One year ago.

This was our boy, exactly one year ago. Amazing.

Running?

As I mentioned before, I am training to run the Charlottesville Women's 4 Miler with my friends. I am using a Couch to 5K program and have done really well. So far, I haven't hit a day that I couldn't finish. Only, I am only on week 4 and the race is in less than 4 weeks, meaning I won't hit the end of the training before the race. The reason is my stupid back. I had pretty bad sciatica with both pregnancies, only with my first, it went away after delivery. This time, it's gotten worse and as Lucy is 9 months old, clearly it can't be pregnancy related. I finally saw a spine doctor who said I likely sustained an injury during Lucy's delivery (since it was so fast and not well controlled) and to do ice, Advil and PT. And, no more running. I was really disappointed but it actually doesn't hurt WHEN I am running (only after) so I decided to just continue to train and do the ice and Advil right after running.

Some days, I can't walk by the end of the day, running or no running. I can't sit on the floor with the kids for more than a minute. Giving them baths is excruciating. I haven't made it to PT yet, largely because I have been down this road before and I know it's not going to make a difference and it's really expensive. Now my hip is getting out of whack because of how I compensate to walk when my back is messed up. Did I mention I am only 33???

It's discouraging, it's painful and it makes me mad. Will it always be like this? I can't believe that my activities are limited. Sucks. So, for now, I have resigned that I will not be able to run the whole 4 miles. I hope I can at least run the last half, but we will see. Makes me really sad.

There's always next year, I guess.

Sometimes, it's the big things.

And sometimes, it's the small things. Susan's parents were here visiting for a couple of days when Lucy made a big leap - she let Gran hold her and play with her for a good 10 minutes! She also let her hold her a few other times while out shopping. She didn't cry at all and when she was "done" she just reached for Susan or I.

To most people, it's probably not a big deal, given that she is 9.5 months old. To us, it was huge. More or less since birth, she has screamed bloody murder if anyone besides me or Susan (and sometimes even Susan) so much as looked at her, no less tried to hold her. It was to the point that we had to ask well meaning strangers to please not speak to her or try to engage her. Those who know us well stopped trying to hold her at all, as they knew she'd just freak out.

It got to the point where I broke down one night because I was sure that I was the only person in the world who liked her at all and that everyone thought she was a "bad baby." My heart broke for anyone to think that because she is a great baby and a sweet girl, just one with a few challenges.

I was so happy to see her interacting with her grandparents and that they got to see what a sweet, happy girl she is.

Job news.

Now that it's official, I can share the details. I started at Duke almost two years ago in the position I have now. When I was interviewing, the team leader told me they had requested an additional day for the position and wanted to be sure I was ok working three days/week. I said I was, but at the time, I could have gone either way. The extra money would have been nice, but Theo was 10 months old, I'd never spent an entire day away from him and three days seemed like a lot. So, for about a year, I didn't say much about it.

Over the past year, it's been clear that the third day was needed. We'd really like to move to a bigger house, closer to Duke, and needed the extra income to do that. Also, my patient load is crazy and I was having a hard time getting everything done in two days. So, I started asking. And asking and asking and asking. Heard lots of empty promises and "maybes." So, I started poking around just to see what else was out there. I wanted to remain part time and I wanted to continue working in a hospital, in pediatrics, so that limited the options. I did find a part time position at Wake Med and applied.

The short version is, after a phone interview and a TWO HOUR panel interview, I was offered the position. I was honest with Duke the whole time and let them know exactly why I was looking and that it had absolutely nothing to do with being unhappy there, just a need for more hours. Well, all of a sudden, they got serious. My boss asked me not to accept an offer without giving them a chance to respond. I got the unofficial offer from Wake Med a week ago, but had to wait on the HR rep to come back from vacation to give me the official offer and to discuss salary. She finally called and I kid you not, while I was on the phone with her, my pager went off with a message that said "can you start working three days/week on August 15th? Call me immediately." Nothing like the 11th hour!!

I told both hospitals I needed a night to think on it. There were pros and cons to both. Wake Med is closer. It's a new position with 20 hours a week that I could use however I wanted and come and go as I please. But. It was grant funded. It was a new position. They wanted 5 days/week (4 hours/day) which could have easily started looking like a full time job. I didn't know anyone. It would be starting over. I love working at Duke. I have friends there. I am respected for my work and have a good relationship with my clinics. It would be more money. But. It's three full days away from the kids. I'd never get to take or pick up Theo from preschool, so I would feel like I didn't know his teachers at all. One of my coworkers drives me crazy.

I called my boss on my way home that evening and told her about not being able to take and pick up Theo from school and how sad that made me. She agreed that on Tuesdays I could flex my hour and work 9:30 to 6 instead of 8:30 to 5. That sealed it. I did come home and talk with Susan and we agreed that the extra money and the concession of the hour on Tuesdays was more than I could have hoped for. I also would be earning PTO and retirement. And, when we are able to move, the commute will be cut in half, so the days won't seem quite as long.

I gave my decision yesterday and was SO relieved. It's been a long two weeks and it felt like I was playing chicken with Duke. I'm so happy they came through for me. Wake Med asked if there was anything they could do to change my mind, but I had my mind made up. This is going to mean really good things for us and we have a goal to be in a new house in 18 months! I also had my annual review yesterday which went well and I was able to thank my boss in person. And, hear a lot of nice things about my work and contributions to the team which felt nice.

So, that's the story. Susan and I will be Dookies for a good long while!!