Hittin' the highlights.

2009 - The Highlights.

January - President Obama is inaugurated. Raleigh gets snow! Theo gets laid in said snow, our families resist calling CPS on us.
February - Susan goes back to work after a 12 week leave for Theo's birth. Melissa continues to pound the pavement for work.
March - Melissa begins caring for two babies in our home. Otherwise known as "what the hell was I thinking?" Susan begins a new weekend/overnight schedule.
April - Melissa stops taking care of the two loudest babies in the history of the world and begins work as an in-home therapist. Easter. Easter on Parade. Hit 6 month breastfeeding milestone. Theo begins a little solid food eating.
May - Susan's birthday. Mother's Day. Theo and I do a swimming class.
June - Visiting with family. Playdates. Melissa begins LCSW supervision.
July - Trip to VA. Theo sees fireworks on July 4th and falls asleep. Melissa begins caring for Sydney in the mornings during the week.
August - Family vacation to the Outer Banks! Theo sees the ocean. Melissa interviews for a new job while standing on the beach.
September - Theo participates in a hearing study. Melissa gets a new, awesome part time job, ending months of frustration and uncertainty.
October - Birthday month. Almost apple picking. Pumpkin patching. Halloween with the cousins. Melissa survives first month of new job and Susan and Theo survive first month of two solo days. Lots of funny outfits ensue. Theo begins walking.
November - Theo turns one. Melissa weeps. We go on our first date in 6 months with a babysitter that does not share DNA with either of us. Thanksgiving.
December - Theo is walking full time. Christmas.

It's been quite a year. It started on a low and ended pretty high. We are both finally settled in jobs and getting our feet back under us. Theo is growing and thriving and becoming a little person we are very proud to call our son. We are working hard, but enjoying our life too. We are both looking forward to 2010.

Happy New Year to all of you.

Recycle your holiday cards!

St. Jude's Ranch is accepting used Christmas (or any occasion) cards until February. The children who are staying at the ranch redo the cards and then they are sold as a fundraiser. A great way to do something useful with your cards and help a great cause!

Click here for the information, including the address to send them.

Death by cuteness.

Is it possible to die from cuteness? While toddlerhood is coming with lots of challenges, it's also coming with watching our baby boy turn into a little person. Super fun.

Today, he has decided that Keegan (our Boston Terrier) is his BFF. Keegan was sitting in front of him and Theo leaned down and kissed him on the nose. Then proceeded to follow him around and kiss him. Later, he kissed his Scout on the nose as well. I thought I'd die on the spot.

Tonight when I put him in his crib, he tucked Mr. Monkey under his arm, flipped on his belly and put his tush right in the air and closed his eyes. Seriously, I can't stand it. He is just so darn cute.

Christmas pictures.

Click HERE to see all our pictures from Christmas, 2009!

Christmas in Suffolk!

We had a very Merry Christmas in Suffolk! Theo was spoiled rotten and finally got into opening presents. He got a bunch of puzzles, some books, a wooden fire truck, a dog that he can pull, a soccer ball, pancake molds in jungle faces and this car (in green). Susan and I got a bunch of wonderful things, including a new dSLR camera! Susan's parents were very generous and bought us a Nikon D3000, and it's the nicest camera we've ever owned. We have had such a good time with it, taking all kinds of pictures. I can't wait to get Theo out in the natural light and take some good ones. I also very much enjoy my great BIG bottle of Tide. Seems silly, but it was on my list! Tide is pretty expensive and keeping Theo in organic groceries means we have to go cheap on the detergent - but I looove how it smells. Hey, at least I am very easy to please!

More than gifts, we had a wonderful time with the family. Theo played with his cousins, Susan enjoyed time with her parents and I enjoyed visiting with my sisters-in-law and in-laws. I got very lucky in the in-law department and always enjoy coming to visit.

Theo is walking full time now and is beginning to try and run. He has had a fun time walking all over his Gran and Grandad's house, playing with their dog and trying out new foods like broccoli casserole (which he loved).

We head home tomorrow and are looking forward to one last little Christmas celebration with my parents, niece and grandma next weekend. Then we are looking forward to getting our life back to normal, applying for preschools for next fall (!!) and transitioning Theo to one nap a day.

Hope your Christmas was as merry as ours!

Christmas came early!

Of course, we planned it that way. We are traveling on Christmas Eve to see Theo's Suffolk family so we decided to do our own Christmas here on Friday. We made Thursday Christmas Eve, and it actually really felt like the real deal. On Christmas Eve, we had a yummy dinner and then bundled up for a walk around the neighborhood to look at the lights. While we were gone, elves broke in and left us all matching Christmas pjs. We had some doughnuts (I even let Theo have a bite!), scribed a letter to Santa, gave Theo a bath and read The Night Before Christmas. After he was tucked in, Susan and I had some hot chocolate by the fire and watching his whole first year of home movies which she just got onto a DVD. Then we took care of Santa's work and headed to bed.

Theo got up and toddled out to his gifts chattering all the way. He LOVED his Santa gift and the stuff from us. The dogs got a little something too. Susan and I had fun watching Theo play with all his new toys. We spent most of the day playing and then I made a Christmas dinner of ham, scalloped potatoes and roasted brussel sprouts. Roasted brussels are the best thing ever and my new favorite way to eat them. SO good. Susan then had to brave the ice and go into work while Theo and I did our regular evening routine.

It was a really nice celebration and I'm glad we did things our way. Here's a picture of the tree on "Christmas" morning. I know it looks scant, but we only do 3 things for Theo for Christmas to try and keep the commercialism out of it and Susan and I decided just to take care of him this year. It was more than enough, though!

Oh, and the activity cube is from One Step Ahead, since a few folks asked.

Merry Christmas!

Why little boys need helmets.

Today we survived Theo's first trip to the ER. While I was busily making him a grilled cheese for lunch, he was playing in the kitchen near me. I turned my head for a second, hear a 'thunk' and a scream and the next thing I know, my poor baby has a big gash on his head that is bleeding everywhere. He had fallen head first into the door hinge on the pantry door. I screamed for Susan and we rushed off to the ER while I held ice and kept pressure on it the whole time. All the while, shaking like a leaf while Susan took a turn being the calm one.*

By the time we got there, it didn't look as bad as it did when it first happened, but they did use some skin glue on it and said he didn't need a stitch. He charmed the pants off all the staff and really, I took it the worst of the three of us. We were in and out quickly and came home for lunch and a nap. Oh, and I broke my biggest rule about his eating and let him try two Wendy's french fries on the way home. I figured he earned them. 

So, he's fine. We're fine. And, we are getting him fitted for a helmet. At least Theo has relieved me of having to live through my 90's, because I am sure that took 10 years off my life. 

*The pineapple incident. Enough said.

Here's a picture of him calling his grandparents while we waiting on the doc (except it wasn't a doc, it was a PA - I guess the triage nurse assigns PAs to nervous parents whose kids really aren't injured that bad). 

These boots were made for walking.

Theo took his first steps about 6 weeks ago and since then, he's been gaining more and more confidence. The past few days, he's a walking machine! He can walk across his whole room and almost all the way across the whole living/dining area at our home. He's also doing a ton of un-coaxed walking, where he just screws up his courage and goes for it. The look of happiness and determination on his face is probably the cutest thing I have ever seen. 

When he decides he's going to walk somewhere instead of crawl, he basically aims for whatever stationary object he can find. Sometimes, that's one of the dogs. The dogs that aren't always, well, stationary or willing to be a landing pad for a fledgling toddler. This has led to some near face plants and lots of funny scenes where one of the dogs tries to get away while Theo holds on for dear life. He'll learn, though, and the dogs for all their faults are super patient with their young master.

In sleep news, glory, glory. Last night was the best night on record. He went down a bit early, as his afternoon nap wasn't great thanks to an impromptu visit from Gramma (which was great!). Asleep at 7:35 pm, cried out for a second at 5:00 am and then woke for good, happily, at 6:30 am! We are consistently getting at least 8 hour stretches at night and he goes down without even a peep or needing us to stay in the room. We are even feeling confident enough to go on a date. You know, if we had a sitter close by.

He has 4 teeth now, two on the bottom and the top two have just busted through. His favorite thing to do with these new teeth? Grind them. God in heaven, this is the worst sound ever. I know it's a phase, but I hope it ends soon. 

He also has two official words, "mama" and "yeah." He's said "mama" for awhile, but the "yeah" is new. Usually in response to, "do you want to eat?" I didn't think we said "yeah" a lot, but we must!

It's so fun watching all this development. He's definitely becoming more toddlerish every day. 

Nine.

Nine. 9. That's how many hours baby T slept last night without a single wake up. That is the longest stretch of sleep he has ever had in his whole life. I was shocked! Of course, he woke up at 5:25am and was ready for the day, but hopefully we will get him sleeping at least until 6 soon. 

I love you, Sleep Lady.

It's beginning to look a lot like ...

... well, you get the idea. We finally got around to decorating for Christmas. With a new toddler in the house, it was done in stages. The tree was up for a good three days before it actually had any decorations on it. And well, by that time, a naked tree was kind of starting to grow on me and I briefly considered not decorating it at all. Alas, we felt like Theo would like it, so up went the decorations. And the score thus far is, Tree:0, Theo:3. That's how many times he has taken down my wooden cranberries to chew on them. Can't really blame him, most of his toys are made of wood, so he just assumes all wood is for him!

Anyway, I'm pleased with how it came out. We even did up the outside with some lights, which we don't usually do. It started with just icicle lights on the awning and turned into a bit more. Susan did the hard work, as usual. It looks pretty and feels festive. Christmas will be slim around here this year (just like every year!) so it's nice to get into the spirit in other ways. 

All the pictures are on Flickr, but here's one just of the tree!

Merry Christmas!

Giving thanks and giving thanks for Sleep Lady.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I love it more than all the others, though it seems to be the redheaded step-child of the holiday world. Standing in between Halloween and Christmas, the two favorites. Unlike the favored children, Thanksgiving comes without festive clothes, decorations or the promise of getting something. It's unassuming, quiet and the very best holiday there is. I always get sad when people decorate before Thanksgiving for Christmas, it just seems mean to such a nice holiday. Anyway, I was excited for this year more than any other. Last year was wonderful, as we had a brand new baby to be thankful for, but I was still dealing with all the fun post partum issues and being totally sleep deprived, so it lost its luster a bit. This year I couldn't wait to dress Theo in a handsome outfit and watch him try out some turkey (of course, I thought by now he'd have some teeth to eat it with!). 

We went to Richmond for Thanksgiving this year and enjoyed spending time with the family. We broke our steadfast rule about not letting Theo watch TV and let him see the Macy's Day Parade (and to my secret delight - he barely even glanced at it, he's got better things to do!). We dressed him in fall clothes, sighed about how grown he looked and watched him play with his cousins, bang around in the kitchen cabinets and try out his walking feet. We didn't do the thing where we all say what we are thankful for, but I did say that we are very thankful that our child is healthy. Susan and I see so many sick children and hurting families and I am thankful not just when the calendar says to be, but every day that Theo has battled nothing more than exactly one cold in his whole life. 

Like I did last year, I did think of some specific things to be thankful for this year:

1. Theo. He is by far, the smartest, most loving, cutest baby on the planet and I couldn't love anyone more than him (well, and Susan, of course). I love being his Mama and tell him all the time that after taking care of SOOOO many other babies, the universe saved the very best one for me. 

2. My marriage. It's been said that a new baby tests a marriage. How about a new baby + an unexpected job loss in the worst economic times of our lifetime? Yeah, hello stressful. We stuck together even when the sticking was tough. We never turned on each other and kept focused on what was really important. Susan shows me every day that she was worth the wait.

3. My jobs. Job wise, things have been tough since graduate school. The economy is bad and when that happens, my field dries up. Add to that feeling like working full time away from Theo was completely intolerable and well, it sucked. My job taking care of Sydney helps fill in the gaps of working part time and feels like helping out family, not work. Theo is tucked in his bed not missing me, and that makes me feel good. My Duke job is pretty close to perfect. Every job has its issues, but really - I love the people I work with, I love the work, I love the pay and I LOVE working part time. It's the best of both worlds in that I can use my degree and advance my career, but still be a Mama most of the time. 

4. Susan's job. Susan's job pays our bills and keeps her home all week with Theo. Between us, we have 4 jobs and our child has never been in daycare - not that daycare is bad, it's just not for us. We waited a long time for this baby and I am so thankful neither of us have had to miss a thing.

5. Breastfeeding. I've talked about this a lot, but I am SO thankful that I have been given the privilege to breastfeed my child. I love it. I love how healthy it has made him and how it feels to be doing something so meaningful for him. 

Those are the big ones this year. I'm thankful for many other things on a daily basis, but those are the ones that stick out as the highlights. 

And, I am thankful for Sleep Lady.

I haven't posted an update in awhile, but it's gone really, really well. We stuck with it while we were in Virginia for the holiday and it was definitely bumpy. We got him to go down fine, but he had a lot of wakings in which he would NOT go to sleep without nursing and/or being with us. Prior to this, I was only nursing him once in the night, around 3:00am. I found it was impossible to bring him to bed then because he would just sniff out the boobs, so I was feeding him and putting him back in his crib. 

Last night was our first night home and he even had a new crib (our old one was recalled). He went down fine with me sitting on the closed toilet in the adjoining bathroom. He cried out once after being down only 45 minutes, but rolled over and went back to sleep before I could even get up. He woke up two other times, at 11:30 and 2:30 and all I had to do was lay him down, cover him up, give him Mr. Monkey and walk out!! He put himself right back to sleep. Last night was the first night in one year and two weeks that I have not had to breastfeed in the middle of the night. AMAZING. 

Tonight I decided to push my luck and try out not staying in his sight line while he fell asleep (which wasn't supposed to happen for 2 more days). He did great!! As I type, he's fast asleep, all by himself. 

While I wish co-sleeping would have continued to work, it just wasn't going to while I was still nursing. And we think nursing is more important than co-sleeping, so something had to change. He's doing really well with the transition and I am glad we waited until he was old enough to be ready and until we found a method that allowed us to do this gently. Aside from when we tried it one night right before he got sick (then stopped until he was well) he has literally not shed a single tear over this. And for THAT I am super thankful. 

Hopefully he will continue to do as well as he did last night. I think we are well on our way to sleeping through the night without any wakings at all. Hurray!

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and also had lots to be thankful for. 

Sleep Lady, night 1.

We are "sleep training" baby T. Except that I hate that, it sounds too close to the "crate training" we did with our dogs. So, in my head, I call it "sleep learning." Theo is not a sleeper. Never has been. As we tend to err on the side of attachment parenting, simply placing our child in his crib and closing the door, leaving him to cry alone in the dark until he just gives up was nothing something we were willing to do. Ever. I'd rather be awake every night for the rest of my life than do that. So, we went searching for a gentler method when it became clear that he was not going to become a good sleeper by some miracle of the sleep goddess. We started with The No Cry Sleep Solution. A book that makes a very nice coaster and is good for little else. A little more research and I found something I thought we could work with. Enter The Sleep Lady. She's an LCSW, which I think made it immediately more palatable - you know, like minded folks and all. 

The premise is that you make sure your child is on a predictable eating/napping schedule during the day (already done), establish a good bedtime routine (already done), break the nurse to sleep habit (yeah, not even close) and then stay with your child as they go to sleep, moving yourself farther from the crib every 3 nights. We actually tried to start a few weeks ago. We did one night and it was TORTURE. I sat right by the crib singing, shushing and reassuring while Theo cried and looked sad, confused and scared. I hated it. I hated every minute of it. But. It was only 20 minutes, I was with him the whole time and like every other milestone, he had to be the one to do it. I can't do it for him. Then he got sick with his very first cold. I didn't feel comfortable changing up his routine while he was ill, so it got put on the back burner. Then it was his birthday and we had guests and his routine was upset a bit so we didn't restart. 

Last night we decided it was time to start in earnest. We gave him his bath only instead of nursing him to sleep, I kept the light on (but dim) in his room and read books while he nursed so he wouldn't fall asleep. I put him in his crib drowsy but awake and steeled myself for the worst. And then the most amazing thing happened - he DIDN'T cry. He bounced around in his crib for awhile and then he just laid down and went to sleep. It was amazing. I was shocked. I was relieved. And then, I cried. I love having him in our bed and if he would just sleep there, we'd let him stay. But, he needs to sleep and so do we. I will just really, really miss him snuggled up next to me. 

He ended up waking up 7 times. Susan handled all those in the Sleep Lady method - she sat close to the crib and sang, reassured and shushed until he fell back to sleep. This went on until 3:30am when it seemed as though he was genuinely hungry so he came into bed and nursed and slept the rest of the night between us. Where I like him. 

I'd say it was a rousing success, even though he had several wakings. He went down by himself without a tear and didn't get nursed until 3:30. I think our first goal will be no night wakings until the 3am-ish hour and if he comes in bed then, I'll be happy. 

We'll see how tonight goes. It's off to a good start. It was a repeat of last night wherein he went down without a fuss. He's woken up once, sat up in his crib and then put himself back down. We didn't even have to go in. 

Thank you, Sleep Lady.

A YEAR of breastfeeding.

That's right, a whole year. A whole year of breastfeeding my son every 1-3 hours (depending on his age) for 365 days. And without the assistance of even ONE drop of formula. I did it. 

Breastfeeding was so hard for me for the first 6-ish weeks. I cried a lot. Theo cried a lot. Susan didn't cry but did a lot of supporting and looking helpless, not her favorite feeling. It started with a shallow latch, a pound of birth weight lost, a nipple shield, too fast a letdown and a diagnosis of Raynaud's with medication required 3x/day. Still, we persevered, Theo and I, determined to make it work. In my mind, there simply was no other alternative. I didn't even want any "just in case" formula in the house. I had waited a long time for this and wanted to give him the absolute best. My best. 

Breastfeeding is more than feeding. It's a relationship and it's a commitment. It means that after almost two years, my body still doesn't belong to me alone. It means that I have been up for every single night feeding since he was born (well, but Susan does the "crib shuffle"). It's also comfort for mom and baby and has helped make Theo into a healthy, confident, lovable little goober. In 12 months, he's had exactly one cold that he caught just last week. That's it. Breastmilk has been his shield from sickness and his only means of growth for 6 months until we started giving a little solid food. 

Where do we go from here? Well, I'm not so sure. I'm letting Theo take the lead for his second year, which is as far as I have committed to continuing. The WHO says two years, so as long as Theo still wants to, then we shall soldier on for another year. 

While those early weeks were torture, I have really LOVED every minute of this. It's something only I can do for him. And Theo loves him some "milkies." It's hard to imagine a time when we won't be a nursing pair, so I will be spending the next 12 months cherishing the time we have left. 

This has truly been the hardest thing I have ever done (including 31 hours of labor and graduate school). It's also the thing I am most proud of. It's always great to meet a goal and this was a super huge one to meet, in my opinion. And the sweetest thing about hitting the year was getting a beautiful thank you card from Susan, thanking me not only for having Theo for us but for making him healthy and strong by remaining committed to breastfeeding. She's a keeper, that one. 

A year. A whole year. We did it. 

Theo's birth story.

Only fitting that I repost this on his very first birthday - you are warned, it's long!

On Friday morning, November 14, 2008, I got up to go to work and discovered a lot of bleeding. I was really nervous because usually red blood is a sign of something bad. I turned off the shower and came out and said to Susan, “Call the midwives, I am bleeding.” I have never seen her move so fast in all my life! She paged the on call MW and the wait for the call back seemed like forever. Susan took care of feeding the dogs and letting them out while we waited.  I finally spoke to Jewell and she wanted me checked out in the ER since they don't have ultrasound equipment at the birth center. We discussed which hospital to go to as UNC is where they can deliver, but that is not the closest hospital to us. This was the first of many decisions we would have to make. She asked if I had felt him moving around that morning and I said I thought I had, but couldn’t be sure. She said if I hadn’t that I needed to go to the closest hospital, but if I had, then try to make it to UNC. I yelled for Susan to bring me something cold and sweet to drink so I could try and get Theo moving. She came up with a vitamin water and a tub of cookies. We started getting dressed and we were REALLY nervous. We decided the best thing to do was go to the closest hospital because if it was an emergency we didn’t want to waste time and if it wasn’t, we would just go home anyway. We went on to the ER at Rex and they did an ultrasound and determined everything to be just fine, said I wasn't dilating and there could be any number of reasons for the bleeding.  We were so relieved (and I had felt Theo moving by that point)! We left the ER and had a much needed breakfast at IHOP.

We both decided to stay home from work and just rest. I had an appointment later that day with the midwives anyway, so it seemed silly to do anything else. That appointment was fine and routine, we saw Allison who was glad everything was alright and she felt around and thought maybe he would come within the next week (which was my due date anyway). We decided to do some things that night to try and help him out, and I had a coupon for Janie and Jack that I wanted to use, so we went and walked around the mall for an hour and a half and picked out an outfit for Theo to wear for his newborn pictures. While we were walking, I would have pains in my cervix and had to stop a couple of times, but nothing major. The mall we went to has a PF Changs, so we decided to get some of that for take out. I ordered mine EXTRA spicy and teased the hostess that I was trying to get this baby out, so they needed to spare no spice on mine. We came home and ate and just did some stuff around the house and went to bed as usual. Around midnight, I woke up with contractions.

I decided not to wake Susan as they weren’t strong or regular, but I could tell she wasn’t sleeping well. I drifted in and out of sleep, going to the bathroom and expecting to see more blood, but everything was fine. I was exhausted and Susan was so restless. Finally at around 4:30 am, I got on my computer and started timing them with an online contraction monitor. About 30 minutes later, I realized Susan was awake and told her what was going on. We continued to time them for about an hour and they were coming anywhere from 2-8 minutes apart and lasting about a minute and a half. We decided to page the midwives and Maureen called us back. Maureen and I spoke and she agreed that I should come in and be checked. She said Leigh Ann would meet us at the birth center, which was 45 minutes away. I called my mom who wanted to be there for the birth and told her to get in the shower, that it seemed like today was the day.

We got to the birth center around 7:00am, beating Leigh Ann there. I was continuing to have contractions, but was managing. Leigh Ann got us settled in the blue room and checked me out. I was 1.5 centimeters dilated and in what she termed “early labor.” I was hoping for more since this had been going on for 7 hours! She said that we had a few options – they are not designed to monitor early labor, only active labor which could be a ways off for me. I could stay there and rest, or go home and rest, which she thought was the best idea. The thought of getting back in the car at that point was super unappealing and my mom was on her way, so we decided to stay at the birth center until mom got there and then see where things stood. Susan and I did some walking around the center outside, it was such a nice fall day. There was a yoga class starting upstairs so people were outside while we were walking and breathing through contractions, but I didn’t care. When we weren’t walking, we were inside and I was sitting in a rocking chair or on the birth ball, talking to Theo, telling him we were ready to and come on out. Mom finally arrived around 10:00am and Leigh Ann checked me again, but I had not made any progress. She encouraged us to go home and rest up, saying I was having a baby for sure, but not any time soon. She gave me a prescription for Vistaril to help me rest at home and told us just to leave our stuff, that we would be back.

We got back to the house at around 11:30am and I got in the bathtub while Mom went and got my prescription. I took the Vistaril and tried to work through the contractions in the tub. The Vistaril made me more tired than I already was, having not really slept the night before, but didn’t allow me to sleep. The tub helped somewhat, but not at all like I had hoped. Mom went to the grocery store to get labor snacks for us while Susan helped me in the tub. The contractions seemed to me to be getting stronger and more painful and the tub was just annoying, so I decided to get out. Susan came up to help me and I leaned on the counter in the bathroom, looked at her and said “I can’t do this” and started to sob. She reminded me that this is what we wanted and planned for and that I could do it. I continued to cry and said I couldn’t and just wanted to go to the hospital. I kept pleading with her to call Leigh Ann and tell her I wanted to go to the hospital, I did NOT want to go back to the birth center. She agreed to call Leigh Ann and came back up and said that she wanted us to come back to the birth center, that maybe I had flown through dilating and was closer than she thought. Susan pointed out that we needed to get our stuff anyway. So, after being home an hour, we drove 45 minutes back to the birth center and got there just after 1:00pm.

When we got back, Leigh Ann checked me again and I was “ around 3.5 – maybe 4 centimeters”, which seemed like such little progress.  I started crying again and telling her that I wanted to transfer. She thought it was time to try some pain meds there first and see what progress could be made. She was doing a good job of trying to keep me where I wanted to be, but it was so hard to agree. I didn’t want meds, didn’t want to go to the hospital really, I just wanted to be in less pain, or at least progressing. I agreed to the meds, and she gave me two shots of Nubain. This took the edge off and Susan and I did some more walking. We talked about transferring and weighed the pros and cons. I really didn’t want to, so we agreed to wait out the Nubain and see what would happen. The Nubain allowed me to sleep in between contractions, which were still coming every 2-3 minutes. Leigh Ann taught Susan and my mom a “hee, hee, hoo” breathing pattern that they did with me for hours on end during contractions. While it seemed ridiculous, it did give me something to do and focus on during the contractions. She had agreed to check me again at 5:00pm. The Nubain began to wear off around 5:00pm, so she checked me and after 4 hours, I had made no progress. We talked again about our options and I opted for another dose, with the agreement that I would get up and start moving and doing some things to move the process along.

Around 7:00pm, the Nubain seemed like it wasn’t working as it had before and the contractions were still just as regular and close together and I wasn’t managing well. Leigh Ann checked me one more time, and again no progress. So after 19 hours of labor, I made it only to around 3.5 – 4 centimeters. At this point, I fell apart, started to cry and said I just couldn’t do it anymore. Leigh Ann agreed that it was time to transfer to get some Pitocin and an epidural. I was both defeated and relieved. It took some time to get everything together to transfer, and we got to UNC hospital around 8:00pm and into a room. Leigh Ann reminded us that the only thing that was changing was the venue, she was still in charge and my birth plan would still be followed. The anesthesiologist arrived around 9:00pm to do my epidural and I was scared, but also so happy that I would finally be out of pain for the first time in nearly 24 hours. He asked me all these stupid questions and I am sure I was rude to him, but he finally got it in and they got the Pitocin started and told me to rest. At 10:00pm, I was at 5 centimeters – so, in 9 hours, I progressed only 1 centimeter.

Susan, Mom and I tried to rest through the night and Leigh Ann would come in periodically to check on me. We were all wondering why she didn’t just break my water, but she said she didn’t want to because Theo was posterior or “sunny side up” and it would be harder for her to get him to turn if my water was broken.  I was making some progress, though it was slow. They had to come in once and kick up the epidural as I began feeling more pain than I should have. The epi made my legs numb and heavy and at one point, one fell off the bed and I couldn’t get it up! In between sleeping, I checked my email and surfed around online a bit. Poor Mom ended up sleeping on the floor of the hospital room at one point, she was so tired. It was a really long night.

Leigh Ann came back in the room at 3:36am and finally decided it was time to break my water and said I was very nearly complete. She said I could either let the baby come down on his own, or I could start a little pushing to bring him down. She said her inclination was to do some pushing and see if he would move. Hearing “pushing” was music to my ears, thinking that the end was near. About a half hour later, we started some pushing. I heard her say “you need to move that hand”, which I knew meant he still had his hand up by his face. He was always like this in ultrasounds and at my appointment that Friday, Allison had said the same thing and had tried to move it away. Posterior positioning and a hand by the face meant a lot of work ahead of me. I spent the next 3 hours pushing through every contraction in every weird position imaginable. Holding onto a bar while squatting (not that easy to do when you can’t feel your legs!), holding onto a piece of fabric tied to the bar, hands and knees, on my side, on my back, with Mom and Susan holding my legs and head. Every contraction I would get the worst cramp in my right hip and would scream at poor Susan to rub it. I think I screamed at a lot of people during that three hours! Leigh Ann said I was doing a great job and was moving him down and that he was turning, but wasn’t completely the right way. Aside from when I would lay on my left side, Theo’s heart rate stayed steady and strong which was amazing and reassuring.

Somewhere around 6:30-ish in the morning after telling me what a great job I was doing, I asked how much longer and she said she thought within the hour (she said this joyfully) and I wanted to DIE. I didn’t think I would last another hour. They got me a mirror, per my request, but it was distracting, so I just kept my eyes closed. Mom and Susan kept saying, “he’s right there, you are so close!” which I no longer believed after hearing that for what seemed like hours. We kept working and finally his head was right there, which I could see in the mirror. I remember hearing Leigh Ann ask Susan if she had washed her hands, since she was going to catch. In all my pain I remember thinking “I hope she takes off her wedding ring so it doesn’t get goo on it.” I could see his whole head and felt like I was being ripped apart. The nurse, Susan and Mom were getting really excited and Leigh Ann finally yelled “no one talking but me now!” She told me this was called the “ring of fire” and I needed to breathe and give little pushes when she told me to. I got very serious and focused and listened to her and before I knew it, his little face popped out. I will never forget that image of seeing him for the first time in the mirror. He started to cry and Leigh Ann told Susan to put her hands on his ears and guide him the rest of the way out. She did, and at 7:27am, our son was FINALLY born after 31.5 hours of labor! He never completely turned anterior and was born with his hand by his face.

I felt instantly better once he was out and they laid him right on my chest. I couldn’t believe how small he was and Mom, Susan and I were all crying. Susan used Theo’s blanket to wipe her tears and we just looked at him and rubbed him up. He stayed there until the cord stopped pulsing and then Leigh Ann gave Susan the scissors to cut the cord. Then I was able to pull him up closer and get a better look at him. They took him over to the warmer and Susan went with him to make sure he got only the Vitamin K shot and no other intervention. She said he didn’t even cry for that. Leigh Ann delivered the placenta and asked if we wanted to see it (uh, no) and then told me I had a second degree tear and would need some stitches. She stitched me up while they finished up with the baby and Susan brought him over to me to see. He was SO alert, looking around at everyone, quietly taking it all in. Everyone commented on his alertness and he stayed this way for two and a half hours. Mom stepped out somewhere briefly and we finally got a few minutes as a family of three. I kissed Susan and we looked at our son together, so happy to finally have done it.

Susan went and got us some breakfast at the cafeteria and came back looking like she had positively hit a wall. We had been up for basically three days at this point and were both exhausted. With breakfast she brought a piece of chocolate cake with sprinkles and said it was Theo’s birthday cake.

The rest of the day was spent with grandparents arriving and visiting. I was moved to a post partum room, but we wouldn’t be staying long. Since I was really a birth center patient, I could leave whenever we wanted to. So, we stayed for ten hours after his birth and left for home at 5:00pm. Ted drove us home since I couldn’t drive and Susan was too tired – Mom had gone ahead of us to make dinner.

So, while it wasn’t the birth we had painstakingly planned for, the outcome was exactly what we wanted. We both came through healthy and safe, which was all that mattered. I learned that the best laid plans doesn’t always come to fruition, but I have always believed that things happen exactly as they should and this was no exception. When it was all over, Leigh Ann agreed that I had made exactly the right decision and that really there was no other choice. I just wasn’t progressing and we needed the intervention. The transfer to the hospital was smooth and everything went just as it is supposed to if a transfer is needed. I felt like I gave it my best and tried hard to bring him into the world with little intervention and have no regrets about the way it finally played out. I would definitely use the birth center again and try for a natural labor again, although I likely won’t be pregnant again. We received excellent care and felt like our wishes were honored. Leigh Ann never left our side during all the pushing and was reassuring the whole time. Susan and my mom were so helpful and supportive the entire time and I am so glad they were both there. One of the coolest things about the day was that when I got pregnant and we were given a due date of November 21^st, Susan said she really thought he would be born on the 16^th. She stuck to this throughout my whole pregnancy and as it turns out, her mother’s intuition was exactly right – he was born exactly when she thought he would be!

The only thing I wish I could change is to really enjoy the last few weeks of being pregnant. I was so ready to meet him and so uncomfortable, that I didn’t give enough consideration to how it would feel to be physically separated from him after 39 weeks of being attached to him. I didn’t know that the 15^th would be the last day I would ever be pregnant, and I wish I would have so I could have really appreciated it and spent time just with him. I’m so happy he is here and it is the joy of my life to see Susan with her son, I just wish time would slow down.

So, that’s the story of Theodore Bryant Hill and his entry into the world. We love you so much, baby boy and look forward to the journey with you. 

Theo's 1st Birthday party!

Yesterday we celebrated our little boy's first year. I'd say it was a rousing success. Food was good, company was excellent and Theo was shown a lot of love which was the best part. He was spoiled and got lots of fun new toys to try out. He has spent all of today playing with his new stuff and he really loves it all. 

There were many cute moments, but probably my favorite was when he was opening gifts. The very last thing he opened was a ride on toy from his Aunt Sammy. After he opened it, his eyes got real big and he looked up and smiled and clapped. As if to say "oh, I always wanted this!" So funny.

Of course, since I was trying hard to be a mom and enjoy the party and soak it all in, I wasn't in charge of my camera. I have some good pictures, but not a single one of Susan and I with Theo. Hopefully we can get one tomorrow on his actual birthday. I also didn't get one of the place all decorated with the food and everything. We have a video, but not a still. Well, maybe next year.

I also have to give a big shout out to my friend, Jenny. When I decided to make Theo a monkey cake, I figured I could do it myself and it would come out okay but I knew with Jenny's help, it would be AWESOME. Not only did she make the effort to come all the way here from Charlottesville to celebrate with us, she drove after working all day and then stayed up with me until midnight to help me make the best darn birthday cake I have ever seen. She is a wonderful friend.

Tomorrow we are having just a small little family celebration and taking Theo to PF Chang's for dinner. I know, just what every one year old wants, right? Well, as some of you may remember (or will learn tomorrow when I post his birth story) orange chicken from PF Chang's was the very last thing I ate before I went into labor. It's only fitting that we go back there on the one year anniversary of our baby boy's birth. We will give him our presents to him and just spend the day loving on him, like usual. 

You can click on our Flickr stream over the on the right to see the pictures. We had so much fun and thank you to everyone who came out to celebrate. He is one loved little boy!

Lucky.

Poor baby is fighting a little cold and this is compounding his usual sleep issues. Susan went in to try and pat him back down during his afternoon nap. Went I hadn't heard anything in 30 minutes, I peeped in the nursery to find this:

I am, without a doubt, the luckiest girl in the world. 

EIGHT steps!

So, after crawling for a week, Theo decided to up the ante and take some steps. He'd taken anywhere from 2-4 and then at Gran and Grandad's this weekend he took EIGHT! The best part was that Susan was videotaping, so we caught it on camera. He's seeming so much like a toddler these days, I can't believe how much he is growing. His second tooth popped through, so now all we need is some hair and he will really be looking like a big boy!

He's so excited to be walking and he is really moving around the house now. By crawling, taking some steps, pushing things to walk behind and cruising, he can get all OVER the house. So amazing!

Here's the video:

Theo takes 8 steps! from Melissa Hill on Vimeo.

Theo walks!

Theo's 1st steps! from Melissa Hill on Vimeo.

Catching up.

It seems as though our young son has overheard us discussing that he is a little behind his peers in terms of crawling and "tooth eruption." As such, he decided within the last few days to just take care of all of that and is now a crawling fool and the proud owner of a little sliver of a bottom right tooth. 

We were sure he'd skip crawling. He's been rocking on hands and knees for months and for the past several weeks has been walking behind a push toy, cruising and standing unassisted (while holding a toy and clapping, thankyouverymuch). We thought he'd just be like Aunt Sammy and head straight to walking, as he does share her little penchant for ramming his walker into obstacles. As with all things, though - he does it when he is good and ready. Friday he got on his hands and knees like he had a million times before and crawled across his room. And now, he crawls out of his room - and all over the place. There is also a lot more vacuuming going on around this joint, thanks to three hairy beasts who shall remain nameless. And if you should see our child in the next few weeks, no we didn't beat him. His head is covered in bruises from all this newfound mobility. And as Susan learned this morning, you can be sitting three inches from him and he can still get hurt. Sigh. 

And the tooth! I was tossing him into the air and he was laughing with a big open mouth when I spied a little slit in his gums that looked suspiciously like a tooth breaking in. I stuck my finger in there and felt around and sure enough, he has a bottom right tooth that is just cresting the surface. At 11 months and 1 week old. Amazing.

OK, things happen in 3s, right? Maybe sleeping through the night will be next. Hey, a girl can dream, right?

Birthday wishes.

We hope to see everyone at Theo's 1st Birthday! While your presence will most certainly be present a-plenty for our little guy, a few folks have asked for a list of what he might like. Here are a few ideas for you guys:

Anamalz
Leap Frog Magnet stuff (like the fridge farm)
Wooden Chunky Puzzles
Books!
Jack in the Box
Ride on toy, like this.
Toddler sized hooded towels
Little People stuff


Anything Melissa and Doug brand is good (we already have fridge magnets, ring stacker and the stacking/nesting blocks). In general, we try to avoid anything that lights up/makes loud crazy music/etc.

And really, you can just show up. We just want to celebrate our boy!

Giving ourselves a break.

As parents, we want the very best for our kids. As neurotic parents very devoted parents, we tend to make it our life's ambition to be the best parents our kids could ever hope for. And I am woman enough to admit, that I fall into the neurotic devoted category. And I needed a break.

This weekend, I took Theo up to Virginia for a stop on the festival of fun runaway train ride that is October ("birthday month") in our family. I was making a mental packing list, which included the cloth diapers and I decided that Theo's backside would not in fact, burst into flames if he spent a few days in disposable diapers. And given that he spends the other 362 days a year in cloth, I felt the environment would give us a pass on this dalliance into the world of planet wrecking convenience. I did at least put him in the fancy pants marketing scam otherwise known as Huggies Pure and Natural with organic cotton. Then I decided to really break bad and feed him from jars. Yeah, I even punked out on slaving over the food steamer and Magic Bullet and/or figuring out which table foods his royal highness might consider putting in his belly. I simply went to the grocery store, picked out some Earth's Best jars and went on my merry way. 

So, how did it all turn out? It was glorious. I threw diapers in the trash without remorse and Theo scarfed down that jarred food as if it was his first taste of McDonald's. Having thrown myself off the perfectionist parenting track for the weekend, I let him eat beef stew, multigrain Cheerios and watermelon and never once asked if it was organic. Instead, I made sure he had all the pieces to his Halloween costume and that he had fun with his cousins. You know, the important stuff childhood is really made of. 

And guess what? I'm still a good mom. I'm a good mom because I made sure his Halloween costume was perfect. Because I get down on the floor and play with him every chance I get. Because I read to him instead of letting him watch TV. Because he's 11 months old and I am still breastfeeding him. And many other reasons. Organic or not, he eats. Cloth or not, he doesn't sit in soiled diapers. All that important stuff. 

So, I challenge all you other devoted parents to give yourself a break today! You are still a good mom. Heck, you are still a great mom! Our kids will grow up happy and healthy and that's what matters. 

And tomorrow you can go back to scrubbing baby poop out of diapers and pureeing organic squash. Just like I did. :)

Halloween craft cuteness.

Look what I made! I love them. Admittedly, I can't take credit for the idea, I have this random stranger to thank. They took me about two hours total and weren't hard at all. You should make some. 

Inside, outside.

What a difference a year makes!

About that new job ...

I love it! I finished up my second week yesterday and I can honestly say that I am feeling really good about it. It's been a lot of boring trainings, certifications, getting an ID badge, pager, finding the bathroom, etc. but the people are super and I think I am going to be very happy there. It's also really nice in terms of having two days to work and the rest of the time being a full time Mama, which is my most important job. It's a great balance and I am SO thankful that we were able to work this out. 

I'm doing well being apart from Theo, too. The first day was hard and I did cry when I had to leave him. It wasn't that I was worried about his care or anything, I mean, he's with his other parent afterall. It was just that I was going to miss so much of his day. I was worried that he would miss me. I was worried that he wouldn't miss me. I was really worried that he would be upset over missing a few nursing sessions. But, we survived. He and Susan have a lot of fun together and he is learning to drink breastmilk from a cup. The hospital has 12 lactation rooms for employees, so I am able to pump very easily at work. I don't even mind it like I thought I would. It gives me a break in the day to focus on him and feel like I am doing something for him, even though we are apart. By the second week, I wasn't crying and I wasn't worrying so much. It's good for me to get out and interact with people and use my brain and that damn Master's degree I will be paying for for the rest of my life. It's a good message for Theo: that you really can have it all if you work at it. And that it's ok to have a life outside of the home, too. He will always know he is my #1 priority, but a little work is good.  And I love seeing my two favorite people sitting on the porch waiting for me when I come home. Yesterday Theo's face lit up when I got out of the car and he clapped and smiled. I'm sure he did the same thing when one of the dogs walked past him, but hey, I'll take it. 

So, yeah. It's good. It's all good. 

Hey, remember that time we went didn't go apple picking?

I love fall. I love all things fall, apple picking included. Susan and I made plans to meet our wonderful friend, Kelsi, see her new house and then travel on to pick our own apples last weekend, but then it rained. We rescheduled for today and we were so excited. Visions of apple pies, apple butter and apple brown betty danced in my head during the 90 minute sojurn to the orchard I had passed on my way to the zoo a few weeks ago.  When we pulled in, it looked a little less impressive than the orchard Susan and I had been to in Vermont a few years ago. And by this I mean, there were lots of trees but nary an apple in sight. I sent the girls to suss out the situation while I gave Theo a bite sip to drink, but they decided to wait on us. We all went in together only to be told by the owner that they were sorry, but they were "all picked out." That's right, folks. We drove 90 minutes and would not get to pick a single apple. 

I think we were mostly in shock and I felt stupid for not calling or checking the website (which had apparently been updated as to their new status last week) before making the drive. What a disappointment! Kelsi decided to buy some apples they had already picked while Susan and I staged some pictures so we could one day tell Theo about the day we went didn't go apple picking. 

On the upside, Kelsi's house is fabulous, she saved us some of her homemade chocolate caramel doughnuts, we had a GREAT time walking around downtown Pittsboro and eating at a cute soda shop, Theo played in a wonderful little toy store that specializes in wooden toys and the weather was fall-ish. In unrelated news, I also learned how to ungrain my pictures on the blog. Hey, when life gives you (no) apples, make cider!

A day at the museum.

Today we took Theo to Marbles Children's Museum downtown for the first time. He had a blast (Susan and I did, too)! It's a really nice place, but the highlight of the trip for Theo was the water area. The boy loves him some splashing. After he soaked us both, he got a dry diaper and outfit before we left and I rode home in my underwear. Good times. Click on our Flickr stream to see the pictures!

Double digits.

(Can I just say how annoying it is that the pictures look so grainy when posted here!)

Theo turned 10 months old on the 16th! I can't believe we have hit the double digits already. As summer begins to fade into fall, I really can't believe it's nearly been a whole year. I think back to this time last year when we were getting ready for the baby party, putting the finishing touches on the nursery and picking pumpkins while I hobbled around as big as a house. And now, nearly a year later, I watch our baby boy asleep in his crib (in the same position I sleep in) and lament that he is looking more toddlerish than babyish these days. 

He is so fun right now. He smiles and laughs often and yells and carries on all the time. He plays with toys, loves playing with his animals and demonstrates pride when he does something new. He has begun standing for good stretches of time all by himself. He puts his hands up in a "touchdown" sort of pose and then smiles at himself in the mirror. He can cruise along the bookcase in his room, can walk short distances behind his push toy and can transfer between two things. He remains so close to crawling, but with all the standing and cruising he is doing, I just think he really won't crawl. Or, he will crawl for a very short period of time and then will start walking. 

He is also very into feeding himself these days. He loves toddler food and his favorites are cheese (is this my child?), veggie hotdogs, sweet potato cubes, fruit, homemade blueberry pancakes and pasta. We also gave him some organic vegetable lentil soup from Trader Joe's with the broth drained off and he loved it. I mean, he plowed right through it and the added bonus was shmearing the leftovers around his tray. And much to my great delight, I thawed a squash casserole I made in July and gave him some and he loved, loved, loved it. He ate every last bite, onions and all! He has less patience for purees now, but I still try to get him to eat them since that is the freshest food he gets. I can't say I will be sorry to retire the Magic Bullet and food steamer, though. Making baby food is kind of getting old. We did discover that he is sensitive to beets. He ate them (not me, those things smell like dirt!) and even liked them, but then got a horrible diaper rash. So, no more beets for him. He still nurses a ton and I am trying to figure out what to do about going back to work. I am thinking of just letting him reverse cycle on those days and not pump, but probably will try to pump twice until we hit a year old. He's so close, I don't want to mess anything up yet, but once we hit a year I think I won't pump and just see where that takes us. I always said that one year was the finish line and anything after that is just a victory lap. I am committed to allowing him to self-wean up to age 2, but I will feel a lot less pressure once we hit the year mark. I hope he doesn't wean too soon. I can't imagine not nursing anymore in two months as it has become such a part of our lives. Susan and I feel like we do our best parenting when we follow Theo's cues, so I will leave it to him to decide when he is done. 

With fall approaching, we are getting back into story times and play dates which is nice for all of us. I'm thinking once I get in the groove with my new job, we might try The Little Gym or something similar. We tried it when he was tiny, but it was kind of lame. I think now that he is mobile he would get more out of it. Today I took him to a Harvest Festival in Clayton (think small town America - it was slightly terrifying) and he got his first balloon. I tied it to the stroller so he could look at it and he held the string and flung it around the whole time! 

We are getting ready to begin what is always the busiest time of the year for our family. October is "birthday month" and Halloween and every weekend is already booked. We love it, though. It's so fun to see our friends and family and get to do all these fun activities. We are taking Theo to pick apples next week and hopefully it will be cool enough to feel like fall. We are excited for Halloween and can't wait to dress Theo up. I have started working on his costume already. We are also in the planning stages for his birthday party. It's going to be on November 14th at our house - probably around 11:00, but we'll decide closer to the date. We hope to see all of you there and can't wait to celebrate our first year as moms with this little boy we love so much. 

Happy 10 months, Theo!

Man on the move.

MVI_3815
Originally uploaded by MelissaandSusan

I got this push toy for him at a consignment sale and he is learning to walk and push the toy. He loves to push it to the closet doors in his room and then smile at himself. He can even take both hands off and stand for a few seconds. We are fast approaching toddlerhood - ahhh!

New job!

On September 30th I will be starting a new job and I can't wait. Susan had gotten an internal email about a part time position in the children's hospital that needed to be filled and she forwarded it to me. Now, I have tried to get a job at DUMC several times but never seem to get out of HR. The pediatric social work director is someone I had met before and she taught a few adjunct classes at UNC, so I thought maybe this time I would just try and bypass HR and see where that got me. Susan forwarded her my resume and then I sent a follow up email expressing my interest in the position around mid-August. While on vacation the team lead called for a phone interview. We had to exchange a few messages and when we finally caught up with each other, we were on the beach. So, I just did the interview while the waves crashed behind me! She just said that the department secretary was setting up their schedules for the coming weeks, but didn't say anything that would lead me to believe I would get called in for an interview, so I hung up feeling disappointed and figured that was the end of it. Lo and behold, not long after we got back, they called! 

I went in for the 2nd interview and met with one of the other social workers on the team and the team lead. I loved them. They were fun and easy to talk to and the children's hospital is a really nice place to work. The problem was, we were just back from vacation and Theo had literally been up every hour the night before so I was totally exhausted during the interview. I usually interview pretty well, but I left thinking that was the worst interview I had ever given. Then she mentioned they had 5 other people to interview and then the final candidates would be interviewed by the department director. So, again I left thinking that was that and I would not get the job. 

The day after Labor Day, I was called in for a third and final interview. I was hopeful because she said I was not only meeting with the pediatric social work director, but the social work director for the whole hospital. Susan said that he never gets involved except to discuss salary. She told me later she knew I had the job based on that but didn't want to say it in case something happened. So, I went in for the interview and it went really well. Somehow we got to talking about parenting and she had done so many things like we do them and we laughed about our kids and just had a nice time talking. They offered me the position right then and there! I tried not to look shocked and I'm sure was grinning like a fool. I met with the big boss and we hammered out the salary details and start date, filled out a few forms, got a bunch more handed to me to fill out and I start on the 30th!

So, what's the job? I will be working in the children's hospital in one of the outpatient clinics. My main responsibilities are cardiac, transplant and genetics. I will be doing all kinds of things - counseling families whose kids are in the hospital, helping out with their needs while they are in Durham and making sure they are well connected to resources in their home communities (lots of people come from all over to get treatment at Duke) before they go home. It's two full days a week from 8:30-5 and they are hoping to secure funding to add a third day after the holidays. This is perfect because it means I will be home with Theo for more than half the week and my work days won't interfere with Susan needing to sleep off her weekend of work. Since it's a clinic, they are closed on weekends and holidays! I can also keep taking care of Sydney in the mornings, which is great because we are really, really trying to get out of debt except for my student loans and our mortgage. The salary for my new job is the most I have ever made (well, I mean if my salary was for full time) and I am so, so happy. They were really welcoming and seemed genuinely happy to have me. 

This will be so much better than my current job for a number of reasons. For starters, in my current position I do a lot of driving, phone calls and paperwork that I don't get paid for. I also end up working about half the day every day and never have full days off except on the weekends (I know, cry me a river - but for a part time job, it feels really full time just without the pay). Now, my work days are my work days and my home days are my home days. I will be able to schedule Theo's doctor appointments, play dates, story times, etc. on my days off and not have to worry about rushing around. The other big issue with my current job is that if my clients cancel or just no show, I don't get paid. So, my paycheck was never consistent and many times, fell short. Now I have a good paycheck and it will always be the same. And the final reason is that because of changing definitions at the state level, I was either going to be forced to take ALL therapy cases (which I would have hated) or would have been out of a job in another month. So, this couldn't have come at a better time. It's a good career move and they will take on my LCSW supervision (free!) and fold it into my work day. 

I'm a little sad about having two days a week where I will only see my baby boy in the evenings, but right now I will have 5 days with him full time and that's awesome. I know he and Susan will have a fun time having Mom and Theo days where they can break all my silly rules and wear clothes that don't match. Hopefully they will email me a picture or two during the day to keep me happy. 

So, all in all, it was a red letter day. We are going to make serious financial headway AND continue to keep Theo out of daycare. And yes, we have talked about making the big move to Durham. I think our plan is to take the next 2-3 years to get in super good financial shape so that we can pick out a house we LOVE instead of just one we settle for. So for now, the commute continues. 

And, on the day they take my picture for my badge, I will be sure to wear Carolina blue so no one thinks I have become a Dookie now that they are paying my bills. :)

The only experts that count.

The longer I am a mother, the longer I am convinced that the only experts that count are the parents. Seriously. 

If you know us, you know that our child at nearly (gasp!) 10 months does not sleep through the night. Not even close. Most experts say that children this age should definitely be sleeping through the night, for about 12 hours. HA. Our child wishes to wake at least every 3 hours, sometimes even less. Nothing we have tried has worked - he just isn't a sleeper. One night last weekend I decided that if he should be sleeping through, then sleeping through he would. I mean, doesn't every parent want their child to be exceptional or at least, average? 

Theo woke up after being asleep for about 2 hours. When he wakes, he doesn't just fuss - he cries, hard. This child never cries during the day. He might fuss or voice some complaint over his face being washed or being relegated to his walker while we do a chore, but never cries. Anyway, I went into his room and tried rubbing his belly, "shh-ing" him, singing, etc. All the things the "experts" promised would help a wakeful child back to sleep. None of it worked. As his mama, I knew what he wanted. He wanted to nurse. I knew that would calm him yet I continued to stand there like an idiot, trying in vain to lull him back to sleep while he cried and looked at me with a look of heartbreak and confusion. This went on for a few more minutes when I finally got some clarity. WHY the hell do I give a damn what he should be doing according to some people who have never met my child? WE are the ones who know him, who love him and who comfort him. "They" (whoever "they" are) might be experts, but they aren't the experts on our child. No one is. No one will ever know Theo like we do. In that moment, the "experts" made a fool out of me with all my belly rubbing, shh-ing and off key singing. 

I picked Theo up and hugged him and we sat down in our chair. I latched him on to nurse and he immediately calmed down. I looked at my son though the darkness of his room, his little hand resting on my chest, his foot kicked up on my shoulder like it always is when he is nursing and his eyes closed, happy at last to be right where he needed to be. I wiped one of my tears off his chubby little cheeks and apologized for letting some "expert" second guess what I know to be true - his comfort, his trust in us is what matters. Not a clock. One day all too soon, I won't be able to comfort him like this (at least, I hope he isn't still nursing in high school!). One day all too soon, his little heart will break and we won't know immediately how to make it better like we do now. I know we will all hate that more than anything. So for now, we will miss a little (a lot) of sleep and I will deal with trying to nurse him while he pokes me in the eye, digs in my armpit, sticks his fingers in my nose, pulls my hair and whips his head around to say hi to the dog without unlatching first. I will deal because in the still of the night, I am reminded why I fought so hard for this battle - it's not just milk and it's not just for him. It's for me, too. 

Susan and I might be tired, but we are experts on Theo. And as far as he is concerned, that's all that matters. 

Back!

Well, I'd say our first vacation as a family of 3 was a rousing success. We packed everything we own into our van and hit the road for a 3 hour journey to our state's coast. Susan's parents, sister and our nephews were already there when we got in and the hurricane did little more than make our first day rainy and kick up some big waves.

We stayed in a cottage that was nice enough (if you didn't want to say, consume a beverage while you were there, vacuum or use the phone) in Kill Devil Hills. We did a little shopping, a lot of beaching, some touristy stuff and a WHOLE lotta eatin'. Theo watched his cousins rip roar around the house, splashed in the ocean, ate a little sand, saw much of the island from one of our backs in the Pikkolo, got lots of love from Gran and Grandaddy and just had a great time in general.

Susan and I enjoyed just being together as a family without schedule juggling, dog caring, diaper washing and budget stressing. We decided for our week of vacation to just relax and let the woes of Raleigh wait until we got back. I got to ride a wave or two for the first time since before I got pregnant which was very fun and Susan got to show me around the Outer Banks, a place she has loved since she was a little kid.

We were sad to come home, but also a little happy to be back in our own surroundings with our own routine. Our life may be quiet and simple, but it's also familiar and ours. Theo looked all around his room and clapped, I think he was glad to be home too.

It seems like whenever we go away, he grows by leaps and bounds. He's making some definite progress on the crawling front and is rocking on his hands and knees and even doing a 1-2 forward motion combo. Maybe he will crawl, after all. His other new development is demonstrating when he is unsure or a bit shy. When someone he doesn't know too well speaks to him, he tucks his head under one of our chins and peeps out. It's cute and secretly I love that he sees us as his comfort.

As I write this, he is tucked next to me sleeping off his first little fever. It's probably just teething (still no teeth to speak of) or some little germ he picked up on vacation. He's been really clingy today and it's obvious he is feeling kind of crummy, so hopefully he will be better in the morning.

So, we are back from vacation refreshed and looking forward to the fall. This is my absolute favorite time of year, as the dog days of summer wind down and the pumpkins, apples, leaves and sweaters come out. I can't wait to share my favorite season with my favorite little boy.

Enjoy the pictures - you can see the rest by clicking here. I have opened a Flickr account, so check it from time to time for new pictures.

Gone fishin'.

We are outta here! Leaving today for a week at the Outer Banks with Susan's family. Crossing our fingers that our mild illness doesn't become major and that the hurricane does nothing but kick up some nice waves for us. 

See ya in a week!

Nine months of love.

Monkey Moo is nine months old! He had his well baby visit today and did very well. The pediatrician said he looks perfect and is pleased with his development and growth. He was 19 pounds and 28 and 1/4 inches tall, which puts him in the 20th % for weight and 41st % for height. She said to continue with solid food being just for fun and keep giving him mostly breastmilk. He got his second vaccine ever, the 2nd part of the HIB. Susan is in charge of holding for shots and just like last time, he barely cried. We go back right after he turns a year old for his next appointment. 

He enjoys playing with laptops, cell phones and anything else he really shouldn't have. He loves to clap and really loves to look for his doggies. He still does not love to sleep, much to our dismay. He is a sweet, lovable little fella and we are so lucky to have him!