2010, in review.

I did one of these last year and it was fun, so here we go again. A recap of 2010 in the life of the Hills.

January: Raleigh gets a ton of snow and Theo has a fun time playing in it (or something like that). Trying for a second baby.

February: More snow. We visit in Richmond for Superbowl Sunday. Theo gets accepted to preschool. Melissa finds out she is pregnant!

March: We spill the beans about the pregnancy. Theo goes on his first Easter egg hunt. Theo stops breastfeeding after 16.5 months.

April: Easter. We travel to Richmond for Easter on Parade. Theo begins hiding things, like his shoes. We find out the baby is probably a girl, but don't tell anyone. Neverending nausea continues. We go strawberry picking and make jam.

May: Susan's birthday. Susan and Theo take a trip to Suffolk without me for the first time. Theo and I visit friends and family in Virginia. We find out we are in fact expecting a baby girl! We visit Charleston, SC to attend the wedding of an old family friend. It's really muggy and buggy, but fun. Susan ends the trip on a high note by having to visit urgent care.

June: Lots of trips to the pool with our water baby. Melissa finally starts feeling better. Melissa and Theo fly down to Florida alone to visit Mima, Elena, Tony, Summer and Shannon. Theo's first trip on a plane!

July: 4th of July in Richmond. More and more swimming. Theo gets a big boy room and bed to make room for baby sister.

August: We go peach picking and get eaten alive by mosquitoes. We decide to switch prenatal care from the birth center to UNC hospital at 32 weeks, which was an incredibly hard decision. We have to say a sad goodbye to our cat, Otis, who had been with Melissa for 9 years. August was a tough month.

September: Theo and I go on a date to ride a train before his sister arrives. Theo begins preschool! It's hard for everyone at first, but we all grow to love it. We finish up the nursery.

October: Birthday month. The pumpkin patch. The state fair. Theo's first real haircut. We welcome our daughter, Lucinda Katherine, into our family. Lucy has a frenotomy (twice). Halloween.

November: Melissa and Lucy struggle through breastfeeding, but come out on the other side. Theo turns TWO years old! Thanksgiving in Suffolk with the Hills.

December: Lucy is diagnosed with reflux. Theo is diagnosed with allergies. We go to a Christmas parade and freeze. Christmas in Richmond where Lucy meets her Aunt Dawn for the first time. Christmas with the Hills at our house. Our first Christmas at home with two kids. Kids have their check ups and we learn they are both tall and slim! Melissa and Susan return to work after two months of maternity leave.

Whew! It's been quite a year. Same house, same jobs, same cars, but pretty much everything else changed! We had both a significant hello and a significant goodbye. We traveled a lot. We all grew a lot. We are all older and we are definitely all wiser. Sometimes, we are all a little more weary. We are still a strong family. Susan and I probably mess up a hundred times a day as parents and as spouses, but somehow, we are still here after another year as a family. Some days surviving, some days thriving, but happy and healthy. I am hoping for a quieter 2011 with a little less change but a lot of growth as we take care of each other and learn to do a better job at life every day. I'm so glad to have these three by my side for another year!

Happy 2011. May it be the best one yet.

From us to you.

Merry Christmas!

May your 2011 be simple, challenging, fun, peaceful and fulfilling in all the right ways.

Bummed.

I have a lot I need to blog about. Lucy's two month update, Christmas in Virginia with my family, Christmas here with Susan's family, our return to work, etc. I was all ready to do that, but then something came across my Facebook feed that instantly made me sad. You can Google it, but there has been a high profile case regarding second parent adoptions in NC that has been in the NC Supreme Court (Julia Boseman) and the decision was handed down yesterday. Second parent adoptions can no longer be filed in North Carolina. This means that before yesterday, Susan could be deemed a legal parent to Lucy and Theo without my having to waive my parental rights. Not anymore. The case was filed by the biological mother to a little boy who was every bit as much Ms. Boseman's child as Lucy and Theo are Susan's. But, the couple (one of whom happened to be a senator) broke up and the biological mother decided to sue to overturn the adoption. Well, she won once she finally appealed high enough. The kicker is that the supreme court didn't overturn the shared custody granted by the lower courts, so while the biological mother may have wanted to exclude Ms. Boseman for their child's life, she didn't. All she did was ruin the chance for the rest of us to obtain what she squandered. So completely unfair.

In 2010, it boggles my mind that we are still dealing with issues like this. And yes, while it is a good thing that the custody issue was upheld (as it sets legal precendent to give non-biological co-parents custodial rights), why do marginalized groups have to continue to accept dinner scraps with a pat on the head? We aren't asking for much. Simply asking for our children to be protected legally, like all other children are. Men who impregnate women during an anonymous one night stand have parental rights by default, yet someone like Susan who was there not only for conception, but the births of both of our children and who has been every bit of a parent to them as I have have NO legal rights at all.

Look at us. Don't we deserve what is freely given to other families?

I'll take my MD now, please.

So, just as we are getting Lucy figured out, Theo decides he needs to have some medical issues, too. Since he's started school, he's been sick a lot. Well, like all the time. Countless colds, croup and a stomach flu. This most recent "cold" has lasted 6 weeks. We took him to the doctor who said it was just a cold and the cough was postnasal drip. Thursday he woke up sick *again* (meaning new/worse symptoms than the lingering cough we've been dealing with for over a month). Coughing, runny nose, fever and a coughing spell that made him throw up. Since he's under 6, he can't take anything, so we were reduced to trying to give him herbal meds. We finally started giving him a little Benedryl, dosed according to Dr. Sears. He was acting fine yesterday, so we sent him to school. When I picked him up, his teachers said they thought he had bronchitis and should be checked. I made a doctor appointment on the way home and she got him in yesterday afternoon.

Susan took him and the verdict is that he has environmental allergies and since they went unaddressed, they turned into a sinus infection. So, now he is on Zyrtec for allergies and amoxicillin for the sinus infection. I was a bit annoyed because we DID take him in earlier and were told it was just a cold, no mention of allergies. I was also puzzled, because he's never shown any signs of allergies. And just to make us feel like the worst parents ever, apparently you are supposed to clean humidifiers every other day. Yeah, we've had his for two years and have never cleaned it and use it almost every night when he has a cold. Yes, I realize we are morons. So, we've likely been blowing mold directly into his face all this time. I pulled the donor's profile out to check for allergies and guess what he's allergic to? Yep, mold. MORONS.

All this time, we've blamed the germy preschool (and, likely that is where some of this comes from) but it's been us who have made him sick. Ugh. Susan did have a conversation with the ped about withdrawing him from preschool to improve his health. It's a tough decision because he loves going and we think it's beneficial, but we don't need him to go. We are home when he is at school, we don't use child care. So, should we leave him somewhere that makes him sick for no good reason? Or should we continue to build his immune system? I think we have decided to clear up his sinus infection and see how the allergies respond to the Zyrtec over the Christmas break and then see how he does in the new year before deciding.

Then there is the issue of testing to see what he is allergic to. The ped wasn't convinced we need to since he is so young, but said she would support us if we wanted to. I can get him seen at the AI clinic at work, so that's not an issue, we just need to decide if we want to put him through it and what we would do with the information. We're already doing what we can - we don't have carpet in the main part of the house and keep the dogs out of the bedrooms. We are going to get him a new pillow with an allergen cover. We strip him down when he comes home from school, wash his hands and put on clean clothes. He takes a multivitamin, an immune support vitamin, drinks tons of water and doesn't eat any sugar. I don't know what else we could really change by finding out what he's allergic to. Well, unless it's the dogs, I guess.

So, yeah. We've been under water with medical stuff for the past few weeks and it's tiring. I have a cold myself and when it's super cold out, my Raynaud's is worse, meaning I have to take more meds which give me a headache. I feel like crap, but the kids seem to be improving. I'm so happy for that, I hate seeing them feeling bad.

Oh, and just in case we weren't already candidates for parents of the year - Susan took him to Stride Rite today and his shoes are a whole size too small. We are SO rocking out this parenting thing. Don't call CPS.

Smiling girl!

Lucy gave up her first smile on Thanksgiving, but she doesn't smile often. Probably because of the reflux, which causes her pain. In the last day or so, it seems like maybe the medicine is beginning to work. We read it would take 1-2 weeks before we'd really know if it was working, but it seems like she is gradually getting better. So, she's smiling more! She saves her biggest smiles for the pictures behind our bed, just like her big brother did. Her smiles are extra sweet because hopefully it means she is feeling better.

She has settled herself into a nice little routine at night and is sleeping really well! She's definitely ready for bed at 7pm and she lets you know it. She nurses and then gets wrapped up tight in the Miracle Blanket, pacifiered and laid in her pack and play. She puts herself to sleep and sleeps until 1:30am. I feed her, rewrap her, lay her back down and she sleeps until 3:30, when she is ready to come into our bed. I don't do anything but reach over and pick her up and she sleeps right next to me until 5:30 or 6! So, essentially, she sleeps from 7:30 - 5:30 or 6 with only one wake up!

In the mornings, she kind of catnaps between feedings but largely stays awake until around 10, when she seems ready for a serious nap. I do the same deal as night time with the Miracle Blanket and she sleeps upstairs on her own (with the video monitor on, of course) for about 2 hours. We are still figuring out the afternoons and she definitely has a witching hour from about 5-7pm, but we feel on our way to getting her figured out. She's much more predictable and a much better sleeper than Theo was, which is nice. Let's hope it lasts!

I highly recommend the Miracle Blanket. We used it with her right at first, then she seemed to not like it, so I put it away. We got it back out a few days ago and it's been the ticket to good sleep. If your baby isn't a sleeper, give it a try!

I love a parade!

Well, I love a parade when it's not frigid outside. Last year we attempted the big downtown Raleigh Christmas Parade. It was largely a bust. It was freezing cold, parking was a pain, it was hugely crowded and Theo fell asleep. We decided it would be a long time before we tried that again. Susan heard that the little town over from us was having a Christmas parade and we thought we'd give that a try since it would be more low key. Unfortunately, this ended up being kind of a bust too. Parking was super easy and we walked right up to a spot to watch, but we were right at the end of the route so a lot of the bands and floats and whatnot had stopped performing and were basically just walking to the end point. And once again, it was FREEZING cold with terrible wind gusts. We didn't stay long, but Theo did love seeing the flags and hearing the drums in the marching bands.

Next year we know where to park and stand and not to try it if it's super cold. Lesson learned. Lucy was the warmest of us all. She had on a onesie, a fleece outfit with a hood, thick socks, sherpa lined leather booties (all the way from New Zealand, given to big brother when he was born), a hat, mittens, in the Pikkolo, zipped into my coat and covered with a thick blanket. She stayed nice and toasty while the rest of us froze. Ah well. Here's to next year!

Lucy update.

Finally have a minute to post an update on Lucy. I have mentioned that she's kind of a tough baby and cries a lot. Well, I finally decided it was just not normal to have a baby that screams every waking second she isn't eating. She would also be dead asleep and arch her back and scream like someone had bitten off her feet, had frequent hiccups, would cough and choke and had lots of wet burps that would cause her to cry. All this led to me to think she probably had reflux. While she almost never spits up, silent reflux has all the same symptoms, just no visible spitting.

I took her to the pediatrician on Wednesday and Lucy was screaming the whole time. She agreed that it looks like reflux and wrote a prescription for Zantac. I was somewhat disheartened, as I've read that this is not the most effective medicine for reflux, but the doctor said they have to start with this to appease the insurance company. We are supposed to call back in two weeks if we haven't seen remarkable improvement and then she will call in a prescription for Prevacid. So far, I don't see what I would call a "remarkable" improvement. Maybe a slight one and the medicine definitely wears off after 8 hours, but we can only give it twice a day. It sucks to see her in pain.

Obviously, this is a draining situation for us and her. We spend a lot of time holding her upright and walking her around, trying to make her feel better. By the end of the day, we are pretty worn out. She is basically not supposed to be flat on her back, ever and she isn't such a fan of the swing or the bouncy chair. We have Harry Potter books propping up her pack and play. So, if we seem scattered and tired, bear with us. It's a tough road right now.

She is gaining weight well and is up to 9 pounds, 8.5 ounces. She is still wearing NB clothes, but a few outfits are finally too short. The 0-3 size is still a little too big, but if it's a two piece, we just hike up the pants and go with it. She is staying awake for longer periods of time and has smiled twice. Haven't heard much talking (or "hooting" as Theo used to do), but that's probably because she is always in pain. Her hair is thinning out and she has VERY long eyelashes that curl at the ends. I love to look at them.

She sleeps well for the first part of the night, but is often up from 2 to 5 in the morning, very unsettled. This is when I think the Zantac wears off, so whatever little relief it's giving her is gone, but she doesn't get her morning dose until 6 or 7am. Her sleeping patterns are better now than Theo's were at a year, so maybe once we get this reflux under control, she'll sleep all night!

I hope to have a happy update on her soon. We feel just awful for her that she is in so much pain and wish there was more we could do. I've cut dairy, tomatoes and onions which makes eating quite a challenge, but I am hopeful that will help her belly. Keep her in your thoughts.

The circle dance!

Theo'sDancing
Originally uploaded by MelissaandSusan

This is a video of Theo dancing. Usually he is singing a song while he does it, but he was too busy eating to sing. He has done this a lot, but the other day I was watching him and had a flashback to my childhood. My sister, Sam, used to dance JUST like this and we called it "the circle dance." Made me laugh to think that with my love of dance and all my lessons and performances over the years, he inherited his dance skills from his Aunt Sammy. Could be worse - you should see his other mom dance. :)

Thankful.

We had a great Thanksgiving and hope you did, too. As always, we are thankful for our family. Our house may be small and sometimes messy, but it's filled with love and the sounds of kids and that's exactly what we both always wanted.

I'm also thankful for my friends. Also let me take this time to say if I owe you an email, a Facebook message, a thank you note or a phone call, PLEASE don't think I've forgotten. I haven't and I feel terribly guilty. As it turns out, Miss Lucy continues to give us a run for our money. She's pretty difficult and that coupled with an energetic two year old leaves little time for much else. We barely manage to eat and bathe these days. After talking with some friends, it seems Lucy may have some silent reflux which is causing her to scream whenever she is awake and not nursing. I'm going to call the doctor tomorrow and make an appointment. I'm kind of tired of appointments.

Even in the midst of two year old chaos, tripping over Matchbox cars, choosing between a meal or a shower, walking around with a screaming newborn and feeling like it always looks like our house exploded, I am thankful. Or as Theo would say "thank you, welcome."

Let's take stock here.

Melissa and Lucy's Big Breastfeeding Adventure

10.21.10 - Lucy is born! Seems to sort of latch ok in the hospital, but Melissa is largely too tired to notice. Lactation consultant (LC) comes when Lucy is sleeping, never to be heard from again.

5 days old - Visit the pediatrician, Lucy is down 9 ounces from birthweight, despite nursing nearly every second of every day. Discuss latch issues. Purchase nipple shield on the way home.

6 days old - Melissa realizes she has Raynaud's (AGAIN) and trundles down to the local CVS to fill a Rx for nifedipine. This makes her face flush, knees hot and creates a constant low level headache. Meanwhile, Lucy's latch is shallow and she won't latch on the left at all. Nipple shield continues. Nipples bleeding. Melissa finally admits nothing in her bag of tricks is working and sees a local LC. Lucy is diagnosed as being classically tongue tied to the gumline. Very painful for me, frustrating for her, and dangerous because she can't transfer milk to grow. Referral to ENT for frenotomy.

8 days old - Lucy's tongue is clipped. Breastfeeding is now possible. Lucy transfers milk and begins to gain weight. The heavens rejoice. Melissa must massage under Lucy's tongue at every feeding. The angry, fuzzy turnip screams at me every time.

12 days old - Pain resumes. Spent the last 4 days re-teaching her to latch correctly but something isn't right.

14 days old - Back to ENT. Frenotomy has scarred down, retethering her tongue. Must repeat procedure and commence tongue massage for next 5 days.

3 weeks old - Something is still wrong. Latch looks good, but Melissa still in pain and crying during feedings. Boppy cover is stained with mascara drippings from crying while feeding. Visit a LLL meeting. Leader says latch looks good, thinks it's thrush, but neither of us have symptoms. Melissa goes home defeated, but continues to work on deep latch techniques and lots of nipple sandwiches.

3.5 weeks old - Ok, maybe it is thrush. Get probiotics. Begin taking them myself and coating Lucy's mouth with them. Woken up by feeling like glass is being driven through my nipples.

4 weeks old - Page UNC midwife in tears. She advises to page the UNC LC's "warm line" who will have me come into the hospital, provide a breastmilk sample which they will culture and then give me an Rx. Oh, but it's Sunday, so she doesn't know how responsive they will be. Page the UNC LCs, who never call me back. Call in a favor from a friend and Lucy is prescribed a Nystatin wash for her mouth.

Yesterday - Give up on UNC midwives, call the birth center and speak to a helpful nurse. She gets a midwife to call in an Rx for Diflucan for me, but says I must be seen in 24 hours. Begin taking Diflucan, continue with Nystatin for Lucy and the probiotics for us both. Latching is still awful, especially on left.

Today - See NP at the birth center. She agrees it's thrush. Continue all protocol above, but add grapefruit seed extract and lotrimin to nipples after every feeding. If it's not remarkably better next week, then we still have a latch issue and we need to be seen by their LC (who is wonderful). Agree to call on Monday with an update. Continue to fight through every feeding. Latch, relatch, latch, relatch.

So, here's the lineup:

Nifedipine - 3x/day, for Raynaud's, take indefinitely

Probiotics - 1x/day, Melissa and Lucy for a month

Diflucan - 1x/day for 2 weeks

GSE - wash nipples with this after every feed

Lotrimin - apply to nipples after GSE

Prenatal - 1x/day

Vit. D - 1x/day, Melissa and Lucy

Nystatin - apply to Lucy's mouth 4x/day

Advil - 600mg as needed for pain

Every night, boil all pacifiers, pump parts and Nystatin syringes. Throw everything away after 2 weeks. Wash all clothing in hot water with vinegar for two weeks.

And oh yeah, don't forget to breastfeed every 2-3 hours around the clock, care for your newborn, care for your toddler and be some semblance of a spouse. Showering optional.

I'm so hoping this is the last issue I have to deal with while nursing. We haven't tried a bottle yet, but it's been super tempting. And I know, it would still be breastmilk, but I just don't want to introduce any other players into this train wreck yet. Good news is, Lucy is growing like a piglet. I'm the only one struggling, she's none the wiser.

Mostly this is for my record in case someone else faces something similar. But, if you are reading this - the take home message is to be kind to a nursing mom. If you see one, smile at her. Not a weird, hoping to catch a glimpse of some nip smile, but a kind smile. If it's your sister, friend, aunt, cousin, whatever, ask her if she needs anything. Offer her a drink of water. Sit with her while she nurses. Squeeze her shoulder. Encourage her. She may look like an experienced, confident mom but she may well be going through complete and total hell.

Happy birthday, baby boy.

Two weeks.

One year.

Two years.

Dear Theo,

Today you are two years old! I can't even believe it's already been two years since the day we finally met you after so long. You have gone from a sweet, snuggly newborn to a laughing, smart, funny, adorable and loving little boy. I am so incredibly lucky to be your mama. I always tell people that after years of taking care of lots of children, the universe saved the very best one just for me. You are talking in sentences, repeating EVERYTHING we say, running, climbing, playing pretend, working puzzles and you love going to school. I'm sorry you were sick for your birthday and we couldn't go out and do anything fun, but we tried to have fun at home. You had "panbakes" for breakfast and requested "oat-meow" for lunch, which Mom made you. Mama made you baked ziti for dinner and you ate more than we did! I spent the day looking at the clock and remembering where we were this time two years ago. It's all gone by so fast.

You are my best buddy and I couldn't love you more. We are better people and better parents because of you. People tell us all the time how happy you are and that makes us feel so good. We want nothing more than for you to walk through life happy and confident. We are lucky to have you as a son and Lucy is lucky to have such a good big brother.

You are my sunshine and I can't wait to see what the next year brings.

Love you, love you, love you.

Mama

Theo's 2nd Birthday Party!

Although our baby boy isn't two until tomorrow, we had his little family celebration yesterday. I knew I wouldn't be up for a big party with a newborn, so we just invited his grandparents and his older cousin, Maddie, to come down for the day. It turned out just perfect! All his favorite people were here and it was nice and low key with lots of love and fun. Poor boy is battling a cold (just like last year), but he got in an early nap and after some warm up time, was ready to party.

We had pizza for lunch, which is a rare treat for him and he ate two whole pieces. I decided to make his cake and wanted to make it in the shape of an airplane, but couldn't find a pan shaped that way. So, I decided to just make it to reflect some of his most favorite things: flags and planes. It ended up looking a bit like a GI Joe cake, but he loved it. Susan and I felt vindicated when in front of his grandparents (who think we deprive him by not giving him sugar!) I had to feed him a bite of his cake and after one bite he said "all done" and wouldn't eat any more.

He got some really thoughtful gifts, which he spent the evening enjoying! Gran and Grandad got him the Tag Junior system and his cousins sent along a bunch of the accompanying books. Gramma and Papa got us a family plus membership to Marbles (kids museum). We can't wait to use it and since it's a plus membership, Theo can take a friend for free! So, hit us up for a Marbles play date. Aunt Sammy gave him a book about poop which he is fascinated by, much to Susan's chagrin. :) We gave him a big race track, a little book from the dollar spot at Target and a photo album we made him of pictures of his favorite things. The dollar book was the big hit and he cried when he couldn't take it in the bath with him.

Thank you to the grandparents and Maddie for making the trip, it made his birthday celebration perfect! We are so lucky that our baby is so loved. Tomorrow we will make him "panbakes" and ziti and celebrate the biggest day of our lives when we became parents. Amazing.

We heart Shutterfly!

As you have noticed, our children are shamelessly overdocumented and we love Shutterfly for printing pictures, making photo books of their first year, birth announcements, holiday cards and calendars! I have found Shutterfly to be very easy to use to print all of my digital scrapbook creations, including Lucy's birth announcement. I'm going to use them to print Lucy's newborn pictures and plan to turn our favorite into a canvas wall art creation.

This year's holiday card collection is beautiful and I don't know how I will choose! Shutterfly never disappoints, the colors are vibrant, the print quality is excellent and the shipping is fast. They also have SO many designs to choose from so you don't have to worry that you are sending the same card everyone else is. We use them every year.

If you are a digital scrapper, click here to see how you can print all your own layouts, turn them into cards, or do what I did and make books of your kids' lives! Theo's first year book turned out so awesome and we get many compliments on it!

I've made a calendar from Shutterfly every year and I do them as sort of a year in review, where I use pictures from that month of the previous year. It's really fun to turn the page on a new month and see what we were doing this time last year and how much Theo has grown! The quality is great and you can even save special dates like birthdays, etc. so you don't have to re-enter them every year - they print right on the calendar!

So, there you have it - lots of good ideas for getting your holiday cards made and gifts for family members on your list this year. And if you are a blogger, get in on this deal:

Bloggers get 50 free holiday cards from Shutterfly… sign up: http://bit.ly/sfly2010

New Theo-isms.

Mostly for me, so I won't forget!

(as shouted up the stairs to me) "Hey, babe?!" - think he hears this often??

"Oh, peanuts!" (compliments of his other mom)

"Aw, shucks!"

I think I am forgetting one. See, this is why I should not neglect the blog!

Little man will be TWO YEARS OLD next week. And, I weep.

Hello, stranger.

It's back. Not an old friend, but an old foe. When I was nursing Theo, I developed Raynaud's Syndrome and was put on nifedipine. I was so hoping to avoid it this time, but alas, it's returned. I tried to ignore it, but that is like trying to ignore someone taking a blowtorch to your nipples. So, yesterday I picked up my prescription and am back to having hot knees and a flushed face. Good news is, the meds work and I am not in pain now when nursing. Hopefully I will be able to wean off the meds in a few months.

Lucy is doing very well. Now that her tongue is fixed, she eats like a little piglet. She eats every three hours, which took Theo nearly a year to get to! At night, she goes 4 hours which is heavenly. At 7 is when she is more or less in sleeping mode, but I usually stay up until 10:30 and rouse her to feed. She then wakes around 2am and 6am, which is completely manageable. She also seems to enjoy a pacifier, which we never could get Theo to take. That helps her drift off to sleep after she's wrapped in her Miracle Blanket. Let's hope this continues!

Theo is hanging in there. He's definitely been challenging the last two weeks and melts down often and over nothing. He's also become very whiney. I think the combo of nearing his second birthday and adding a new sister has his poor little brain on overload. It's requiring a lot of work from Susan and I as it would be very easy these days to lose our cool with him. Instead, we are holding him to all the same rules, but practicing lots of patience and compassion. I also try to time Lucy's feedings so that I can get out and do something with just him every day. His teachers are well aware of what's going on, so they are being extra patient too. For all his tantrums, he does seem to like Lucy. He asks for her in the morning and pets her head very gently. He asks to hold her occasionally and looks to us to do something if she cries. He's a great big brother.

Happy Halloween!

Lucy's birth, by Susan.

Around 8:30 am Theo and I were playing in Lucy’s room. Melissa nonchalantly walks into the room to tell me something and happens to mention, “I have been having regular contractions for the last 30 minutes.” I said, “WHAT?? She said, “Yeah, but I don’t know if it is the real thing or not, so don’t panic.” I heard that phrase “don’t panic” a lot that morning. I said, “we have to call your mom and Sam” (since her mom was going to watch Theo and Sam was going to help out during the birth). Melissa said, “Not yet. Let’s go for a walk and see if the contractions go away.”

So I took my wife who was in labor and my toddler son on a walk at the park as if it was any other day. I was attempting to keep myself calm, cool, and collected, but stopping every couple of minutes while Melissa experienced a contraction made that hard to do. Hard to enjoy a walk in the park with the family knowing that Lucy could arrive at any second and we are far, far away from UNC hospital.

We arrived back home from the walk and Melissa was still experiencing contractions. I said, “Are you calling your mom and Sam now?” She said, “no, I want to wait and see if this is real. I don’t want them coming here, if it isn’t the real thing.” I was about to lose my marbles at that point because it was going to take at least three hours for them to get to Raleigh and we needed them to be at the house before we went to the hospital. In addition to being stressed about her family, I was also thinking about the dogs. We agreed the dogs would go to camp, but Melissa wouldn’t give me the green light, so there I sit. Wringing my hands about her family not on the way and the dogs not on the way to camp. In my anxiety explosion, I finally said, “I need you to call your family. This is the real thing. Let’s move forward from the denial phase and embrace that this is real.” Eventually, she got the point, that I needed her family to be on the way and then I would leave her alone. She called her family and I took the dogs to camp.

As the afternoon progressed, Melissa continued to have regular contractions. I entertained Theo as Melissa stayed upstairs bouncing on the yoga ball working through the contractions. I checked on her from time to time, but she didn’t want to talk and wanted me to steer clear of her, so I got the message and stayed downstairs. Melissa’s mom and sister arrived. Theo napped. Then Melissa, Sam and I went on a long walk in the neighborhood hoping to aid in the laboring quest of moving the show along.

We got back to the house after the walk and Melissa said that she should check in with the midwives. She called them and they told her to come in because it was too hard to predict how fast Lucy would come. And considering that delivering a baby in the car on the way to UNC was not in my life’s plan of ambitions, I welcomed the encouragement to go to the hospital sooner rather than later. We headed to the hospital around 3:45 pm.

It was stressful leaving Theo behind with Melissa’s mom, even though I knew she was going to do fine taking care of him. Theo isn’t used to any other caretakers except the two of us, so it was definitely stressful on us both.

I dropped Melissa off at the front door of the UNC Women’s Hospital and a volunteer wheeled her to OB triage. I had to go across the street and park the car. When I got to back to OB triage, the lovely lady at the receptionist’s desk did not want to let Sam and I into the room because the room was “too small.” I politely let her know that I was Melissa’s partner and I was going back to the room, so she needed to show me Melissa’s room. I arrived to the room with Melissa about 5 pm. The midwife had just checked Melissa and told her she was only 4 cm dilated. In addition, Melissa’s contractions essentially stopped on the way to UNC. So after 8 hours of consistent contractions, the contractions had stopped and Melissa was stalled at 4 cm. Melissa melted down. I think for numerous reasons: 1) because we had just left Theo with his gramma (although he doesn’t know her all that well and we weren’t sure how Theo was going to do with her), 2) because Melissa was having flashbacks of Theo’s delivery (after 24 hours of laboring, Melissa only progressed to 4 cm. Eventually this lead to 32 hours of labor, 3.5 hours of which were pushing, with the aid of pitocin, and an epidural), 3) because she felt like she had really worked through the contractions at home (which she did) and thought that she would have been further dilated, and 4) because this has been an incredibly difficult pregnancy, so the thought of working so hard for the last 8 hours thinking that an end point was in sight, and then to be told you have stalled out…no less the pregnancy hormones, Melissa melted (for many good reasons.) The midwife asked Melissa what she wanted to do. Melissa said, “to get Lucy out as fast and safely as possible. I want this to be over.” So the midwife happily agreed to “pit and epi.” Melissa opted to hold off on the epi to see if she could make it through the delivery without it. Melissa knew that she could always ask for the epi “up until the baby was coming out.”

Melissa was getting situated in the room. The nurse told her she couldn’t eat after she had the Pitocin, so Melissa quickly sent me to get her a sandwich. By the time Melissa finished eating and the pitocin started, it was about 6 pm. Melissa and I walked laps around the unit hoping to encourage Lucy to come out. The first round of pitocin didn’t do much, so the nurse increased the dose about 15 min later. The second round brought a little stronger contractions, but still not over the top contractions, so the pitocin was increased again after 15 minutes. Lucy’s heart rate started to drop, so the nurse asked Melissa to lie down. After Lucy’s heart rate returned to normal, Melissa asked to get up because the contractions were too much laying down.

At this point, it is about 7 pm. The contractions are really getting strong. Melissa asked for the yoga ball to sit on. She worked through two really, long and hard contractions and then called for the nurse. Melissa was done. The contractions were strong and Melissa was ready for the epidural. The nurse went to get the midwife. Melissa started having a monstrous contraction. It seems like this contraction last about 10 minutes, but I think it was really about 3 minutes. She is screaming in pain and begging for an epidural. The midwife said that she couldn’t give Melissa anything without checking her first. Melissa climbed on the bed and then realized the sac broke. The midwife checked Melissa and looked at the nurse and said, “get the tray, she is 9 cm, this baby is coming now.” They told Melissa that the epi won’t arrive because she is about to deliver Lucy. Needless to say, Melissa was not happy about that news.

I looked down and could see Lucy’s head moving down the canal (very wild to see this as I was looking at Melissa’s parts externally, but yet I could see Lucy moving internally). Lucy crowned and I was telling Melissa, “she’s coming, she’s here, here comes her head!” Melissa did not believe me. She was in tremendous pain and had no idea that Lucy was about to arrive. Melissa pushed maybe a couple of times. I kept telling Melissa that Lucy was so close and then her head popped out. 7:15 pm Lucy was born. The cord was wrapped around Lucy’s neck, but the midwife easily unlooped it and Lucy immediately cried. The midwife held up Lucy and showed Melissa that Lucy had finally arrived. Lucy was placed on Melissa’s chest and then we kissed her and cried. Just very thankful that she was here and arrived safely.

Melissa was quite the trooper all day. She did an awesome job throughout the whole 12 hours. I could not be more proud of her for enduring this pregnancy and safely delivering our little girl.

Theo-ism.

This boy of ours, he is so funny. Always making us laugh. The other day, he spouted this gem:

"Check heiney, dude. Made a pee you."

(He learned "dude" from his other mom, FYI).

Snip, snip.

I wanted to give a little update on our girl. Although it seemed like breastfeeding was going well in the hospital, we started going downhill fast when we got home. Her latch wasn't good after my milk came in, though I attributed this to the fact that I have a very abundant supply, which makes latching a little harder (I'll leave the hows and whys to your imagination). I was in pain, but figured as she grew and we got in more practice, she would improve. Then I couldn't get her to latch on the left side AT ALL. I'd try and try and try and she just couldn't do it. We went out and got a nipple shield to give me a chance to heal and make it easier for her to latch. I'd used one with Theo for a short while too, for the same reasons and we'd been able to get off of it without trouble.

The other issue was that she was nursing and nursing and nursing, but never seemed full. She never got that "milk drunk" look about her that I was used to seeing on Theo. She cried most of the time and barely slept. I couldn't figure out why, as I have PLENTY of milk (like, I can pump 10 ounces and still feed her - yeah, plenty). On Wednesday, I knew I needed to get some help. I admit, I felt embarrassed. I mean, I nursed Theo for a year and a half. I've helped other moms get off the ground. I know what I am doing when it comes to nursing, but none of my tricks were working. My mom graciously offered to pay the $100 to see the lactation consultant that taught the breastfeeding class I took when pregnant with Theo. Luckily, she was available that day.

Wednesday afternoon, I packed up Lucy and headed to her home office. Lucy was crying (as usual) when we got there and she took one look at her and said "I already can see the problem, it's so obvious. She's tongue tied." I felt instant relief and validation. It wasn't ME. It wasn't anything I was or wasn't doing, she just had a tricky tongue. She helped me get Lucy latched on with the shield and we chatted. She explained that because Lucy had a tight frenulum, it was nearly impossible for her to latch correctly, if at all. Additionally, because tongue tied babies have to work so hard to get any milk at all, they get tired and give up. This is why she wanted to nurse ALL the time, but was never full, because she was always falling asleep. I was super engorged as a result, because she wasn't moving the milk. We did a bunch of weigh ins while I was nursing and in an hour, Lucy only took in 2 ounces. Obviously, tongue tie is dangerous for breastfed babies. They aren't getting enough milk to grow and lose weight and their mamas risk plugged ducts, mastitis and low supply. Many mamas, not knowing why their baby isn't latching and growing, give up and go to bottles.

The lactation consultant explained that Lucy would need a simple procedure called a frenotomy in which the frenulum would be clipped. Yikes! She said it's quick, easy and would completely fix the problem immediately. She gave me a referral to an ENT that she works with who does it in office. She also gave me an article on tongue tie from the American Academy of Pediatrics to read and show Susan. The visit was an hour and a half during which time she got my head back in the game, calmed me, reassured me, listened to me and fixed up my pumping problem (too small flanges). I left feeling hopeful that we would get back on track.

I took Lucy this morning for her frenotomy. I liked the ENT a lot. She had a calm, reassuring manner about her and explained everything in great detail. She looked at Lucy and agreed with the LC that she was in fact tongue tied - classic, type I. She had me hold Lucy in a dentist like chair with her back on my chest. She leaned the chair back and I held Lucy in a bear hug. She took a special tool and clipped the frenulum. It did bleed a bit and Lucy cried, so it likely hurt a little (the ENT said they think it's probably like biting your tongue). They sat us up and had me nurse right away and I decided on the true test - left side, no shield. We got the latch perfect on the very first shot and I nursed for 10 minutes with no pain at all. And in ten minutes, Lucy looked milk drunk for the first time. I nearly cried right there in the office. We have to do some mouth exercises with her every time she eats for the next 5 days to ensure the frenulum doesn't scar back down and then she will be all fixed!

Since we've been home, she's eaten every 2-3 hours in a fraction of the time it had taken and then goes off to sleep. Just like a newborn should. It's such an extreme difference from what we are used to, she's like a new baby. Theo and I even got to go to the store together and I was able to do his nighttime routine, which I had been missing a lot.

Now that she's fixed, we have time and space to be fairly mad at UNC. They traipsed probably 27 people in and out of my room in the 24 hours I was there - pediatricians, a lactation consultant, researchers, nurses, nursery workers, food service, admissions, phlebotomy, etc, etc, etc. I was sick to death of them! Lucy was seen by FOUR pediatricians and not one of them ever looked in her mouth. They made sure to tell me what temperature to put my water heater on so I didn't burn my new baby, however. The lactation consultant came by, but Lucy was sleeping and she never came back. UNC has a very strongly worded pro-breastfeeding statement in their patient rooms, so why is it not standard protocol to check all babies for tongue tie? Literally, it took the private LC and the ENT 4 seconds to tell me she had it, so it wouldn't add much to their checklist. She and I suffered through her first 8 days for no reason at all. I went looking for help and knew something wasn't right because I am not a first time breastfeeder. How many new moms probably quit assuming their baby can't latch or that their milk is deficient because their baby isn't growing? It was an easy fix, once identified and it saved our breastfeeding relationship. The LC said my crazy supply is what saved Lucy, she basically just had to swallow, didn't actually have to work for the milk. We didn't have to use bottles or formula, though even I admit it was tempting last night when I literally nursed for 7 hours.

So, that's that. She's all fixed up and Susan is writing a letter to UNC expressing our anger at this very simple thing being missed. Hopefully it will lead to someone taking a quick glance at babies born there to identify this issue and make for many, many more successful breastfeeding pairs.

Oh, and now she can stick out her tongue! It's so cute.

First pediatrician appointment.

Lucy had her first pediatrician appointment today. In spite of the fact that she screamed her little furry head off the whole time, she got a glowing report. I've been worried that she looks yellow, but our doc said she's fine. She does have a little bit of jaundice, but nothing significant that time and mama milk won't fix. She camped out by the window for a bit today as well, which will help. The blood spots in her eyes are broken blood vessels from her lightening speed delivery. They will take 6 weeks to heal completely, but don't affect her vision and don't hurt her. She is down to 6 pounds, 6 ounces which is within the acceptable limits so no further weight checks or anything are necessary. Now that my milk is in, she should gain quickly.

All in all, she's perfect! We will see the doc again for her 2 month check up and in the meantime, I'm just supposed to nurse, nurse, nurse and grow this baby. That I can do!

Lucy's birth story.

(I am going to have Susan write one from her perspective, as things happened so fast at the end, I don't have as much memory of what happened as with Theo).

Lucy's due date was 10/27/10; however, given that I had gone early with Theo, it was out of the realm of possibility in my mind that I would make it to my due date. I was getting anxious and was so tired of being pregnant, that on Monday the 18th I decided to start doing some things to help Lucy out. I was supposed to have a stretch and sweep at my appointment that day, but the midwife said I was too thick and couldn't do it. I was 2 centimeters dilated and 40% effaced. I left that appointment and went to have dinner with my friends at PF Chang's where I ordered the meal that kicked off labor for Theo - only 1,000 times spicier. My whole face ran and I could barely eat it, but I wanted to do anything possible to have a baby. Well, that didn't work. Tuesday the 19th we went to the state fair. We walked for three hours and I had some delicious, greasy fair food. We came home and did a few last minute things, certain I would go into labor that night. Well, I woke up on Wednesday the 20th disappointed to not be in labor and hauled myself into work. I had some bloody show that morning which clued me in that something was happening soon. I didn't feel well that day at work. I felt kind of nauseous with mild cramping and just "off." I was also losing more of my mucus plug throughout the day. I let my team lead know I wasn't feeling well and probably would go home early. I stayed until 2:00 and then went home to rest. I laid down the rest of the day, still just feeling unwell and really tired.

On Thursday, the 21st, I woke up to go to work and still felt crummy. I also had a feeling things were imminent, but wasn't having any contractions. I decided it wouldn't kill anyone if I started maternity leave one day early (since I only work two days a week and was SURE I wouldn't be at work on my due date because she'd be here). My body just seemed to be telling me to rest. I called and left a message for my team lead and laid back down while Susan took care of Theo. At 7:30am, I felt my first contraction that felt like more than a Braxton Hicks. It wasn't wrapping around from the back, but felt much lower and stronger than what I was used to. I laid there for a bit and felt a few more. I decided to start timing them, but didn't say anything to Susan as I didn't want to sound the alarm when it could very well have been nothing. They varied from 4-6 minutes apart, lasting from 45 to 60 seconds. I sat on the yoga ball and bounced around and tried to distract myself, but they remained consistent. I emailed my mom and sister (who were coming in for the birth and Theo care) and put them on "yellow alert", still not believing it was real or that she would actually be here anytime soon. I finally told Susan what was going on and that I wanted to take Theo to the park to walk on the trail. She got really nervous and really felt like I should call my mom and sister and tell them to get on the road. I didn't want the calvary to arrive for no reason, so I insisted we walk and if things were still happening when we got back, I'd call.

We headed to the park and I brought my iPhone to time contractions while we walked. They remained around 5 minutes apart, even while walking. They were uncomfortable, but I kept thinking it didn't hurt enough yet, so it was still very early labor. We got home and Susan just wasn't going to calm down until I called my family. Mom and Sam were both eager to come and said they could leave right away. I told my mom to bring some work with her, as I was sure we were nowhere near delivery. I came upstairs and bounced on the ball some more and then decided to take a shower as I didn't want to go to the hospital all grungy. In the shower, the contractions got a lot harder. No closer together, but I had to work harder to get through them. I got dressed, put on makeup and dried my hair and then Mom and Sam arrived. I told Susan I wanted to take a walk once she got Theo down for a nap, so we did that around 12:30 or so. I felt like I was managing the contractions well and felt like I was in a "zone" and wasn't talking much to anyone. I had not yet called the midwives because I was so gun shy about going in too early, after my labor experience with Theo. I finally decided to call around 2:00 and let them know what was going on. The contractions had changed to 4 minutes apart and I had to put the phone down when I was talking to the midwife to work through them. She asked me a bunch of questions and told me to get my things together and head to the hospital.

We took our time getting things together and going over last minute instructions for Mom and Theo. Theo woke from his nap in a grumpy mood and Susan brought him up to see me. She left us alone for a bit and he cuddled up to me in bed and seemed so sad. I talked to him and told him I loved him and that Gramma was going to take good care of him. I will never forget those last few minutes of just he and I. I brought him downstairs and we got ready to leave. He and Mom left for Target at the same time we left for the hospital, thinking it would be a good distraction. I was so incredibly sad to say goodbye to him. I was worried about how he would do with my mom as he was shy and upset when she got there. And, I was aware that I was changing his life forever and sad that I couldn't explain it in a way he would understand.

By the time we got to the hospital and into triage, it was 5:00pm. The midwife, Stephanie, checked me and said I was 4 centimeters. I was so discouraged. All I could think was that after managing contractions since 7:30 that morning, I'd only gained two centimeters. I started thinking back to Theo's birth and how basically the same thing happened. I then started to cry. I told her I just needed this whole thing to be over. The pregnancy had been so incredibly hard, saying goodbye to Theo was excruciating and I just wanted an end. She said we could do pitocin and an epidural if that's what I wanted, as contractions had stopped at that point. She said "I just don't do tears." WTH? A midwife who can't deal with crying? Anyway, I agreed to that. I just wanted to move along and however that was possible was ok with me. I asked if I had to get an epidural then or if I could try to manage contractions on my own with the pitocin. She said I could certainly try and the triage nurse said she'd had an unmedicated pitocin delivery. So, I decided we would start there and see how I did. Stephanie left to admit me and Susan and I were left in triage. The triage nurse was really sweet and encouraged me to let go of my first labor and accept that this was a new one and would be different. She talked about the mind being very important in labor and did her best to cheer me up and get me thinking positive.

We got into a room and Sam and Susan got the cars situated and set out to find something to eat. I hadn't eaten much and they told me I couldn't eat once the pitocin was started. They ran down and got me a ham sandwich and the nurse gave me a few minutes to eat it before she got started. Once I was done, she put the IV in my hand, got me on the fetal monitors and started the pitocin. It was around 6:00pm when she started the pitocin drip. She told me she was going to start out at a low dose since I'd just had a baby less than 2 years ago. Susan and I decided to start walking around the unit to help things along. Contractions restarted, but weren't really any worse than what they had been at home. I was able to work through them easily. Sam stayed in the room and watched Project Runway. As we lapped around the unit, my nurse would adjust the pitocin amount in 15 minute intervals. The second dose kept the contractions pretty much the same and we kept walking. She turned it up again and I was tired of walking, so we went back to the room. I asked when the point of no return was for an epidural and she said there wasn't, unless baby was crowning. She explained that shift change was at 7, so if I started thinking that way to let her know so she could get it ordered. Around 6:30, the contractions all of a sudden got really strong. I asked for a yoga ball and worked through about 2 of them before I decided I really was done with dealing. Sam or Susan got her and I told her I was done and wanted an epi. She agreed and said she would go get it ordered. The contractions were coming like gangbusters and I was having Susan do counter pressure while I sat on the ball, but nothing was making a difference. The next thing I knew, I got "stuck" in a contraction that wouldn't quit. I started screaming. I screamed at Sam to get the nurse and tell her to turn the pitocin off until the epidural was in. My body felt like it was being ripped in half. I couldn't move off the yoga ball and felt myself losing control. I started screaming "help me! help me! get an epidural!", which I am sure scared the crap out of every other laboring woman on the floor. I have never felt so much pain my life and there was no break at all in the contractions, it was just one long one. At 7:00 the nurse and midwife rushed in after hearing all my screaming and I begged for some kind of pain killer in my IV until the epidural came. Stephanie sternly said she had to check me, which made me mad. All I wanted was pain relief! Then my water broke all over the birth ball. She and Susan took my pants off and helped me onto the bed, where I screamed and writhed in pain. Stephanie checked me and made eye contact with the nurse. She looked at me and said "sister, you are at 9, the epidural won't make it."

Susan was telling me it was about to be all over and Stephanie was barking at the nurses to get a tray ready. My poor nurse who was supposed to leave at 7 stayed to help the new nurse who had just walked in. I kept screaming and was no more believing this was about to be over, as 30 minutes ago, I had been fine and only an hour before had been a measly 4 centimeters. Stephanie told me to open my eyes and listen to her. She said my body was going to tell me to push and to go ahead and do it. I started to feeling burning and knew that meant her head was ready. Susan kept saying "she's right there, you are doing so good!" and all the while I was wanting to just DIE it hurt so much. I started pushing and felt the ring of fire. I pushed when I felt like it, but really, Lucy came down on her own. I vaguely remember hearing Stephanie tell me to slow down and said Lucy had the cord around her neck. I gave one more push and she was out! 7:15pm - two hours and 15 minutes from when I got to the hospital, an hour and 15 minutes after given the first dose of pitocin and 45 minutes from when the contractions got really strong and felt like labor.

I was so shocked at how I felt instantly better once she was out. Everything just stopped and they put her right on my chest. She seemed so tiny to me and was screaming loudly! The room was bustling as I don't think anyone expected it to go as fast as it did. Lucy hung out on my chest while we waited on the cord to stop pulsing. Once it did, Susan cut it and we got a good look at Lucy. Stephanie said I had one small tear, a 1st degree that would need two stitches. She said the placenta was ready, but she wanted me to push it out as the marginal cord insertion made it risky to pull on it. I pushed it out and once again, declined to look at it (gross!). I tried to get Lucy to latch, but I was laying down and couldn't quite make it work. I laid there with her on my chest while they stitched me up. Finally they sat me up and Lucy latched on right away! I gave her a few minutes and then handed her off to Susan.

I remember right after she came out locking eyes with my nurse and saying "I did it!" I honestly couldn't believe I had lived through it. We stayed in that room only long enough for me to get up and go to the bathroom and then they took us up to our recovery room. Stephanie congratulated all of us and said I was very strong. I have no idea what Sam was doing during the birth but she took great pictures afterwards!

We settled into our recovery room and they brought me something to eat. My legs were shaky, but otherwise, I felt good. I do regret that I don't have many specific memories of Lucy coming out or the actual moment of birth. I was so out of my mind with pain, I was focused on ending it and wasn't thinking much about what I was doing. This saddens me since this was the last time I will experience it. There wasn't time or sense of mind to ask for a mirror to watch her crown like I did with Theo and there are definite gaps in my memory of what happened. Susan's version will hopefully fill those in.

We are so lucky to have two healthy, beautiful kids and have spent the last few days settling in. Lucy loves to eat and now that my milk is in, she's becoming more agreeable and sleeping in longer stretches. Breastfeeding is going MUCH better this go 'round since I know how to work on her latch. Theo is warming up to her, though he won't hold her yet. He calls her "Loo chi" and pats her head very gently. I've been trying to spend as much time with him as I can and he seems like such a big boy to me now!

So, that's the story, as I remember it. Fast and furious but the outcome was good. We are very happy!

She's here!

Lucinda Katherine Hill, born 10/21/10 at 7:15pm. 6 lbs, 15oz, 19 and 1/4 inches. Will post a birth story soon, but here's the headliner - from 4 cm to baby on my chest in less than 90 minutes with Pitocin and no pain meds at all. Yeah, I do NOT recommend that!

Everyone is doing very well and we will go home this evening. Theo will be here in a bit to meet her and I can't wait to see him. Breastfeeding is going very well!

Fail.

I went to my appt. on Monday, but she couldn't do a sweep. Ugh. She said I was only 40% effaced, which made my cervix "too thick" for a sweep. She did say I was 2 cm dilated! This was glorious news to me, because after 6 hours of labor with Theo, I arrived at the birth center only 1 cm. So, I'm already starting out further along than last time. Hurray.

So, the next idea was spicy food at PF Changs. Boy, did they deliver. It was so spicy, it was hard to eat. My whole face ran. My nose ran, my eyes watered and my mouth broke out in ulcers. And yet, no baby.

Third up was yesterday at the state fair. I LOVE the state fair. It's my favorite fall activity. I had told Lucy all along to hold out for me to be able to go and I guess she listened. For three hours, I waddled around the fair and indulged in some good old fashioned, clean out the gut fair fare. Got home and my body ached. My feet hurt, my legs hurt and my back was broken. Around 10pm, I was woken up by a hard contraction and got excited. Had 3 more, fell back asleep and that was that. So, fair = fail.

I did have the bloody show this morning (TMI, I know, but I may need this info when I write Lucy's birth story) and feel just overall crappy, but no contractions. So, I came on into work, where I am clearly earning my pay well. Figured if I am going to just be waiting, I might as well be making money. I don't know if I will last all day, but I am hanging in while I can.

So, that's the update. No baby. 7 days from my due date, which is when I went into labor with Theo. I predicted the 20th, Susan the 25th, Gran the 25th and Gramma the 21st (her due date with me, apparently, but note that my birthday is the 12th). Looks like I don't win this one!

Still here.

Still here, still pregnant. I have an appt. at 3:30 for a stretch and sweep, followed by dinner with friends at PF Changs (what kicked off labor with Theo) and home for more nightly yoga ball bouncing. If that fails, tomorrow is state fair day! Lots of walking and greasy food.

Lucy, dear, please come out. Mama is tired.

A proper haircut.

At nearly two years old, Theo finally needed a proper haircut. After the Great Mullet Trim of Summer 2010 that looked awful, I decided he needed a professional, not Mama scissors. We took him to one of those kiddie cut places and hoped for the best. He did great! He sat in an airplane and got to watch his very first kid video (Sesame Street). The whole thing took 10 minutes and he didn't flinch, even when they buzzed around his ears and neck. He looks super handsome and very grown up. No more mullet or Wolfman look over his ears. A rousing success.

My mom was in town for work today so we did a little last minute shopping for Lucy. All practical stuff, but glad to have it off the list. It's all washed and put where it should be. I decided I'd like to have a quilted pack and play sheet for her and good grief, the one I got is so plush and quilty, I think I may write to Carter's and ask if they can make me one in queen size.

And yep, still pregnant. Feeling next week. So much so, that if I end up at work on Wednesday, I will probably need to be escorted to the Williams unit (inpatient psych). I am feeling the same: in pain, exhausted and mentally DONE being pregnant. I hope she comes soon!

Days 11 and 12 and baby update.

I had a prenatal appt. yesterday. GBS test was negative, which means no IV needed for delivery, yay! Weight is hovering at about 20 pounds gained, although on our home scale, I lost some weight? Lucy's heartrate was a little slower than usual, but the midwife wasn't worried at all and said she was probably just resting. She still moves around a ton and seems to react most to have her back scratched. We discussed an induction date, something I never thought I would do. They won't do it until I am at least 41 weeks, so it's been set for 11/3 at 8am, just in case. She doesn't think I will need it, but wanted to get on the schedule since fall is a popular time for babies. At least there is an end in sight. She also wants me to be checked on Monday at my next appt. and do a "stretch and sweep", if possible. I'm feeling next week. Still holding onto the 20th as my predicted date. Susan still says the 25th. We'll see!

Here's a quick Theo funny: He's talking so much now and repeating everything. Susan sometimes calls him a "turkey burger with cheese" and he smiles really big and yells "BURGER CHEESE!" He is, undoubtedly, the cutest child I have ever known and I couldn't love him more. I'm so lucky to be his mama.

Here are the blog challenge questions for yesterday and today (my birthday, by the way - 33 years old and moldy!):

11. Are you a lover or a fighter?

Definitely both. I hate fighting but I do it when it's warranted. Mostly social justice kind of stuff. I love and fight from the same place and it's fierce.
12. What would you say your biggest fear is when it comes to relationships?

I don't think I have any. These days I guess I worry that I suck at maintaining friendships because my energy is pulled in so many directions, but I'd say a lot of people feel that way.

5 of 6.

Between friends, co-workers and family, there was a little group of 6 babies due to arrive between the end of September and the end of October. 5 of 6 arrived today, leaving me the official last woman standing. I knew I would be, as I was due last - but, I was only a week away from #5, so I thought *maybe* I wouldn't be. A scheduled c-section due to her size (9lbs, 130z, thank goodness for the c-section!) crushed my hopes. So, here I stand. I'm hoping for next week, but I guess only Lucy gets to decide that. I know she will come when she is ready.

Here's the name line up for people who are interested in that sort of thing (I always am). In order of appearance:

Sydney Caroline

Wynter Jade

Davis Bryant

Stella Marie

Mallory Mae

Yep, only ONE boy in the mix!

Ok, Lucy - you're up.

10/10/10 would have been a neat birthday.

Alas, not for our girl. That would have made her earlier than I think she will be, but still, it would have been a cool birthday to have. I noticed today that she has dropped a ton. I have two freckles on my stomach that I have been using to gauge her position. Her butt started at the top one. Yesterday, her butt was at the bottom one and today her butt is about 4 fingers below the bottom one, which is pretty significant movement, I think. I don't remember dropping with Theo, so I have no idea what this means in relation to labor (probably nothing). At least it's some sort of step in the right direction. Interestingly, the Braxton Hicks seem to have slowed down a lot over the last day or so, which is counterproductive to labor, so I'd guess I will make it to the fair after all. I am going to go ahead and pack my bag tonight. All the laundry is done, the house is clean and my mom is coming in town Thursday for work, so that pretty much guarantees she won't come anytime soon.

Here's today's question on the blog challenge:

10. What do you dislike the most about yourself?

Ah, always easier to answer this question, isn't it? Physically, I would say it's a toss up between my hips and thighs and my double chin. Seems like no matter what weight I am, those things never go away. As far as a personal trait, probably perfectionism. Pretty much no one does things like I think they should which makes me mad and screamy inside and makes my anxiety go up. I wish I could learn to not sweat the small stuff.

Day 9 and pumpkin patching.

We went to the pumpkin patch on Tuesday! It was so much fun. The weather was perfect and because we went on a weekday, the place was pretty empty and we didn't have to wait for anything. The pictures are on Flickr, if you click the widget at the top of the blog, you can check them out. I took Theo down the huge slide, but I don't think he liked it. It was a lot faster than I recall and I thought Lucy might shoot out before we did! We rode the train, played in hay and corn, went on a hayride and grabbed a few pumpkins. All in all, a great day.

As floating baby tells me over there -------> I have 18 more days until my due date. I am saying two weeks, because Theo was early, so I will be shocked if Lucy goes to my due date or beyond. 4 of the 6 babies have been born, including our new nephew, Davis. He's super cute and we can't wait to meet him. My dear friend Jenny is having a c-section on Monday and then I am the last woman standing. I can't wait to meet my girl, especially after seeing all these new babies. Come out, come out, Lucy!!

And for today's blog challenge question:

9. What do you like the most about yourself?

I don't know if I am supposed to answer about a physical trait or a personal quality. Physical trait would be my blue eyes. I have always received compliments on them and it's one thing I think looks good even if it's a totally ugly day. I think people comment on them not necessarily because they are very special, but because my hair is so dark and it makes them stand out. I had hoped Theo's would stay blue, but they didn't. The odds are not favorable for Lucy to have blue eyes, either. Bummer.

Personal quality, hmm. I guess I am a hard worker. I really count my main job as being a stay at home mom, even though I do work outside the home 2 days/week. I always say those two days are my "days off" because my home days are so much longer and harder. Theo gets up around 6:30 these days (yay!!) and I basically don't stop moving until he goes to bed at 7, and even then I am often finishing up a few things. Susan has basically no expectations of me around the house (probably hoping I won't have any of her, either) but I can't stand to just sit around. Cleaning, laundry, meal planning, grocery shopping, cooking, taking care of and teaching Theo, making sure his shoes fit, his clothes in the closet are the right season and fit, finding a preschool, making playdates, etc, etc, is all really hard work. So, I like that I get so much done in a day and usually go to bed feeling pretty accomplished. Oh, and I'm pretty crafty, too.

Days 5, 6, 7, 8.

Ok, I'm not great at doing one a day on the blog challenge. So, here are the four I missed:

5. What’s the point of life? Define a great life.

The point of life is to contribute. Don't just take up space around here, DO SOMETHING. Anything. Make it meaningful. A great life is one that is remembered.

6. What is your phobia/fear?

It used to be drowning. Now, it's the loss of my child(ren). For the first three months of Theo's life, I barely wanted to leave the house with him because him being in the car nearly made me stop breathing. I just don't think I would survive if something happened to him.

7. What does your name mean? Why were you named what you were named?

"Honeybee." Pretty lame, but I guess you could look at honeybees as producing something sweet, but will sting you right in the ass if pissed off. I'd say that's about right. There actually is a story behind my name. Legend has it that my mom had picked out the name Kelly for me until right before I was born when she heard the song "Sweet Melissa" by the Allman Brothers played on the radio and changed her mind. I'd say that happened to a lot of pregnant ladies in 1977, given the number of Melissas that were always in my classes.

It's more fun for me to talk about my kids' names, so I will do that too, even though it technically wasn't asked.

Theodore Bryant: "Divine gift", "son of Brian." He is certainly a divine gift, and well, we have no idea what the donor's name is, but it could be Brian. We call him Hank. Theo was named after my stepdad, who goes by Ted. It was very important to me to name a son after him and I was so happy to get to do it. Bryant is Susan's mom's maiden name. While on it's face, it's not my favorite name in the world, we really wanted to give Theo a connection to Susan's family and so using Bryant was something incredibly special and personal to us. I am so proud he has part of her name.

If he had been a girl, he would have been Cecilia Eleanor. Cecilia is a name we liked (well, me more than Susan) and Eleanor was for Susan's mom.

Lucinda Katherine: "Light", "pure, virginal." Yeah, she doesn't have much to live up to, geez. I picked Lucy's name, more or less. Susan said I could name her whatever I wanted since the pregnancy had been so hard. I had other names I liked more, but we both liked Lucy and even when given permission, I couldn't name her something I knew Susan hated. We felt like Lucy needed to be short for something, since we have a short last name. Lucinda Williams is a folk singer we like, so we went with that. I have always loved the name Katherine with a nickname of Kate. Susan's sister is already named Kathryn, so that kind of took it out of the running for a first name. I liked it with Lucinda and gave us the option of "Lucy Kate" as a nickname if we want.

If she had been a boy, she would have been August Larson, called Gus. August is a name I love and Larson is for Jonathan Larson, who created the musical RENT. I still hope to honor him some day.

8. Have you ever had your heart broken? Have you ever broken a heart?

Yes, I have had my heart broken. Twice, actually. Lucky for me, I married the second one. Feels weird to talk about the first one since I am married now and it's all in the past. Those who I care about know what happened, so we'll leave it at that. I wouldn't be here if not for that experience and I wouldn't trade "here" for anything.

I have not broken any hearts, as far as I know. Sad, right??!!

30 Day Blog Challenge!

I stole this from my wonderful friend, Kelsi, who puts Martha Stewart to shame. I thought it would be a fun way to count down the last weeks until Lucy's arrival. Obviously, these are my answers - Susan likes to read the blog, but contributing is not her thing. The first 4 questions, since I am 4 days late to the party:

1. What do you regret the most?

Not being better with money when I was younger. I am still paying for those mistakes, including borrowing way more than I needed for student loans. I wish my 32 (for a few more days!) year old self could tell my 17 year old self that I would want to be a stay at home mom and that would be completely achievable if I had made better choices early on. I really do feel like I hit the lottery every day by only working 2 days/week, but I know it stresses Susan out and I wish it didn't. I love my career, but I love my family more.

2. Who/what can’t you live without?

I couldn't live without my family. Trite, but true. As far as the what - hmmm. I'm learning I can actually live without quite a bit these days. I would have said XM radio, but it got stolen two months ago and I didn't replace it and I am still alive. And probably smarter, as I now listen to NPR. Then I would have said my iPhone, but found out I could cut my bill almost in half by dropping it for a regular phone, which I did a month ago and ... still alive. Now probably safer, as there is nothing interesting to read as I drive to work. Our TV died a few days ago, and now we are watching a miniscule one that is currently on the floor (hello, ghetto!) and still breathing. Did I mention we also don't have cable? Oh, wait. I can think of something. Our washer is a little broken. I can't live without a washing machine. I realize this makes me sound like some sort of 50's housewife, but it was a major pain to have it out of commission for a day. We have two dogs and a kid who wears cloth diapers, so a washing machine is crucial.

3. If you could wish for anything that would come true, what would you wish for?

Money/debt free (see #1), to be able to send my kids to private school, to freeze time so that my babies wouldn't grow up, to mostly stay at home until all the kids are well into elementary school ... ok, that got long and many aren't realistic anyway. Really? I'd wish for my friend Kelsi to have a happy, healthy baby. She's going to be a great mom.

4. What is true love?

Ok, I really, really love my wife. She knows that and I know that. But. I can honestly say that even though I thought I understood true love, I don't think I did until I laid eyes on my son. I love him in a way I didn't know existed. It's primal, it's all consuming and if I really let myself ponder it's depths, I would stop breathing. When his little heart breaks (which is usually over something quite small at this stage in life), I can literally feel it in mine. I wake up 2 seconds before he does because I can feel he is going to. When he is sick, my heart aches. Really, it's crazy how much I love that kid and how connected we are. It is the truest, purest form of love I have ever encountered and I am so, so lucky.

But really, I love Susan a lot too.