis Bryant

Stella Marie

Mallory Mae

Yep, only ONE boy in the mix!

Ok, Lucy - you're up.

10/10/10 would have been a neat birthday.

2010-10-10T16:50:00.000-07:00

Alas, not for our girl. That would have made her earlier than I think she will be, but still, it would have been a cool birthday to have. I noticed today that she has dropped a ton. I have two freckles on my stomach that I have been using to gauge her position. Her butt started at the top one. Yesterday, her butt was at the bottom one and today her butt is about 4 fingers below the bottom one, which is pretty significant movement, I think. I don't remember dropping with Theo, so I have no idea what this means in relation to labor (probably nothing). At least it's some sort of step in the right direction. Interestingly, the Braxton Hicks seem to have slowed down a lot over the last day or so, which is counterproductive to labor, so I'd guess I will make it to the fair after all. I am going to go ahead and pack my bag tonight. All the laundry is done, the house is clean and my mom is coming in town Thursday for work, so that pretty much guarantees she won't come anytime soon.

Here's today's question on the blog challenge:

10. What do you dislike the most about yourself?

Ah, always easier to answer this question, isn't it? Physically, I would say it's a toss up between my hips and thighs and my double chin. Seems like no matter what weight I am, those things never go away. As far as a personal trait, probably perfectionism. Pretty much no one does things like I think they should which makes me mad and screamy inside and makes my anxiety go up. I wish I could learn to not sweat the small stuff.

Day 9 and pumpkin patching.

2010-10-09T10:00:00.000-07:00

We went to the pumpkin patch on Tuesday! It was so much fun. The weather was perfect and because we went on a weekday, the place was pretty empty and we didn't have to wait for anything. The pictures are on Flickr, if you click the widget at the top of the blog, you can check them out. I took Theo down the huge slide, but I don't think he liked it. It was a lot faster than I recall and I thought Lucy might shoot out before we did! We rode the train, played in hay and corn, went on a hayride and grabbed a few pumpkins. All in all, a great day.

As floating baby tells me over there -------> I have 18 more days until my due date. I am saying two weeks, because Theo was early, so I will be shocked if Lucy goes to my due date or beyond. 4 of the 6 babies have been born, including our new nephew, Davis. He's super cute and we can't wait to meet him. My dear friend Jenny is having a c-section on Monday and then I am the last woman standing. I can't wait to meet my girl, especially after seeing all these new babies. Come out, come out, Lucy!!

And for today's blog challenge question:

9. What do you like the most about yourself?

I don't know if I am supposed to answer about a physical trait or a personal quality. Physical trait would be my blue eyes. I have always received compliments on them and it's one thing I think looks good even if it's a totally ugly day. I think people comment on them not necessarily because they are very special, but because my hair is so dark and it makes them stand out. I had hoped Theo's would stay blue, but they didn't. The odds are not favorable for Lucy to have blue eyes, either. Bummer.

Personal quality, hmm. I guess I am a hard worker. I really count my main job as being a stay at home mom, even though I do work outside the home 2 days/week. I always say those two days are my "days off" because my home days are so much longer and harder. Theo gets up around 6:30 these days (yay!!) and I basically don't stop moving until he goes to bed at 7, and even then I am often finishing up a few things. Susan has basically no expectations of me around the house (probably hoping I won't have any of her, either) but I can't stand to just sit around. Cleaning, laundry, meal planning, grocery shopping, cooking, taking care of and teaching Theo, making sure his shoes fit, his clothes in the closet are the right season and fit, finding a preschool, making playdates, etc, etc, is all really hard work. So, I like that I get so much done in a day and usually go to bed feeling pretty accomplished. Oh, and I'm pretty crafty, too.

Days 5, 6, 7, 8.

2010-10-08T10:42:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'm not great at doing one a day on the blog challenge. So, here are the four I missed:

5. What’s the point of life? Define a great life.

The point of life is to contribute. Don't just take up space around here, DO SOMETHING. Anything. Make it meaningful. A great life is one that is remembered.

6. What is your phobia/fear?

It used to be drowning. Now, it's the loss of my child(ren). For the first three months of Theo's life, I barely wanted to leave the house with him because him being in the car nearly made me stop breathing. I just don't think I would survive if something happened to him.

7. What does your name mean? Why were you named what you were named?

"Honeybee." Pretty lame, but I guess you could look at honeybees as producing something sweet, but will sting you right in the ass if pissed off. I'd say that's about right. There actually is a story behind my name. Legend has it that my mom had picked out the name Kelly for me until right before I was born when she heard the song "Sweet Melissa" by the Allman Brothers played on the radio and changed her mind. I'd say that happened to a lot of pregnant ladies in 1977, given the number of Melissas that were always in my classes.

It's more fun for me to talk about my kids' names, so I will do that too, even though it technically wasn't asked.

Theodore Bryant: "Divine gift", "son of Brian." He is certainly a divine gift, and well, we have no idea what the donor's name is, but it could be Brian. We call him Hank. Theo was named after my stepdad, who goes by Ted. It was very important to me to name a son after him and I was so happy to get to do it. Bryant is Susan's mom's maiden name. While on it's face, it's not my favorite name in the world, we really wanted to give Theo a connection to Susan's family and so using Bryant was something incredibly special and personal to us. I am so proud he has part of her name.

If he had been a girl, he would have been Cecilia Eleanor. Cecilia is a name we liked (well, me more than Susan) and Eleanor was for Susan's mom.

Lucinda Katherine: "Light", "pure, virginal." Yeah, she doesn't have much to live up to, geez. I picked Lucy's name, more or less. Susan said I could name her whatever I wanted since the pregnancy had been so hard. I had other names I liked more, but we both liked Lucy and even when given permission, I couldn't name her something I knew Susan hated. We felt like Lucy needed to be short for something, since we have a short last name. Lucinda Williams is a folk singer we like, so we went with that. I have always loved the name Katherine with a nickname of Kate. Susan's sister is already named Kathryn, so that kind of took it out of the running for a first name. I liked it with Lucinda and gave us the option of "Lucy Kate" as a nickname if we want.

If she had been a boy, she would have been August Larson, called Gus. August is a name I love and Larson is for Jonathan Larson, who created the musical RENT. I still hope to honor him some day.

8. Have you ever had your heart broken? Have you ever broken a heart?

Yes, I have had my heart broken. Twice, actually. Lucky for me, I married the second one. Feels weird to talk about the first one since I am married now and it's all in the past. Those who I care about know what happened, so we'll leave it at that. I wouldn't be here if not for that experience and I wouldn't trade "here" for anything.

I have not broken any hearts, as far as I know. Sad, right??!!

30 Day Blog Challenge!

2010-10-04T12:43:00.000-07:00

I stole this from my wonderful friend, Kelsi, who puts Martha Stewart to shame. I thought it would be a fun way to count down the last weeks until Lucy's arrival. Obviously, these are my answers - Susan likes to read the blog, but contributing is not her thing. The first 4 questions, since I am 4 days late to the party:

1. What do you regret the most?

Not being better with money when I was younger. I am still paying for those mistakes, including borrowing way more than I needed for student loans. I wish my 32 (for a few more days!) year old self could tell my 17 year old self that I would want to be a stay at home mom and that would be completely achievable if I had made better choices early on. I really do feel like I hit the lottery every day by only working 2 days/week, but I know it stresses Susan out and I wish it didn't. I love my career, but I love my family more.

2. Who/what can’t you live without?

I couldn't live without my family. Trite, but true. As far as the what - hmmm. I'm learning I can actually live without quite a bit these days. I would have said XM radio, but it got stolen two months ago and I didn't replace it and I am still alive. And probably smarter, as I now listen to NPR. Then I would have said my iPhone, but found out I could cut my bill almost in half by dropping it for a regular phone, which I did a month ago and ... still alive. Now probably safer, as there is nothing interesting to read as I drive to work. Our TV died a few days ago, and now we are watching a miniscule one that is currently on the floor (hello, ghetto!) and still breathing. Did I mention we also don't have cable? Oh, wait. I can think of something. Our washer is a little broken. I can't live without a washing machine. I realize this makes me sound like some sort of 50's housewife, but it was a major pain to have it out of commission for a day. We have two dogs and a kid who wears cloth diapers, so a washing machine is crucial.

3. If you could wish for anything that would come true, what would you wish for?

Money/debt free (see #1), to be able to send my kids to private school, to freeze time so that my babies wouldn't grow up, to mostly stay at home until all the kids are well into elementary school ... ok, that got long and many aren't realistic anyway. Really? I'd wish for my friend Kelsi to have a happy, healthy baby. She's going to be a great mom.

4. What is true love?

Ok, I really, really love my wife. She knows that and I know that. But. I can honestly say that even though I thought I understood true love, I don't think I did until I laid eyes on my son. I love him in a way I didn't know existed. It's primal, it's all consuming and if I really let myself ponder it's depths, I would stop breathing. When his little heart breaks (which is usually over something quite small at this stage in life), I can literally feel it in mine. I wake up 2 seconds before he does because I can feel he is going to. When he is sick, my heart aches. Really, it's crazy how much I love that kid and how connected we are. It is the truest, purest form of love I have ever encountered and I am so, so lucky.

But really, I love Susan a lot too.

Appointment today.

2010-10-01T09:42:00.000-07:00

I had a very early appointment this morning with the midwives. I didn't like this one as well as the other two I met, but she was ok. She is older and old school and I can't say we "clicked" so I think I will be hoping she isn't on call when I deliver. Although, if it's anything like Theo's birth, I'd have let the janitor deliver if it meant getting him out.

Anyway, had the GBS test and she did an internal. Nothing exciting there - fingertip dilated, baby is still high and cervix is thick. Ho hum. So, we keep waiting ....

36 weeks = PANIC.

2010-09-28T16:15:00.000-07:00

36 weeks. This means Lucy will be here in anywhere from 1-4 weeks. I'd say more like 2-3, based on when I went into labor with Theo and supposedly, second ones come a bit sooner. I have an appt. on Friday and have to have the GBS test, so I am going to have them check me out and see if I am dilated at all. I'm sure you all wanted to know that. Anywho, this meant that this morning I freaked out over how much is left to be done to prepare for her arrival. Which led to this:

Pulling everything out of the closet that needed to be washed and spiffied up for Lucy. Susan volunteered to clean out the cars (well, she didn't volunteer to do mine, but she didn't say no when I asked) so we could install the infant seat. Which led to this:

At 22 months old, our boy is a forward facing rider for the first time. Susan is excited, I am terrified. As you probably know about me, I am a HUGE stickler for carseat safety. Huge. Rear facing is safer and not by a little, by a lot. It is 500% safer to have your child rear facing to the limits of the seat. The limit on Theo's seat is 35 pounds, which he is nowhere near. So, why did we turn him? Well, in the van, there was no issue. In my Corolla, there was no good way to have both seats rear facing and me be able to drive, unless I was willing to part with a few inches of my legs. I'm pretty short as it is, so that was no good. Both carseats are huge and to have them rear facing, I would have been jammed in the dashboard. So, we had to turn him in my car (he'd been in the middle, so it hasn't been an issue until now) to fit both seats in and I knew he wouldn't want to stay rear facing in the van when he got to ride turned around in mine. I know he has stayed rear facing much longer than most kids, but I wished we could have left him that way longer. I will hold my breath and hope he stays safe and take comfort in the fact that his seat is installed correctly and his harness is always on right (chest clip at armpit level, folks!!). And, Britax does testing above and beyond what is required by the feds, so he is in an extremely safe seat.

We took him on his first ride to the park. We thought he'd be really into it, but he was kind of nonplussed about the whole thing. The kid just rolls with the punches and takes change with a grain of salt. It's amazing (and not like me at all, so thank you, Hank). He looks like an even bigger boy now, with his little feet hanging down in the seat.

So, two carseats, all freshly installed in two clean cars. Crib bedding washed and put back on. Little tiny diapers washed and folded. Little by little, we are getting there.

Early fall reflections.

2010-09-26T12:08:00.000-07:00

Today has been one of those days. A day in which Theo had been up for only an hour and I was counting down until nap time. He was just into everything and the grand finale is too gross to post, but let's just say a bath was required. So, as hard as it is for me physically, at 8:30am, we headed to the park. It was 20 degrees cooler than it's been (finally!) and overcast, so I could at least stand to be outside. The park has a big walking trail and after playing on the equipment, Theo decided to take himself on a walk. I joined him and we set off on the tree lined path. While he was walking (well, running, actually) I was thinking back to this time last year. He wasn't even walking yet, still had barely a stitch of hair and that first tooth hadn't quite broken in yet. He was still wearing only Robeez and seemed so much like a baby. A year later, I looked at my baby who looked much more like a little boy, running down the path, hair blowing in the breeze, wearing regular sneakers and socks. I couldn't believe how fast the year had gone and how much different he looked. He climbs up on the big equipment at the park now and flies down the slide all by himself. It amazes me that this time next year, we will have a chubby hairless, toothless, not quite walking baby girl and a boy who will look more like a preschooler than a toddler. Amazing.

I'm so glad fall is here because it's my favorite season and I love decorating for fall. I made these last year and can't wait to get them out on Friday! I am think I am going to add a purple monster and a brown owl this year to the collection. I have lots of jars around from some canning I did earlier, so might as well put them to use. I've been burning fall scented tarts from Yankee and just willing it to cool down outside. Finally it has! October brings "birthday month", the pumpkin patch, a Halloween train ride and the state fair. Bring it on. I can't wait to celebrate the fall with my big boy this year.

Pregnancy and preschool.

2010-09-20T17:03:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy

35 weeks on Wednesday! I told Susan today that in some ways, 5 more weeks of pregnancy might as well be the rest of my life and in other ways, I'm like, "HOLY CRAP. In 5 weeks (or less, please be less) we will have TWO kids to take care of." So, yeah. The clothes are washed and put away, the room is done and most of the odds and ends have been purchased. We have a few more things to pick up and we need to drag out the equipment and wash it up, but seeing as how I have no idea where to put half of it, we are waiting until the last minute, or 38 weeks.

I had my first appointment with the new midwives last week and it went VERY well. I really liked them a lot and felt very comfortable. It was much like being at the birth center in terms of their philosophies, just a different venue. The only bummer is it looks like I won't be able to avoid staying overnight in the hospital. The state requires a PKU test 24 hours after she first eats and our pediatrician doesn't do them. So, the path of least resistance is to stay the 24 hours in the hospital. :( I am bummed, but my mom will be here to help out and will stay with me overnight so Susan can be home with Theo. In the grand scheme of things, it's not that big a deal, but it was nice to be home with Theo 10 hours after he was born.

She is still quite a mover and has the hiccups ALL the time. Heartbeat sounded good and strong at my appointment, so now it's just a hurry up and wait situation. Lucy is the last of 6 babies that are going to be born in my circle of friends and family between "any day now" and the end of October. I can't wait to see all these babies!!

Preschool

It's going well! By the third drop off, he wasn't crying anymore. He still doesn't excitedly run into the classroom, but he gave his teachers a nervous half smile when he saw them this morning. He hugged me tight, but went to them with no trouble, trusty monkeys in hand. This was the first day of the real 9-12 schedule and unfortunately, he took a tumble out of bed this morning which woke him early. He did fine, though, and they said he didn't have his monkeys in hand as much as he has, so I think he is adjusting quite well. He was talking about "Jack" today, so either he has a friend, or Jack is a trouble maker. :)

He's saying so much and so much fun. When something goes wrong or he's trying to do something and not getting it, he says "try again." This morning when he fell out of bed, after he stopped crying, he told me "try again." I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. So sweet. Susan was coloring with him earlier and drawing letters for him to name and he got 6 of them! We've held steadfast to our no TV rule for him (not even having it on while he is awake), but well, now it's football season. So, the TV is on Saturdays and Sundays when there are college or NFL games we are interested in seeing. As such, he now says "putball!" and "touch down!" and "RUN RUN RUN!!!". I feel like we are doing pretty good, almost 2 years until he saw TV and football is all he ever sees. I do try and distract him during commercials because some of them are just awful, especially for the scary movies coming out for Halloween.

I've also been taking him to the UU church in Raleigh for some socialization and something to do on Sundays (in the bible belt, church is basically your only choice on Sundays!) and he loves going and says "church? church?" several times a week. We stay in the wiggle room, so he hears the service, sings, dances and plays with any other kids that are in there. I wish I could get to know more of the people, but the social hour starts at 11:45 and we have to leave right after service to get home for lunch and a nap. Maybe when he is older.

That's it! Oh, can I just say how excited Susan and I are for the return of good TV?? We don't have cable which makes for a lonnnnnng summer.

Saying his name!

2010-09-12T06:09:00.001-07:00

Theo!
Originally uploaded by MelissaandSusan

Susan worked with him on saying his name and now he says it with gusto. It's funny, because he's been able to say a lot harder words for a long time, puts words together, etc. but just wouldn't say his name.

Donna and Tuna are our dogs, whose actual names are Dublin and Keegan. Again, no idea why he calls them this because he CAN say their names, he just doesn't!

Smorgasboard.

2010-09-09T07:53:00.000-07:00

It's a slow day at the office (Christie, if you are reading - all's well here and I'm so glad to see the weather looks good for you! I'll be thinking of you Saturday!) so, here are a few random haps.

Funny:

This morning, the following conversation took place between Susan and Theo and was relayed to me when I came down:

(Scene: Keegan is chewing on a bone and Theo is hovering)

Mom: "Theo, come here please. You are too close."
Theo: IGNORE - continue hovering
Mom: "Theo. THEO."
Theo: "Hang on!"

Ha! Think he hears that often? We've been working with him on "wait" and "hang on" and "be patient" as he will probably have to hear that a time or two once Lucy comes. I guess it's sinking in.

Sweet

Now that it's not so blasted hot and humid every waking second of the day, we've been trying to get Theo outside after dinner for a few minutes before his bath. Usually I stay in and clean up and Susan takes him out, but last night we switched. I think the backyard is buggy, so I decided we'd go out front. He wanted to walk, so I said he could but he'd have to hold my hand. He held my hand around the whole block!! He looked for planes, pointed out stop signs and chattered the whole way, walking slow enough for his slow, waddling mama. It was so sweet and I just loved it. And, he slept until 6:40 this morning!! So, fellow early bird moms, get them out in the fresh air before bed, it might help! This is the second day in a row we've noticed this trend. Susan has volunteered to walk him around the entire neighborhood every night if it means he'll sleep in.

Developments

He's so smart, this kid of ours. He rocks out puzzles with no help and LOVES to find shapes. He can spot a triangle or oval anywhere, as those are his favorites. (Did you know the Archer Farms logo is an oval??) He's also getting good with letters and surprised me by pointing out a "K" on his lego bag the other day. He also finds "T" really well. Susan had him naming the pictures in the Kroger circular this morning and he was doing some by saying and signing the object. He's talking a ton and starting to put ideas together to make us laugh. For example, the other day he was being silly and I called him a turkey. He laughed and called me a goofball. This is SUCH a fun age.

Pregnancy

Still here. 33 weeks yesterday, so rounding the corner to home, thank goodness. I have a million Braxton Hicks and am uncomfortable all the time, so I'll be glad to be done. We got a good laugh last night listening to Lucy hiccup through the doppler. She moves around all the time and seems to be hanging in there. Weight gain is fine (although, more than I'd like) and still no stretch marks! I have my first appt. with the new practice on Monday and will probably go to weekly appts. in two weeks. Yay!

1st day of school!

2010-09-08T12:20:00.001-07:00

We all survived Theo's first day of preschool! He slept in, I fixed him a big breakfast (which he didn't eat) and he was in a great mood before we left. We talked about school all morning and told him he was going today, to which he would reply, "no" in a very matter of fact way. Eventually, he would say "school" and smile, though I don't think he really knew what it meant. We've been reading Llama Llama Misses Mama incessantly, which is all about going to preschool, so we've been saying he's "going to school like llama." He had a new polo and new pair of shoes for the first day. The preschool said to send them in socks and sneakers as opposed to sandals, which are safer for the playground. Well, Theo hasn't had socks on his feet probably since March, so he was totally distracted by his socks when he got dressed, which made us laugh. I brushed his teeth and hair and tried to swallow the lump in my throat. We took the requisite pictures and headed out.

When we got there, it was something of controlled chaos and he clung on a little tighter while I carried him in. We both reassured him and tried to be really upbeat at the door of his class. We kissed him and wished him a good day and promised we'd be back and handed him over. And then he cried. And then I cried. I HATE when he is upset - not like crying because he can't sit in the fireplace or something, but when he cries because he is scared or sad, I just can't take it. I dutifully stepped away from the door and walked away as they had said to do and his teacher poked her head out and told me not to worry and to call if I wanted. She also promised she'd call us if they couldn't calm him down. I hated it, I hated leaving him, but I tried to remember if he could feel ok there, he'd really have a good time.

We went out to breakfast which took no time at all and then we kind of looked at each other like "now what?" We only have the "time off" until Lucy arrives and hadn't given much thought as to what to do with ourselves. And, the first two weeks they only go from 9-11, which isn't a lot of time to do much. Just as we were getting ready to call the grandmas, his kind teacher called to give us an update. I was ready to grab keys thinking we'd be on our way to go get him, but she said he was doing GREAT! They'd given him his monkeys (thank you, thank you, preschool for understanding and encouraging transitional objects) and he'd calmed down and then they had turned on the bubble machine and she said he was stomping around and singing, which Susan and I know is his happy dance. She totally validated how I was feeling and said she remembered what it was like for her. I can't ever say enough about how much that meant that she took time to call and seemed genuinely interested in it being a positive experience for all of us. We left the breakfast place and did a little shopping and then went back to get him.

He looked tired and unsure when we got there, but I think it was because parents were starting to pick up their kids, so it was a little chaotic. One of the teachers was holding him and they had just come in from outside - they'd even remembered to put on his sun hat for us! He was quiet and clinging in my arms for a minute, then Susan took him and we was talkative and happy. They said he'd done great, was able to follow directions, was one of the only kids to sit at the table for snack and was a good cleaner upper. He laughed with them before we left and waved and blew kisses. I think in time we will all be tear free at drop off and it's going to be a very special place for our family. I'm so happy we found it.

I signed up to be on the craft committee (I know, you are all shocked) and am excited! As long as I am primarily at home, I really want to be involved with the kids' school activities and I think it's a good way to get to know other parents and for other parents to get to know us and see we are just a regular family like they are.

All in all, a good day. We feel confident in how we have done things thus far by encouraging his attachment to us as his parents and feel like his bond with us is strong and now he's ready to dip his toes outside the nest just a little. Granted, Susan feels this way more than I do, but I am getting there. :)

A date with my favorite boy.

2010-09-05T16:29:00.000-07:00

Theo and I went on a date today. It's something I've wanted to do before he starts preschool next week and his baby sister arrives next month (!!). A day just for us, as never again will it just be he and I. I decided to take him to the New Hope Valley Railway, which I learned about from another mom at a birthday party recently. It was so much fun! It was a bigger production than I thought it was going to be, honestly. They had some large model trains going, picnic tables, shaded areas, popcorn and other junk food to buy and the train itself is huge. The cars were open air and the weather was absolutely perfect. The ride is about 55 minutes long and he never once got bored. Afterwards, I situated us in the shade by the model trains for a picnic lunch. He had a great time eating and watching the trains go around. I got just a few pictures and only took the little point and shoot, so they aren't great. I will work on getting them on Flickr.

If you are a local, I highly recommend this activity. Kids under 2 are free, otherwise they are $7 and adults are $10. The website said to get there at least 30 minutes early and I was really, really glad I heeded that advice. The place was packed and if you weren't there early, you risked having to split up your party or sit in the caboose, which is enclosed. It was a little hard keeping him entertained while we just sat and waited to leave, so if you have more than one adult, I'd send one right away to get the tickets (you have to do this even if you buy ahead online) and gets seats picked out and then have the other adult board at the last minute with the little ones. They have train cars around to tour and plenty to do off the train while you wait. They are doing a Halloween train next month and we are definitely going to do it, assuming Lucy isn't here yet.

While I love when our family is all together, I really loved a date with my boy. He is so incredibly special to me and I am really going to miss it just being he and I on the weekends (when Susan is working/sleeping). I know Lucy will be special too, but Theo is the only one of our kids that I will ever get to experience parenting as an "only." I know he won't remember today, but I will - forever.

Crazy little thing called "nesting."

2010-09-03T16:56:00.001-07:00

Nesting - wherein a pregnant woman goes totally crazy cleaning, organizing and becoming completely focused on eradicating every single dust bunny and piece of dog hair before her baby arrives. You know, the baby that won't even be able to see more than 6 inches in front of its face. Yeah, that one.

When we bought this house, it was said to have a half bath. Well, it did, only it didn't have a toilet or a sink in it. Had the plumbing, just not the fixtures. And oddly, it was directly across the hall from one of the two full baths. Like, you could reach out and touch someone in the other bathroom. Seemed unnecessary to finish it, so we made it into Otis' room. This was perfect because we could keep the litter box, his food and water and all the other random dog and cat food and supplies out of sight (and smell). Susan installed a little cat door so we could keep the door closed and he could go in and out. I installed a night light and a little plaque that says "A house without a cat is not a home." Tried to make it homey for him. This room served us really well for 4 years and it was just a perfect solution for a cat owner.

Well, obviously, we no longer need the room as a cat room. So, it was decided that we would clean it out and make it into a large storage closet that we desperately need. Susan put herself in charge of throwing away Otis' stuff, little by little (thankfully, it would have been hard for me) and finding a place in the garage for the dog stuff. Today I decided I was ready to clean it. I vacuumed it all out and then set to work washing the walls. Well, after 4 years of it being closed up with a litter box, the dust from the litter had really made the walls dirty. I scrubbed one wall and decided it just didn't seem clean, so what's a crazy, pregnant nesting lady to do? Paint the walls, of course. Yes, it's a closet and no one will see it, but to my hormonal brain, it made perfect sense. I went to the garage and rooted through all the cans of leftover paint we have out there. The heaviest can was the one that our whole downstairs is painted, nice and neutral. We had everything but a roller, so I set out doing the cutting in while Susan went off to buy a roller (she's learned not to argue with a nesting woman).

It didn't take long and wasn't too bad. I only needed the step stool and had just enough of the leftover paint and now it looks much cleaner and nicer in there. I picked one wall and cleaned up Otis' plaque and hung it back up. I have ordered a nice 8x10 of him which I will hang on the same wall with his collar/tag. It's always been his room, so I thought we should keep his memory in there. Tomorrow, I will start organizing it as a closet and Susan is going to install some new shelves. And then, I will be able to rest - until the next project. :)

And, after some thought - I put the night light back in there where it's always been. That crazy night light has been on for 4 years and has never burned out. True story. Susan thought we didn't need it in there anymore. I put it back because if Otis decides to come visit, well, I just want him to know we left the light on for him.

Meet the teachers!

2010-09-01T13:27:00.000-07:00

This morning Susan and I took Theo to his preschool orientation to meet his teachers and let him see his classroom. We also got to meet the other kids in his class and his parents. I dressed him cute and made sure his hair was brushed so we could make a good first impression. I was nervous, mostly about the other parents figuring out we are a two mom family and maybe not accepting us. That part went fine - either they didn't notice or they didn't care, either way, they were all nice. The teachers were great too. They interacted with the kids, answered all our questions and set our mids at ease that Theo will be in good hands. Theo enjoyed playing with new toys and being around other kids. He did check in with us from time to time or look to see that we were there, but he didn't cling to us. I'm hopeful it's going to go well, though I am sure there will be an adjustment period (for all of us!).

It's just a play based class and their only focus is socialization. No worksheets or flashcards or anything crazy like that. Just a chance to make friends and learn to be in a group and in the care of people other than us. And, we've decided that if we give it a few weeks and he just isn't warming up, we'll just try again next year. We don't "have" to do this, we just thought it might be good for him. Hopefully it will be good for Lucy, too, so that she will get a little undivided attention while he's there. He'll go Monday and Wednesday mornings from 9-12. His first day is September 8th. Wish us luck!!

Goodbye, my friend.

2010-08-24T03:43:00.000-07:00

Otis

July, 2001 - August 23, 2010

Yesterday, we very unexpectedly had to say goodbye to a member of our family. Our 9 year old cat, Otis, developed a blockage in his urethra (seemingly overnight and out of nowhere) that was not fixable. His bladder filled, causing his urethra to rupture and urine to being spilling into his body. He had been completely fine until Sunday when he was running in and out of the litter box and then began squatting in other places in the house (which he had NEVER done before), so we assumed it was a UTI and made a vet appt. for the next morning. Never in a million years did I think it would end up like it did. The vet could tell he was "blocked" and said he'd have to stay the night and they would put in a catheter, flush the blockage out and he'd be all fixed up. She called an hour later to say that they had tried and tried but the block was simply too large and they couldn't get the catheter in. Both vets had tried and neither could get it. The only other option was a super invasive surgery that is very difficult, with a hard recovery and likely wouldn't solve the problem completely. She said she would not put her cat through it. We had to make a very difficult decision right away and we decided to put him out of his pain. She told us they would wake him up so we could come in and say goodbye and to come at 3:00.

When we got there, only 3 hours from when I left him, his legs were already swelling because of all the fluid he could not void. He couldn't walk because his back legs didn't work, but I don't know if that was the fluid or just from being under anesthesia earlier. They gave us some time with him and I held him and we all petted him and told him what a good cat he was. We apologized for not being the best owners over the past year and a half, as parenting a human baby had consumed us. Susan left for a few minutes to change Theo and I had a couple minutes with him alone. He curled up on my lap and snuggled his head across my belly, like he was laying down with Lucy. I told him again he was a really good cat and thanked him for always being so good to Theo. I told him that we always told everyone how lucky we were to have a cat that was so good with our baby. I told him we would all miss him and that we were sorry we couldn't fix him.

The vet came in and Susan followed right behind. We told Theo to say bye bye to Otis and gave him last hugs and kisses. I held him on my lap while he went to sleep. He purred right up until he was gone. The vet told me he would close his eyes as he drifted off and I picked Otis' head up to see those pretty green eyes again one more time before he closed them for good. He got more love and attention in his last 30 minutes then he had for the past 2 years and he soaked it all in. It was awful watching the vet carry him away and having to walk out with his empty carrier in one hand and his collar in the other.

His whole life, he made it his mission to try and get outside. He really wanted to be an outside cat, but I was too afraid he'd get hurt or run off. His last day on earth he spent outside. I didn't want him peeing everywhere (not knowing he couldn't anyway) so I put him in the yard with the dogs. It's all fenced and I knew he'd be safe. We laughed because he never left the patio and seemed to just want to come back inside. He essentially got his dying wish and then decided it wasn't all it was cracked up to be!

I got Otis as a tiny kitten 9 years ago when someone found him in a storm drain and brought him up to Rainbow Station where I was working. I was about to move out of my parents' house for my last year of undergrad, so I took him. He was "my" first real pet all on my own. I've had Otis for 9 years, 7 moves, my last year of undergrad, my first move on my own to a new city, my first real job, my first new car, my first real broken heart, my first new house, graduate school, marriage and the birth of my first child. While we jokingly called him "Captain Annoying" or "The Resident Pest", he's been right by my side for a long time. He accepted Susan, even though she threw him out of the bed and accepted both dogs and Theo as members of his family without a second thought. He accepted being relegated to low man on the totem pole and was a happy, healthy cat until his last day. He scratched the furniture and meowed incessantly, but he never scratched or bit or asked for much of anything. He was an excellent cat and we will all miss him. The house already seems so much quieter without his meowing and banging in and out of his room.

We may not have done a great job at showing you all the time, Otis, but we loved you. You were a member of our family and your place in our home will be missed. We won't ever have another cat, but we will keep your place on the landing and the back of the couch warm for you. And when I sit in the chair in Lucy's room and nurse her or read to Theo, I will think of you and how over the last few weeks you had claimed that chair as yours. Thank you for taking care of me and for loving everyone I brought into our family. Rest in peace, Otis Potis.

Breaking up is hard to do.

2010-08-20T07:11:00.000-07:00

Well, I talked to the birth center yesterday to let them know we are changing providers. Initially, I was going to keep my appointment on Monday and tell them in person, but then I decided that I didn't want to mess up anything with insurance and having two appointments too close together (one with them and one with the new practice) and it's almost an hour drive and well, I'm a chicken. The conversation actually went very well and it was one of the midwives I barely know, so that made it easier somehow. I felt very listened to and respected and she agreed that mother's intuition is not something to be ignored and we needed to be wherever we felt the safest for birth. So, whew. I faxed in all the release paperwork and they should have sent my records yesterday to the new practice. So now I just wait on the new midwives to call me for an appointment, hopefully by Monday at the latest.

In fun news, we have an ultrasound on Tuesday! This one is to check on her size due to the marginal cord insertion issue. Well, that's the official reason, I have no worries at all about her size and strength, we just want one more peek before the big day. They have a 3D machine there, so hopefully she will cooperate and we can get some cute face shots that look more babyish and less alienish. Nice to be able to have a 3D ultrasound on the insurance company!

Thank you for all the nice comments on the post below, they helped with the process a lot and I really appreciated them.

The decision.

2010-08-17T16:07:00.000-07:00

Parenting is full of decisions. Parenting is also full of other people's opinions, requested and unrequested. I think the best parents consider opinions they asked for, tune out the ones they didn't and ultimately make the best decision for their family. This is what we try to do, though it can be hard to drown out the "noise" of all the opinions floating around out there.

Before I got pregnant with Theo, we found the birth center. We loved it there. They were welcoming, accepting and supportive of our family (notice I didn't use the word "tolerant") and without them, we wouldn't even have Theo. They helped us get pregnant and were there every step of our first pregnancy. Leigh Ann, the midwife who delivered Theo was all I could have asked for during that long 31.5 hours. She was patient, calm, stern when needed and in the end, made the call to go to the hospital which was the right thing to do. Even though I didn't get to deliver Theo at the birth center, she still delivered him and was with us every step. He never left our arms, no less our room and none of the interventions we were afraid might happen did. In short, it went absolutely as well as it could have, even though a hospital birth was "plan B."

The birth center was there for us again when we started trying for a second and encouraged us to get some outside help when they had done all they could. When our plans changed and I got pregnant with Lucy, it seemed natural to go back to the only place that had ever cared for us in this journey. And, for the past 30 weeks, I have been their patient. The whole time, however, I have had this nagging feeling about what might go wrong if I didn't deliver in a hospital. I tried to shrug it off, after all these were the same people I'd had total confidence in when I was pregnant with Theo. I thought and thought and did some quiet research on my own about other options, but was sad when I considered changing providers. I read blogs, listened to strong opinions on both sides and felt like I was getting weighed down by this decision and wasn't sure whose voice to listen to.

Finally I asked myself what was different this time that was causing me to have doubts. I think it was three things: first, I have Theo to think about now. Obviously, I was thinking of him last time but now I really know what it's like to be a mother. And, I love that boy more than anyone in the world. If something happened to me, Susan would have to raise him alone. If something happened to Lucy, I'd be forever changed as a person and likely in need of heavy medication for the rest of my life, which would change the kind of mother I am to him. Second, I now work in a big children's hospital and spend my two days a week there dealing with really, really sick kids. Now, only maybe 1% of these have a birth injury, but still. It changes your perception greatly when you see what these families have to deal with on a daily basis. And last, I have known or known of 4 different families who have experienced stillbirth, cord accident or a late term miscarriage in the past YEAR. That's a lot. Susan just talked with a new doctor at the hospital whose uneventful pregnancy ended in a baby not breathing at birth and ended up in the NICU for a week. While the baby is ok, they never could figure out what happened. Had they not had the NICU right there, it could have been very different. Odds are in favor of a totally normal, healthy delivery, but I sure don't want to be one of those families if I can help it. All of this shook my confidence.

I was talking to a friend about all this and she asked me if everything with Lucy's birth went fine, would I regret being in a hospital. My answer was, yes, I would, but I would get over it. If something happened to her or me as a result of not being in a hospital, though, that kind of regret would not be something I would ever recover from. Ever. I think that was the moment of clarity I needed.

Susan and I made the decision together and so, we are going to be leaving the birth center's care at 30 weeks along. I have an appointment on Monday and will tell them in person. Lucky for me, UNC has an all midwife practice that delivers at the hospital. I will be changing to them, so I will still get to have a low intervention, midwife delivery, only in a hospital with an excellent NICU down the hall, just in case. We both feel like this is the best of both worlds.

I still believe that birth is a natural process that deserves to be as hands off as possible. A hospital birth still feels like "plan B", but I am really hopeful that we can have the birth we want, while still feeling safe. I have very little trouble bossing people around :) so I don't have concerns about being my own best advocate. Lucy won't leave our side, she won't have her cord cut until it stops pulsing, no one will give her anything but Vit K (not even eye ointment) and no one will stick an artificial nipple in her mouth. I will still try my best for a drug free birth and there will be NO c-section unless one of our lives is in danger - baby fat squishes, so big baby or no big baby, she'll come out. If the birth center did planned hospital births, we'd stay with them, no question, but they don't and so that's not an option. I'm most upset about potentially having to stay overnight, but I am hoping I won't have to. I've heard most hospitals will only make you stay for 6 hours after birth if you really push them. We stayed for 10 after Theo's birth and then came home and everything was just fine.

So, that's the long and short of it. Well, really just the long I guess! It was an extremely difficult decision to make, but now that it's been made, I feel at peace. A healthy mom and baby is what matters the most and I am very confident we will have both.

Fruit pickin'.

2010-08-14T16:09:00.000-07:00

Last year, we took our little family and our good friend Kelsi, and attempted to go apple picking.

It was a total bust that year as they were completely, totally OUT of apples. So, when I learned that the same orchard had peaches ripe for picking and even some apples that are early this year because of the rain (or no rain, I forget), I was hesitant. The orchard is an hour and a half away, after all, so it's not just an easy place to run out and have a look see. Nonetheless, I checked the website which assured me that they had plenty of crop and so yesterday, we set off.

We ended up with good weather, it was overcast and high 70's in the morning and we got there around 10:00am. This was perfect. The peach orchard left a bit to be desired as the stench of the rotting fruit on the ground was SO DISGUSTING. Also, there were swarms of mosquitoes and I can't even count how many bites I got. Susan got a few and Theo seemed to have escaped with only two, but we slathered ourselves with Skin So Soft after 10 minutes, which seemed to keep the rest away. We quickly picked some peaches and headed for the apples. The apple orchard is more open and was not smelly or buggy. We picked some nice Galas, which are my second favorite (after Fujis) and let Theo run around the orchard. They had a pond there which of course, he loved.

We grabbed some pizza for lunch and then headed for home. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with all the fruit, but I knew I wanted to try canning. That night, Theo ate an ENTIRE peach and loved every last bite. He's had three whole ones since yesterday and really seems to like them. Susan tried an apple and Theo and I made two loaves of peach bread last night which came out really well.

Today, Theo and I set off for Wal Mart to pick up some canning supplies. I was a little intimidated because all I've ever made is strawberry freezer jam, but you don't have to do much with that. Proper canning is a whole new ballgame. We found the jars we needed, the accessories and a big canning pot. After a nap was had by all, I got started. I decided to make apple butter, applesauce and sliced peaches in light syrup (thanks, Kelsi!). I didn't get to the applesauce today, but I did the rest. It was easier than I thought, although I think I used every pot I own and discovered it's really hard to make big batches of everything when you are using a Magic Bullet instead of a food processor (note - birthday is in October, a food processor would be nice!). I also really needed two oven mitts and I only have one, but I didn't sustain any injuries, thankfully. Our kitchen is the size of a shoe, so it's a challenge to do much in there, but I got it all done and the jars are cooling their heels on the counter as we speak.

We tried out some of the apple butter after dinner and it was REALLY good. And, it made my heart feel warm and fuzzy to feed Theo something I made with apples he helped us pick, that just yesterday were on a tree. After all that, I even made dinner, though I can't say I wanted to.

Canning was fun! It would be more fun with more work space and better tools, but I really did like it. I'm going to make applesauce tomorrow for the kids to eat through the year and again, warm fuzzy heart over Lucy's first food being something I made with apples her family picked right off the tree. I wonder what else I can make?