Goodbye, my friend.

Otis

July, 2001 - August 23, 2010

Yesterday, we very unexpectedly had to say goodbye to a member of our family. Our 9 year old cat, Otis, developed a blockage in his urethra (seemingly overnight and out of nowhere) that was not fixable. His bladder filled, causing his urethra to rupture and urine to being spilling into his body. He had been completely fine until Sunday when he was running in and out of the litter box and then began squatting in other places in the house (which he had NEVER done before), so we assumed it was a UTI and made a vet appt. for the next morning. Never in a million years did I think it would end up like it did. The vet could tell he was "blocked" and said he'd have to stay the night and they would put in a catheter, flush the blockage out and he'd be all fixed up. She called an hour later to say that they had tried and tried but the block was simply too large and they couldn't get the catheter in. Both vets had tried and neither could get it. The only other option was a super invasive surgery that is very difficult, with a hard recovery and likely wouldn't solve the problem completely. She said she would not put her cat through it. We had to make a very difficult decision right away and we decided to put him out of his pain. She told us they would wake him up so we could come in and say goodbye and to come at 3:00.

When we got there, only 3 hours from when I left him, his legs were already swelling because of all the fluid he could not void. He couldn't walk because his back legs didn't work, but I don't know if that was the fluid or just from being under anesthesia earlier. They gave us some time with him and I held him and we all petted him and told him what a good cat he was. We apologized for not being the best owners over the past year and a half, as parenting a human baby had consumed us. Susan left for a few minutes to change Theo and I had a couple minutes with him alone. He curled up on my lap and snuggled his head across my belly, like he was laying down with Lucy. I told him again he was a really good cat and thanked him for always being so good to Theo. I told him that we always told everyone how lucky we were to have a cat that was so good with our baby. I told him we would all miss him and that we were sorry we couldn't fix him.

The vet came in and Susan followed right behind. We told Theo to say bye bye to Otis and gave him last hugs and kisses. I held him on my lap while he went to sleep. He purred right up until he was gone. The vet told me he would close his eyes as he drifted off and I picked Otis' head up to see those pretty green eyes again one more time before he closed them for good. He got more love and attention in his last 30 minutes then he had for the past 2 years and he soaked it all in. It was awful watching the vet carry him away and having to walk out with his empty carrier in one hand and his collar in the other.

His whole life, he made it his mission to try and get outside. He really wanted to be an outside cat, but I was too afraid he'd get hurt or run off. His last day on earth he spent outside. I didn't want him peeing everywhere (not knowing he couldn't anyway) so I put him in the yard with the dogs. It's all fenced and I knew he'd be safe. We laughed because he never left the patio and seemed to just want to come back inside. He essentially got his dying wish and then decided it wasn't all it was cracked up to be!

I got Otis as a tiny kitten 9 years ago when someone found him in a storm drain and brought him up to Rainbow Station where I was working. I was about to move out of my parents' house for my last year of undergrad, so I took him. He was "my" first real pet all on my own. I've had Otis for 9 years, 7 moves, my last year of undergrad, my first move on my own to a new city, my first real job, my first new car, my first real broken heart, my first new house, graduate school, marriage and the birth of my first child. While we jokingly called him "Captain Annoying" or "The Resident Pest", he's been right by my side for a long time. He accepted Susan, even though she threw him out of the bed and accepted both dogs and Theo as members of his family without a second thought. He accepted being relegated to low man on the totem pole and was a happy, healthy cat until his last day. He scratched the furniture and meowed incessantly, but he never scratched or bit or asked for much of anything. He was an excellent cat and we will all miss him. The house already seems so much quieter without his meowing and banging in and out of his room.

We may not have done a great job at showing you all the time, Otis, but we loved you. You were a member of our family and your place in our home will be missed. We won't ever have another cat, but we will keep your place on the landing and the back of the couch warm for you. And when I sit in the chair in Lucy's room and nurse her or read to Theo, I will think of you and how over the last few weeks you had claimed that chair as yours. Thank you for taking care of me and for loving everyone I brought into our family. Rest in peace, Otis Potis.

Breaking up is hard to do.

Well, I talked to the birth center yesterday to let them know we are changing providers. Initially, I was going to keep my appointment on Monday and tell them in person, but then I decided that I didn't want to mess up anything with insurance and having two appointments too close together (one with them and one with the new practice) and it's almost an hour drive and well, I'm a chicken. The conversation actually went very well and it was one of the midwives I barely know, so that made it easier somehow. I felt very listened to and respected and she agreed that mother's intuition is not something to be ignored and we needed to be wherever we felt the safest for birth. So, whew. I faxed in all the release paperwork and they should have sent my records yesterday to the new practice. So now I just wait on the new midwives to call me for an appointment, hopefully by Monday at the latest.

In fun news, we have an ultrasound on Tuesday! This one is to check on her size due to the marginal cord insertion issue. Well, that's the official reason, I have no worries at all about her size and strength, we just want one more peek before the big day. They have a 3D machine there, so hopefully she will cooperate and we can get some cute face shots that look more babyish and less alienish. Nice to be able to have a 3D ultrasound on the insurance company!

Thank you for all the nice comments on the post below, they helped with the process a lot and I really appreciated them.

The decision.

Parenting is full of decisions. Parenting is also full of other people's opinions, requested and unrequested. I think the best parents consider opinions they asked for, tune out the ones they didn't and ultimately make the best decision for their family. This is what we try to do, though it can be hard to drown out the "noise" of all the opinions floating around out there.

Before I got pregnant with Theo, we found the birth center. We loved it there. They were welcoming, accepting and supportive of our family (notice I didn't use the word "tolerant") and without them, we wouldn't even have Theo. They helped us get pregnant and were there every step of our first pregnancy. Leigh Ann, the midwife who delivered Theo was all I could have asked for during that long 31.5 hours. She was patient, calm, stern when needed and in the end, made the call to go to the hospital which was the right thing to do. Even though I didn't get to deliver Theo at the birth center, she still delivered him and was with us every step. He never left our arms, no less our room and none of the interventions we were afraid might happen did. In short, it went absolutely as well as it could have, even though a hospital birth was "plan B."

The birth center was there for us again when we started trying for a second and encouraged us to get some outside help when they had done all they could. When our plans changed and I got pregnant with Lucy, it seemed natural to go back to the only place that had ever cared for us in this journey. And, for the past 30 weeks, I have been their patient. The whole time, however, I have had this nagging feeling about what might go wrong if I didn't deliver in a hospital. I tried to shrug it off, after all these were the same people I'd had total confidence in when I was pregnant with Theo. I thought and thought and did some quiet research on my own about other options, but was sad when I considered changing providers. I read blogs, listened to strong opinions on both sides and felt like I was getting weighed down by this decision and wasn't sure whose voice to listen to.

Finally I asked myself what was different this time that was causing me to have doubts. I think it was three things: first, I have Theo to think about now. Obviously, I was thinking of him last time but now I really know what it's like to be a mother. And, I love that boy more than anyone in the world. If something happened to me, Susan would have to raise him alone. If something happened to Lucy, I'd be forever changed as a person and likely in need of heavy medication for the rest of my life, which would change the kind of mother I am to him. Second, I now work in a big children's hospital and spend my two days a week there dealing with really, really sick kids. Now, only maybe 1% of these have a birth injury, but still. It changes your perception greatly when you see what these families have to deal with on a daily basis. And last, I have known or known of 4 different families who have experienced stillbirth, cord accident or a late term miscarriage in the past YEAR. That's a lot. Susan just talked with a new doctor at the hospital whose uneventful pregnancy ended in a baby not breathing at birth and ended up in the NICU for a week. While the baby is ok, they never could figure out what happened. Had they not had the NICU right there, it could have been very different. Odds are in favor of a totally normal, healthy delivery, but I sure don't want to be one of those families if I can help it. All of this shook my confidence.

I was talking to a friend about all this and she asked me if everything with Lucy's birth went fine, would I regret being in a hospital. My answer was, yes, I would, but I would get over it. If something happened to her or me as a result of not being in a hospital, though, that kind of regret would not be something I would ever recover from. Ever. I think that was the moment of clarity I needed.

Susan and I made the decision together and so, we are going to be leaving the birth center's care at 30 weeks along. I have an appointment on Monday and will tell them in person. Lucky for me, UNC has an all midwife practice that delivers at the hospital. I will be changing to them, so I will still get to have a low intervention, midwife delivery, only in a hospital with an excellent NICU down the hall, just in case. We both feel like this is the best of both worlds.

I still believe that birth is a natural process that deserves to be as hands off as possible. A hospital birth still feels like "plan B", but I am really hopeful that we can have the birth we want, while still feeling safe. I have very little trouble bossing people around :) so I don't have concerns about being my own best advocate. Lucy won't leave our side, she won't have her cord cut until it stops pulsing, no one will give her anything but Vit K (not even eye ointment) and no one will stick an artificial nipple in her mouth. I will still try my best for a drug free birth and there will be NO c-section unless one of our lives is in danger - baby fat squishes, so big baby or no big baby, she'll come out. If the birth center did planned hospital births, we'd stay with them, no question, but they don't and so that's not an option. I'm most upset about potentially having to stay overnight, but I am hoping I won't have to. I've heard most hospitals will only make you stay for 6 hours after birth if you really push them. We stayed for 10 after Theo's birth and then came home and everything was just fine.

So, that's the long and short of it. Well, really just the long I guess! It was an extremely difficult decision to make, but now that it's been made, I feel at peace. A healthy mom and baby is what matters the most and I am very confident we will have both.

Fruit pickin'.

Last year, we took our little family and our good friend Kelsi, and attempted to go apple picking.

It was a total bust that year as they were completely, totally OUT of apples. So, when I learned that the same orchard had peaches ripe for picking and even some apples that are early this year because of the rain (or no rain, I forget), I was hesitant. The orchard is an hour and a half away, after all, so it's not just an easy place to run out and have a look see. Nonetheless, I checked the website which assured me that they had plenty of crop and so yesterday, we set off.

We ended up with good weather, it was overcast and high 70's in the morning and we got there around 10:00am. This was perfect. The peach orchard left a bit to be desired as the stench of the rotting fruit on the ground was SO DISGUSTING. Also, there were swarms of mosquitoes and I can't even count how many bites I got. Susan got a few and Theo seemed to have escaped with only two, but we slathered ourselves with Skin So Soft after 10 minutes, which seemed to keep the rest away. We quickly picked some peaches and headed for the apples. The apple orchard is more open and was not smelly or buggy. We picked some nice Galas, which are my second favorite (after Fujis) and let Theo run around the orchard. They had a pond there which of course, he loved.

We grabbed some pizza for lunch and then headed for home. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with all the fruit, but I knew I wanted to try canning. That night, Theo ate an ENTIRE peach and loved every last bite. He's had three whole ones since yesterday and really seems to like them. Susan tried an apple and Theo and I made two loaves of peach bread last night which came out really well.

Today, Theo and I set off for Wal Mart to pick up some canning supplies. I was a little intimidated because all I've ever made is strawberry freezer jam, but you don't have to do much with that. Proper canning is a whole new ballgame. We found the jars we needed, the accessories and a big canning pot. After a nap was had by all, I got started. I decided to make apple butter, applesauce and sliced peaches in light syrup (thanks, Kelsi!). I didn't get to the applesauce today, but I did the rest. It was easier than I thought, although I think I used every pot I own and discovered it's really hard to make big batches of everything when you are using a Magic Bullet instead of a food processor (note - birthday is in October, a food processor would be nice!). I also really needed two oven mitts and I only have one, but I didn't sustain any injuries, thankfully. Our kitchen is the size of a shoe, so it's a challenge to do much in there, but I got it all done and the jars are cooling their heels on the counter as we speak.

We tried out some of the apple butter after dinner and it was REALLY good. And, it made my heart feel warm and fuzzy to feed Theo something I made with apples he helped us pick, that just yesterday were on a tree. After all that, I even made dinner, though I can't say I wanted to.

Canning was fun! It would be more fun with more work space and better tools, but I really did like it. I'm going to make applesauce tomorrow for the kids to eat through the year and again, warm fuzzy heart over Lucy's first food being something I made with apples her family picked right off the tree. I wonder what else I can make?

29 weeks (almost).

I'll be 29 weeks on Wednesday, only one more week of the 20s! I never made it to the 40s with Theo, as he was 5 days early. Here's hoping to a repeat of that!

How far along?

29 weeks.
Total weight gain/loss:

15 at my last appt. I don't go again until the 23rd.
Maternity clothes?

Oh yes. Some of my shirts are already too short.
Stretch marks?

Nope. I never got even one with Theo and am hoping to be lucky again. So far, so good.
Sleep:

Still sucky. In addition to the usual problems, the bathroom trips have increased.
Best moment this week:

Theo feeling Lucy kick - although, I don't think he knew what it was.
Movement:

Yep. She's a mover!
Food cravings:

Hot tea.
Gender:

Girl
Name:

Lucinda Katherine "Lucy"
Labor Signs:

No, which is good since it's too early for her to be born. I have a fair amount of Braxton Hicks, especially when I overdo it, which is often.
Belly Button in or out?

In and flat.
What I miss:

Being able to play on the floor with Theo.
Weekly Wisdom:

Spend as much time with the firstborn as possible. He'll never be an only child again.

Milestones:

Finished Lucy's room! And another, but it's kind of TMI for the blog.

Happy World Breastfeeding Week!

I've blogged a lot about breastfeeding, so I won't repeat it here. This is World Breastfeeding Week, so a big hats off to all the breastfeeding mamas, past and present! I was happy to nurse Theo for 16.5 months without ever giving him any formula and can't wait to have a tiny newborn to nurse again in two short months. Not a mom? Well, you can still be a part! Encourage a breastfeeding mom. If you catch the eye of a mom nursing in public, a smile goes a long way. It's not easy to do, especially in the beginning. I was SO nervous the first time, fumbling with blankets and trying not to hit Theo's head on the table while also trying to eat pizza at California Pizza Kitchen. I always try to smile at breastfeeding moms since I know how hard it can be - try it!

Happy World Breastfeeding Week!

Hey, good lookin'.

Whatcha got cookin'?

Theo really loves to "hep" me do different things and it's usually easier to just engage him in the process then try to entertain him while he tugs on my pants. Today we made a German chocolate cake together for tonight's dessert. He was so excited to help, he did his trademark Theo shake.