Christmas 2012 007

Christmas 2012 007, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

Apple picking (for real this time)!

FINALLY we went apple picking and were successful. The past several years have been a bust, but this year we decided to go to Virginia and meet up with my dear friend, Jenny and her kids at Carter's Mountain. We combined this with an already planned trip to Richmond to celebrate all the fall birthdays and we had a great time. Though, as it turns out, apple picking is kind of hard. And muddy. And smelly. I think next time I will just go for the hayride and apple cider donut and skip apple picking. Ha! The kids had so much fun and I always love getting them together with Noah and Mallory. I wish more than anything that they were growing up near each other. I miss Jenny and Charlottesville and my other friends there a lot and am always sad after a visit. Ultimately, our jobs will keep us here and having the kids home with us and not in daycare is worth more than anything. So, we aren't moving. But, that doesn't mean I don't think about it all the time!

Anyway, here are some pictures from their time on the mountain and with their cousins, including their new cousin, Shelby.

Lucy being Lucy:

Big, fat update.

Now that I finally have the use of both arms (mostly) I wanted to update the last few months. I have discovered that doing the kids' yearly books takes a long time, especially when the blog is behind! There will be subtitles. I know.

School
School started the first week in September for both kids. This is Theo's third year and was to be Lucy's first. We had a last minute game change for Theo, in that a spot opened up in the other 3 year old class which was good because he would be with most of his friends, but it did change the days he would go. In the end, we took it. So, he goes to school M, T,W from 9-12 (except on Mondays when he stays for lunch bunch). He went right into his class with no trouble and is already having a banner year. They have show and tell, music class and more art projects than we've ever seen. He loves it.

And, Lucy. Sweet Goose. We I knew that she was not going to make it this year. She is just still socially so shy and needs to be with us most all of the time, that I figured she was going to hate it. And she did. We stuck it out for two weeks and the school was SO amazing at trying to work with her and us to find a way for her to learn to like school. In the end, we realized it wasn't going to get better and there was just no reason to torture her further. She's not yet two and if she needs another year home with us, then she does. We will try again next year and hope that with age, maturity and more verbal skills that she will flourish.

Here are their pictures on the first day:





Dance
For anyone who knows me, it's no secret how much I love dance and how much it was a part of my life as a teen. I have waited and waited and waited for a little girl and then one who was old enough for dance class. When Theo went to a birthday party this summer at a dance studio owned by one of the families of a kid in his class, I noticed they had a Mommy and Me class for Lucy's age! I registered her right away and she started at the beginning of September. It's so fun and she actually does really well. She likes the dancing and hand motions more than some of the other stuff, except the balance beam. She really loves that. I can't wait until she is old enough for a proper class, but I do have such a good time doing this with her on Saturday mornings.



Theo got hip to the fact that Lucy was dancing and said he wanted a dance class too. Imagine my overjoyment! (Is that a word?) Susan was a bit reluctant to put him in a traditional class where he would be the only boy, but spoke to someone who knew of a different studio that caters to boys and thought Theo would like it there. So, as a compromise, I enrolled him there and have two kids at two different places. Theo is in a boys only, 3-5 year old hip hop and funk class. And yes, it's as hilarious as you would expect. He absolutely LOVES it. I am already mentally planning for the gala this spring and can't wait to see him bust a move on stage. I need to get a picture of him!

Haircut
Lucy's hair had finally grown long enough to put in really good pigtails, but when it was down, she was rocking a super mullet. Since I was going to be unable to fix her hair for a few weeks anyway, we decided to go ahead and even it up. We got her a cute little bob that thickened her hair right away. It looks really nice and now it can continue to grow in and back to piggie length. In true Lucy form, she hated her haircut.





Health
I had surgery on my shoulder on August 30th. The fancy term is a biceps tenodesis with a subacromial decompression. Sounds fun, right? I've spent the last 6 weeks in a sling and it's been HARD. I do not do well mentally when I am out of commission. I need to be able to take care of my family. To cook, to clean, to do play dates, to run kids around - I need to do that. And when I can't, I get angry and miserable. This has confirmed my earlier thoughts that I never want to be pregnant again. I don't want to spend anymore time in pain or sick and unable to do everything I need to do. Anyway, the sling is off and I am working hard in PT every week and at home. I have very little range of motion and a lot of pain. It's going to be a long road back to full use.

This surgery was necessary because of the damage I did to my shoulder holding Lucy every waking second of her first year. I won't rehash that, but let's just say that was the hardest year of my life. And I am still paying for it, obviously.

Theo and I made a paper chain to count down getting the sling off and we had a sleepover to celebrate. We roasted marshmellows and watched It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. It was so much fun and I just live for these moments. While I love snuggling babies, getting to do this kind of thing is awesome.







I think I will end this here since this is so long already! I need to do another post on apple picking and birthday weekend in Richmond. I can't believe it's birthday season. Our girl will be TWO on Sunday. Yikes!

Weight loss update.

I'm still stuck in a sling, but haven't done a weight loss update in awhile. I am officially down 17 pounds and a size or two, depending on the brand. I'm still losing, even though I've been prohibited from exercising for the last 5 weeks. It's slow, but steady progress and as long as the scale keeps moving, I am fine with slow. The time is going to pass anyway. And Susan has lost 18 pounds! We are putting a lot less strain on our mattress, ha.

I get asked a lot, "what are you doing? which program?" Often I get a perplexed look when I tell them no program. Just eating less, moving more and drinking more water. If I want pizza, I eat pizza. But maybe two slices instead of four. A donut instead of three. Trying not to drink calories (looking at you, Starbucks). Keeping 1200 calories a day in mind, but only as a guide. If I really want McDs for breakfast, I have it, but then I go light for lunch and dinner. That kind of thing.

There are a lot of popular programs out there right now and I know many of them are great with really good health benefits. For ME, I am not a program girl. For one, I don't have time. I know, people always say that. And you totally do make time for what's important. So, I guess it's not that important to me. I also need something that's sustainable. I could, but don't want to, participate in something that eliminates things from my world. I like eating. I like apple cider donuts in fall and ice cream in summer. I love pancakes. Fries? Please. I can't live in a world without fries. Well, I don't want to. I know I could do something like that or Weight Watchers or whatever for a time, but I wouldn't stick with it forever. So, I needed to just find a way to live and have fun, but just eat less. You know that e-card going around FB about being a runner because you like to eat ice cream? Yeah, that's me. Balance. Earning it. Enjoying life. Not making food the end all and be all every day. Some days we do great and eat really well and other days, well, we don't. And that's fine. Life is hard and sometimes you need pizza just to make it to the next damn day.

I ordered a dress for my sister's wedding and it came yesterday. It's a bit slinky and  I was worried. I tried it on and for once in a long time was pleased with my reflection. I didn't feel like I'd be the fat mom at the wedding. That was nice. I have 13 pounds to go to hit the goal. I think Christmas is my time frame. It had been this wedding, but the surgery set me back. I should be cleared to exercise next Friday and then will probably restart The Shred, with modifications for my shoulder. Still in a rehab phase for 12 weeks post op. I know I can do it.

still here!

DSC_0533, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

We are still alive and well, but with use of only one arm, typing takes forever. Have lots of first to blog about - school, haircut, ballet - so hope to be back soon!

Zoo!

DSC_0020, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

Susan actually had most of the weekend off, so we planned a family day at the zoo for yesterday. We've been a couple of times, but it's almost 2 hours away, so it's not like we go often. Even though it was hot (and we swear every time we will NEVER go again when it's hot!) we had a great time. The kids are in the stage of wanting to walk, but tiring quickly so we were smart and brought the big double stroller. I think Lucy actually did more walking than Theo!

We saw lots of neat animals and had fun together. Lucy liked the giraffes best, I think. Theo liked the geyser. That kid LOVES water. Loves it. It's 5 miles of walking and very hilly, so we were dirty, smelly and tired when we finally got home.

Susan and the kids are going to visit her parents for a few days the last week in August and then that's a wrap for our summer! School starts for the kids on Sept. 5th and then it's a runaway train until after Christmas. Happy almost end of summer!

Is it fall yet?

DSC_0165, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

I kinda hate August (which is funny, because I love the name August and Lucy would have been named this were she a boy). I digress. Anyway, summer in the south sucks and once we hit August I just feel like we are weary and dragging ourselves across the summer finish line. It's like we can see fall, but one step outside and we are smacked in the face with the humid reminder that there's no need to pull out the jeans and sweatshirts. It's like living inside a dryer with damp towels.

If there is one thing that's crystal clear this year, it's that Theo thrives on preschool. He needs structure, a routine to our days, to see his friends, to play and to be somewhere that isn't with his parents for a few hours a week. When he's bored he turns from a cute imp into a one-step-away-from-homeless-imp. He and I butt heads more than he and Susan do and lately, I feel like all I do is correct him. I'm sick of it and I know he's sick of hearing it.

And Little Miss has been Captain Crankypants for days. It could be her remaining hold out teeth, or it could be that she is also just tired of the heat, humidity and summer. She's off to preschool this year too and I think she will love it, if she can get over her extreme shy-ness.

Today I packed them up and drove them 40 minutes to Durham to the museum. I didn't care that it would be hot, we just needed to do something different. And I needed to just walk behind them and keep them safe, but let them dictate their own fun. I get weary of being the cruise director. They had a great time, even though the train broke and we only stayed a little more than an hour. They ran, burned off energy and left me to just take some deep breaths and follow behind with a camera and some encouragement. Glorious. And even more glorious is that they are both asleep now. Cleaned up, down to skivvies and resting in a cool dark room does wonders for napping.

And I am free to sit on the couch, look for fall crafts on Pinterest and count the days until the dog days of summer are over.

Meal plan Monday.

Monday: Creamy chicken w/peas and brown rice (grocery day - using what I can scrounge)
Tuesday: Grilled chicken over salad
Wednesday: Spaghetti with turkey meat sauce (last time using jarred sauce - making my own soon!)
Thursday: Make if yourself!
Friday: Sesame ginger salmon w/fresh brussel sprouts
Saturday: Make your own pizza
Sunday: Roasted veggie burritos (Sunday is farmer's market day, so I get the veggies there)

Flashback Friday!

DSC_0047, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

This is what was going on this date last year. So, I guess Happy Birthday to our stroller. Ha!

Weight loss update.

And an update to below. Not pancakes for dinner - southwest pasta salad. I knew something didn't sound right when I posted it. But, I am the only one reading this anyway, so probably it doesn't matter.

Ok, so a mini-update since big updates are reserved for monthly (27th of the month, usually). This is the 10th week of working out (so 9.5 total) and I am down 11.5 pounds and more than 17 inches! Yay, me. And yay wife, who is also down 10. A little more than a pound a week seems to be my stride. Which in some ways, is depressing. I mean, people on the BL lose that much in a week. But, I didn't start at over 300 pounds and my goal is to lose 30, so I know I won't lose at that rate. And that's ok. I am looking for sustainable. After 2 months, I feel like my eating habits have changed and Jillian has become a part of my daily life. I needed to find something that worked. I don't like running and I don't have time for the gym. I DO have time for a 24 minute workout with Jillian in my living room.

I have three videos and just alternate those. One has 3 workouts, one has 4 and one has 2. So, I can get through a week without a repeater, which is nice. I eat less, try to keep 1200 calories in my mind as a ballpark and drink a crapton of water. And that's it.

I am close to getting into a few pairs of pants I haven't worn in a good while. And once I get back to my pre-Theo weight, I have a whole closet full of "new" stuff to wear. That feels good. Every week I try on a few things. Things that were once "yeah, that's not even going around my thighs" are now "well, they are on and zipped, but not appropriate for public viewing." So, I'm getting there.

I've been inspired by a friend who has done an amazing job on her own journey and today a nurse told me she started the Shred because she's been inspired by me. That is way cooler than what I can fit into.

Meal plan Monday.

1. Edamame rice w/sesame chicken (leftover from last week - didn't get made).
2. MYO Pizza.
3. Baked ziti (Theo's request).
4. Curried honey mustard chicken w/brown rice and veggies.
5. Turkey burgers w/corn on the cob and baked beans.
6. Breakfast.
7. FFYS.

Happy 4th of July!

DSC_0258, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

We had a great one, celebrating at the Rolesville Festival like last year. Hope you and your family had fun!

Meal plan.

Here's what we've got going on this week. How about you?

1. Roasted veggie and black bean burritos. Watermelon for dessert.
(Due to a snafu, we had these tonight. They were great! I highly recommend)
2. Marinated flank steak, roasted corn on the cob and rolls.
3. Sesame chicken and edamame fried rice (complicated, but Susan loves it).
4. Quesadillas w/leftover steak.
5. Pineapple and pecan chicken salad on multigrain toast.
6. Breakfast
7. Fix it yourself, Mama's going to Nana Taco!

Zzzzzzz.

How is it that just when we get one sleeping all night/napping/etc. that the other one decides to stop? Just when we got Lucy converted to one nap, Theo quit napping. Once in a blue moon (like when he's had swimming lessons in the morning, then played at the outside pool and then gone on errands and has been up since 5:25) he'll crash in the afternoon. But, it's super rare. All of this I think has contributed to the last few weeks of sleepwalking and night terrors. Dear god, this is exhausting. We put things on his doors so he can't get out of his room and end up walking the 'hood, but we are getting up 3-4 times a night to resettle him. We are SO TIRED.

Everything we've read says it's normal for this age and I think that since he's getting less sleep (no nap and now gets up an hour earlier than he was) that is contributing. As with all things, I know this will pass. Hopefully soon.

The good news is that this has confirmed for me that I do not want another baby. How did we ever do this (with more like 6 wake ups a night) for months on end???

Yesterday.

Yesterday I had an appointment to discuss my lady parts and why I wet my pants while I work out. For my own dignity, I shall spare you the discussion, but let's just say that the diagnostics she described would rival things I read about in 50 Shades of Grey. Ahem. Moving on.

So, I met with Leigh Ann, the midwife who delivered Theo. She's moved on from the birth center, but I knew where she'd gone and she was the only one I cared to discuss these issues with. During Theo's epic 31.5 hour birth, she was uh-ma-zing. She knew when to encourage and when to push. She never seemed ruffled. Most of all, she hung in there until the very end. She was the first person to put hands on my son, the person to guide Susan in how to assist with his delivery and the first person who ever told him, "oh, you are a really nice baby!" I bet she's delivered skillions of babies and she probably doesn't even remember my delivery (though she always pretends she does!), but I will never forget her. She left her thumbprint on our family and quite literally delivered us one of our most precious gifts.

All that to say, she's my girl when it comes to matters of the lady parts. She was with me for an hour and a half yesterday and do you know what she spent most of that time talking to me about? Lucy's birth. She wasn't there for it, I wasn't even a birth center patient at the time. I re-told the story, same way I have many times before, but the difference was, she really heard me. She heard me say that I was scared, out of my mind with pain and that my only memory of the whole thing was hearing I couldn't get an epidural and that the cord was around Lucy's neck. She heard me when I said the midwife present for the delivery yelled at me, assumed I was being wimpy when in fact I WAS ready to deliver only 45 minutes from the start of the pitocin drip. She heard me when I said the pain was so great and the experience so traumatizing that I will never get pregnant again. She understood when I told her how hard the pregnancy was, how I didn't get the right kind of medical support for the pregnancy and how difficult the post-partum period was with a very difficult newborn. She really got how this was supposed to be my redemption birth. The quick, unmedicated, textbook one. The one I painstakingly planned for with Theo and didn't get. She was there for that one, so she knew why I really wanted Lucy's birth to be different. How sad I am that I have basically no memory of it. Theo's was long, but there are many things I remember. I can close my eyes and see his face pop out in the mirror. I can remember exactly how it felt when he was handed to me. I remember words everyone said. I don't have that for Lucy and Leigh Ann cried when I told her that.

See this awesome picture? I assume my sister took it because she had the camera, but I don't remember. This is obviously when I first laid eyes on Lucy, I am reaching out to touch her, but I don't remember it happening. I know she cried, loudly! I know she peed on me when I was holding her. I have some memory of afterwards, but very little of the during.



Leigh Ann thought a session or two of therapy could be useful to process these events. I told her no. I mean, how could I possibly complain? I'm at work today and I have to walk all of 10 feet to see lots of lots of reminders that a healthy baby is worth absolutely ANYTHING you have to go through to get there. I'm lucky. Beyond lucky. Still, I get what she was saying. But today, I think that just talking with her yesterday was really helpful and I'm good. She had been the one person I really wanted to talk to afterwards, it just took me nearly 20 months to get there.

Midwives are incredibly special people. I'd recommend midwifery to anyone who was pregnant. The care they deliver both during the pregnancy and after is so helpful. And yes, it was a midwife who delivered Lucy. I recognize that I just got one that wasn't the person I needed at that moment. Maybe others found her style helpful. Any of my pregnant friends or mom friends, I hope you find your way to someone as special as Leigh Ann. Even though it's been 3.5 years since she delivered Theo, she's still my girl.

(And if you are in Durham and in need of care - email me and I'll give you her info!)

Happy Father's Day!

465413_10100665193598518_1381574560_o.jpg, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

Keepin' it real.

I don't think I have any male readers, but if I do - carry on. You don't want to read this.

The past few days, I have felt pretty annoyed with my new, post-childbearing/nursing body. I used to have nice boobs. Really, I did. I liked them. Now they are saggy and scarred and reside somewhere in my navel region, preferring the southern climate now, I guess. I could live with that as it's not totally unexpected given that I nourished two kids without ever using formula.  It bums me out, but at least there are some good bras out there that get the girls back in the game. What's really got me down is that I now need a diaper when I work out. Jumping jacks or jumping at all makes me pee all over myself. So yeah, that sucks. I haven't sneezed without crossing my legs since Theo was born, but this is a whole new level of demoralizing. Sigh.

The other day as I was dutifully working out with Jillian, I was doing some plyometrics, holding my boobs up because my sports tank was letting me down, with one of Lucy's diapers stuffed in my workout shorts (hey, it was the best I could do in a pinch), and I wanted to cry and just give up. My shoulder needs surgery, my back is permanently damaged, my boobs are saggy and I wet myself. I'm only 34.

But. This morning I got on the scale and I am 9 pounds down. NINE. Many more to go, but one little pound from double digits. And I feel this goes without saying, but my two little babies were absolutely, totally, completely worth every scratch, dent and ding left behind on my body. Saggy boobs, diaper and all, I will keep going.

I also made an appointment with my midwife at the urging of some fellow mama friends. Apparently, there may be a procedure to help the peeing. The midwife who delivered Theo was always my favorite and has since moved on from the birth center to a new hospital based practice. They have office hours in Brier Creek and do well woman care as well as maternity care. So, I have an appointment Monday and if nothing else, it will be wonderful to hug Leigh Ann's neck and show her pictures of Theo.

There you go. Keepin' it real.

To all of my three readers.

You've probably all done this already, but just in case ... Lucy is in a contest on Facebook to win TEN smocked dresses. Now, if you know me, you know that I LOVE smocked dresses. Love them. And I'd sure love to win some. I also love the Ronald McDonald House and what they do for our patients and their families. So, if we win, I am going to take two of the dresses there so they can give them to two baby girls who need something pretty to wear home from their treatment at Duke.


Here's the link:
Click here!

Just give it a click and it will take you right to it. "Like" her picture and you are all voted. If you are so inclined, "share" the picture and encourage your Facebook friends to vote. Send your grandma the link (wait, do grandmas have Facebook?).

We'd sure appreciate it. And yes, it's just clothes. It's also fun and will brighten a few people's day. Thank you!

Mama date.

DSC_0188, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

Oh, this little boy of mine. As first kid, he will have always been with me the longest, always the one I know the best. He's at an age where I want to smother him with kisses one minute and put him in the backyard the next. Susan found out that Super Why was going to be at the science museum and I decided to make it a date with my main man.

We dropped Lucy with Susan after soccer practice and went to meet the big guy. He was shy, but did give Super Why and Woofster a high five. He made a mask and had fun at the museum. Then we went for Jersey Mike's and hit up Trader Joe's. Nothing spectacular, but I treasure time with just him.

Best part? He looked up at me while we were eating and said "I love Mama dates." Me too, buddy. Me too.

Lucy's new word.

Dinosaur! a video by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

She doesn't have a ton of words, but the ones she has are so cute! Especially when said over and over again.