One.

DSC_0475, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

Our sweet girl is a year old! And, oh what a year it has been. After the pregnancy from hell and the delivery to match, I was sure the universe "owed" me an easy baby. Well, the universe showed me! An easy baby she was not; the early days clouded with screaming, reflux and breastfeeding troubles. We soldiered on, often wondering if we would live through her first year.

For roughly the first 6 months, she only wanted me to hold her. While this was flattering, it was also extremely tiring. She had another wonderful, capable parent, but when she gets something in her head, that's all she wants (wonder where she gets it?). She cried when other people so much as looked at her, forget about holding her. It took a lot to right the ship, to hold it together and to just get through many, many months with her.

And you know what? It was all completely worth it. This girl and I - we have a bond forged in fire. So many days it was her and I walking through a war and we came out of it strong and together. This is important because it took me a long time to bond with her. It makes me sad to say that, especially since Theo and I were bonded about 4 seconds after he was born, but it's true. I don't know if it was because she was second born and learning to love anyone like my first baby was something I wasn't even sure I could do, or if it's just because she was tough. But, bond we did, and it is fierce.

She has taught me so much in the past year. I've learned how far a mother's love can carry you through really hard days, I've learned I can love someone else like I love Theo and I learned how much I need Susan. I am very lucky to have her. I also learned a lot about other people's judgment and perceptions. Countless times people would tell me about "so and so's baby" who just smiles all the time and loves anyone to hold her and then finish it off with "she's SUCH a good baby." This was usually after I explained why I wasn't able to hand Lucy off for a cuddle. I admit, this got to me. I cried one night to Susan that I didn't think anyone in the world liked Lucy but me and that no one thought she was a "good baby." Well, you know what? She's not a good baby. She's an incredible baby. Fierce in her loyalty, sunny, smiley and cautious with who she trusts. We should all be so smart.

Tonight when I put her to bed, we did our usual nursing routine in the chair. And then my favorite - I walk her to the crib and put in her paci. She crawls up a little higher on my shoulder, tucks her legs under her, wraps her arms tightly around my neck, lays her head on my shoulder and waits for me to hum her a song. She stays like that for as long as I will let her. I have to put her to bed because of the nursing, but truth be told, I'd be really sad to hand her off at bedtime. That's our special time together and I hope it lasts forever.

We love you so much, sweet Goose. You are the perfect addition to our family and we wouldn't trade you for all the "good" babies in the world. Happy Birthday!!