Christmas 2012 007

Christmas 2012 007, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

Apple picking (for real this time)!

FINALLY we went apple picking and were successful. The past several years have been a bust, but this year we decided to go to Virginia and meet up with my dear friend, Jenny and her kids at Carter's Mountain. We combined this with an already planned trip to Richmond to celebrate all the fall birthdays and we had a great time. Though, as it turns out, apple picking is kind of hard. And muddy. And smelly. I think next time I will just go for the hayride and apple cider donut and skip apple picking. Ha! The kids had so much fun and I always love getting them together with Noah and Mallory. I wish more than anything that they were growing up near each other. I miss Jenny and Charlottesville and my other friends there a lot and am always sad after a visit. Ultimately, our jobs will keep us here and having the kids home with us and not in daycare is worth more than anything. So, we aren't moving. But, that doesn't mean I don't think about it all the time!

Anyway, here are some pictures from their time on the mountain and with their cousins, including their new cousin, Shelby.

Lucy being Lucy:

Big, fat update.

Now that I finally have the use of both arms (mostly) I wanted to update the last few months. I have discovered that doing the kids' yearly books takes a long time, especially when the blog is behind! There will be subtitles. I know.

School
School started the first week in September for both kids. This is Theo's third year and was to be Lucy's first. We had a last minute game change for Theo, in that a spot opened up in the other 3 year old class which was good because he would be with most of his friends, but it did change the days he would go. In the end, we took it. So, he goes to school M, T,W from 9-12 (except on Mondays when he stays for lunch bunch). He went right into his class with no trouble and is already having a banner year. They have show and tell, music class and more art projects than we've ever seen. He loves it.

And, Lucy. Sweet Goose. We I knew that she was not going to make it this year. She is just still socially so shy and needs to be with us most all of the time, that I figured she was going to hate it. And she did. We stuck it out for two weeks and the school was SO amazing at trying to work with her and us to find a way for her to learn to like school. In the end, we realized it wasn't going to get better and there was just no reason to torture her further. She's not yet two and if she needs another year home with us, then she does. We will try again next year and hope that with age, maturity and more verbal skills that she will flourish.

Here are their pictures on the first day:





Dance
For anyone who knows me, it's no secret how much I love dance and how much it was a part of my life as a teen. I have waited and waited and waited for a little girl and then one who was old enough for dance class. When Theo went to a birthday party this summer at a dance studio owned by one of the families of a kid in his class, I noticed they had a Mommy and Me class for Lucy's age! I registered her right away and she started at the beginning of September. It's so fun and she actually does really well. She likes the dancing and hand motions more than some of the other stuff, except the balance beam. She really loves that. I can't wait until she is old enough for a proper class, but I do have such a good time doing this with her on Saturday mornings.



Theo got hip to the fact that Lucy was dancing and said he wanted a dance class too. Imagine my overjoyment! (Is that a word?) Susan was a bit reluctant to put him in a traditional class where he would be the only boy, but spoke to someone who knew of a different studio that caters to boys and thought Theo would like it there. So, as a compromise, I enrolled him there and have two kids at two different places. Theo is in a boys only, 3-5 year old hip hop and funk class. And yes, it's as hilarious as you would expect. He absolutely LOVES it. I am already mentally planning for the gala this spring and can't wait to see him bust a move on stage. I need to get a picture of him!

Haircut
Lucy's hair had finally grown long enough to put in really good pigtails, but when it was down, she was rocking a super mullet. Since I was going to be unable to fix her hair for a few weeks anyway, we decided to go ahead and even it up. We got her a cute little bob that thickened her hair right away. It looks really nice and now it can continue to grow in and back to piggie length. In true Lucy form, she hated her haircut.





Health
I had surgery on my shoulder on August 30th. The fancy term is a biceps tenodesis with a subacromial decompression. Sounds fun, right? I've spent the last 6 weeks in a sling and it's been HARD. I do not do well mentally when I am out of commission. I need to be able to take care of my family. To cook, to clean, to do play dates, to run kids around - I need to do that. And when I can't, I get angry and miserable. This has confirmed my earlier thoughts that I never want to be pregnant again. I don't want to spend anymore time in pain or sick and unable to do everything I need to do. Anyway, the sling is off and I am working hard in PT every week and at home. I have very little range of motion and a lot of pain. It's going to be a long road back to full use.

This surgery was necessary because of the damage I did to my shoulder holding Lucy every waking second of her first year. I won't rehash that, but let's just say that was the hardest year of my life. And I am still paying for it, obviously.

Theo and I made a paper chain to count down getting the sling off and we had a sleepover to celebrate. We roasted marshmellows and watched It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. It was so much fun and I just live for these moments. While I love snuggling babies, getting to do this kind of thing is awesome.







I think I will end this here since this is so long already! I need to do another post on apple picking and birthday weekend in Richmond. I can't believe it's birthday season. Our girl will be TWO on Sunday. Yikes!

Weight loss update.

I'm still stuck in a sling, but haven't done a weight loss update in awhile. I am officially down 17 pounds and a size or two, depending on the brand. I'm still losing, even though I've been prohibited from exercising for the last 5 weeks. It's slow, but steady progress and as long as the scale keeps moving, I am fine with slow. The time is going to pass anyway. And Susan has lost 18 pounds! We are putting a lot less strain on our mattress, ha.

I get asked a lot, "what are you doing? which program?" Often I get a perplexed look when I tell them no program. Just eating less, moving more and drinking more water. If I want pizza, I eat pizza. But maybe two slices instead of four. A donut instead of three. Trying not to drink calories (looking at you, Starbucks). Keeping 1200 calories a day in mind, but only as a guide. If I really want McDs for breakfast, I have it, but then I go light for lunch and dinner. That kind of thing.

There are a lot of popular programs out there right now and I know many of them are great with really good health benefits. For ME, I am not a program girl. For one, I don't have time. I know, people always say that. And you totally do make time for what's important. So, I guess it's not that important to me. I also need something that's sustainable. I could, but don't want to, participate in something that eliminates things from my world. I like eating. I like apple cider donuts in fall and ice cream in summer. I love pancakes. Fries? Please. I can't live in a world without fries. Well, I don't want to. I know I could do something like that or Weight Watchers or whatever for a time, but I wouldn't stick with it forever. So, I needed to just find a way to live and have fun, but just eat less. You know that e-card going around FB about being a runner because you like to eat ice cream? Yeah, that's me. Balance. Earning it. Enjoying life. Not making food the end all and be all every day. Some days we do great and eat really well and other days, well, we don't. And that's fine. Life is hard and sometimes you need pizza just to make it to the next damn day.

I ordered a dress for my sister's wedding and it came yesterday. It's a bit slinky and  I was worried. I tried it on and for once in a long time was pleased with my reflection. I didn't feel like I'd be the fat mom at the wedding. That was nice. I have 13 pounds to go to hit the goal. I think Christmas is my time frame. It had been this wedding, but the surgery set me back. I should be cleared to exercise next Friday and then will probably restart The Shred, with modifications for my shoulder. Still in a rehab phase for 12 weeks post op. I know I can do it.

still here!

DSC_0533, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

We are still alive and well, but with use of only one arm, typing takes forever. Have lots of first to blog about - school, haircut, ballet - so hope to be back soon!

Zoo!

DSC_0020, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

Susan actually had most of the weekend off, so we planned a family day at the zoo for yesterday. We've been a couple of times, but it's almost 2 hours away, so it's not like we go often. Even though it was hot (and we swear every time we will NEVER go again when it's hot!) we had a great time. The kids are in the stage of wanting to walk, but tiring quickly so we were smart and brought the big double stroller. I think Lucy actually did more walking than Theo!

We saw lots of neat animals and had fun together. Lucy liked the giraffes best, I think. Theo liked the geyser. That kid LOVES water. Loves it. It's 5 miles of walking and very hilly, so we were dirty, smelly and tired when we finally got home.

Susan and the kids are going to visit her parents for a few days the last week in August and then that's a wrap for our summer! School starts for the kids on Sept. 5th and then it's a runaway train until after Christmas. Happy almost end of summer!

Is it fall yet?

DSC_0165, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

I kinda hate August (which is funny, because I love the name August and Lucy would have been named this were she a boy). I digress. Anyway, summer in the south sucks and once we hit August I just feel like we are weary and dragging ourselves across the summer finish line. It's like we can see fall, but one step outside and we are smacked in the face with the humid reminder that there's no need to pull out the jeans and sweatshirts. It's like living inside a dryer with damp towels.

If there is one thing that's crystal clear this year, it's that Theo thrives on preschool. He needs structure, a routine to our days, to see his friends, to play and to be somewhere that isn't with his parents for a few hours a week. When he's bored he turns from a cute imp into a one-step-away-from-homeless-imp. He and I butt heads more than he and Susan do and lately, I feel like all I do is correct him. I'm sick of it and I know he's sick of hearing it.

And Little Miss has been Captain Crankypants for days. It could be her remaining hold out teeth, or it could be that she is also just tired of the heat, humidity and summer. She's off to preschool this year too and I think she will love it, if she can get over her extreme shy-ness.

Today I packed them up and drove them 40 minutes to Durham to the museum. I didn't care that it would be hot, we just needed to do something different. And I needed to just walk behind them and keep them safe, but let them dictate their own fun. I get weary of being the cruise director. They had a great time, even though the train broke and we only stayed a little more than an hour. They ran, burned off energy and left me to just take some deep breaths and follow behind with a camera and some encouragement. Glorious. And even more glorious is that they are both asleep now. Cleaned up, down to skivvies and resting in a cool dark room does wonders for napping.

And I am free to sit on the couch, look for fall crafts on Pinterest and count the days until the dog days of summer are over.

Meal plan Monday.

Monday: Creamy chicken w/peas and brown rice (grocery day - using what I can scrounge)
Tuesday: Grilled chicken over salad
Wednesday: Spaghetti with turkey meat sauce (last time using jarred sauce - making my own soon!)
Thursday: Make if yourself!
Friday: Sesame ginger salmon w/fresh brussel sprouts
Saturday: Make your own pizza
Sunday: Roasted veggie burritos (Sunday is farmer's market day, so I get the veggies there)

Flashback Friday!

DSC_0047, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

This is what was going on this date last year. So, I guess Happy Birthday to our stroller. Ha!

Weight loss update.

And an update to below. Not pancakes for dinner - southwest pasta salad. I knew something didn't sound right when I posted it. But, I am the only one reading this anyway, so probably it doesn't matter.

Ok, so a mini-update since big updates are reserved for monthly (27th of the month, usually). This is the 10th week of working out (so 9.5 total) and I am down 11.5 pounds and more than 17 inches! Yay, me. And yay wife, who is also down 10. A little more than a pound a week seems to be my stride. Which in some ways, is depressing. I mean, people on the BL lose that much in a week. But, I didn't start at over 300 pounds and my goal is to lose 30, so I know I won't lose at that rate. And that's ok. I am looking for sustainable. After 2 months, I feel like my eating habits have changed and Jillian has become a part of my daily life. I needed to find something that worked. I don't like running and I don't have time for the gym. I DO have time for a 24 minute workout with Jillian in my living room.

I have three videos and just alternate those. One has 3 workouts, one has 4 and one has 2. So, I can get through a week without a repeater, which is nice. I eat less, try to keep 1200 calories in my mind as a ballpark and drink a crapton of water. And that's it.

I am close to getting into a few pairs of pants I haven't worn in a good while. And once I get back to my pre-Theo weight, I have a whole closet full of "new" stuff to wear. That feels good. Every week I try on a few things. Things that were once "yeah, that's not even going around my thighs" are now "well, they are on and zipped, but not appropriate for public viewing." So, I'm getting there.

I've been inspired by a friend who has done an amazing job on her own journey and today a nurse told me she started the Shred because she's been inspired by me. That is way cooler than what I can fit into.

Meal plan Monday.

1. Edamame rice w/sesame chicken (leftover from last week - didn't get made).
2. MYO Pizza.
3. Baked ziti (Theo's request).
4. Curried honey mustard chicken w/brown rice and veggies.
5. Turkey burgers w/corn on the cob and baked beans.
6. Breakfast.
7. FFYS.

Happy 4th of July!

DSC_0258, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

We had a great one, celebrating at the Rolesville Festival like last year. Hope you and your family had fun!

Meal plan.

Here's what we've got going on this week. How about you?

1. Roasted veggie and black bean burritos. Watermelon for dessert.
(Due to a snafu, we had these tonight. They were great! I highly recommend)
2. Marinated flank steak, roasted corn on the cob and rolls.
3. Sesame chicken and edamame fried rice (complicated, but Susan loves it).
4. Quesadillas w/leftover steak.
5. Pineapple and pecan chicken salad on multigrain toast.
6. Breakfast
7. Fix it yourself, Mama's going to Nana Taco!

Zzzzzzz.

How is it that just when we get one sleeping all night/napping/etc. that the other one decides to stop? Just when we got Lucy converted to one nap, Theo quit napping. Once in a blue moon (like when he's had swimming lessons in the morning, then played at the outside pool and then gone on errands and has been up since 5:25) he'll crash in the afternoon. But, it's super rare. All of this I think has contributed to the last few weeks of sleepwalking and night terrors. Dear god, this is exhausting. We put things on his doors so he can't get out of his room and end up walking the 'hood, but we are getting up 3-4 times a night to resettle him. We are SO TIRED.

Everything we've read says it's normal for this age and I think that since he's getting less sleep (no nap and now gets up an hour earlier than he was) that is contributing. As with all things, I know this will pass. Hopefully soon.

The good news is that this has confirmed for me that I do not want another baby. How did we ever do this (with more like 6 wake ups a night) for months on end???

Yesterday.

Yesterday I had an appointment to discuss my lady parts and why I wet my pants while I work out. For my own dignity, I shall spare you the discussion, but let's just say that the diagnostics she described would rival things I read about in 50 Shades of Grey. Ahem. Moving on.

So, I met with Leigh Ann, the midwife who delivered Theo. She's moved on from the birth center, but I knew where she'd gone and she was the only one I cared to discuss these issues with. During Theo's epic 31.5 hour birth, she was uh-ma-zing. She knew when to encourage and when to push. She never seemed ruffled. Most of all, she hung in there until the very end. She was the first person to put hands on my son, the person to guide Susan in how to assist with his delivery and the first person who ever told him, "oh, you are a really nice baby!" I bet she's delivered skillions of babies and she probably doesn't even remember my delivery (though she always pretends she does!), but I will never forget her. She left her thumbprint on our family and quite literally delivered us one of our most precious gifts.

All that to say, she's my girl when it comes to matters of the lady parts. She was with me for an hour and a half yesterday and do you know what she spent most of that time talking to me about? Lucy's birth. She wasn't there for it, I wasn't even a birth center patient at the time. I re-told the story, same way I have many times before, but the difference was, she really heard me. She heard me say that I was scared, out of my mind with pain and that my only memory of the whole thing was hearing I couldn't get an epidural and that the cord was around Lucy's neck. She heard me when I said the midwife present for the delivery yelled at me, assumed I was being wimpy when in fact I WAS ready to deliver only 45 minutes from the start of the pitocin drip. She heard me when I said the pain was so great and the experience so traumatizing that I will never get pregnant again. She understood when I told her how hard the pregnancy was, how I didn't get the right kind of medical support for the pregnancy and how difficult the post-partum period was with a very difficult newborn. She really got how this was supposed to be my redemption birth. The quick, unmedicated, textbook one. The one I painstakingly planned for with Theo and didn't get. She was there for that one, so she knew why I really wanted Lucy's birth to be different. How sad I am that I have basically no memory of it. Theo's was long, but there are many things I remember. I can close my eyes and see his face pop out in the mirror. I can remember exactly how it felt when he was handed to me. I remember words everyone said. I don't have that for Lucy and Leigh Ann cried when I told her that.

See this awesome picture? I assume my sister took it because she had the camera, but I don't remember. This is obviously when I first laid eyes on Lucy, I am reaching out to touch her, but I don't remember it happening. I know she cried, loudly! I know she peed on me when I was holding her. I have some memory of afterwards, but very little of the during.



Leigh Ann thought a session or two of therapy could be useful to process these events. I told her no. I mean, how could I possibly complain? I'm at work today and I have to walk all of 10 feet to see lots of lots of reminders that a healthy baby is worth absolutely ANYTHING you have to go through to get there. I'm lucky. Beyond lucky. Still, I get what she was saying. But today, I think that just talking with her yesterday was really helpful and I'm good. She had been the one person I really wanted to talk to afterwards, it just took me nearly 20 months to get there.

Midwives are incredibly special people. I'd recommend midwifery to anyone who was pregnant. The care they deliver both during the pregnancy and after is so helpful. And yes, it was a midwife who delivered Lucy. I recognize that I just got one that wasn't the person I needed at that moment. Maybe others found her style helpful. Any of my pregnant friends or mom friends, I hope you find your way to someone as special as Leigh Ann. Even though it's been 3.5 years since she delivered Theo, she's still my girl.

(And if you are in Durham and in need of care - email me and I'll give you her info!)

Happy Father's Day!

465413_10100665193598518_1381574560_o.jpg, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

Keepin' it real.

I don't think I have any male readers, but if I do - carry on. You don't want to read this.

The past few days, I have felt pretty annoyed with my new, post-childbearing/nursing body. I used to have nice boobs. Really, I did. I liked them. Now they are saggy and scarred and reside somewhere in my navel region, preferring the southern climate now, I guess. I could live with that as it's not totally unexpected given that I nourished two kids without ever using formula.  It bums me out, but at least there are some good bras out there that get the girls back in the game. What's really got me down is that I now need a diaper when I work out. Jumping jacks or jumping at all makes me pee all over myself. So yeah, that sucks. I haven't sneezed without crossing my legs since Theo was born, but this is a whole new level of demoralizing. Sigh.

The other day as I was dutifully working out with Jillian, I was doing some plyometrics, holding my boobs up because my sports tank was letting me down, with one of Lucy's diapers stuffed in my workout shorts (hey, it was the best I could do in a pinch), and I wanted to cry and just give up. My shoulder needs surgery, my back is permanently damaged, my boobs are saggy and I wet myself. I'm only 34.

But. This morning I got on the scale and I am 9 pounds down. NINE. Many more to go, but one little pound from double digits. And I feel this goes without saying, but my two little babies were absolutely, totally, completely worth every scratch, dent and ding left behind on my body. Saggy boobs, diaper and all, I will keep going.

I also made an appointment with my midwife at the urging of some fellow mama friends. Apparently, there may be a procedure to help the peeing. The midwife who delivered Theo was always my favorite and has since moved on from the birth center to a new hospital based practice. They have office hours in Brier Creek and do well woman care as well as maternity care. So, I have an appointment Monday and if nothing else, it will be wonderful to hug Leigh Ann's neck and show her pictures of Theo.

There you go. Keepin' it real.

To all of my three readers.

You've probably all done this already, but just in case ... Lucy is in a contest on Facebook to win TEN smocked dresses. Now, if you know me, you know that I LOVE smocked dresses. Love them. And I'd sure love to win some. I also love the Ronald McDonald House and what they do for our patients and their families. So, if we win, I am going to take two of the dresses there so they can give them to two baby girls who need something pretty to wear home from their treatment at Duke.


Here's the link:
Click here!

Just give it a click and it will take you right to it. "Like" her picture and you are all voted. If you are so inclined, "share" the picture and encourage your Facebook friends to vote. Send your grandma the link (wait, do grandmas have Facebook?).

We'd sure appreciate it. And yes, it's just clothes. It's also fun and will brighten a few people's day. Thank you!

Mama date.

DSC_0188, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

Oh, this little boy of mine. As first kid, he will have always been with me the longest, always the one I know the best. He's at an age where I want to smother him with kisses one minute and put him in the backyard the next. Susan found out that Super Why was going to be at the science museum and I decided to make it a date with my main man.

We dropped Lucy with Susan after soccer practice and went to meet the big guy. He was shy, but did give Super Why and Woofster a high five. He made a mask and had fun at the museum. Then we went for Jersey Mike's and hit up Trader Joe's. Nothing spectacular, but I treasure time with just him.

Best part? He looked up at me while we were eating and said "I love Mama dates." Me too, buddy. Me too.

Lucy's new word.

Dinosaur! a video by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

She doesn't have a ton of words, but the ones she has are so cute! Especially when said over and over again.

Meal plan Monday!

I need to start doing this again, because I run out of ideas. You will notice this isn't diet food. I can't eat like that. For one, I have kids to feed and I am not making 4 different meals. And for two, I like good tasting food. So, I just eat less.

1. Shake and Bake chicken, steamed veggies, mashed potatoes
2. Turkey burgers, corn on the cob, tater tots
3. Turkey chili
4. Beef stew w/noodles
5. Pizza/out
6. Pancakes
7. FFYS

I love crock pot meals for pool days. When we go in the afternoon the LAST thing I feel like doing is cooking dinner.

Ripped in 30, day 5.

I am well into Ri30 and will move up to the next level in 2 days. My plan is to do each of the 4 levels 7 times and take one day off per week. This week it was yesterday, because we were busy with Memorial Day plans. Ri30 is HARD. I'm getting through it, but only because I am fresh off the 30DS. Down another .5 pounds for an even 5. Slow and steady.

Haven't thought of a prize yet for completing this challenge. Maybe a new wallet to match my new bag???

Year 2, finished!

This guy finished his second year of preschool on Tuesday. I can't even believe it! This year went so incredibly fast. I remember him, not even a year old yet, touring the school and deciding if we wanted to apply for a spot for the following fall (yes, we had to plan that far ahead!). He still seemed so small then. The first day of his very first year was excruciating. Something that had seemed like a good idea the year before suddenly seemed like the worst idea I ever had. Susan was more confident, reminding me "it's only three hours." He cried, I cried, but we made it. Through that day and a year to follow. This year was different. We both knew the ropes and knew it would be ok. He was nervous that first day, a new teacher, new friends and a new classroom. His teacher seemed firmer than his warm, squishy toddler teacher - more expectations for our big boy. He nervously hung up his backpack full of undies and spare clothes and monkeys, just in case. Those monkeys never left his backpack and after a few weeks, we didn't pack them at all. Our boy is growing up so fast.

He learned a ton, made new friends, went to birthday parties and music class, and became more confident and independent. He started the year a toddler and ended it a full fledged preschooler. Next year, he will go three mornings a week for the first time and his baby sister will be with his warm, squishy toddler teacher. Three mornings will be tough for me, I have mixed feelings. I don't want to rush him out the door since I know that once he is in kindergarten the days of him being home all day with us are over. On the other hand, he loves school and his friends and we just can't always entertain him as much as he seems to need. And it's still only three hours. :)

But, I won't dwell on next year and what's to come and will instead focus on this summer and all the fun we have planned. We are kicking it off today with a trip to the pool, then a nap and after everyone is up we will make an hour's drive out to the country for a cookout with friends. Theo is still in swimming lessons and we have added soccer. They will probably both do jump jump class in July. We will head to Great Wolf Lodge for a few days next month with the Hills and will end our summer in the mountains on the Great Smokey Mountain Railroad. And all the days in between will be spent at Granite Falls, I'm sure. I can't wait.

Here's to everywhere we've been and everywhere we are headed. Happy Memorial Day!

Finished!!

I completed my 30 day challenge on Tuesday, but am just sitting down to document the results. I only lost 4.5 pounds, but did lose a total of 10 inches! I was also rewarded with a brand new Vera Bradley bag to take to work, since my old one was fraying. Definitely taking it as a win.

Overall, I feel stronger and healthier. I think increasing my water intake has been of huge benefit. I have noticed that my body now depends on all that water. Towards the end of the challenge, I had two days where I was really busy and didn't do a good job with water. Before, it would have been no biggie, but now I woke up feeling SO crummy. Stiff, headachey and tired the next day. So, body is used to lots of water and now seems to need it or I get punished.

What's next? Well, I took last night off to go to book club and dinner and today I will start a new challenge. I will keep up my portion control and water and will start my new DVD: Jillian Michael's Ripped in 30. I think this is what I have time for at this stage in my life and while it's slow progress, it's still progress. If I am down another 4.5 pounds and 10 inches in another month, I will be feeling pretty darned good. My sister is getting married in November and my goal is to not be the family fatty in all the pictures. Plenty of time to hit that goal.

I've had a lot of support and cheerleaders along the way and have SO appreciated it. Definitely helps knowing I have people celebrating with me when I feel like quitting.

Here's to another month!

30 day challenge, day 28.

Tuesday, I will be DONE with this challenge! I have still only missed two days (which is why I will be done Tuesday instead of yesterday). I admit, I am discouraged. Pounds wise, I didn't lose that much. And I looked at pictures of myself from a festival yesterday and felt so sad. I just looked huge in them. I swear I don't see that when I look in the mirror (which is probably half the problem) so I just wanted to delete them all. I guess I can be proud that I only had two little bites of funnel cake yesterday when normally I would have wanted one to myself. And, I've never exercised this much in a month, ever. So, that's something.

30 Day Challenge, day 25.

Yes, it should be 24. Alas, I got home from Greensboro around 10pm on Tuesday, after having gotten up at 5:45am and spent all day in a conference. I'm committed, but not crazy. I went to bed.

Level 3 is hard. I feel like I can't conquer it because of all the jumping. I mean, I am doing it, but not without tremendous struggle. I have missed only 2 days of 27. I am proud of that. I shouldn't have to miss anymore until the end.

An interesting fact - I think my ab muscles are coming back together. Did you know your stomach muscles separate during pregnancy? Yep. They part like a curtain to let the baby poke out. Afterwards, they should go back together. After Theo, they did. I remember the midwife putting her hand between them and saying I didn't have any space and they were back together at my 6 week check up. Well, I didn't go to my 6 week check up with Lucy (don't judge - at that point in life flying to the moon would have been easier than packing up my toddler, my constantly screaming newborn and post partum body and driving us all to Chapel Hill), so I don't know for sure, but I don't think my muscles went neatly back together the second time around. After I would eat, I could easily poke my stomach out to make it appear I was at least 6 months pregnant. I can't do that anymore. Trust, it still pokes on out, but not as far and I can feel resistance from my muscles now. 18 months later, right???

What's next? Another Jillian video. I still have a long way to go. I like the DVD option. 20 minutes a day is about all the time I have and I like just throwing on whatever and walking downstairs. At this stage of life, that's the only way I can roll.

Oh and Susan's doing it now, too. Day 5 for her!! Yay, us.

30 day challenge, day 23.

Haven't Shredded yet today, but I will this evening. I still hope to get back to regular updates, but by the time I have been a mom and/or worked all day and then worked out and showered, etc., I just want to lay on the couch!

Today is day #3 of level 3. Level 3 is NO JOKE. I have to take a few 5 second breathers just to live through it.

Susan has started it and today will be day 2 for her. I am proud of us!

We just got back from a great vacation. Not gonna lie, I ate like I was on vacation. Seafood, ice cream, etc. We did walk everywhere we went, so that was good. I Shredded the day we left, skipped a day and Shredded yesterday when we got home. I gained a pound while on vacation, which sucks, but I was expecting a lot more. So, sitting at 3.5 pounds lost now.

That Vera bag is nearly mine!! I still can't believe I actually kept this up for (almost) a whole month!

Slacking on blogging, but not Shredding!

I'm behind on blogging because I got super busy. Now we are at the shore on vacation! I am doing great, down 4.5 pounds and haven't missed a day of Shredding. Yesterday was my first day on level 3.

I'm actually NOT Shredding today because we are away, but we will be home tomorrow and I will do it then. So, one day off in nearly 30 - which I think is pretty darn good. I've almost made it to my Vera bag!! I've done lots of walking to make up for it and am trying hard not to go TOO overboard with vacation food.

Hoping to return to regular updates soon!

30 day challenge, day 17.

1. Shred: Check. Level 2, day 7.  

2. Walk: Yes, a short one. We walked over to the store to get something for dinner. 

3. Water: Great.

4. Snacks: Great. A snack size Luna bar and a Fiber One bar.

5. Portions: Great. Food choices were good, too. 

6. No eating after 7: Skinny Cow at 8:00.

7. Blog: Yep.

What went well:

The kids and I went to the pool today and I was TIRED and sun kissed and not interested in Shredding. Alas, I didn't give myself an out. I got dressed and did the work. Also, I didn't have sour cream and chips with my chili, which I usually do.

Not so well:

Cornbread. I only had a piece, but dinner would have been healthier without (turkey chili).

Keepin' it real:

Vote AGAINST Amendment One tomorrow.

30 day challenge, day 16.

1. Shred: Check. Level 2, day 6.  

2. Walk: Nope.

3. Water: Ok.

4. Snacks: Great. Only had one today and it was a mango.

5. Portions: Great, but food choices weren't great. Fast food for lunch and Mexican for dinner. Dinner was gross, so I barely ate any of it. 

6. No eating after 7: Cereal. I was starving. But, afterwards, I felt SO gross and pukey, so I won't do that again. 

7. Blog: Yep.

What went well:

Down another 1.5 pounds, for a total of 3.5!

Not so well:

Food choices. But, I know that will happen and I ate reasonable portions.

Keepin' it real:

A fire place tool is excellent for retrieving wayward hand weights. 

30 day challenge, day 15 (HALFWAY!).

1. Shred: Check. Level 2, day 5. From memory and in the dark. Oh yeah. 

2. Walk: Yes, all around Out Raleigh.

3. Water: Great!

4. Snacks: Great. Only had one today.

5. Portions: Great!

6. No eating after 7: Check!

7. Blog: Yep.

What went well:

Two things. One, I went to a festival with funnel cake, gyros, corn dogs, etc. I LOVE fair food. LOVE it. I didn't have a single thing. Then, literally just when I hit play to do the Shred, the power went out. Susan emailed me (on my new fancy phone) and said it would be 9:15 before it came back on. So, I did the whole thing from memory in the dark. I didn't miss a single step. :)

Not so well:

Had a little piece of Theo's pizza at lunch. 

Keepin' it real:

I dropped my hand weights behind the chest freezer in the garage. So, I had to do the Shred without. 

30 day challenge, day 14.

1. Shred: Check. Level 2, day 4. 

2. Walk: Nope. I think this is going to be bonus challenge. It's not really fair to penalize myself when it depends on so many factors. Namely, the kids not being melty puddles by 6. 

3. Water: Great!

4. Snacks: Great. 

5. Portions: Good. Susan's birthday celebration and I didn't overdo it.

6. No eating after 7: Check!

7. Blog: Fail.

What went well:

Shoulder felt a lot better. I didn't overindulge for Susan's birthday. I made an absolutely awesome cake and we each only had one piece and I sent the rest to work with her. Her colleagues ate the calories for us. Seriously. ONE piece of a whole cake!

Not so well:

I think everything went pretty well, actually.

Keepin' it real:

I still licked the beaters. 

30 day challenge, day 13.

1. Shred: Check. Level 2, day 3. I did it without an arm, but I still did it!

2. Walk: Nope. Work day.

3. Water: Decent.

4. Snacks: Great. Only had one today.

5. Portions: Good. Well, I had McD's for breakfast. Lunch and dinner were pretty light, though. Lots of veggies.

6. No eating after 7: Check!

7. Blog: Yep.

What went well:

I had to get a cortisone shot in my shoulder today and it hurt like a mother. My arm is still really sore and he told me not to exercise today. Well, I figured I could just not use that arm. I did. I just modified the workout and did other things that didn't need my arm when I needed to. 

Not so well:

McDonald's. First time in 13 days, so not bad, but still. McGriddle. 

Keepin' it real:

I love fast food. 

30 day challenge, day 12.

1. Shred: Check. Level 2, day 2. Very sweaty.

2. Walk: No. Work night.

3. Water: Good!

4. Snacks: Great!

5. Portions: Check!

6. No eating after 7: Check!

7. Blog: Yep. Well, late.

What went well:

The Shred. I feel stronger.

Not so well:

Brownie. But, only one. This will happen every Wednesday, for sure.

Keepin' it real:

Last night I considered just laying down on the floor and sleeping there immediately after finishing the Shred. 

30 day challenge, day 11.

1. Shred: Check. Survived the first day of level 2. Admittedly, way hard. Jillian seems to have skipped a few levels between 1 and 2, in my opinion.

2. Walk: No. This probably won't happen on Tuesdays because I work late.

3. Water: Eh.

4. Snacks: Fine, but I did have a bagel at 3 because I was starving. I walked up and down 4 flights of stairs to get it, so that has to count for something.

5. Portions: Check!

6. No eating after 7:  Also won't happen on Tuesdays because of my work schedule.

7. Blog: Yep. Well, I did it late, but I did it!

What went well:

I survived level 2. And I am down 2 pounds!

Not so well:

Eh, the bagel. 

Keepin' it real:

Just sweat. Lots and lots of sweat.

30 day challenge, day 10.

1. Shred: Check. Level 1, day 10. Tomorrow starts level 2. Bring it, Jillian!

2. Walk: Check. The kids and I went to the park and walked the trails. This walk also included a sprint, thanks to the snake that crossed our path.

3. Water: Eh.

4. Snacks: Ok. There was some random munching, but it wasn't a lot.

5. Portions: Check!

6. No eating after 7: Probably going to have a bowl of cereal. I'm starving. 

7. Blog: Yep.

What went well:

Lots of exercise. Light dinner (including a salad made with collard greens, raw. Whoops.)

Not so well:

Happy hour at Sonic. Hello, sweet tea.

Keepin' it real:

Did you read where I made a salad with collard green that I thought was lettuce??

18 months!

Hill_spring2012_008, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

This little cutie is 18 months old. Time goes slower the second time around. And faster. I know. She's becoming more and more like a little person and she's quite opinionated. Never one to mince words, she lets you know what she wants. And she'd still like to spend most of her time glued to my hip.

22 pounds, 12 ounces
31 inches (I think) long? tall?

Those were her stats. She's still in the 25th% for growth, but on her curve. She's a shrimp. She fits best in 12-18 months and the dress she is wearing today is 12 months and fits perfectly. Good news is, summer lasts forever here, so what's too big now will fit nicely come August. She's in a 3.5 shoe and her feet do not grow!!

She finally has some actual words! Let's see what I can remember:
paci
Mama (!)
Mom
cheese
yes
no
all done
dog
ball
geese
thank you
bless you
more (signs)
please (signs)
uh oh

Ok, that's all I can think of. She's started mimicking a lot more, so I predict a longer list soon.

She sleeps from 7pm to 6:30am every night and naps for about an hour and a half every afternoon. She's a picky eater and would exist on fruit if we'd let her. She still has a pacifier when she sleeps (which is the only time she's ever had it). We have to hide them in the corner of the crib, or she will go and fish one out on her own. Then she comes prancing by with it in her mouth and smiles. Turkey.

I filled out her preschool paperwork for next year today and can't even believe it. I'm sure she can't either. She still absolutely hates people she doesn't know, but hopefully all the times she has picked Theo up from SAPP will mean it's familiar and ok with her.

She's growing like a little weed, loves to read books, is obsessed with Lady and the Tramp and always makes us laugh. We love you, Goose.

30 day challenge, day 9.

1. Shred: Check. Level 1, day 9. One more day until Level 2, yikes!

2. Walk: Nope. We went to an outdoor concert and picnic and it was straight to bath and bed for the kids when we got home. 

3. Water: Good.

4. Snacks: Great. I actually don't think I had one all day.

5. Portions: Check!

6. No eating after 7: Check!

7. Blog: Yep.

What went well:

I was super hungry when we were at Target. I really wanted peanut butter M&Ms. I didn't get any.

Not so well:

Continued knee pain. To go with the shoulder and back pain I've lived with for more than a year.

Keepin' it real:

I am running out of workout clothes. You should see the outfits I scare up. 

30 day challenge, day 8.

30 day challenge, day 8.

1. Shred: Check. Level 1, day 8. Two more days until Level 2, yikes!

2. Walk: Check.

3. Water: Better than yesterday. 

4. Snacks: Great. I only had the two I planned for.

5. Portions: Ok. I had more Kraft Mac and Cheese than I should have at lunch. And it was Kraft Mac and Cheese.

6. No eating after 7: Check!

7. Blog: Fail.

What went well:

My knee was really hurting yesterday. I think I really need new shoes. I pushed through and did the Shred anyway. I took some Motrin and it's fine this morning.  Also, I went to the Southern Women's Show and there was an entire building dedicated to food and free samples. I had ONE sample sized hush puppy and a cashew. That's it!

Not so well:

Kraft Mac and Cheese.

Keepin' it real:

I have lost ZERO pounds in a week. 

30 day challenge, day 7.

1. Shred: Check. Level 1, day 7. Three more days until Level 2, yikes!

2. Walk: No. The kids were overtired and difficult and I couldn't keep them up to walk. I scrubbed our bathroom instead, which probably burned more calories.

3. Water: Better than yesterday. 

4. Snacks: Great. I only had the two I planned for.

5. Portions: Great! I cut my usual breakfast sandwich (bagel, two eggs, bacon) by using a bagel thin (-120 calories) and just one egg (-80 calories). I had a really small lunch and one small serving of dinner.

6. No eating after 7: Check!

7. Blog: Yep.

What went well:

Portion control. I ate on a smaller plate and it seemed like more food. 

Not so well:

Motivation. I wasn't motivated today. I still hit my goal, but not with a smile.

Keepin' it real:

Is it day 30 yet?

Blogging from phone!

I am back in the 21st century. Glory be. Now off to Shred.

Another mother's child.

Today at work, I held the hand of another mother's child. She's Theo's age and was laying under a blanket that we also have for Lucy. As her mother sobbed, hearing incredibly difficult news, I held her hand and put her lovey right near her face, like I do for Lucy. I rubbed her little hand until she fell asleep. She'll never run and jump, never breathe without a machine, will never go to school and hopefully she will make it to Disney World with the help of a wish. After everyone left, I held her mother's hand. Then I held both of her parents while they cried. Sometimes holding a hand or a heart is really all you can do. And sometimes, being a pediatric social worker is super hard.

Tonight, I held my little girl's hand while she walked in a parking lot. Tonight I put her lovey by her face when I tucked her in. I thought of my young patient and holding her hand this morning and tried not to cry. Today was hard.

30 day challenge, day 6.

1. Shred: Check. Level 1, day 6.

2. Walk: No. I had a terrible day at work, so we went for Mexican after work. No time for a walk.

3. Water: Terrible.

4. Snacks: Great. I came home with snacks still in my bag.

5. Portions: Great! We went out for Mexican, but I only ate one of my tacos and brought the other two home. So, not the best dinner, but kept the portion really small.

6. No eating after 7: Check!

7. Blog: Yep.

What went well:

Portion control. And, I didn't use my sucky day at work as an excuse not to work out. Still Shredding!

Not so well:

Water! I just can't seem to do it when work is crazy, which is always. 

Keepin' it real:

When things are hard, I still want to eat to cope. Sucky day at work = Mexican food.

Also want to add sincere thanks for the blog comments and Facebook cheers. Really motivates me to do well and I appreciate it so much! 

Oh, and Susan said my prize for the challenge is the new Vera Bradley I want! :)

30 day challenge, day 5.

30 day challenge, day 5.

1. Shred: Check. Level 1, day 5.

2. Walk: No. Work was super long today, I came home starving and had to figure out what to eat and I just didn't want to. Fail.

3. Water: Not great. Maybe 40 ounces?

4. Snacks: Really well. I had a brownie at work, but planned for it.

5. Portions: Great!

6. No eating after 7: Check!

7. Blog: Yep.

What went well:

The coordinator for the clinic I am in on Wednesdays always bakes. Usually I have 2. Ok, 3. Today I only had one.* There was no dinner when I got home and while I wanted to go pick up Wendy's, I had a Lean Cuisine and a Skinny Cow and then did the Shred.

Not so well:

Water! I just can't seem to do it when work is crazy, which is always. Definitely more than I have been, but could be higher.

Keepin' it real:

*Clinic was crazy, it was getting well past lunch and I was STARVING. I was about to grab a second brownie when one of the docs asked me if I was losing weight. I said I'd been working on it and smiled, but inwardly was all pissed because after that I certainly couldn't eat a brownie in front of him!

30 day challenge, day 4.

30 day challenge, day 4.

1. Shred: Check. Level 1, day 4.

2. Walk: Yes, but I had the whole famn damily with me so it wasn't quite as productive.

3. Water: Same. I think I will be around 48 oz at bedtime.

4. Snacks: Great!

5. Portions: Also did well here. No seconds.

6. No eating after 7: Skinny Cow post Shred after 7. Fail!

7. Blog: Fail! Work days are hard.

What went well:

Snacking. Getting much better at the no random eating. Work is hard because there is always someone up for a coffee/bagel/treat run and crap food abounds at the hospital. 

Not so well:

Water. 48 ounces isn't great. 

Keepin' it real:

I make Susan go upstairs when I Shred.

30 day challenge, day 3.

1. Shred: Check. Level 1, day 3.

2. Walk: No. Raining and 48 degrees means I can't take the kids on a ride around the 'hood. Did plenty of chasing them around a museum for 90 minutes today, so maybe it balances?

3. Water: Same. I think I will be around 48 oz at bedtime.

4. Snacks: Really well. Aside from a few mini marshmallows, I only had two snacks.

5. Portions: Good. Dinner was especially small.

6. No eating after 7: 3 mini marshmallows. Does that count?

7. Blog: Yep.

What went well:

Snacking. I was really mindful and stuck to 2 snacks and no random eating (marshmallows notwithstanding).

Not so well:

Water. 48 ounces isn't great. And I didn't get to walk. I had a chance to go to the gym today, but didn't.

Keepin' it real:

Both of my feet got cramps while Shredding. I think it's my shoes.

30 day challenge, day 2.

(Yes, I backdated the other two posts)

1. Shred: Check. Level 1, day 2. Not as bad as yesterday. Sore muscles somehow feel better when they are in use.

2. Walk: Check.

3. Water: Not as great as yesterday. I think I will be around 48 oz at bedtime.

4. Snacks: Eh, I did ok.

5. Portions: I had a little bit of seconds tonight. I made a REALLY good dinner. Edamame "fried" rice and sesame chicken. Both were from "skinny" websites, so both very healthy versions of my favorite Chinese food.

6. No eating after 7: Fail. Skinny Cow at 7:45, post Shred.

7. Blog: Yep.

What I did well:

The Shred. Today was a long day in motherhood. It rained, which meant we were stuck inside all day. Theo does not operate at his best when he's bored. He capped the night by spitting ALL OVER the mirror in his bathroom when he was brushing his teeth. I yelled at him. He cried. We did not end the night on a high. After I got him settled, I wanted to sit on the couch and eat a carton of Ben and Jerry's. Instead, I Shredded and ate a Skinny Cow. 45 minutes late, but still a win, I think.

Walking. As I mentioned, today it rained. Normally I would have used this as an excuse to bag the walk. We got a break in the rain late morning and I rushed the kids out (still in PJs) for a walk. A faster pace than usual, since I didn't want to get caught in the rain. So, I was proud of myself for not finding an excuse not to walk.

Not so well:

Random eating. Less than yesterday, but still an issue.

Mothering. Mothering did not go well today.

Keepin' it real:

After I was done Shredding, I realized I had roughly 6 inches of underwear sticking out of the top of my yoga pants. See? This is why working out at home is a good thing. No one but the dog saw it, and he's not telling.

30 Day challenge, day 1.

1. Shred: Check. Level 1, day 1. I didn't die. I didn't even have to stop.

2. Walk: Check.

3. Water: Check. I have found that keeping a full water bottle around is key.

4. Snacks: Eh, I did ok.

5. Portions: No seconds, so that's good, I guess. Helps that dinner wasn't that good.

6. No eating after 7: Check.

7. Blog: Yep.

What I did well:

The Shred! Working out to a DVD makes me feel like a 1987 housewife, but my kid won't stay in the gym nursery without going into cardiac arrest, so this is what I have to work with. It was hard, but I did it. And Jillian is motivating. For a few reasons. :)

No eating after 7. Susan and I have both been trying to do better at this. We developed a bad habit after Lucy was born of "dessert and coffee" as a reward for surviving the day. We both usually have dessert and then a bowl of cereal after dinner but before bed. We've discovered that the only way to combat this is to go upstairs after the kids are in bed. There's no food up there and we are generally far too lazy to walk down to get anything.

Not so well:

Still combating random eating. A Butterfinger mini here, handful of chips there. Those little handfuls add up!

Keepin' it real:

Two vaginal births less than 2 years apart = peeing on yourself when you do jumping jacks. So, that sucks.

30 day challenge.

So, I'm fat. There's really no way around that (literally). We got family pictures done by an awesome photographer and I nearly cried when I saw them. You know how anorexics look in the mirror and think they are huge? Well, I have the opposite of that. Prorexia, maybe? Yeah, I don't know. Anyway, the list of reasons is long ... two pregnancies less than two years apart, age, two injuries that make working out impossible, our schedule, two kids, and well, I like to eat. A lot. It's caught up with me now and I really need to at least *try* to do something about it. Hence, the 30 day challenge. My Fitness Pal says I can only eat 1200 calories a day to lose weight. Sounds like a lot until I realized that I'd have to eat air and Splenda for two meals a day to hit that. I'm going to keep that # in mind, but really, I am going to try and do the following for the next 30 days.

1. The 30 Day Shred, daily.

2. Walk with the kids, daily. (Which includes pushing 60 pounds of kids in a 20 pound stroller. Extra points, right??)

3. Drink a LOT more water.

4. Snack twice a day and that's it. No more random eating.

5. Watch portion sizes.

6. No eating after 7.

7. Blog progress daily.

That's it. I'm not setting a goal weight because I don't think I have much control over that, really. I don't want to feel disappointed at the end because I didn't hit an arbitrary #. If I can do the above every day for 30 days, I will have hit my goal. I think I will need a prize. I'd really like a new Vera Bradley, but I think that's out of the budget. So, I will keep thinking on it.

It seems like people lose inches but not as many pounds doing the 30DS. I have my measurements and will post them at the end. Hopefully with a nice total of inches lost. If you are a friend, would you help me? Ask me if I worked out yesterday (because I won't be able to do the Shred until the kids are in bed). Cheer me on. Lord knows I will need it.

Easter.

DSC_0105, a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

As usual, we went up to Richmond for Easter. After Thanksgiving, I think Easter is my favorite holiday. I love all the spring colors, getting dressed up and hunting for eggs. And I LOVE Easter on Parade.

The kids had a great time. Mima came up from Florida and Uncle "Bread" came from DC. Aunt Shawn, Uncle Jerry and the cousins were there for most of the time, too. We went to church, colored eggs, had an egg hunt and had absolutely perfect weather for Easter on Parade. For the first time, Theo said he wanted to stay at Gramma and Papa's house. I told him I would miss him too much. :)

Happy Easter!

Easter egg hunt.

Over the weekend, we took the kids to a local Easter egg hunt. It was supposed to be outside, but the rain moved it into the community rec center. It was divided by age and NO PARENTS ALLOWED (thankfully - helicopter parents are no joke when it comes to egg hunts). Theo was excited and said he knew what to do, but when it was time to run out there, he was very distracted. He did finally start picking up some eggs, but probably would have been happy to just run around with his basket. Lucy, having never seen an egg hunt, has tigeress instincts and she threw some elbows and picked up eggs right away. Love that girl. It was over fast, but the kids loved it. And, he did better at his school one, so I think he's with the program now and will do great on Easter!

Meal plan Monday (Tuesday).

1. Shake and Bake chicken breasts w/mashed potatoes and mixed veggies.

2. Crock pot turkey meatloaf, roasted cauliflower and rolls.

3. Carrot cake pancakes and bacon.

4. Creamy chicken and wild rice soup and rolls.

5. Black bean pie.

6. Soup and sandwiches.

7. Fend for yourself! (and Mama's going out for Mexican and The Hunger Games! Woot!)

Will I always remember ....

... how she pats your back when you pick her up?

... how he asks you to "snug him up"?

... how she tucks her hands under her and sticks up her bum when she snuggles?

... how he hugs his monkeys when he sleeps?

... that funny way she used to crawl?

... the way his sweet lisp sounds?

... how she swings her arm and high steps when she is really sassy?

... the day he said I was a princess?

... how she looks over the tops of her eyes when she's naughty?

... how he admonishes her "no ma'am Goose!"?

... how she sleeps mashed into the bumpers?

... the funny way he says "bandaid"?

... the way she smiles and claps when she says "yay!"?

... the way their feet sound when they run down the hall?

I know that all these things will fade with time. I can only hope the memory of them never will.

Goin' to the lodge ....

We took the kids on a mini vacation to the Great Wolf Lodge. We have been once before, last July. While Theo initially did NOT like it there, he was better by the second day and ended up having a great time. He still talks about that trip and so when they were running a special for March, we booked an overnight. The kids had a great time and we were surprised at how much more independent Theo was with the equipment. Lucy is getting all her teeth in and has been in a lot of pain, so she was kind of clingy but did enjoy the water coming up from the ground a lot. At one point I could tell she was tired, so I got a paci from the car and sat in a lounge chair with her and she took an hour nap right in the midst of all the waterpark noise!

They did great sleeping in the same room. Susan took Theo down to the bedtime show and I put Lucy to bed in the room. When they came back up, we dropped him in his bed and did our traditional "sit in the bathroom and eat donuts and coffee" and when we came out, everyone was asleep. We also ate out a ton and at the waterpark and they both did fine. Theo skipped his nap (as in, he skipped quiet time, because let's face it, naps are few are far between these days) and Lucy was off schedule, but it was no biggie. I am so thankful to have flexible kids. Makes going and doing so much easier and they don't have to miss out on things because they can't skip a nap here and there or they won't eat anywhere. I love schedules for kids, but I also love kids who can go with the flow when something fun is going on!

We also got to meet up with a friend who lives in Charlotte and have dinner with her and her boys, including their new addition, Levi! Levi was adopted at birth and he is just the cutest. He made Lucy look huge, which is no small feat.

All in all, it was a great trip and the perfect kick off to spring. We have lots of fun activities, trips and visitors on the horizon so I am glad we kind of laid low for January and February. Let the fun begin!

On social work.

I heard a song on the radio this morning (the stations play Christian music on Sunday mornings. Hello, south.) that made me think of being a social worker. I'm sure it was really about Jesus, but since that isn't my bag, I attributed it to my career. (I know, right?)

"Break my heart 'til it moves my hands and feet."

That's why I love being a social worker so much. I'm not just feeling sad, but I am able to do something to make peoples' lives better. Every day that is a work day for me, I am so thankful for my job. This balance of being a mama and being a social worker is so perfect. I'm so lucky have a part time job that allows me to stay in the field I love and be with my kids most of the time. More than anything, I want my kids to grow up knowing life is greater than themselves. To see needs in others first and to do their part to meet them. I hope having two social workers as parents will teach them that. :)

Just testing out my newfound ability

to post more than one

picture from Flickr onto blogger.

And, it works. I shall now do all of my blogging at work. Sorry, Duke.

Keepin' up.

Keepin' up., a photo by MelissaandSusan on Flickr.

I love this picture. Now that she can walk (run!) she's always trying to keep up with her big brother.

On completing the family.

I hesitated about posting this, but this is above all supposed to be a documentation of our life's journey. So, here it is.

When we got married and starting planning for our family, we imagined three children. The details of the who and when changed as we rode the wave of fertility and IUIs. About 7 or 8 months ago, we decided to start trying for our last baby. We worked with a great RE and Susan responded really well to the treatment. Alas, it seems that a pregnancy was not meant to be. Lucy's pregnancy and delivery was so difficult (and I sustained an injury during delivery that is still not healed 16 months later) that me carrying again is out of the question. I honestly don't think my body could handle it again. After several months and lots of dollars spent, we decided it was time to stop and move on.

I am sad for Susan because she really wanted the experience. I'm sad for me because I wanted to experience delivery from the sidelines for once! I also wanted to see what a baby with the same donor would look like with Susan's DNA. And, I really wanted a brother for Theo. The rest of my feelings are positive. We have our hands full. We have one of each and they are perfect. We can do a LOT more with two kids than with three. I have always felt that we owe our best to the kids we already have. With two, we will be able to say a whole lot more "yes" to them. And while their growing up is at times inexplicably painful, we can also see the light at the end of the tunnel in terms of moving beyond babyhood and enjoying them as little people. We are planning a Disney cruise for two years and can't wait!

We've traded in our van for a sedan. I'm selling the carseats I'd bought to fit three across a backseat. I've started selling piles and piles of baby clothes I'd held onto for the last addition. In July, I'll sell all of our baby stuff at the big consignment sale. I won't lie, I get a lump in my throat thinking of it. I love babies. All I ever wanted was a baby and I waited a long time for one and now it's just ... over. It's almost cruel how fast it goes. But, I'd be sad if we were stopping with 2 or 20 when it came time to sell off all the stuff. Finality has never been something I am good at. I do not think in absolutes, as Susan can attest. I like open doors and cracked windows and "maybes." So, it's hard, but it's necessary.

And interestingly, I feel like our family is closer as a result of this decision. Almost as though we were leaving our little family circle open to welcome another and now we have closed it up tight. We are finished and we are moving forward, together.