Happy Halloween!

Lucy's birth, by Susan.

Around 8:30 am Theo and I were playing in Lucy’s room. Melissa nonchalantly walks into the room to tell me something and happens to mention, “I have been having regular contractions for the last 30 minutes.” I said, “WHAT?? She said, “Yeah, but I don’t know if it is the real thing or not, so don’t panic.” I heard that phrase “don’t panic” a lot that morning. I said, “we have to call your mom and Sam” (since her mom was going to watch Theo and Sam was going to help out during the birth). Melissa said, “Not yet. Let’s go for a walk and see if the contractions go away.”

So I took my wife who was in labor and my toddler son on a walk at the park as if it was any other day. I was attempting to keep myself calm, cool, and collected, but stopping every couple of minutes while Melissa experienced a contraction made that hard to do. Hard to enjoy a walk in the park with the family knowing that Lucy could arrive at any second and we are far, far away from UNC hospital.

We arrived back home from the walk and Melissa was still experiencing contractions. I said, “Are you calling your mom and Sam now?” She said, “no, I want to wait and see if this is real. I don’t want them coming here, if it isn’t the real thing.” I was about to lose my marbles at that point because it was going to take at least three hours for them to get to Raleigh and we needed them to be at the house before we went to the hospital. In addition to being stressed about her family, I was also thinking about the dogs. We agreed the dogs would go to camp, but Melissa wouldn’t give me the green light, so there I sit. Wringing my hands about her family not on the way and the dogs not on the way to camp. In my anxiety explosion, I finally said, “I need you to call your family. This is the real thing. Let’s move forward from the denial phase and embrace that this is real.” Eventually, she got the point, that I needed her family to be on the way and then I would leave her alone. She called her family and I took the dogs to camp.

As the afternoon progressed, Melissa continued to have regular contractions. I entertained Theo as Melissa stayed upstairs bouncing on the yoga ball working through the contractions. I checked on her from time to time, but she didn’t want to talk and wanted me to steer clear of her, so I got the message and stayed downstairs. Melissa’s mom and sister arrived. Theo napped. Then Melissa, Sam and I went on a long walk in the neighborhood hoping to aid in the laboring quest of moving the show along.

We got back to the house after the walk and Melissa said that she should check in with the midwives. She called them and they told her to come in because it was too hard to predict how fast Lucy would come. And considering that delivering a baby in the car on the way to UNC was not in my life’s plan of ambitions, I welcomed the encouragement to go to the hospital sooner rather than later. We headed to the hospital around 3:45 pm.

It was stressful leaving Theo behind with Melissa’s mom, even though I knew she was going to do fine taking care of him. Theo isn’t used to any other caretakers except the two of us, so it was definitely stressful on us both.

I dropped Melissa off at the front door of the UNC Women’s Hospital and a volunteer wheeled her to OB triage. I had to go across the street and park the car. When I got to back to OB triage, the lovely lady at the receptionist’s desk did not want to let Sam and I into the room because the room was “too small.” I politely let her know that I was Melissa’s partner and I was going back to the room, so she needed to show me Melissa’s room. I arrived to the room with Melissa about 5 pm. The midwife had just checked Melissa and told her she was only 4 cm dilated. In addition, Melissa’s contractions essentially stopped on the way to UNC. So after 8 hours of consistent contractions, the contractions had stopped and Melissa was stalled at 4 cm. Melissa melted down. I think for numerous reasons: 1) because we had just left Theo with his gramma (although he doesn’t know her all that well and we weren’t sure how Theo was going to do with her), 2) because Melissa was having flashbacks of Theo’s delivery (after 24 hours of laboring, Melissa only progressed to 4 cm. Eventually this lead to 32 hours of labor, 3.5 hours of which were pushing, with the aid of pitocin, and an epidural), 3) because she felt like she had really worked through the contractions at home (which she did) and thought that she would have been further dilated, and 4) because this has been an incredibly difficult pregnancy, so the thought of working so hard for the last 8 hours thinking that an end point was in sight, and then to be told you have stalled out…no less the pregnancy hormones, Melissa melted (for many good reasons.) The midwife asked Melissa what she wanted to do. Melissa said, “to get Lucy out as fast and safely as possible. I want this to be over.” So the midwife happily agreed to “pit and epi.” Melissa opted to hold off on the epi to see if she could make it through the delivery without it. Melissa knew that she could always ask for the epi “up until the baby was coming out.”

Melissa was getting situated in the room. The nurse told her she couldn’t eat after she had the Pitocin, so Melissa quickly sent me to get her a sandwich. By the time Melissa finished eating and the pitocin started, it was about 6 pm. Melissa and I walked laps around the unit hoping to encourage Lucy to come out. The first round of pitocin didn’t do much, so the nurse increased the dose about 15 min later. The second round brought a little stronger contractions, but still not over the top contractions, so the pitocin was increased again after 15 minutes. Lucy’s heart rate started to drop, so the nurse asked Melissa to lie down. After Lucy’s heart rate returned to normal, Melissa asked to get up because the contractions were too much laying down.

At this point, it is about 7 pm. The contractions are really getting strong. Melissa asked for the yoga ball to sit on. She worked through two really, long and hard contractions and then called for the nurse. Melissa was done. The contractions were strong and Melissa was ready for the epidural. The nurse went to get the midwife. Melissa started having a monstrous contraction. It seems like this contraction last about 10 minutes, but I think it was really about 3 minutes. She is screaming in pain and begging for an epidural. The midwife said that she couldn’t give Melissa anything without checking her first. Melissa climbed on the bed and then realized the sac broke. The midwife checked Melissa and looked at the nurse and said, “get the tray, she is 9 cm, this baby is coming now.” They told Melissa that the epi won’t arrive because she is about to deliver Lucy. Needless to say, Melissa was not happy about that news.

I looked down and could see Lucy’s head moving down the canal (very wild to see this as I was looking at Melissa’s parts externally, but yet I could see Lucy moving internally). Lucy crowned and I was telling Melissa, “she’s coming, she’s here, here comes her head!” Melissa did not believe me. She was in tremendous pain and had no idea that Lucy was about to arrive. Melissa pushed maybe a couple of times. I kept telling Melissa that Lucy was so close and then her head popped out. 7:15 pm Lucy was born. The cord was wrapped around Lucy’s neck, but the midwife easily unlooped it and Lucy immediately cried. The midwife held up Lucy and showed Melissa that Lucy had finally arrived. Lucy was placed on Melissa’s chest and then we kissed her and cried. Just very thankful that she was here and arrived safely.

Melissa was quite the trooper all day. She did an awesome job throughout the whole 12 hours. I could not be more proud of her for enduring this pregnancy and safely delivering our little girl.

Theo-ism.

This boy of ours, he is so funny. Always making us laugh. The other day, he spouted this gem:

"Check heiney, dude. Made a pee you."

(He learned "dude" from his other mom, FYI).

Snip, snip.

I wanted to give a little update on our girl. Although it seemed like breastfeeding was going well in the hospital, we started going downhill fast when we got home. Her latch wasn't good after my milk came in, though I attributed this to the fact that I have a very abundant supply, which makes latching a little harder (I'll leave the hows and whys to your imagination). I was in pain, but figured as she grew and we got in more practice, she would improve. Then I couldn't get her to latch on the left side AT ALL. I'd try and try and try and she just couldn't do it. We went out and got a nipple shield to give me a chance to heal and make it easier for her to latch. I'd used one with Theo for a short while too, for the same reasons and we'd been able to get off of it without trouble.

The other issue was that she was nursing and nursing and nursing, but never seemed full. She never got that "milk drunk" look about her that I was used to seeing on Theo. She cried most of the time and barely slept. I couldn't figure out why, as I have PLENTY of milk (like, I can pump 10 ounces and still feed her - yeah, plenty). On Wednesday, I knew I needed to get some help. I admit, I felt embarrassed. I mean, I nursed Theo for a year and a half. I've helped other moms get off the ground. I know what I am doing when it comes to nursing, but none of my tricks were working. My mom graciously offered to pay the $100 to see the lactation consultant that taught the breastfeeding class I took when pregnant with Theo. Luckily, she was available that day.

Wednesday afternoon, I packed up Lucy and headed to her home office. Lucy was crying (as usual) when we got there and she took one look at her and said "I already can see the problem, it's so obvious. She's tongue tied." I felt instant relief and validation. It wasn't ME. It wasn't anything I was or wasn't doing, she just had a tricky tongue. She helped me get Lucy latched on with the shield and we chatted. She explained that because Lucy had a tight frenulum, it was nearly impossible for her to latch correctly, if at all. Additionally, because tongue tied babies have to work so hard to get any milk at all, they get tired and give up. This is why she wanted to nurse ALL the time, but was never full, because she was always falling asleep. I was super engorged as a result, because she wasn't moving the milk. We did a bunch of weigh ins while I was nursing and in an hour, Lucy only took in 2 ounces. Obviously, tongue tie is dangerous for breastfed babies. They aren't getting enough milk to grow and lose weight and their mamas risk plugged ducts, mastitis and low supply. Many mamas, not knowing why their baby isn't latching and growing, give up and go to bottles.

The lactation consultant explained that Lucy would need a simple procedure called a frenotomy in which the frenulum would be clipped. Yikes! She said it's quick, easy and would completely fix the problem immediately. She gave me a referral to an ENT that she works with who does it in office. She also gave me an article on tongue tie from the American Academy of Pediatrics to read and show Susan. The visit was an hour and a half during which time she got my head back in the game, calmed me, reassured me, listened to me and fixed up my pumping problem (too small flanges). I left feeling hopeful that we would get back on track.

I took Lucy this morning for her frenotomy. I liked the ENT a lot. She had a calm, reassuring manner about her and explained everything in great detail. She looked at Lucy and agreed with the LC that she was in fact tongue tied - classic, type I. She had me hold Lucy in a dentist like chair with her back on my chest. She leaned the chair back and I held Lucy in a bear hug. She took a special tool and clipped the frenulum. It did bleed a bit and Lucy cried, so it likely hurt a little (the ENT said they think it's probably like biting your tongue). They sat us up and had me nurse right away and I decided on the true test - left side, no shield. We got the latch perfect on the very first shot and I nursed for 10 minutes with no pain at all. And in ten minutes, Lucy looked milk drunk for the first time. I nearly cried right there in the office. We have to do some mouth exercises with her every time she eats for the next 5 days to ensure the frenulum doesn't scar back down and then she will be all fixed!

Since we've been home, she's eaten every 2-3 hours in a fraction of the time it had taken and then goes off to sleep. Just like a newborn should. It's such an extreme difference from what we are used to, she's like a new baby. Theo and I even got to go to the store together and I was able to do his nighttime routine, which I had been missing a lot.

Now that she's fixed, we have time and space to be fairly mad at UNC. They traipsed probably 27 people in and out of my room in the 24 hours I was there - pediatricians, a lactation consultant, researchers, nurses, nursery workers, food service, admissions, phlebotomy, etc, etc, etc. I was sick to death of them! Lucy was seen by FOUR pediatricians and not one of them ever looked in her mouth. They made sure to tell me what temperature to put my water heater on so I didn't burn my new baby, however. The lactation consultant came by, but Lucy was sleeping and she never came back. UNC has a very strongly worded pro-breastfeeding statement in their patient rooms, so why is it not standard protocol to check all babies for tongue tie? Literally, it took the private LC and the ENT 4 seconds to tell me she had it, so it wouldn't add much to their checklist. She and I suffered through her first 8 days for no reason at all. I went looking for help and knew something wasn't right because I am not a first time breastfeeder. How many new moms probably quit assuming their baby can't latch or that their milk is deficient because their baby isn't growing? It was an easy fix, once identified and it saved our breastfeeding relationship. The LC said my crazy supply is what saved Lucy, she basically just had to swallow, didn't actually have to work for the milk. We didn't have to use bottles or formula, though even I admit it was tempting last night when I literally nursed for 7 hours.

So, that's that. She's all fixed up and Susan is writing a letter to UNC expressing our anger at this very simple thing being missed. Hopefully it will lead to someone taking a quick glance at babies born there to identify this issue and make for many, many more successful breastfeeding pairs.

Oh, and now she can stick out her tongue! It's so cute.

First pediatrician appointment.

Lucy had her first pediatrician appointment today. In spite of the fact that she screamed her little furry head off the whole time, she got a glowing report. I've been worried that she looks yellow, but our doc said she's fine. She does have a little bit of jaundice, but nothing significant that time and mama milk won't fix. She camped out by the window for a bit today as well, which will help. The blood spots in her eyes are broken blood vessels from her lightening speed delivery. They will take 6 weeks to heal completely, but don't affect her vision and don't hurt her. She is down to 6 pounds, 6 ounces which is within the acceptable limits so no further weight checks or anything are necessary. Now that my milk is in, she should gain quickly.

All in all, she's perfect! We will see the doc again for her 2 month check up and in the meantime, I'm just supposed to nurse, nurse, nurse and grow this baby. That I can do!

Lucy's birth story.

(I am going to have Susan write one from her perspective, as things happened so fast at the end, I don't have as much memory of what happened as with Theo).

Lucy's due date was 10/27/10; however, given that I had gone early with Theo, it was out of the realm of possibility in my mind that I would make it to my due date. I was getting anxious and was so tired of being pregnant, that on Monday the 18th I decided to start doing some things to help Lucy out. I was supposed to have a stretch and sweep at my appointment that day, but the midwife said I was too thick and couldn't do it. I was 2 centimeters dilated and 40% effaced. I left that appointment and went to have dinner with my friends at PF Chang's where I ordered the meal that kicked off labor for Theo - only 1,000 times spicier. My whole face ran and I could barely eat it, but I wanted to do anything possible to have a baby. Well, that didn't work. Tuesday the 19th we went to the state fair. We walked for three hours and I had some delicious, greasy fair food. We came home and did a few last minute things, certain I would go into labor that night. Well, I woke up on Wednesday the 20th disappointed to not be in labor and hauled myself into work. I had some bloody show that morning which clued me in that something was happening soon. I didn't feel well that day at work. I felt kind of nauseous with mild cramping and just "off." I was also losing more of my mucus plug throughout the day. I let my team lead know I wasn't feeling well and probably would go home early. I stayed until 2:00 and then went home to rest. I laid down the rest of the day, still just feeling unwell and really tired.

On Thursday, the 21st, I woke up to go to work and still felt crummy. I also had a feeling things were imminent, but wasn't having any contractions. I decided it wouldn't kill anyone if I started maternity leave one day early (since I only work two days a week and was SURE I wouldn't be at work on my due date because she'd be here). My body just seemed to be telling me to rest. I called and left a message for my team lead and laid back down while Susan took care of Theo. At 7:30am, I felt my first contraction that felt like more than a Braxton Hicks. It wasn't wrapping around from the back, but felt much lower and stronger than what I was used to. I laid there for a bit and felt a few more. I decided to start timing them, but didn't say anything to Susan as I didn't want to sound the alarm when it could very well have been nothing. They varied from 4-6 minutes apart, lasting from 45 to 60 seconds. I sat on the yoga ball and bounced around and tried to distract myself, but they remained consistent. I emailed my mom and sister (who were coming in for the birth and Theo care) and put them on "yellow alert", still not believing it was real or that she would actually be here anytime soon. I finally told Susan what was going on and that I wanted to take Theo to the park to walk on the trail. She got really nervous and really felt like I should call my mom and sister and tell them to get on the road. I didn't want the calvary to arrive for no reason, so I insisted we walk and if things were still happening when we got back, I'd call.

We headed to the park and I brought my iPhone to time contractions while we walked. They remained around 5 minutes apart, even while walking. They were uncomfortable, but I kept thinking it didn't hurt enough yet, so it was still very early labor. We got home and Susan just wasn't going to calm down until I called my family. Mom and Sam were both eager to come and said they could leave right away. I told my mom to bring some work with her, as I was sure we were nowhere near delivery. I came upstairs and bounced on the ball some more and then decided to take a shower as I didn't want to go to the hospital all grungy. In the shower, the contractions got a lot harder. No closer together, but I had to work harder to get through them. I got dressed, put on makeup and dried my hair and then Mom and Sam arrived. I told Susan I wanted to take a walk once she got Theo down for a nap, so we did that around 12:30 or so. I felt like I was managing the contractions well and felt like I was in a "zone" and wasn't talking much to anyone. I had not yet called the midwives because I was so gun shy about going in too early, after my labor experience with Theo. I finally decided to call around 2:00 and let them know what was going on. The contractions had changed to 4 minutes apart and I had to put the phone down when I was talking to the midwife to work through them. She asked me a bunch of questions and told me to get my things together and head to the hospital.

We took our time getting things together and going over last minute instructions for Mom and Theo. Theo woke from his nap in a grumpy mood and Susan brought him up to see me. She left us alone for a bit and he cuddled up to me in bed and seemed so sad. I talked to him and told him I loved him and that Gramma was going to take good care of him. I will never forget those last few minutes of just he and I. I brought him downstairs and we got ready to leave. He and Mom left for Target at the same time we left for the hospital, thinking it would be a good distraction. I was so incredibly sad to say goodbye to him. I was worried about how he would do with my mom as he was shy and upset when she got there. And, I was aware that I was changing his life forever and sad that I couldn't explain it in a way he would understand.

By the time we got to the hospital and into triage, it was 5:00pm. The midwife, Stephanie, checked me and said I was 4 centimeters. I was so discouraged. All I could think was that after managing contractions since 7:30 that morning, I'd only gained two centimeters. I started thinking back to Theo's birth and how basically the same thing happened. I then started to cry. I told her I just needed this whole thing to be over. The pregnancy had been so incredibly hard, saying goodbye to Theo was excruciating and I just wanted an end. She said we could do pitocin and an epidural if that's what I wanted, as contractions had stopped at that point. She said "I just don't do tears." WTH? A midwife who can't deal with crying? Anyway, I agreed to that. I just wanted to move along and however that was possible was ok with me. I asked if I had to get an epidural then or if I could try to manage contractions on my own with the pitocin. She said I could certainly try and the triage nurse said she'd had an unmedicated pitocin delivery. So, I decided we would start there and see how I did. Stephanie left to admit me and Susan and I were left in triage. The triage nurse was really sweet and encouraged me to let go of my first labor and accept that this was a new one and would be different. She talked about the mind being very important in labor and did her best to cheer me up and get me thinking positive.

We got into a room and Sam and Susan got the cars situated and set out to find something to eat. I hadn't eaten much and they told me I couldn't eat once the pitocin was started. They ran down and got me a ham sandwich and the nurse gave me a few minutes to eat it before she got started. Once I was done, she put the IV in my hand, got me on the fetal monitors and started the pitocin. It was around 6:00pm when she started the pitocin drip. She told me she was going to start out at a low dose since I'd just had a baby less than 2 years ago. Susan and I decided to start walking around the unit to help things along. Contractions restarted, but weren't really any worse than what they had been at home. I was able to work through them easily. Sam stayed in the room and watched Project Runway. As we lapped around the unit, my nurse would adjust the pitocin amount in 15 minute intervals. The second dose kept the contractions pretty much the same and we kept walking. She turned it up again and I was tired of walking, so we went back to the room. I asked when the point of no return was for an epidural and she said there wasn't, unless baby was crowning. She explained that shift change was at 7, so if I started thinking that way to let her know so she could get it ordered. Around 6:30, the contractions all of a sudden got really strong. I asked for a yoga ball and worked through about 2 of them before I decided I really was done with dealing. Sam or Susan got her and I told her I was done and wanted an epi. She agreed and said she would go get it ordered. The contractions were coming like gangbusters and I was having Susan do counter pressure while I sat on the ball, but nothing was making a difference. The next thing I knew, I got "stuck" in a contraction that wouldn't quit. I started screaming. I screamed at Sam to get the nurse and tell her to turn the pitocin off until the epidural was in. My body felt like it was being ripped in half. I couldn't move off the yoga ball and felt myself losing control. I started screaming "help me! help me! get an epidural!", which I am sure scared the crap out of every other laboring woman on the floor. I have never felt so much pain my life and there was no break at all in the contractions, it was just one long one. At 7:00 the nurse and midwife rushed in after hearing all my screaming and I begged for some kind of pain killer in my IV until the epidural came. Stephanie sternly said she had to check me, which made me mad. All I wanted was pain relief! Then my water broke all over the birth ball. She and Susan took my pants off and helped me onto the bed, where I screamed and writhed in pain. Stephanie checked me and made eye contact with the nurse. She looked at me and said "sister, you are at 9, the epidural won't make it."

Susan was telling me it was about to be all over and Stephanie was barking at the nurses to get a tray ready. My poor nurse who was supposed to leave at 7 stayed to help the new nurse who had just walked in. I kept screaming and was no more believing this was about to be over, as 30 minutes ago, I had been fine and only an hour before had been a measly 4 centimeters. Stephanie told me to open my eyes and listen to her. She said my body was going to tell me to push and to go ahead and do it. I started to feeling burning and knew that meant her head was ready. Susan kept saying "she's right there, you are doing so good!" and all the while I was wanting to just DIE it hurt so much. I started pushing and felt the ring of fire. I pushed when I felt like it, but really, Lucy came down on her own. I vaguely remember hearing Stephanie tell me to slow down and said Lucy had the cord around her neck. I gave one more push and she was out! 7:15pm - two hours and 15 minutes from when I got to the hospital, an hour and 15 minutes after given the first dose of pitocin and 45 minutes from when the contractions got really strong and felt like labor.

I was so shocked at how I felt instantly better once she was out. Everything just stopped and they put her right on my chest. She seemed so tiny to me and was screaming loudly! The room was bustling as I don't think anyone expected it to go as fast as it did. Lucy hung out on my chest while we waited on the cord to stop pulsing. Once it did, Susan cut it and we got a good look at Lucy. Stephanie said I had one small tear, a 1st degree that would need two stitches. She said the placenta was ready, but she wanted me to push it out as the marginal cord insertion made it risky to pull on it. I pushed it out and once again, declined to look at it (gross!). I tried to get Lucy to latch, but I was laying down and couldn't quite make it work. I laid there with her on my chest while they stitched me up. Finally they sat me up and Lucy latched on right away! I gave her a few minutes and then handed her off to Susan.

I remember right after she came out locking eyes with my nurse and saying "I did it!" I honestly couldn't believe I had lived through it. We stayed in that room only long enough for me to get up and go to the bathroom and then they took us up to our recovery room. Stephanie congratulated all of us and said I was very strong. I have no idea what Sam was doing during the birth but she took great pictures afterwards!

We settled into our recovery room and they brought me something to eat. My legs were shaky, but otherwise, I felt good. I do regret that I don't have many specific memories of Lucy coming out or the actual moment of birth. I was so out of my mind with pain, I was focused on ending it and wasn't thinking much about what I was doing. This saddens me since this was the last time I will experience it. There wasn't time or sense of mind to ask for a mirror to watch her crown like I did with Theo and there are definite gaps in my memory of what happened. Susan's version will hopefully fill those in.

We are so lucky to have two healthy, beautiful kids and have spent the last few days settling in. Lucy loves to eat and now that my milk is in, she's becoming more agreeable and sleeping in longer stretches. Breastfeeding is going MUCH better this go 'round since I know how to work on her latch. Theo is warming up to her, though he won't hold her yet. He calls her "Loo chi" and pats her head very gently. I've been trying to spend as much time with him as I can and he seems like such a big boy to me now!

So, that's the story, as I remember it. Fast and furious but the outcome was good. We are very happy!

She's here!

Lucinda Katherine Hill, born 10/21/10 at 7:15pm. 6 lbs, 15oz, 19 and 1/4 inches. Will post a birth story soon, but here's the headliner - from 4 cm to baby on my chest in less than 90 minutes with Pitocin and no pain meds at all. Yeah, I do NOT recommend that!

Everyone is doing very well and we will go home this evening. Theo will be here in a bit to meet her and I can't wait to see him. Breastfeeding is going very well!