On Friday morning, November 14, 2008, I got up to go to work and discovered a lot of bleeding. I was really nervous because usually red blood is a sign of something bad. I turned off the shower and came out and said to Susan, “Call the midwives, I am bleeding.” I have never seen her move so fast in all my life! She paged the on call MW and the wait for the call back seemed like forever. Susan took care of feeding the dogs and letting them out while we waited. I finally spoke to Jewell and she wanted me checked out in the ER since they don't have ultrasound equipment at the birth center. We discussed which hospital to go to as UNC is where they can deliver, but that is not the closest hospital to us. This was the first of many decisions we would have to make. She asked if I had felt him moving around that morning and I said I thought I had, but couldn’t be sure. She said if I hadn’t that I needed to go to the closest hospital, but if I had, then try to make it to UNC. I yelled for Susan to bring me something cold and sweet to drink so I could try and get Theo moving. She came up with a vitamin water and a tub of cookies. We started getting dressed and we were REALLY nervous. We decided the best thing to do was go to the closest hospital because if it was an emergency we didn’t want to waste time and if it wasn’t, we would just go home anyway. We went on to the ER at Rex and they did an ultrasound and determined everything to be just fine, said I wasn't dilating and there could be any number of reasons for the bleeding. We were so relieved (and I had felt Theo moving by that point)! We left the ER and had a much needed breakfast at IHOP.
We both decided to stay home from work and just rest. I had an appointment later that day with the midwives anyway, so it seemed silly to do anything else. That appointment was fine and routine, we saw Allison who was glad everything was alright and she felt around and thought maybe he would come within the next week (which was my due date anyway). We decided to do some things that night to try and help him out, and I had a coupon for Janie and Jack that I wanted to use, so we went and walked around the mall for an hour and a half and picked out an outfit for Theo to wear for his newborn pictures. While we were walking, I would have pains in my cervix and had to stop a couple of times, but nothing major. The mall we went to has a PF Changs, so we decided to get some of that for take out. I ordered mine EXTRA spicy and teased the hostess that I was trying to get this baby out, so they needed to spare no spice on mine. We came home and ate and just did some stuff around the house and went to bed as usual. Around midnight, I woke up with contractions.
I decided not to wake Susan as they weren’t strong or regular, but I could tell she wasn’t sleeping well. I drifted in and out of sleep, going to the bathroom and expecting to see more blood, but everything was fine. I was exhausted and Susan was so restless. Finally at around 4:30 am, I got on my computer and started timing them with an online contraction monitor. About 30 minutes later, I realized Susan was awake and told her what was going on. We continued to time them for about an hour and they were coming anywhere from 2-8 minutes apart and lasting about a minute and a half. We decided to page the midwives and Maureen called us back. Maureen and I spoke and she agreed that I should come in and be checked. She said Leigh Ann would meet us at the birth center, which was 45 minutes away. I called my mom who wanted to be there for the birth and told her to get in the shower, that it seemed like today was the day.
We got to the birth center around 7:00am, beating Leigh Ann there. I was continuing to have contractions, but was managing. Leigh Ann got us settled in the blue room and checked me out. I was 1.5 centimeters dilated and in what she termed “early labor.” I was hoping for more since this had been going on for 7 hours! She said that we had a few options – they are not designed to monitor early labor, only active labor which could be a ways off for me. I could stay there and rest, or go home and rest, which she thought was the best idea. The thought of getting back in the car at that point was super unappealing and my mom was on her way, so we decided to stay at the birth center until mom got there and then see where things stood. Susan and I did some walking around the center outside, it was such a nice fall day. There was a yoga class starting upstairs so people were outside while we were walking and breathing through contractions, but I didn’t care. When we weren’t walking, we were inside and I was sitting in a rocking chair or on the birth ball, talking to Theo, telling him we were ready to and come on out. Mom finally arrived around 10:00am and Leigh Ann checked me again, but I had not made any progress. She encouraged us to go home and rest up, saying I was having a baby for sure, but not any time soon. She gave me a prescription for Vistaril to help me rest at home and told us just to leave our stuff, that we would be back.
We got back to the house at around 11:30am and I got in the bathtub while Mom went and got my prescription. I took the Vistaril and tried to work through the contractions in the tub. The Vistaril made me more tired than I already was, having not really slept the night before, but didn’t allow me to sleep. The tub helped somewhat, but not at all like I had hoped. Mom went to the grocery store to get labor snacks for us while Susan helped me in the tub. The contractions seemed to me to be getting stronger and more painful and the tub was just annoying, so I decided to get out. Susan came up to help me and I leaned on the counter in the bathroom, looked at her and said “I can’t do this” and started to sob. She reminded me that this is what we wanted and planned for and that I could do it. I continued to cry and said I couldn’t and just wanted to go to the hospital. I kept pleading with her to call Leigh Ann and tell her I wanted to go to the hospital, I did NOT want to go back to the birth center. She agreed to call Leigh Ann and came back up and said that she wanted us to come back to the birth center, that maybe I had flown through dilating and was closer than she thought. Susan pointed out that we needed to get our stuff anyway. So, after being home an hour, we drove 45 minutes back to the birth center and got there just after 1:00pm.
When we got back, Leigh Ann checked me again and I was “ around 3.5 – maybe 4 centimeters”, which seemed like such little progress. I started crying again and telling her that I wanted to transfer. She thought it was time to try some pain meds there first and see what progress could be made. She was doing a good job of trying to keep me where I wanted to be, but it was so hard to agree. I didn’t want meds, didn’t want to go to the hospital really, I just wanted to be in less pain, or at least progressing. I agreed to the meds, and she gave me two shots of Nubain. This took the edge off and Susan and I did some more walking. We talked about transferring and weighed the pros and cons. I really didn’t want to, so we agreed to wait out the Nubain and see what would happen. The Nubain allowed me to sleep in between contractions, which were still coming every 2-3 minutes. Leigh Ann taught Susan and my mom a “hee, hee, hoo” breathing pattern that they did with me for hours on end during contractions. While it seemed ridiculous, it did give me something to do and focus on during the contractions. She had agreed to check me again at 5:00pm. The Nubain began to wear off around 5:00pm, so she checked me and after 4 hours, I had made no progress. We talked again about our options and I opted for another dose, with the agreement that I would get up and start moving and doing some things to move the process along.
Around 7:00pm, the Nubain seemed like it wasn’t working as it had before and the contractions were still just as regular and close together and I wasn’t managing well. Leigh Ann checked me one more time, and again no progress. So after 19 hours of labor, I made it only to around 3.5 – 4 centimeters. At this point, I fell apart, started to cry and said I just couldn’t do it anymore. Leigh Ann agreed that it was time to transfer to get some Pitocin and an epidural. I was both defeated and relieved. It took some time to get everything together to transfer, and we got to UNC hospital around 8:00pm and into a room. Leigh Ann reminded us that the only thing that was changing was the venue, she was still in charge and my birth plan would still be followed. The anesthesiologist arrived around 9:00pm to do my epidural and I was scared, but also so happy that I would finally be out of pain for the first time in nearly 24 hours. He asked me all these stupid questions and I am sure I was rude to him, but he finally got it in and they got the Pitocin started and told me to rest. At 10:00pm, I was at 5 centimeters – so, in 9 hours, I progressed only 1 centimeter.
Susan, Mom and I tried to rest through the night and Leigh Ann would come in periodically to check on me. We were all wondering why she didn’t just break my water, but she said she didn’t want to because Theo was posterior or “sunny side up” and it would be harder for her to get him to turn if my water was broken. I was making some progress, though it was slow. They had to come in once and kick up the epidural as I began feeling more pain than I should have. The epi made my legs numb and heavy and at one point, one fell off the bed and I couldn’t get it up! In between sleeping, I checked my email and surfed around online a bit. Poor Mom ended up sleeping on the floor of the hospital room at one point, she was so tired. It was a really long night.
Leigh Ann came back in the room at 3:36am and finally decided it was time to break my water and said I was very nearly complete. She said I could either let the baby come down on his own, or I could start a little pushing to bring him down. She said her inclination was to do some pushing and see if he would move. Hearing “pushing” was music to my ears, thinking that the end was near. About a half hour later, we started some pushing. I heard her say “you need to move that hand”, which I knew meant he still had his hand up by his face. He was always like this in ultrasounds and at my appointment that Friday, Allison had said the same thing and had tried to move it away. Posterior positioning and a hand by the face meant a lot of work ahead of me. I spent the next 3 hours pushing through every contraction in every weird position imaginable. Holding onto a bar while squatting (not that easy to do when you can’t feel your legs!), holding onto a piece of fabric tied to the bar, hands and knees, on my side, on my back, with Mom and Susan holding my legs and head. Every contraction I would get the worst cramp in my right hip and would scream at poor Susan to rub it. I think I screamed at a lot of people during that three hours! Leigh Ann said I was doing a great job and was moving him down and that he was turning, but wasn’t completely the right way. Aside from when I would lay on my left side, Theo’s heart rate stayed steady and strong which was amazing and reassuring.
Somewhere around 6:30-ish in the morning after telling me what a great job I was doing, I asked how much longer and she said she thought within the hour (she said this joyfully) and I wanted to DIE. I didn’t think I would last another hour. They got me a mirror, per my request, but it was distracting, so I just kept my eyes closed. Mom and Susan kept saying, “he’s right there, you are so close!” which I no longer believed after hearing that for what seemed like hours. We kept working and finally his head was right there, which I could see in the mirror. I remember hearing Leigh Ann ask Susan if she had washed her hands, since she was going to catch. In all my pain I remember thinking “I hope she takes off her wedding ring so it doesn’t get goo on it.” I could see his whole head and felt like I was being ripped apart. The nurse, Susan and Mom were getting really excited and Leigh Ann finally yelled “no one talking but me now!” She told me this was called the “ring of fire” and I needed to breathe and give little pushes when she told me to. I got very serious and focused and listened to her and before I knew it, his little face popped out. I will never forget that image of seeing him for the first time in the mirror. He started to cry and Leigh Ann told Susan to put her hands on his ears and guide him the rest of the way out. She did, and at 7:27am, our son was FINALLY born after 31.5 hours of labor! He never completely turned anterior and was born with his hand by his face.
I felt instantly better once he was out and they laid him right on my chest. I couldn’t believe how small he was and Mom, Susan and I were all crying. Susan used Theo’s blanket to wipe her tears and we just looked at him and rubbed him up. He stayed there until the cord stopped pulsing and then Leigh Ann gave Susan the scissors to cut the cord. Then I was able to pull him up closer and get a better look at him. They took him over to the warmer and Susan went with him to make sure he got only the Vitamin K shot and no other intervention. She said he didn’t even cry for that. Leigh Ann delivered the placenta and asked if we wanted to see it (uh, no) and then told me I had a second degree tear and would need some stitches. She stitched me up while they finished up with the baby and Susan brought him over to me to see. He was SO alert, looking around at everyone, quietly taking it all in. Everyone commented on his alertness and he stayed this way for two and a half hours. Mom stepped out somewhere briefly and we finally got a few minutes as a family of three. I kissed Susan and we looked at our son together, so happy to finally have done it.
Susan went and got us some breakfast at the cafeteria and came back looking like she had positively hit a wall. We had been up for basically three days at this point and were both exhausted. With breakfast she brought a piece of chocolate cake with sprinkles and said it was Theo’s birthday cake.
The rest of the day was spent with grandparents arriving and visiting. I was moved to a post partum room, but we wouldn’t be staying long. Since I was really a birth center patient, I could leave whenever we wanted to. So, we stayed for ten hours after his birth and left for home at 5:00pm. Ted drove us home since I couldn’t drive and Susan was too tired – Mom had gone ahead of us to make dinner.
So, while it wasn’t the birth we had painstakingly planned for, the outcome was exactly what we wanted. We both came through healthy and safe, which was all that mattered. I learned that the best laid plans doesn’t always come to fruition, but I have always believed that things happen exactly as they should and this was no exception. When it was all over, Leigh Ann agreed that I had made exactly the right decision and that really there was no other choice. I just wasn’t progressing and we needed the intervention. The transfer to the hospital was smooth and everything went just as it is supposed to if a transfer is needed. I felt like I gave it my best and tried hard to bring him into the world with little intervention and have no regrets about the way it finally played out. I would definitely use the birth center again and try for a natural labor again, although I likely won’t be pregnant again. We received excellent care and felt like our wishes were honored. Leigh Ann never left our side during all the pushing and was reassuring the whole time. Susan and my mom were so helpful and supportive the entire time and I am so glad they were both there. One of the coolest things about the day was that when I got pregnant and we were given a due date of November 21st, Susan said she really thought he would be born on the 16th. She stuck to this throughout my whole pregnancy and as it turns out, her mother’s intuition was exactly right – he was born exactly when she thought he would be!
The only thing I wish I could change is to really enjoy the last few weeks of being pregnant. I was so ready to meet him and so uncomfortable, that I didn’t give enough consideration to how it would feel to be physically separated from him after 39 weeks of being attached to him. I didn’t know that the 15th would be the last day I would ever be pregnant, and I wish I would have so I could have really appreciated it and spent time just with him. I’m so happy he is here and it is the joy of my life to see Susan with her son, I just wish time would slow down.
So, that’s the story of Theodore Bryant Hill and his entry into the world. We love you so much, baby boy and look forward to the journey with you.
